Really Nervous

[Italiahaircolor]

Holy s***.

Okay, I think you need to be proactive about this and take care of yourself and your family.

You need an alarm system/monitoring system. Motion sensors, emergency response, the whole 9 yard--nothing overlooked, no expense spared.

Second you need a gun. I''m serious. The best case in the world would be never needing it, but having it could save your life. Look into getting a foid card...visit a firing range. I understand you have a child, and having a gun in home might not be up your ally...but it''s something to consider seriously.

Third, self defense. Sign up for a class and learn some simple and effective ways to kick some ass if need be.

Lastly, get yourself private. Facebook, myspace, phone book, internet stuff...block all easy access to you on all fronts. You probably don''t realize how easy it could be to find you if someone is set on it. I think you can even hire firms who literally hide your information on your behalf.

((hugs)) I''m sure you''re going to be okay...but I''m mad as hell for you.

 

[kama_s]

Oh my goodness, Somethingshiny. My jaw just fell to the floor reading this. I have no advice for you, but just thought you might need some support and a hug. Hope you figure out a way to keep yourself and your family safe from that scoundrel.

 

[dragonfly411]

SS - Thanks for the explanation! I guess I can understand that. Might you be able to based on the fact that he broke into your house and it was technically a personal attack? You might write a letter just to see.

I do agree that sometimes a piece of paper isn''t enough, but it IS enough that if he were ever to enter your vicinity within a certain radius he''d go right back to jail, and it sounds like he belongs there..... I hate creepers.

 

[dragonfly411]

I agree about the gun. I''m in the process of getting myself licensed and registered for a hand gun. Get one. I want one just so I can disable should someone ever try to attack me. Aim for the leg and run

.

Hopefully he will move on with his life. SO''s ex stole from his mother and wound up in Prison and she tried to make amends for about a week then moved on and that was that.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thanks italia for you post. We''re trying to get some motion sensors installed today. The cops are driving by our house frequently, we have multiple guns and both of us have FOID cards and are efficient with firearms. I''ve had some self defense, but I definitely think more could only be better. We don''t have any FB, Myspace, or anything like that. PS is the only forum I visit. Thanks for the hugs and being mad for me.

Thanks, kama!

dragon~ Definitely worth a letter, you''re right. And, DH and I have discussed that we''re both capable of making a damaging limb wound that wouldn''t cause us grief in the long run. I do hope he''s moved on from his old ways. At this point, he really has nothing to gain by stealing. Since so many people are aware of his past, I think there will be lots of eyes on him and hopefully he''ll notice.

 

[TooPatient]

Have your guns and know how to use them. The alarm system is great (I won''t live in a house without one) but it still has a delay before help arrives.

Mean dogs are no help. If it is mean enough to deal with a creep, you have to potential for it to harm you or your child.

If the time ever comes, USE YOUR GUN. Shoot him once and KILL him. (since he almost certainly sabotaged your car, he has no problem killing you)
It is YOU or HIM. One of you will be dead.

If it was me, I''d get a concealed carry permit and have a gun with me at all times. You have to leave the house sometime and if you run into him out there you need to be able to protect yourself and your family. He could be in a parking lot or behind a bush or so many other places. The police can''t be everywhere.


They have classes out there that teach how to use guns for home defense. Even if you are practiced and good at shooting, this might be a good place to learn about your state''s laws and how to protect yourself from problems after the fact. If he lives, he''ll press charges. If he dies, you have to live with it. The right class could protect you from legal problems and help you prepare mentally.

Take care of yourself.

 

[TooPatient]

Restraining orders in Washington state have the address on them. Home & work. I think it even gives the name of the school any kids attend.


Great thing to hand someone. The people who would respect the paper and stay away wouldn''t think twice about it.

The creeps who would hurt you don''t care what paper you do or don''t have. (look at the string of murders & murder/suicides around here)

 

[sctsbride09]

Im sorry but I have to disagree with too patients comments on "mean dogs", while some breeds may be considered quote mean, it has less to do with breed and everything to do with the owner. If you have a GUARD dog who is trained to protect YOU and your FAMILY why would they go off on you as well as an intruder? I know this because I have a "mean dog" a doberman, and she is nothing but sweet, but if ANYONE was to screw with myself or my husband, she would handle it no problems. *end vent* sorry something shiny, didnt want to thread jack, but I want to help stop the misconceptions seen with certain breeds. Apologies.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thank you toopatient for your comments about the classes. It would possibly be protecting us on many levels.

sctsbride, thanks for your post.

We''re somewhat in order here. We kinda don''t know when we''re done, ya know? But, more protection is in place. I can''t get any further info on the guy, though.

 

[Phoenix]

Good Lord! I got shivers running up and down my spine when I read this.

somethingshiny, firstly, I am sorry to hear this, but I think you're taking excellent steps to protect yourself and your family. You've been given really great advice thus far.

I'd just like to share something with you and I don't mean to scare you but it's better to be paranoid. I was stalked by an ex-boyfriend in the UK and although I moved away (I didn't tell anyone where I'd moved to - not even my own parents), he somehow found out where I lived. Even when I moved overseas to HK, he found me too. I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow and looked over my shoulders for years. Eventually he just stopped, thank God!

