PS Mommy thread with toddlers 12-36 months

[Kunzite]

Hi I was reading diaper changing stories from many of you so I thought I would offer what I did? It is potentially messy but you could do it in BR or on a surface you can wash/sterilize. I just let my toddler stand up. It was so much easier. I can't exactly remember how I got him not to run away but I know it worked- you do have to make sure it covers the butt well as its not quite as easy to get it on well. Just thought I'd put it out there.

We did that with O for a little while because he refused to lay down and I refused to force him down. LC, in case you're curious we did it by snapping one side of the diaper and then pulling it on like pants and then we'd snap the other side.

 

[lliang_chi]

Kunzite I was *just* going to ask how you do it with cloth diapers. Hm,We have mostly velcro diapers, but I might be willing to give it a shot since Ethan is so NOT about lying down for a diaper change.

 

[Kunzite]

Sometimes if he was wiggly I had a hard time getting a proper fit, but it mostly worked out well.

Every now and then I "lose" Ollie during the day. I get distracted doing something for the babies and realize he's not in the room. This morning I went looking for him and noticed Elliot's bedroom door was shut. No big deal because he likes to play in there... Well he'd pushed the cat scratcher in there, came back and took my phone when I wasn't looking, and, well.... you can see how I found him!

Love, love, love that kid.

And my mommy confession is that I let him stay there for about a half hour so I could feed the babies

 

[FrekeChild]

YAYAYAYAY!!!! It's not just me!! I'm so glad that everyone else's toddlers hate diaper changes too. Well, you know what I mean.

Hugs NEL. I'm sorry you feel like you're doing it all on your own. I feel like that sometimes too, but I don't work, so I guess it's kind of a trade off. I cannot imagine what life would be like though if I had to work too. I'm having to go out of town for a few days next month, and I'm kind of wondering what A will end up eating, because my husband seems to think that she only eats purees and yogurt...I'm like, "Welcome to 6 months ago!"

We started out giving her segments of cuties, but with the skin removed. She would just pick those apart, not actually eating any of them. So I started cutting a segment in half...which she'd play with. So then I started just giving her the segment intact, and she'd take about half an hour to mash it with her gums, getting all of the tasty juice out, and I'd fish the skin out of her mouth. It took a couple of weeks of that but she finally figured it out that she can swallow it. So now she eats a whole cutie by herself, I just have to peel it and clean it up.

PT, Ava is so cute. I love that she hugs you! A only hugs me when she's tired or upset.

What kind of shoes do your little ones wear? Obviously this is important to me. Luckily we're in Cali, so she can go barefoot a lot, but her feet still need protecting. I found a little cut on the bottom of one of her feet today and I felt so bad...


A hates meat. Except bacon. She loves bacon. We can't get her to eat chicken, beef, pork or fish, except in puree form. Anyone else had any issues with this? Suggestions? Heck, maybe she'll be a vegetarian, but I'm getting really tired of her just eating cheese all of the time. Doesn't that get boring?! I love cheese and all but geez...

I just had to share this picture - she's clutching a can of New Mexican green chile. I told her she must be as homesick as I am! And I feel like I so rarely can catch her smiling and not moving that this picture has so many special things about it!

 

[noelwr]

Such cuties! I'm a bit late in the game, but I also recommend toddler diaper changes standing up. Also, be careful with giving a bottle at bed time. That is not good for their teeth. It seems so long ago when S was going through those things but I remember always stressing when we had to make a major change (like from formula to cow's milk or weaning off the pacifier) and it all went ok.

So I can say for sure now that S is 100% potty-trained. No more accidents during day or night for last 2 weeks. She loves Minnie Mouse so I got her some panties and I guess she doesn't want to wet them. She also has no problem peeing on a public toilet and can actually balance on a normal toilet seat, though she did kind of fall in at home today... Haha. She even doesn't pee in the pool and asks to go use the toilet.

She is back to jumping in the pool and swimming back to the side. For months, she hasn't wanted to swim, and pretty much just held on to us, but now all of a sudden she is swimming again. It's amazing what a 2 yr old is actually capable of.

Speech is still progressing and she's starting to use "you" and "me" correctly. She does say sentences like Old MacDonald had a cow, but not making up her own yet. She loves to sing and it amazes me how she gets the notes right, even if she doesn't remember all the words.

