Should I walk her dog? Help me decide (pretty silly, I know!)

[NoID]

I have been going back and forth on this for about a day now. Something that for most of you, you could have decided in about 1 minute, one way or another.

A neighbor rings my bell yesterday (usually I don't answer, I don't like unannounced visitors, but this time I did). She tells me she noticed that while I was away I had a pet sitting service, and could I give her their #, that she's leaving on a trip Wednesday through Monday and she needs her dog walked during the afternoon. Her husband will be home at night, but her dog is old, and she is afraid he'll go in the house if he doesn't get walked during the day. She asked me at one point why didn't I ask her to watch my cat, that she would have done it...I make a comment that although I've had one of the neighbors look in on the cat before for a couple of days here and there, this trip was way too many days and I just didn't want to ask, that sometimes I rather just pay someone and not bother anyone. She throws out certain comments like "but we're neighbors" and how some neighbors she doesn't even see, that they pull into to their garage and the door closes right behind them (something I do all the time). I started to feel guilty somehow and told her to let me look at my schedule that I would get back to her, that maybe I could walk her dog a couple of the days she's gone. I want to be nice and be a good neighbor, but at the same time I am hesitant - I don't know what she's all about (it was actually my first time meeting her, I've seen her husband and talked to her husband a lot more than I've seen her)...and walking a dog is more involved than looking in on a cat. The indecision is from part anxiety, part guilt, and part being afraid I will forever be obligated or that she'll start ringing my door bell all the time - I've got issues, I know.

If I decide to help out - I think I will only offer for the first 2 days - that way I can feel like I'm helping her out but not end up totally resenting it.

It shouldn't be this hard! I've got about 20 minutes before I gotta get back to her haha (I told her I'd let her know today in the a.m.)

What do you think I should do?

 

[Skippy123]

Don't do it since it sounds like you don't want to.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Have you spent enough time with the dog that he would be OK walking with you? Do you like the dog? If so, I would agree to walk the dog. (I look on it more as a kindness to the dog than the neighbor.) If haven't been around the dog and don't know how he is, I would just give the neighbor the phone number of the pet sitting service. They would probably come out and walk the dog a few extra times a day if the neighbor paid them extra.

 

[gwendolyn]

Normally I am the first to volunteer to help people out, but dog walking? No, I wouldn''t do it. I''ve had bad experiences with looking after dogs for people (it kind of snowballs from a couple of days to a couple of weeks and them going off last minute and trying to make me shift my schedule around to accommodate their plans because they can''t get anyone else, blah blah). The whole reason I don''t own a dog is because I don''t want to be tied to a schedule and have to work my plans around an animal! I''ve been taken advantage of too many times, so now I just say no to everyone with dog walking.

So, no, I wouldn''t do it. But I fully admit to being traumatized in this area of life, so take my comments with a giant grain of salt.

 

[NoID]

I gave her the pet sitting service number yesterday...she was going to call and get rates. I just got the feeling she was really thinking/trying to tell me that why should we use pet sitting services, we''re neighbors, we should do this for each other. I see the point - but I don''t like "shoulds" - I think that''s what was turning me off most. We use the pet sitting service all the time...it''s rare I''ll ask my neighbor...and if I do, it''s only for 1-2 days, and I don''t ask him to do the litter box.

I''ve seen the dog around but never "met him"...and you''re right, if I think about the dog I want to do it more (the actual neighbor person I couldn''t care less about haha). But seriously I am an avid animal lover and if I actually met the dog my heart strings would pull at me and make me think "poor thing - how could you say no?"

 

[NoID]

gwendolyn, yes, that''s kind of what I''m afraid of...I do it today, and then they have me in mind for the next time...and the next...

And I did tell my FI, with my luck, something will happen to the dog while I''m walking him...

