Sad.

[curiopotter]

So I''ve been really sad lately because my 15 year old chihuahua Twiggy died while I was gone on vacation to Puerto Rico. I knew it was coming soon, but I just wanted to be here to bury her and everything. My dad told me when I sat down my suitcase, and I went upstairs and just cried and cried, and eventually went over to my FF''s house to sleep.

I haven''t been home since, I just can''t imagine being at home and looking at her empty kennel. I''ve had her since I was 10 years old; I watched her being born, but I forgot death was this hard to deal with. My first chihuahua Napoleon died 3 years ago and I guess I had put it out of my mind. I went to the spot where they burried her, next to Napoleon, and I lost it. I walked back up the path toward my house, and saw a huge black butterfly flutter inches away from me. Then I remember that the day she died, my FF and I were in my aunt''s cabana house in the middle of the mountains in PR. I was laying on the hammock, and he was sitting in a chair beside me, and suddenly a group of hummingbirds whizzed passed us, and as I said, "Wow!" one of them stopped, and just fluttered like a foot away from my head, staring.. then it zoomed off. Maybe it''s just coincidental, but I''d always like to think it was her.

So since I''ve been staying at my FF''s house, I''ve been letting his dogs in (boxer Maya, and rat terrier Dusty) and letting them keep me company. It''s almost like Maya seems to know when I''m getting sad, because she gets out of her dog bed, sits infront of me, and just stares at me, or nudges me until I respond.

Sigh.

 

[perry]

I understand. Try to focus on the good memories of the times together.

I am sure you will find another dog to be with... In fact, it sounds like you already have.

Perry

 

[AmberGretchen]

Oh sweetie that is so hard. Losing a pet, especially one you''ve had since childhood, is like losing a family member. I think its completely natural that you are grieving right now - you should let yourself go through it and deal with it however you need to. Try to remember that you gave your dog a long and happy life filled with love and fun, a life that so many dogs are not lucky enough to have. You gave your dog the best life a dog could have, and I''m sure in the end she went peacefully, surrounded by people she loved and trusted, although I understand you are upset you couldn''t be there - that is hard. Just give yourself time to grieve and to heal, and eventually you will feel better. When the time comes and you are ready, your sweetie will make sure that a new doggie friend comes into your life for you to bond with - there are many that need wonderful, loving homes like the one you and your parents so clearly provided to your recently departed pup.

My condolences, and I hope that the grieving process passes soon.

 

[aljdewey]

So sorry - it''s just so hard to lose pets, and I know it must be especially hard since you weren''t home.

Hoping that your many happy years with her will help ease the loss for you.

 

[scarleta]

So sorry.As a pet owner who lost some pets in the past years all I can say is that the pets we share out life are trully a gift to us and one day they must go.So cherish the good memories and let her go.You were with her in her final moments in spirit.Best to you..

 

[Delster]

Aw curio I''m so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard. I''m thinking of you.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

It''s so hard to lose a beloved pet. {Hugs}

 

[lehcarm]

Just reading your post makes my heart ache. My 13 year old sheltie has been having some mysterious medical problems lately, and just the thought of losing her makes be cry like a baby. I got tears in my eyes reading your story. It is amazing how much we love and depend on our pets, especially ones that we have grown up with. I''m really sorry for your loss, I know there will never be another dog that will be able to take the place of Twiggy, but it is nice to know that there are other cuddly dogs that are willing to help you through.

 

[Jewels305]

Curio,

I am so sorry you are going through this pain right now. I know all too well how you feel. We had to put my 9 yr old dog Hunter to sleep about a month ago because he had cancer of the spleen and the tumor ruptured. We had no idea that he had cancer until the day he was put down, so it was a major shock- the day before he''d been running around like a puppy.
I was completely inconsolable for a while, and still at times there are things that make me miss him and I cry and cry. But it has gotten better with time, and it will for you too.
Pets bring us so much joy and we love them with everything we have, but they are only with us for a short while. The most important thing to remember is that you had great times together and I am sure she had wonderful life and knew she was always safe and loved.
Feel better soon

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m so sorry Curio! It''s so hard when you lose a member of your family. We lost our only family pet, a dog, about 5 years ago when she was 15. It''s one of the hardest things we go through -- losing someone who means so much. My thoughts are with you! It helps me at times to think about all the good times, like time spent playing together, hanging out, watching my dog when she was a puppy, etc. Maybe if you try to do that it will make you feel better...maybe a little.

 

[Linda W]

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing harder, then losing a beloved pet!!!! It simply breaks your heart. Have you ever visited the website rainbowbridge?? That always helped me. www.rainbowbridge.com There is a poem there that is so comforting.