I think in your case, I'd venture to guess (and I'm sorry if this scares you but it's better to be prepared) that he may very well seek you out. As s.o. else mentioned, he may be mad for having gone to prison and let's face it, the creep was already a criminal before he even went to jail. The fact that he sabotaged your car and raped this other poor girl means that he's not beyond committing more offences and harming other human beings. I read an article somewhere and I'd be happy to be corrected, that *some* criminals become more hardened after having been in prison.

I'd definitely take all the precautionary measures already suggested, get yourself de-listed from the directories if possible (I know in the UK, you can go ex-directory), install the security alarms, get some personal alarm (the thing you can pull and make a really loud noise), and def SHOOT TO KILL if that b%$#d... IF the need ever arose, def better him than you and/ or your loved ones. As for the self-defence, there're plenty of classes. You and your husband can also consider a martial class, like Taekwondo, that teaches you how to defend yourself (I happen to know that this martial art can actually kill or seriously harm an attacker, though it primarily teaches you how to defend yourself). The gun is good but if he attacks you when you're not near a gun or cannot reach it in time (like when you're in the bathroom taking a shower for instance), then self-defence or a serious type of martial art is KEY. Also check your car EVERY time you get into it, and look for anything suspicious. And obviously lock it in your garage which is also protected by the alarm system also. Oh, as for the alarm system, the hardwire type can easily be cut. I'd install the wireless type. And carry your mobile phones with you at all time, and make sure they're always fully charged.

Above all, be SAFE and be VIGILANT at ALL TIMES. Don't EVER let your guard down.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Phoenix]

Also, I'm sorry but I disgree that this man is an opportunist (as s.o. else has said). He knew who you were and he burglarised your home. He also intentionally sabotaged your car. And he raped the woman whose daugher was baby-sat by his stepdaughter. All these to me mean that he knew who his victims were going to be and he planned his crimes in advance.

I'd second what s.o. else suggested about keeping your doors and windows locked at all times, even when you are at home. He's broken into your home when you were there before, and he may very well do it again. I'd also put the alarm on when you're at home. Ask the alarm system provider to set it up for you and show you how to work it. There should be various modes for the alarm, one to make sure it's fully alarmed (ie. all the door/ window magnetic contacts as well as the sensors or motion detectors are fully switched on) when you're out, and one that turns on just the door/ window magnetic contacts whilst leaving the motion detectors disarmed. There's yet another mode that turns on all of the magnetic contacts and most of the motion dedectors but leaving one or two MD's disarmed; this is the mode that we most often adopted for our house in Singapore when we were asleep - so all the windows, doors and most of the rooms were fully alarmed except for the bedroom which only had the magnetic contacts on, but we had sensors up and down the corridors and staircase and in other bedrooms in case intruders broke in, so the alarm would go off before they reached the bedroom).

I'd also make sure you have very very good locks, ones that are difficult to pick or would take an intruder a long time to break open. I'd also put locks on windows, even those in the bathrooms, and particularly back door(s) or back windows where he may be shielded from neighbours' eyes. I think a lot of burglars/ intruders (from what I've read and been told by our friends) break-in through the back door or a small window (one that's in the back or in the basement).

Also, I'd be careful when you leave work too. Be sure to ask a co-worker to accompany you to yr car. Do not walk to the carpark by youself.

I'm sorry i've written such long posts but I come from London where the crime rate is very high and I believe is on the increase. And as I mentioned, I've had personal experience of fearing for my safety (though obviously mine is quite different from yours), and I know quite a few people who have been attacked and had their homes broken into so am paranoid.

BE SAFE and I'll pray for you.

 

[somethingshiny]

Thank you, Phoenix, for all of your advice. You''ve given me a lot to think about. I can''t imagine how you must have felt for years trying to stay safe! We''ve been keeping our doors locked at all times and we have a door to the basement that can be locked from upstairs too. The basement windows seem like a logical breaking point, and although I don''t think the guy could fit through the window, who knows how much his physical shape could have changed over the last few years. We got new locks for the doors too and got rid of our spare key hidey hole outside. I''ve always been vigilant about checking my car before entering so I''m glad it''s already habit.

 

[sparkly_stars]

okay- so i felt nervous just reading the thread...i can not imagine how you are keeping as cool as you are. (and trust me, you are)
i will mirror what everyone has already said.
get an alarm (first and most importantly), especially now that you have a family.
do the pepper spray/baseball bat, and i would have a gun in a safe.

you are very brave for having to endure such a personal attack!
i feel nervous for you though, only because i think you should get the house secured asap!
i''d look into the restraining order, but its only because i have no idea how that works anyways!

 

[movie zombie]

i think one thing that is important re this post is that safety awareness is an everyday thing......not just in a case like this. we should all be aware of the points of entry in our homes, aware of our surroundings, locking doors and our car doors as well, etc. this is not being paranoid but being proactive about our safety. criminals time and time again have said in studies conducted that they look for those that don''t do these things. the idea that we live in safety at all times is an illusion. it is also an illusion that the police will be there when we need them. they try. but people are killed after calling 911 and waiting for the police to arrive. i hope each and every person reading this thread has taken a moment to assess their own situation and takes assertive steps to be safe. be aware of the laws in your area. in california it is only legal to shoot in self-defense.....a break-in situation is not self-defense unless you are personally threatened. again, be aware of the laws in your particular state.

mz