End of the month, we are starting toddler dance class. I wonder if she'll dance or just run around.

So current interests are: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto, Annie, "Do Re Mi" (Sound of Music) and "Twinklebell". Not sure where she learned Tinkerbell as we don't have any of those movies, but she loves to shout: "Twinklebell, where are you?"

 

[lliang_chi]

Noel, Skye's "antics" sound adorable! Perhaps she found out about Tinkerbell from school? Maybe they watched Peter Pan one afternoon? Congrats on the potty training! Wow, sounds like you have a little fish on your hands. I love how she enjoys swimming so much.

Freke, I'm leaving Ethan home overnight with J for the first time on Thursday. I have an overnight work trip. I'm half looking forward to him doing this all on his own. I'm half tempted to just leave without prepping Ethan's meals/dinners. Mwa ha ha. Hm, in terms of her consuming protein, have you tried tofu or lentils? I remember not liking to eat meat as a small child, but eventually started eating it. My mom got me to consume protein by making soup @ every meal. Otherwise, I'd say maybe hiding meat in stuff like scrambled eggs. Or melt the cheese a bit and add the meat so it sticks. For Ethan I always give him the meat first so I know he'll eat at least a few bites. THe kid loves fruit so that's always last. The fact that she likes bacon, maybe she likes salty meat? Try deli meats?

Kunzite, LOL, O is so adorable! And what a smarty pants too Has he been helping a lot with the twins?

ETA: Had to post really quickly before Ethan shut off my laptop. But wanted to add all of a sudden Ethan's not Mr. Cranky Pants with diaper changes anymore. But he's sick this weekend. He's getting better today though. I get a Mommy & Ethan sick day today. He's been really sweet and snuggly.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Add me to the list of those who change diapers while their toddler is standing up. I have been trying to give K a toy and then sternly say "wait" so she knows that it will only be a minute, but if she's really, really fussy I give up and change her while she stands.

Freke, I gave K a cutie yesterday and just sliced the wedges in half. She loved it. I might try just giving her a whole wedge next. Seems like giving a whole cutie would be great when I need her to be distracted for a bit--breaking it into wedges could be fun for her.

As for shoes, K doesn't have very many. She has a pair of stride rites, a pair of pedipeds and a pair of Momo baby's. They all have really flexible rubber soles which I wanted while she was learning to walk. Now that she's walking all the time, I might be more adventurous and get a pair of toddler Sperry's or something.

Oh and eating meat. K likes meat, but she much prefers cheese. Or fruit. Or carrots. I do hide meat in things. I often make her a quesadilla using whole wheat tortillas. I just put cheese and shredded meat in it, then slice it into bite-sized pieces. I've also made her salmon patties, which she loved, but both of us smelled terrible after she'd eat them. I made some zucchini fritters once and put some shredded chicken in them. She loved those.

LC, I haven't hired help yet. It's really the daily chores that are tougher--laundry, trash, dishes, meals, vacuuming. The weekly chores aren't so bad, I can knock them out in a couple of hours. Going on an overnight trip is going to be eye-opening for J! I haven't had to travel yet, but even on days when I have to work late D will call me and say "How do you get K in her pajamas when she's squirming like crazy?"

Oh, and I hope E feels better soon. You'll know he's better when he's fighting you at changing time again.

PT and Kunzite, such cute pictures!

 

[janinegirly]

Haven't been here in a while but had to read some updates!

NEL how did you make those fritters...you're so lucky K is such a good eater. A will eat chicken nuggets and spaghetti but that's it for real meals (ie not snacks). I have to try quesadillas.

I hear you on the balance. Reading all the latest media coverage of working mom stresses (Sandberg book) etc it's even more frustrating. Saturday and Sunday is laundry, vacuuming, groceries and giving both DD's baths - and trying to get them out at least a little bit and then it's Sunday night. No maid here either. Literally no time for anything else. Impressed that you're at least making lots of meals!

Love the other photos meanwhile...soooooo cute!!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Janine, do you feel like the work load became substantially worse when you had 2? I feel like I'm keeping my head above water with 1, but once we have another I might drown. I have to do about an hour of chores every weeknight in order for me to do anything fun on the weekend. I literally cannot go to bed until I've vacuumed, done the daily load of laundry, taken out the trash, unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and taken the boys out to potty/refilled their water. I just don't know what's going to give when I have, say, 2 loads of laundry per day.