Linda

 

[lumpkin]

I''m sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is just as hard to lose as any other member of the family.

 

[FireGoddess]

I started tearing up reading your post, because I have an older pet. I don''t think you''re ever really prepared to lose them. I''m so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a pet companion, their love is so unconditional and they make our lives so much better. Hugs to you at this sad time.

 

[door knob solitaire]

I too am so sorry.

I hope you realize that Twiggy thought more of you that you think she did. She spent her years surrounded by a loving family and was sheltered and nurtured and loved. You were most special to her like a comfortable bed...or a favorite toy. She adored you too.

Please find solace in realizing you were part of a loving family who did every thing they could to enrich her life. Have no regret for the time you exchanged.

Curio, Your time away was nothing intentional, you did not do it with malice in your heart. It just happened while you were not home. Please don't feel badly. I wonder if she could talk to you...don't you think she would want you to remember her full of energy...and doing what you loved to see her do? She wouldn't want you to see it stop. You were both kids together. And that is the way you were meant to remember her. Your time away was not intentional...but her love for you was. Maybe she wanted to spare you. I think that is a wonderful way to think of it.

I am sincerely sharing in your loss. I have been there. I know how intense your emotions are...and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. Holding you up in prayer.

DKS

 

[dianne]

Curio, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can tell Twiggy was loved and she knew how much you loved her, too. Pets should be loved like that and I am sure she realized she was a very lucky puppy. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

 

[Mandarine]

I''m so sorry for you loss curio

Hugs,

M~

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I''m so sorry for the loss of your pup Curio...I''m sure you have many happy memories of her. Rainbow Bridge always helps me when I''m sad about the pets I''ve lost in the past...keep your chin up!

 

[curiopotter]

Thanks you guys.

I remember the day Napoleon died. It was my dad''s birthday, and was on a Friday so I didn''t have class. I woke up with him snuggled up on my hip. I pulled him up, and gave him a kiss while he was still sleeping. I went downstairs to make some breakfast, and came back upstairs to see if he was awake yet (he was old, so he needed to be let down off the bed) and he was. He was just hangin'' out waiting for me, and I leaned up toward the bed and snuggled on him and made him play with me. I would pat his paws, and he''d try to pat my hands.. and I''d snuggle my face down near his.

I put him outside so he could go potty, and I went upstairs again to IM my brother and find out what we were doing for my dad. Nappy usually came inside after he was done, but since the weather was still nice, I figured he was outside soaking up the sun.

He didn''t come back inside.

I went outside to find him, and he wasn''t there, so I went back inside to see if he was upstairs, and he wasnt. I went back outside, and searched the yard; he wasn''t there. I glanced in the pool, and there he was. Lifeless.

My heart leaped out of my chest, and I grabbed him. He had fallen in the pool, and drowned. His eyes were getting really bad, but I didn''t realize that he was completely blind that morning. He fell in, and I didn''t go check on him, and he died. I tried to revive him, but it didn''t work, and I just sat there on my knees crying over him. I went and got his favorite blanket off the couch, and wrapped him up. I put him in a box, and called my parents and brother. My brother and dad came over, and they burried him. I just sat there numb, crying, and full of guilt.

I really repressed that memory of his death, because it was so hard to deal with, so unbelievably difficult. I''m just so glad I had that moment with him when he woke up. I told him I loved him, and I played with him, and I knew he loved me back.

With Twiggy, it''s difficult. I wasn''t there, and I feel like I left her alone. I took a long roadtrip from the beginning of July to the end, then left immediately to PR for the rest of the beginning of August. I could have had those months with her. I could have. I just feel sad, but I''m really glad I have the support of this group, and my friends and family.

I will always miss her.

 

[Gypsy]

I''m sorry curio honey, it''s so hard as it is, then not being there adds to that. ((HUGS)) honey.

 

[Harleigh]

Aww, Curio, I am so sorry you lost your beloved pet. This should be such a happy time for you, and it is unfortunate that it is overshadowed by this sadness.

I hope you can let your FF''s dogs help your heart heal...they truly seem to know when we need them the most.

I believe that they do come back to us in their own way, and maybe that was her saying goodbye when you were in PR.

Please let us know if there is anything we can do...we''re all thinking about you.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you.

I read your last post...and you must not berate yourself. You didn''t know it was eminent, and had you, your plans would have been different. It is just one of those terribly painful things that we have to endure and have no explanation for the timing. No blame. No second guessing is going to change anything for you. I so wish it could.

Don''t beat yourself up...to handle this you need as much of your strength as you can muster.

DKS