 

[surfgirl]

NoID, I totally feel your dilemma! Let me share with you an experience I had years ago. I was in need of a place to live, my cousin had good friends who were going away to France for two months over the summer and wanted someone to house/dog sit for them. Free rent. Excellent, right? Except that one dog was really old and got so upset that her people went away, she puked all over the house every single day. She had tumor things popping up all over her skin. I had to rush her to the vet like 5 times over 2 months. And while she was at the vets, the other dog would howl and howl because HE was upset she was gone. It was not a pleasant canine experience and I wouldn''t take care of anyone''s dog again unless I really REALLY knew and had a deep fondness for that dog (and I love dogs). My neighbor asked me a few years back, if I would feed their fish and hamsters and something else, for like 2 weeks one summer and I said I just couldn''t because (and this is the truth), any fish I''ve taken care of, has died. And I''m allergic to hamsterish things. It was a bit funny saying no but she found someone else.

I think 1-2 days is fine to ask a neighbor IF the you really know your neighbor well and if you like them and their pet(s). It sounds like you really dont even know this neighbor and it seems like she''s trying to get a free dog walker out of her neighbor. I''d refer her to the walker service and call it a day. Plus, if something happens to an old dog while under your care, you''re going to feel bad about it, right?

 

[nclrgirl]

If it was the first time that you met her, I would say no. But I''m afraid of dogs...

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 11:59:34 AM
Author: NoID
I gave her the pet sitting service number yesterday...she was going to call and get rates. I just got the feeling she was really thinking/trying to tell me that why should we use pet sitting services, we''re neighbors, we should do this for each other. I see the point - but I don''t like ''shoulds'' - I think that''s what was turning me off most. We use the pet sitting service all the time...it''s rare I''ll ask my neighbor...and if I do, it''s only for 1-2 days, and I don''t ask him to do the litter box.


I''ve seen the dog around but never ''met him''...and you''re right, if I think about the dog I want to do it more (the actual neighbor person I couldn''t care less about haha). But seriously I am an avid animal lover and if I actually met the dog my heart strings would pull at me and make me think ''poor thing - how could you say no?''

Yeah, if she''s giving you those vibes and you''d never met her before, I''d steer VERY far away from that. No thank you.

 

[NoID]

gwendolyn you crack me up...

Take what I said with a big grain of salt...she probably sounded completely normal, it''s just that my ears are just VERY attuned to anything remotely sounding like someone expects me to do something haha But all kidding aside, I did get the feeling that when I told her I would have to think about it (now, to her credit, she never freaking asked me - I just started to feel guilty and told her I would see if I could) that I''m not always around she said things that felt like she thought it''s only 10 minutes that it would take...etc, etc. Truth is, even though I telecommute most days, I don''t have a set schedule, and so I don''t know what I''ll be doing. And this weekend I was thinking about going to my sister''s, which is about 3 hours away - but I probably won''t decide that until Friday afternoon.

ANYWAY - I ended up deciding on NO...here''s how the e-mail read:

Hi (name here)

I''m so sorry but I''m not going to be able to walk your dog...my schedule is just a bit hectic and unpredictable, and for the sake of your baby, I''d hate to say yes and then have something come up and not be able to come through...I would feel terrible.

Please let me know you got this e-mail, and again, sorry about that and that I didn''t get back to you earlier.

Have a safe trip and I''ll speak to you soon.

(my name)

I should''ve asked you guys BEFORE I sent the e-mail...but I hope you guys think it sounds alright...I didn''t want to give too many explanations and make it sound like I was just making excuses...but I hope I didn''t end up sounding too cold.

 

[wishful]

I think the e-mail sounds fine. You know, the thing is with a dog esp. (even more so than a cat) scheduling is key. If you are not there at a certain time to feed walk etc. then the dog can get very upset esp if they are older.
If you don''t think you have the time 100% to do it then it''s always best to decline. You are not doing your neighbor or the dog any favors by (like you pointed out in your e-mail) having scheduling issues that prevent you from taking care of the animal.