Meals are tough. I don't cook as much as I'd like. And K doesn't get home-cooked meals all the time. I make her a hot breakfast most mornings and make her meals and snack for the weekend on Thursday nights. I have a baby/toddler cookbook, which is helpful. It's just so darned time consuming to try to cook for us and her--I swear in my next life I'm going to marry a chef.

Here's a zucchini fritter recipe similar to the one I have. They also have baked fritter recipes, but I'm a midwesterner at heart and we fry everything, so K may as well get used to it.

Ingredients

2 pounds zucchini, rinsed clean
2 teaspoons sea salt, plus more for sprinkling
2 large eggs, beaten
3 tablespoons freshly grated parmigiano-reggiano or other hard Italian grating cheese
1 tablespoon flour
1 tablespoon fine breadcrumbs
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
olive oil for frying

Directions

1. Shred zucchini with a box grater or the shredding attachment of a food processor. Have kids transfer to a colander and sprinkle with 2 teaspoons salt. Then place a plate on top and weigh it down with a heavy can or pot. Put the colander in the sink, over the drain, and let zucchini release water for 1 to 2 hours.

2. Transfer zucchini to a clean kitchen towel and squeeze to remove any remaining moisture. In a medium bowl, let kids mix zucchini with eggs, cheese, flour, breadcrumbs and pepper. The mixture should be soft but not watery; if it’s too thick, the fritters will be heavy. Chill for 1 hour.

3. Fill a deep skillet with 1½ inches of oil and heat over medium-high heat until oil sizzles. Add rounded teaspoonfuls of zucchini mixture, taking care not to crowd the pan. Fry until golden and crisp, about 5 minutes total, turning once halfway through. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the fritters to paper towels to drain. Sprinkle with sea salt. Repeat with the remaining zucchini mixture. Serve immediately.

 

[noelwr]

TIP: The sooner you teach your kid to eat the same stuff as Mom and Dad are having (which is any time after they turn 1), the easier the cooking gets. When cooking dinner, I would just put aside a small portion for S the next day (because she eats earlier than we do) or for 2 days if the next day we would eat spicy or pizza. So I wouldn't have to do any extra cooking for her. If she didn't like it, too bad, she didn't get something else. There are starving kids in Africa who would have loved to have it. Haha, I'm turning into my mother. An hour later she would get yoghurt.

 

[janinegirly]

NEL: I wouldn't say the work load (not sure if you mean chores or office work) got substantially worse. It's not like x2 work, although it does mean less actual free time overall! So for me and trust me it is not a good thing, this means no fun time on weekends or not all weekends. Fun time must be scheduled in like - ok consciously don't clean the house perfectly this weekend so we can go out as a family with the kids. It is hard.

I do the laundry on Fridays (I work from home one day so that helps), I could never do hard core chores during the week after work (like you I do dishwasher emptying, taking trash out, wipe down counter, clean all the toys that are everywhere!). Saturday I do the vacuuming, more laundry and of course general juggling of 2 (one naps, other needs something to keep her busy). Sunday it's grocery shopping and prepping for week (meals ,etc).. The positive is it's not hands on with 2 ALL the time because now that A is 16 mo's, she and her sister actually play and entertain each other so that gives me some freedom (well freedome to do things like cook).

With one, you can have *some* alone/me/us time while they nap. Not the case with 2 so that's one thing that went out the window. We have had to let go the whole date night expectation. One thing I'm unsure of is when they start having lots of activities, or lazy summer weeks - how do I fill that in when I work? I can't just have DD1 do all activities on Saturday! And next year my DD1 will need lunch at pre-K - stressing on how I do that every night before too - might be PB&J most days!

I honestly don't know how people do it "right" becuase it seems something has to give. I take fewer showers, for example. I think a very proactive DH can help, mine is so-so sometimes. You can also hire a maid or let go some self imposed expectations of how clean the house should be. Althoug in my case, even just surface cleaning - is so time consuming and tiring.

Do you think you might stop working with 2? I remember you saying you had the option as DH make a good amount but returned for your own personal satisfication - how are you feeling now that it is a year out? For me, as much as it's a struggle, I can't quite see myself as a FT SAHM.

