Sending invitation after regret (from OVERSEAS)

[caribqueen]

Hey, I know this has been covered before, but I''m interested to get your take on this one since these peeps live in England. The wedding is in the U.S. While we don''t know if all of our overseas guests will make our wedding yet, we do know that a cousin of mine and her husband told us they definitely are not going to be able to make it. (They also have two small children (not on our guestlist).

So, my question is, what would you do in this situation? Would you send the invitation anyway? We could obviously use that invitation for someone else. And while I''d probably send it anyway, to someone in the states because they could likely change their mind, I doubt that would happen for someone who lives so far away, and with our wedding just a little over four months from now.

What do you think?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''d send it. Originally we didn''t think we''d be able to afford a wedding to go to this summer but now we are able to...

 

[LilyKat]

If it was previously discussed with them that they would be invited, and they explicitly told you they definitely wouldn't be able to make it, I wouldn't send the invitation. Partly as it might be seen as a gift-grab.

If it was just hinted/implied, I probably would send it, just in case they change their mind.

 

[caribqueen]

She says she''s certain that she and her husband will not make it (which I think has to do with economics and child-care issues).

 

[kama_s]

I would send the invitation and insert a little note saying you know they won''t be able to come down, and that you''ll miss their presence but you wanted to send the invite anyways as a keepsake.

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 1/31/2010 8:35:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I would send the invitation and insert a little note saying you know they won't be able to come down, and that you'll miss their presence but you wanted to send the invite anyways as a keepsake.

That's a nice idea. Then I don't think there's a question of whether we expect a gift or not (we don't). We'll likely end up sending it. I have to admit, I could not resist the possibility to conserve an invitation.

Thanks for all of the responses.

 

[choro72]

A good portion of my side of the invitation were for people who I know can''t attend. They loved being included, and they didn''t consider it as gift hogging at all.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/31/2010 9:00:18 PM
Author: choro72
A good portion of my side of the invitation were for people who I know can''t attend. They loved being included, and they didn''t consider it as gift hogging at all.

Ditto! And how expensive are your invites? I''m curious since you want to conserve them!

 

[caribqueen]

Date: 1/31/2010 10:43:44 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/31/2010 9:00:18 PM
Author: choro72
A good portion of my side of the invitation were for people who I know can't attend. They loved being included, and they didn't consider it as gift hogging at all.

Ditto! And how expensive are your invites? I'm curious since you want to conserve them!

Does it really matter? When you're planning a wedding, a savings is a savings!

EDIT: I shoud add that my guestlist target is about 225 and we plan to invite about 250 people, not including people on the B list. So as our declines return, and we gauge who's attending we'll then send out invitations to our B list, which is a good amount. So that's a lot of invitations. We didn't want to take the chance inviting too many people in the first wave so as not to be over budget.

 

[choro72]

Date: 1/31/2010 10:43:44 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/31/2010 9:00:18 PM
Author: choro72
A good portion of my side of the invitation were for people who I know can''t attend. They loved being included, and they didn''t consider it as gift hogging at all.

Ditto! And how expensive are your invites? I''m curious since you want to conserve them!

My sister handmade them for us. I''m blessed. We just told her how many we needed.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/31/2010 11:31:51 PM
Author: caribqueen

Date: 1/31/2010 10:43:44 PM

Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/31/2010 9:00:18 PM

Author: choro72

A good portion of my side of the invitation were for people who I know can''t attend. They loved being included, and they didn''t consider it as gift hogging at all.

Ditto! And how expensive are your invites? I''m curious since you want to conserve them!

Does it really matter? When you''re planning a wedding, a savings is a savings!

EDIT: I shoud add that my guestlist target is about 225 and we plan to invite about 250 people, not including people on the B list. So as our declines return, and we gauge who''s attending we''ll then send out invitations to our B list, which is a good amount. So that''s a lot of invitations. We didn''t want to take the chance inviting too many people in the first wave so as not to be over budget.

It doesn''t matter to me but it sure seems to matter to you, so I was curious.

I just assumed they had to be super pricey if you were worried about conserving them.

 

[honey22]

Date: 1/31/2010 8:35:20 PM
Author: kama_s
I would send the invitation and insert a little note saying you know they won''t be able to come down, and that you''ll miss their presence but you wanted to send the invite anyways as a keepsake.

Ditto Kama.

 

[purselover]

Since it seems they were already verbally invited you definitely need to send an invitation. I knew my brother would be unable to attend my wedding but he still received one.

 

[Clairitek]

It just occurred to me that last Christmas (in 200 I got an STD for a wedding that happened this past summer. I wrote to the bride and said "Thanks for sending the STD! We won''t be able to make it though due to a vacation we are taking out of the country on that date." I never received a formal invitation from the bride (or acknowledgement that she even received my "regret") but I''m guessing she just bumped someone up onto the guest list and took me and my DH off. That being said, I wouldn''t have been surprised at receiving a wedding invitation anyway and I don''t think that I would have considered it a gift grab.

So I suppose I would send one anyway, especially since the situation could change and they might make it.

 

[zoebartlett]

Even though you know they won''t be able to make it, I''d still send an invitation anyway so they feel included. I''ve gotten invitations to events that I couldn''t attend (and the person mailing them out knew this), and it meant a lot that I was still thought of.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 1/31/2010 4:59:04 PM
Author: LilyKat
If it was previously discussed with them that they would be invited, and they explicitly told you they definitely wouldn''t be able to make it, I wouldn''t send the invitation. Partly as it might be seen as a gift-grab.

If it was just hinted/implied, I probably would send it, just in case they change their mind.

Agree with this. If they were very clear about it say, oh that''s too bad, I''ll send you some photos etc. If they left the door open you can say "oh I''ll send an invitation on the slight chance you might be able to make it -we''d love to have you!").

by the sounds of it they were pretty explicit in their decline so an invitation would likely seem gift grabby. Invites are also expensive!

 

[caribqueen]

Thanks for all of input - all great suggestions.

We went ahead and addressed the invitation (so too late). I took the advice of kama and put a little note inside. We'll just suck it up and try not to remember that we essentially wasted an invitation (uggh!) because they're definitely not coming.

As for a gift, if you don't attend, it's not necessary and I'm not worried about whether they'll perceive us as gift-grabby, because I know that's not my intention and I'm not expecting one. (If you worry about what everyone else thinks all the time you'll never get anything done).

Thanks again.