I would just say that for any future requests for dog care...tell her you just have a really busy schedule and you can''t commit to the type of care she nees for her elderly dog.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 12:58:53 PM
Author: NoID
gwendolyn you crack me up...


Take what I said with a big grain of salt...she probably sounded completely normal, it's just that my ears are just VERY attuned to anything remotely sounding like someone expects me to do something haha But all kidding aside, I did get the feeling that when I told her I would have to think about it (now, to her credit, she never freaking asked me - I just started to feel guilty and told her I would see if I could) that I'm not always around she said things that felt like she thought it's only 10 minutes that it would take...etc, etc. Truth is, even though I telecommute most days, I don't have a set schedule, and so I don't know what I'll be doing. And this weekend I was thinking about going to my sister's, which is about 3 hours away - but I probably won't decide that until Friday afternoon.

a) I think she was thinking of asking you. You only just met her, and her response to you saying, "oh maybe I could do it" out of guilt was to say, "It'll only take about 10 minutes"?! ALARMALARM. No. I think in any other situation (if the woman *wasn't* thinking you should do it), she'd have said, "Oh no, don't be silly, we've only just met, I wouldn't trouble you with such an imposition!" She didn't say that, or anything like it. Ack.
b) Your email (in my opinion) was worded perfectly! The dog is the priority and if you can't fully commit to taking care of her baby, she should be grateful you were upfront about it.
c) I think it's good you said no. Again, this is all secondhand and relayed through text and from your perspective and all, but it was giving me flashbacks of the not-so-good variety. The whole reason I opened this thread was because I remember literally having a mental wrestling match with myself the last time I was asked to take care of someone's dog, and I stopped and looked at myself and was like, "WHAT am I DOING? It's a decision about walking a dog, not someone's living will!" Oi, I can be a total goober sometimes.

Anyway, I hope you're happy with your decision.

 

[jewelerman]

Sounds a bit maliputive of the person to come over and meet you for the first time and expect you to jump at the oppertunity to walk her dog for several days with out even knowing you or( what type of person she is putting the care of her pet into)what you schedule might be ect...this type of person will infringe on you any chance they get...if she made the attemp to get to know you earlier for no reason then to be friendly then a friendship could build and the both of you could depend on each other in the future...I also think if she would have just come out and point blank said she really needed a dog walker i might have respected that enough to feel like she wasnt just working me and making me feel obligated because we live next door to each other(been there,and learned from it!).Im glad you gave her the phone number...after she gets back walk next door and ask her how her trip was and see if a relationship could possibly be a positive one.

 

[NoID]

wishful - I can make the time...I work from my home office most of the time...and I think most of us can make the time to do whatever it is we really want to do...but it was all the other factors that made me not want to do it...it is a responsibility, too. And this may seem weird, and I don''t know why I didn''t mention it before, but I started thinking what if I am at the house and her husband comes home (he works different shifts from what she told me)? I think I would''ve felt awkward for some reason.

gwendolyn, I think you''re probably right...she was either going to ask me or was hoping I would offer...maybe all the "neighborly" talk she threw around was hoping I would do just that...she didn''t actually SAY it was going to take 10 minutes but she explained how the dog is old, doesn''t need much, etc. I also got the feeling that she was questioning why I would feel I couldn''t do it if I am working from home most of the time. Again, these are just all my feelings. BUT - I agree with you - if it had been ME, and I went over her house and she offered, I would''ve felt VERY funny accepting the offer. I may have told her something like "maybe next time" - I would not have wanted her to think that I was hoping she''d offer to do it.

I''m glad you guys thought my e-mail was OK.

And yes, I''m happy with my decision. PHEW. Glad that''s over. ahaha

THANKS!