Thanks for the receipe!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Janine, you're definitely hitting on all the the things I'm nervous about. I do think that in some ways the second can be easier, because your first can play and entertain the second, but in my mind there is no way that makes up for the extra work effort. I think the first year would be really tough--I think about how much time I spent pumping and then prepping all of K's purees. I just don't know how I can do all that again while wrangling a toddler. I use K's naps to get things done--and it's also some "me" time--but K and her sibling will never be on the same nap schedule. By the time the second goes to 1 nap, K probably won't even be napping anymore. So there goes productive nap time. And classes? DH will have to divide and conquer when it comes to classes. I had to cut K's classes from 2/week to 1/week and I barely have time for that.

Do you ever wonder how parents do it when they have extra-curricular school activities? I think I'm just building it all up in my head to be worse than it actually is. Have you ever thought of getting a job in the 'burbs so that you can be closer to home/your kids' future schools? I think about it at times, but all of the best opportunities for me are downtown, so it's a struggle.

And this is going to sound super awful and you know I love K more than anything on earth, but I don't know if I would make a very good SAHM. I always thought I would want to, but I'm readily admitting that when I watch K for days on end, I become drained in a way that I can't describe. Yes, work is crazy and I have to get all of my billable time in, but watching K requires constant supervision and it's just...hard. It's not even like I'm doting on her all the time, I mean she naps and she plays on her own for long stretches, but I'm still constantly supervising to make sure she's okay. I told DH that I'd like to go back to work after our second, which surprised him, but he said he supports my decision either way. I've talked with my boss about going back to 3 days/week (I do 4 now), which would be ideal for me, but it just depends on what client I'm on at that time. Another change we're considering after our second is switching from daycare to a nanny.

I'm going to stop blabbing. I just find it surreal that we're having this conversation when...what, 7ish years ago we were complaining about our non-commital boyfriends. Makes me wonder what the next 7 years will bring!

 

[janinegirly]

NEL - I wish we lived closer so we could go talk about it all over wine..we are seriously thinking the same things so you are not blabbing at all. Only difference is I have 2.

I too wonder about school (like 1st grade) and all the activities. Or when one is in preschool (2hrs) and the other in real school. I hear that some people have their school aged child go to after care so that is an option. I'm not crazy about that though...because it's just such a long day, but I know many do it and it knocks out homework. How one manages to fit in activities after that and keep on top of "chores", I have no idea!

To be honest I have alot of unknowns too once I look a few years out.. All I can say is I'm relieved I kept working because I didn't use the "need to take a few years off" card yet! So if it comes to that and I literally can't make it flow, or one is having a hard time - I will have to take a break from working. I hear that those early school years are pretty ideal to take time off or early adolescence. Of coure that brings up the question, what about #2...they won't be the same age at the same time, so that ends up being at least 5 yrs off and let's be honest, it's tough to go back to a full on job at that point if they even want you.

And just like you I don't think I would be a good SAHM. I"m not even a very good stay at home wife! As in cooking all these wonderful meals, coordinating playdates with food spreads, coming up with crafty activties..I'm just lousy at that! Now since I"m working I have an excuse but if I wasn't, I feel like I would be exposed (lol).I also (and it's a common ting to say so don't worry) need a break from the kids and work at least gives me that. Sometimes after the weekend, I'm ready to go back to work to recharge, haha.

On a positive note (I better come up with some, lol), I will say when you have a baby and a toddler (mine was age 3 when # 2 was born)it's not really like wrangling 2 all the time. My #1 was pretty self sufficint, I mean of course can't just leave her be, but she's not crawling all over me and in need of constant attention. She is pretty good at indpenedent play and will quietly watch me with the baby or even better, help me out! I try spend quality alone time with her too, but it's hard when there's no time - but it is important, I know.And this is about when DH's can step up and spend more time with #1. Also with # 2, it's a cliche but true, you don't stress as much on the pumping, pureeing, sleep schedules, and all the details as much (I have not touched a baby book or looked up milestones yet with DD2 and she's almost 1.5!). But then maybe this is why some people wait until the first is at least 2 because then you start to forget what those early months were like!

