Seek advice from spiritual PSer

[zhuzhu]

As strange as it sounds, my life has been filled with so much happiness in the past 3-4 months that it threw me off balance!!

We have gotten married, moved him from east coast to west coast (by ourselves), bought a new house (waiting to sell the old one), bought a grand piano, yet the house is still full of unpacked boxes and unfinished home improvements.

I thought I would be so happy and content as all my dreams have came true in such a short time period, yet i am feeling off-balanced and stressed. DH is sweet and caring, helpful and patient, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world, yet the mess in the house really drives me mad.

I miss my studio apartment that was 1/5 the size of our house, where I know where everything is, and a place I barely have to worry about cleaning and keeping organized.

What is the matter with me? How can I feel so off-balanced when I have everything I wanted?

 

[miraclesrule]

Aww Zhuzhu. I felt the same way after my daughter's wedding. My house was a hazard zone. Well, most of it still is, but I think I will find the energy to do the laundry and that will help with the mass of clothes everywhere.

You will feel better once you acclimate to the new house. You have had a lot of huge life changes.

Is there anyone that can help you unpack and give you the jumpstart you need? I couldn't get myself going. I had a clean freak friend come over and with her help I was able to get a LOT more done than I would have ever been able to do myself. I am the kind of person that needs help with that sort of thing. Moving and cleaning are the two things I just can't seem to do alone.

Once you start unpacking and make your new home your own, I think you will feel a lot better.

*HUGS* to you.

p.s. You might just be having a stormy planetary aspect going on with your Moon and if so, that will pass shortly. I know that isn't spiritual, but it's astrological.

 

[Miranda]

Not especially spiritual here, but, I totally get what you are saying. I think humans need organization. That level can be different for different people. I need a very high degree of order and organization or I go nutso. Maybe you are the same. Try getting the house organized. Start with one room or task at a time. Set aside time to finish the projects. Write the specific project on the calendar and stick to it...Even when the beach is calling!

Have you looked into Feng Shui? I don''t know much about it, but, I am curious. It involves placing furniture/accessories where they can attract and reflect positve energy and keep the negativity away. I am going to research it because I have not felt *right* since I moved into this house two years ago. Not bad....Just not good. Our move was a happy one as well. It was like the happy little stars alligned in life, but, now...hmmmm...something''s off. I can''t put my finger on it.

 

[purrfectpear]

I remember reading an article years ago that talked about the stress "points" for significant life events. You''ve just undergone several in a few short months. Marriage, Move, New Job, etc.

I suspect your body is just dealing with all the stress in it''s own way. Even good events can cause stress.

Sending you good vibes

 

[zhuzhu]

Thank you Ladies for your kind words.

Miracle, you were right, I am the kind of person who can not get motivated enough to unpack and clean when the mess is massive like this. DH helps but then I get all controlling - and not liking how he unpacks or hang the clothes.... etc. I wish my mother, who is just as great as you (to your daughter)is closer by, but she lives in Asia~!

It is time like this I so miss being a "kid".

Miranda, I wish I could blame it all on the house, but I it was my choice to buy a large house, so the best option now is to find a way to chip them away, with organization skill like you suggested.

Pear, thanks for realizing how change can be overwhelming, I hope to snap out of this "un-centered" state soon!

 

[littlelysser]

ZZ - you know, I think the answer may be a lot simpler and less spiritual than you think.

I know that boxes drive me ABSOLUTELY insane. My friends used to laugh at me because I'd unpack my apartment in a single day. Now, once we bought our house it was a heck a lot tougher to get it done...but we dedicated several days to getting it done.

I didn't feel Home until I had my stuff where I wanted it.

Can you and DH maybe set aside a weekend to just really kick butt and get everything unpacked and its place? I understand that he may not do things exactly as you would...but I think anything he might do would be better than having everything in boxes. KWIM?

And I do agree with perfectpear - you've undergone several HUGE life changes. And even good stress is stress.

But based on your post, I think you'd be in a much better "place" if you got everything unpacked!

 

[diamondfan]

Congrats on all of the great things but just try to take baby steps into tackling things. I think almost anything is manageable if you approach it in tiny steps.

Also tell yourself it WILL get done, and cut yourself some slack in how you get to things.

 

[movie zombie]

you''ve had a lot of change in the last months.....and while it what you want, emotionally its a lot to cope with: missing your apartment is a sign that you haven''t yet let go. however, as you unpack and make the new space your home, you''ll miss it less and less. i went through something similar when i sold my little box house right after we were married and we bought a larger place. it took me a long time to say goodbye to my old self.......

movie zombie

 

[Elmorton]

Wow, Zhu, I could have written your post last year. After getting married, I had a hard time even driving around in the city where I used to live (it was my first home on my own). I missed having space all to my own, I missed being in school, I missed having things the way they were (even though I was often really depressed back then!). My DH is amazing, but I''d snap at him for stupid things that would have never bothered me before we were married.
For me, the off-balance feeling hasn''t entirely gone away yet, and DH and I just hit the 1 year mark a couple months ago.

My father always told me growing up that happiness isn''t getting what you want, it''s the expectation of getting what you want. I think that sums it up a lot - when I was in grad school in my dinky apt and seeing DH twice a week, I looked forward to marriage and a house and having a real job thinking that "my life would be together when..." - so when all those things actually happened, I didn''t know what to look forward to. We don''t want kids yet, so I couldn''t start getting excited for that. For the first time ever I have to live my actual life instead of wondering what the future will hold in my life. All the big pieces have come together.

I wish I knew what the answer was. What''s been keeping me more-or-less sane is making new (small) steps to my routine, adding new hobbies and interests. I''ve been trying to make friends where we live and put down roots, too. Also, I''ve been trying to grow into the "new" me, and appreciate what DH and I have now, knowing these first years will fly by just like the years I was on my own did.

 

[zhuzhu]

It helps a lot that I now know I am not the only one with "adjustment problem". We are giving away gravel on the front yard of our house so we can start grass seeding, and the number of people coming on and off to take gavel is distracting too.

Luckily I have the piano and music playing to keep me sane. My goal today is to organize my jewelry (they are also still packed in tissue paper and boxes)and lay them out nicely in amoire. Wish me luck!