 

[NoID]

jewelerman, yes, I did end up feeling a bit manipulated afterwards...I had never met her before (didn't even know her name, actually, I asked her after we had been talking for a bit) and so it was funny for her to make all the comments about how we're neighbors, etc. etc. I agree w/surfgirl, if I had known her and chatted with her before, it would've felt different...maybe she felt it was OK because me and my husband have chatted with her husband many times...

I've never asked my next door neighbor for anything more than a couple of days and we talk whenever we see each other and actually went to dinner with him once. And I agree with you on the being straight up - I hate when people go through all the casual talk and then bam! they ask you for something. I would much rather the person tell me, listen, "I'm in a bit of a bind, and was wondering if you could help me, etc." I'm always straight up when I need something for that reason.

Your idea to try to see about building a relationship is nice, but I don't know that I'll be knocking on her door any time soon...I kind of keep to myself and chat with people if I happen to see them outside...so I'm friendly but not "come by and ring my bell anytime" friendly...and I didn't feel comfortable with the vibes and comments she made...but if I see her outside from now on, I would definitely say hi and ask her how it went...

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 1:31:05 PM
Author: NoID
gwendolyn, I think you''re probably right...she was either going to ask me or was hoping I would offer...maybe all the ''neighborly'' talk she threw around was hoping I would do just that...she didn''t actually SAY it was going to take 10 minutes but she explained how the dog is old, doesn''t need much, etc. I also got the feeling that she was questioning why I would feel I couldn''t do it if I am working from home most of the time. Again, these are just all my feelings. BUT - I agree with you - if it had been ME, and I went over her house and she offered, I would''ve felt VERY funny accepting the offer. I may have told her something like ''maybe next time'' - I would not have wanted her to think that I was hoping she''d offer to do it.

Yeah, that''s definitely a good reason to stop things before they get started--if she really is already presuming that you have time because you work from home, then I have a feeling that dog might eventually be in your life enough for you to call it your own. I had someone assume that I had plenty of time to walk her dog even though I worked 4 jobs, because we lived in the same house. If people want something from you, they can usually make it look to them like they aren''t asking that much, instead of actually finding out of it''s an imposition or not (and it''s ALWAYS an imposition to have to adjust your schedule to do something for someone, even if you live next door or with them).

Better to nip this in the bud now. So glad you declined.

 

[NoID]

Yeah...it's a common situation that people think

work from home/run business from home = doesn't really work, can be interrupted, has it easy = has time for everything

I have a "thing" with time - and so I completely 100% agree that it is ALWAYS an imposition to have to adjust your schedule, even if you make your own hours.

I am so glad I declined too! ETA: you all really helped me feel OK with that decision. And it was good to see that others thought that the vibes I felt from her comments probably had some grain of "truth" or reality to them (even considering they were felt from my own perspective).

P.S.: Your deadline is approaching...how are you doing with your dissertation?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 1:59:31 PM
Author: NoID
Yeah...it''s a common situation that people think


work from home/run business from home = doesn''t really work, can be interrupted, has it easy = has time for everything

That''s got to be pretty frustrating. From what I know of family/friends who have worked from home, it tends to be the opposite, where no time is sacred and you sometimes err on the side of working too much when working from home, because there are no clear-cut boundaries of what''s "work time" and "home time."

I have a ''thing'' with time - and so I completely 100% agree that it is ALWAYS an imposition to have to adjust your schedule, even if you make your own hours.


I am so glad I declined too! ETA: you all really helped me feel OK with that decision. And it was good to see that others thought that the vibes I felt from her comments probably had some grain of ''truth'' or reality to them (even considering they were felt from my own perspective).

Glad we could help!

P.S.: Your deadline is approaching...how are you doing with your dissertation?

Hahah, funny you should ask...the reason I''ve been on PS heaps today is because I haven''t been finishing it up, for reasons beyond my understanding. It''s now a little after 7pm (I''m in England), I''ve been at my computer since 11am, and I think I''ve *maybe* eeked out 15 minutes of actual work. It''s terrible!