Keep me posted if you have any thoughts and I guess you are TTC'ing soon? (exciting..). And don't worry you will manage just fine althought it is a challenge with all the logistics. At least you have a supportive DH should you decide to take those years off sooner than later.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

My son is in prek this year, full day, and DH is able to be home with him 3 days a week which helps a lot! Two days a week he goes to daycare afterschool.

I pack lunches the night before, and he has a gluten and egg allergy so on the weekends I make gluten-free bread, muffins, etc. to use for breakfasts and lunches.

We are currently TTC and/or considering starting another adoption for #2 and we'll see how all that goes. I am excited and terrified at the same time.

Juggling school is hard, especially trying to find a little time to volunteer in the classroom, be an involved parent, help with "homework", etc.

My DH is in school and not working right now, except for occasional EMT volunteer shifts, but he's definitely not a SAHD so I am juggling being the sole provider as well as the majority of a lot of household tasks. It is hard.

 

[pancake]

I think it's hard no matter which camp you fall into.

I'm 6 weeks into work now, doing 3 days/week and flexing up to 3.5-4 in the next week or two. I was extremely work-driven and LOVED working before, but to be honest, I am miserable about working now. The work itself is enjoyable (although it hasn't really started in earnest yet - I've started a PhD so at the moment it's about lab skills acquisition etc, which in itself might be part of why I feel a bit at a loose end) but I would just rather be at home. I am gloriously happy when I'm at home and I was gloriously happy a LOT of the time during my year as a SAHM. I never thought that would be me, but there you have it.

I will likely have to go back to work earlier with #2 - I will need to finish this degree and both husb and I would like to do fellowships interstate and overseas in the next few years, so I can't hold things up too long - but to be honest, at this point in my life, I would be happy to be a "permanent" SAHM. I like cooking. I like doing things around the house and running errands. I like running around after Sylvie. I like doing all of those things more than I currently like working.

Anyway.

I know that at some stage I would probably want to go back anyway and I do need to finish my training, so it's all moot.

But still.

 

[FrekeChild]

NEL, I can tell you from experience that chefs usually don't cook when they are at home, so that isn't going to help in your next life!

SAHM...I went back to work at 2.5 weeks after A was born and holy cow, that is my biggest regret in life so far. I missed so much stuff, and I think missing all of that is one reason I have held onto the "I want another baby" mantra for so long. So I'm taking this time to enjoy life with her, waking up when she does, remembering that it's not the end of the world if she wakes up in the middle of the night and I don't get enough sleep or whatever. Plus, I actually enjoy staying in my PJs all day and playing with toys...

Life has changed. I don't shower every day anymore - I don't have time!

Typical day with emphasis on chores:
A usually wakes me up with babbling
Get up, let the dogs out, get her up, change her diaper, get the Cheerios into the high chair to distract her for a couple of minutes while I make her breakfast
Feed her some kind of fruit puree/whole fruit with yogurt
While she's still distracted with Cheerios, I usually empty the dishwasher so I can fill it up with the dirty dishes (typically the bottle from the night before, breakfast dishes, soaked pans)
Take her out of the high chair, stick her in the pack n play and turn on Caillou or Sesame Street (I hate doing this, but it's the only way I can get anything else done with her out of the way)
While she watches TV, I feed myself, the dogs, start laundry or finish up the dishes, do whatever else needs to be done at the moment
Let her loose to play for roughly the next two hours, try to fit in some physical therapy exercises
Then it's a bottle and sacred nap time, which usually translates to a short work out time for me, eating lunch, picking up here and there, doing laundry and checking email/PS
Then when she wakes up, it's lunch time for her, which I typically just give her a variety of stuff and let her go to town and feed herself, which means I clean the kitchen after the food is within her reach.
Then it's play time until Daddy gets home, and we usually go for a walk, and feed the dogs
Then I make dinner
Then we tag-team feed her, and she gets play time with Daddy while I get stuff ready for bathtime and chill out for a bit
Then it's bath time with all three of us and bottle time with Daddy, which is finally my ME time (and every other night it's shower time!)
Then she goes to bed, and we finally have some us time, which is usually used to pick up toys, do more laundry, take out the trash, dishes, etc.

My husband only really does a few chores: deals with his laundry, since it all needs to be hung, and takes out the trash
On the weekends, he will probably let me sleep in a bit, get her up, change her, feed her (who knows what!) and then they wake me up together.

