Random question, need your opinions

[NakedFinger]

Ok, so as a "LIW", do you give your FMIL a mother's day gift? I assume so right? Depending on your relationship with her? I mean my FF always gives my mom flowers/card and such...(but he says its because she has been his only mother figure, not so much just because she will be his MIL).

Here is my question...my FF's mom died when he was 5 years old (from breast cancer, so sad). So for the first 5 years of our relationship, it was just his dad (never really had anything long term, or remarried in the 20 years since his wife's death). Well then 2 years ago he started dating someone, and then last year they got married. So when they were dating, obviously she wasnt a "mother", but now that they are married, she is officially my FF's step-mother. So my question on the gift giving situation is 1) as a step mother to him, to I still give her a "mothers day" gift, and 2) do you give them as your "FMIL" or wait until she is your MIL?

Thanks gals!

 

[Bia]

Give the one gift from your FF (and sign both your names). That''s what I always do. We do the same for my mother.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 4/30/2009 10:44:14 AM
Author: Bia
Give the one gift from your FF (and sign both your names). That''s what I always do. We do the same for my mother.

Ditto!

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/30/2009 10:45:00 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 4/30/2009 10:44:14 AM
Author: Bia
Give the one gift from your FF (and sign both your names). That's what I always do. We do the same for my mother.

Ditto!

copycat.

 

[fieryred33143]

Hallmark has come a long way. They have wonderful stepmother cards

. I think its an extremely nice gesture. It''ll make her feel welcomed and like family.

Or you know...what Bia said.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 4/30/2009 10:49:53 AM
Author: fieryred33143
Hallmark has come a long way. They have wonderful stepmother cards

. I think its an extremely nice gesture. It''ll make her feel welcomed and like family.

Or you know...what Bia said.

Copy-copy cat.

 

[CurlySue]

I''ve only been with my BF for a little over a year, and since his family lives out of state, I''ve only spent time with her on a handful of occasions... so I am going to wait until she is my actual MIL. While she and I get along very well, I feel like it would seem a little forced and kind of kiss-*ssy. I think if she and I had spent more time together, I would do it.

In your situation (based on the length of time it seems you''ve been together), however, I''d take Bia''s suggestion. So I guess that makes me another copycat!

 

[Bia]

Yea. I guess I should have added that in my case, my FMIL has been in my life for quite a long time. I had a close relationship with her long before she officially became my FMIL.

If you don't know her that well, or aren't especially close to her, then waiting until she's your mother-in-law might not be a bad idea. Although, personally, I don't think that signing a card from the two of you is being presumptuous. That's just me though.

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 4/30/2009 10:45:00 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 4/30/2009 10:44:14 AM
Author: Bia
Give the one gift from your FF (and sign both your names). That''s what I always do. We do the same for my mother.

Ditto!

Thritto!

 

[NakedFinger]

Thanks ladies- I'll go with Bia's suggestion!

Her and I have a fantastic relationship so far (they've been together for a total of 3 yrs, dating 2, married for 1). I guess the whole situation seems off to me because of the RECENT "step-mother" title. Thats foreign territory to me because I dont have ANY divorces/re-marry in my family (knock on wood! haha), so not sure how that "works" you know?

Thanks for your help!

 

[jcarlylew]

E and i are going to make her a hanging basket. or at least i am

 

[tlh]

maybe I''m the odd man out. If she didn''t help raise him... she really isn''t a mother. You know?
I''d let the choice be up to my man.. and have him sign my name to a gift if he chose to do that.

 

[tyty333]

Date: 4/30/2009 12:19:30 PM
Author: tlh
maybe I''m the odd man out. If she didn''t help raise him... she really isn''t a mother. You know?
I''d let the choice be up to my man.. and have him sign my name to a gift if he chose to do that.

Ok, I''m odd too. I dont think of her as his step-mom. She is his Dad''s wife. Only if she spent time
raising him would she be his step-mom.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 4/30/2009 12:19:30 PM
Author: tlh
maybe I''m the odd man out. If she didn''t help raise him... she really isn''t a mother. You know?

I''d let the choice be up to my man.. and have him sign my name to a gift if he chose to do that.

So I felt the same way about my mother''s last fiance (that broke her heart 3 wks before the wedding). Felt like I could never consider him my Step-father. It really depends on the relationship between your guy and his father''s wife. That is what my mother''s ex was to me. However, her new, and MUCH better fiance; I could totally let it slide by if some one were to say "your step-father". He is just such a wonderful man. But I agree with TLH that if the marriage occurred after the children were grown, they are not a step-parent but my parents'' spouse.


Now onto your actual question, I return to the answer of, it depends on how well your guy and her get along, what is there relationship? I would say sign a card together, or let him be the judge.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Date: 4/30/2009 10:38:46 AM
Author:NakedFinger

Ok, so as a ''LIW'', do you give your FMIL a mother''s day gift? I assume so right? Depending on your relationship with her? I mean my FF always gives my mom flowers/card and such...(but he says its because she has been his only mother figure, not so much just because she will be his MIL).

Here is my question...my FF''s mom died when he was 5 years old (from breast cancer, so sad). So for the first 5 years of our relationship, it was just his dad (never really had anything long term, or remarried in the 20 years since his wife''s death). Well then 2 years ago he started dating someone, and then last year they got married. So when they were dating, obviously she wasnt a ''mother'', but now that they are married, she is officially my FF''s step-mother. So my question on the gift giving situation is 1) as a step mother to him, to I still give her a ''mothers day'' gift, and 2) do you give them as your ''FMIL'' or wait until she is your MIL?

Thanks gals!

There is absolutely NO reason to give that person a mother''s day card. Period. She did not raise him, she is not his mother, she wasn''t even around when he was under 18.

 

[princesss]

I love BF''s mom.


But she''s still just BF''s mom. So no, I don''t get her a gift or put my name on the card. I just remind her son to call her and wish her a happy Mother''s Day, and try to give them time together without me when we go visit.

 

[LadyBlue]

I will ask my fiance first if he is thinking in buying a present for her. Maybe he really likes her and loves her, but he does not consider her as his mom to give her a mom''s present in mother''s day. I don''t know, I will ask him first.