Gotta finish up my writing tonight so I can print this bad boy out tomorrow and then get it bound on Thursday, and THEN turned in on Friday! Woooo!!

 

[NoID]

Well, I''m not working on anything even remotely as difficult as a dissertation...but I''m in the same boat...posting here way too much today, so I hear you.

Best of luck to you with the paper - it will feel so good once it''s GONE and in the hands of your professor! Just in time for the weekend, too, and for a couple of drinks worth of rewards!

 

[gwendolyn]

Thank you, darlin''! I know, it will feel really good once it''s out of my hands and turned in, but for some reason I still can''t seem to drag myself the last mile of this marathon...

But no! I can! I just have to turn PS off and MAKE myself do it! It will feel so so nice when it is all finished... Thanks for the boost!

 

[NoID]

Good old procrastination...posting on PS is certainly more FUN!

Could there also be a little bit of fear that the time has come, that you''ll be graded on it, what if it''s isn''t great, etc.?

Hence, more procrastination?

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh, absolutely (as you see that I'm still here...doh

). This is the culmination of my master's degree and is worth 80% of my total grade, so if I fail the thesis, I fail the degree.

I got positive feedback on Thursday, and really just have minor changes to do and am submitting early (it's technically not due until the 14th), but I keep thinking, "Eh, I still have time..." and just haven't been doing the changes. Well, I've done most of them. Just not the last one.

It also doesn't help that the last note I'm kind of stuck on has the note "critical thinking?" written in my conclusion chapter, like I'm going to see that and think, "Oh, of course, critical thinking! Why didn't I put any of that in there?!" and then just come up with something. My brain's been done with all forms of thinking for a couple of weeks now, so I'm just not sure what is left to think about.

 

[NoID]

What helps me when I''m stuck and I keep "fighting" doing something is setting the timer (could be the one in your kitchen) for the least amount of time I feel I can even think about/handle (yet long enough to be realistic so that I could accomplish something - for some things, that could be as little as 15 minutes) - and I spend that little itty bit of time on the task. Sometimes I go over because I get into it, other times when the timer goes, I''m back on pricescope haha

You are obviously organized/structured or you wouldn''t have your thesis almost ready/done by now...but if you''re really stuck, and it''s weighing on you, try it...sometimes it''s better to give in so you could have UNguilty PS time later...

 

[sumbride]

Well, I have a lot of really awesome neighbors, but I''ve hired a catsitter for years and will continue to do so. Why? Because I would feel really awkward asking my neighbors to 1) feed and water my cats, 2) scoop BOTH litter boxes, 3) water the garden, 4) pick up the mail and 5) make sure the cats are played with and happy, oh, and 6) make sure everyone is healthy. That''s a lot of responsibility. My catsitter is a vet tech,licensed and bonded, and I trust her completely, but more importantly she''s not a friend. Meaning if something were to happen, I wouldn''t lose a friend over it. She killed my Clematis while we were traveling last month. It was a complete accident, but if it were my friend that had done it, I probably would have been more annoyed.

I think there are times when friendship and chores shouldn''t mix.

 

[NoID]

sumbride - yeah...I''m with you. I wasn''t too thrilled with how the cat sitter took care of my house this last time...so I am not sure I will use her again. I found the litter extremely soiled and the area where he eats not as clean as I know it can be. As much as it was a little uncomfortable to tell her, I let her know that next time she should have called me if she had problems with the litter - I had more out in the garage...had that been a neighbor, or a friend, what would I say? They''re doing me a favor.

Please tell me a Clematis is a plant and not an animal?

 

[sumbride]

Date: 7/8/2008 4:08:45 PM
Author: NoID
Please tell me a Clematis is a plant and not an animal?

YES! It''s a plant! Sorry!!! It was a 2 year old climbing bush with gorgeous flowers. I think she watered it with hot water from the sun-exposed hose. I left specific instructions this past weekend to let the water run until it was cool before watering the plants. Hot water is an organic weed control, but really bad for beloved flowering bushes!

Are you using a service or a specific person? Give good feedback if you''ve had problems. My catsitter is much better with the litter and cleaning than I am. And she even found a $20 in the laundry room (near the litter box) this week and left it on the counter for us. That''s honest! She''s had my house key for 3 years. Funny thing... I can''t even remember what she looks like! I''ve only met her in person twice! We do everything by phone or email.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I would say no. She's manipulating you saying she would have helped you so you're now obligated to help her based on some hypothetical situation.

 

[NoID]

I'm glad it wasn't an animal (I had a feeling it wasn't, "annoyed" wouldn't have quite covered it) but still, sad about your plant...I have plants too and some I have more of an attachment than others, but I don't want any of them dying! Especially at the hands of someone else...

She owns the company, and has one other person doing pet sitting. I think I gave her good feedback, but to tell you the truth, there was almost no excuse for what happened, from my perspective, so I'm kind of feeling like I can't trust her. When I sent her the e-mail letting her know that I had found the litter very soiled, dirty, and that the bottom layer was like CLAY, she told me she had had a lot of problems with it, and that she thought maybe it was due to a lot of rain/storms. Which is fine (although I have NEVER have that happen to me, I clean his litter every day, and I've been here long enough to have gone through bad weather several times) but there is absolutely no reason for her not notifying me. It could have been easily resolved - not only did I have some in the garage, but if I didn't, I would gladly paid her the service fee for her going to get some. To me, the cat's litter is as important to his comfort as eating and drinking...and I'm paying her to take care of him.

MC, short and to the point...and you're probably right, that is exactly what she was doing...if that is what she was doing, it didn't work! (although it did cause me anxiety!)

 

[purrfectpear]

Wow, so much for neighbors

I don''t have a problem with anyone saying no. It''s entirely your choice to do whatever you are comfortable with, period.

That said, here in the midwest (less so in Los Angeles) neighbors do ask each other to watch their houses, pick up mail/newspapers, mow once or twice, water a few plants/garden, or walk an animal all the time. It''s just the neighborly thing to do. No one thinks anything about it. Sooner or later we figure we''ll take a vacation and the favor gets returned. Do unto others....etc.

I''m really surprised how many of you hesitate because you think it becomes expected or demanded. Maybe here we don''t have a problem asking, but we also don''t have a problem saying no when it''s not convenient. No one makes you a slave or takes advantage unless you allow it.

Most dog and cat people I know trade watching duties all the time, even in my hi-rise in California. It''s not about saving money on boarding, it''s that we know our pets will be happier and petted with a neighbor. I don''t socialize with any of my neighbors but we do trade doggies from time to time.

 

[Bliss]

Yay! Good job. It's never good to do something you really don't feel comfortable doing. One, you'll be stressed out about it and life's too short for that. Two, you'll resent her later and it'll ruin any possibility of friendship you'd have because you let her pressure you into it. So yay for you! I'd do it for neighbors I'm friends with...but a stranger right off the bat? No way. You have no idea what her expectations are.

Besides, I know being neighborly is one thing...and we want to be good people. But there's a liability for you in having a stranger's key and going to and fro. What if something was missing or they were robbed? Who knows? You'd be blamed for it. And what if something happened (God forbid) to the dog? You aren't familiar with the doggie or any health issues/medication/phobias... some dogs get aggressive... It's a very big responsibility -- like watching someone else's CHILDREN!

Also, closing your garage door behind you when you pull in is the safe thing to do, actually. So don't let her make you feel badly about that! These days, with home invasions and the like -- that is how women are being advised by local officials when you pull into your garage. You close the door while you're safe in your car and make sure no one slips inside.

You can have a heart of gold without being a doormat. You stood up for yourself, so good for you!

Plus, if her first visit was to say hello and be friends, that's one thing. But the first time she knocks on your door it's to ask for something? LOL.