The one thing that keeps me sane when I start thinking about the future, is when I think about how she'll be more trustworthy to leave in a room by herself, and she'll want to play by herself, and she won't be my shadow. I leave the room, and two seconds later, I hear little feet coming down the hallway. I am literally NEVER ALONE. Which doesn't bother me!

I don't cook big involved meals unless it's a holiday. A gets to eat what's easy typically because I just don't have the energy to try to cook anything involved with someone underfoot.

My workaholic husband doesn't understand how I can be so happy to stay at home with her all of the time, because every weekend, he's delighted to go back to work on Monday. He's actually putting some pressure on me to decide if I want to go back to school when she turns two and goes to the university's daycare, or try to find a job. I don't even get to think about it most days because I have so many other things going on with chores and taking care of/playing with A.

And I'm still happier than I ever was before.

Who knew that the Freke of 5 years ago who publicly proclaimed every chance she got that she'd never have a kid, would love being a SAHM? I still hate the idea of being a traditional 1950's cliche, but whatever!

Hugs, you guys. No one gets it perfect. We just have to do the best we can!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I always enjoy hearing other moms' experiences and feelings. It's such a cliche that you don't know how you're going to feel about working or staying home until after you have kids, but it's so true. What's interesting for me is that I like working, but definitely remember feeling less stressed while on maternity leave. I didn't have to squeeze all of my errands into my days off, I could do it at a more leisurely pace, which made me feel more relaxed. When K would have a bad night, I didn't get stressed because I wasn't worrying about a client presentation the next day. So while I worry that I'd be a terrible SAHM, I wonder if part of that is because I"m still juggling work/life balance on my days off.

Freke, you totally burst my bubble about a chef not cooking at home. In my fantasy world I'd come home to gourmet food for myself and for K.

I just finished reading Bringing up Bébé and I'm determined to be more relaxed!

 

[lliang_chi]

How are everyone's darlings doing? Ethan's been getting slight more tantrum-y, so we've been using distraction to ebb the fusses. Does anyone else have other plans of action? Oh and it's kinda... because DH tends to give Ethan some "tough love" letting him work things out for tantrums and small fusses when he falls down or something. But whenever I do the same he's always right up in there like, "Aw... what happened?" Really?

Very interesting to bring up the whole two kids situation. I definitely want to go back as I really enjoy it. Plus I also do not think I'll make a very good SAHM.

And when we have our 2nd, J wants to be in a bigger place. So the move will also be closer to his work. My hope is that as we move closer, our commutes will flip (he'll be 20 mins away and I'll be 1 hr), so he'll have to take on more of the kiddo duty like drop off & pick up, etc. I'm making a mental note that this will need to be an explicit discussion because making me do everything is totally not cool.

For the toddler standing diaper changes, how do you guys handle a poopy diaper?

Noel, so adorable that S is loving singing. Do tell us how her dance class goes. I can imagine it'd be super cute. Ethan's starting to get into music too. Whenever he hears it he'll start swaying. I kinda feel like I should take him to some music classes or something but I haven't signed up for anything.

Freke, we get hand-me-down Stride Rites from a friend of mine. Not sure when we should switch to hard soled shoes. Does anyone know that? Ethan's is squarely walking now, so I'm thinking it should be soon. And you're not a 1950's cliche you found what it is that makes you and your family happy. Who knows if that'll change or evolve but the wonderful thing is: you have that choice.

Janine, Sounds like the adjustment can be hard with two kids. Thank you so much for the candid response though, it really helps. People usually just gloss over it. I know you have a long commute too, so I'm sure that won't help. As C gets older, can she do a little more to help? Like pick up her toys or something? It is nice to hear that C and A can play together and keep each other occupied. This is kinda the reason why I don't want a big house. Big house = more to clean. I told DH I want under 2000 sqft. My ideal would be 1700.

NEL, i totally hear you about how you're always "On" when watching K. I'm the same with Ethan. On Saturday I was SO TIRED (was getting sick), and TBH, I dozed on the floor for a few mins at a time and he wandered into the next room. Mind you I have no stairs and my apt is totally baby-proofed. But it's hard. Re: after school/extra curricular activities, my plan is to make friends with some other parents and car pool. That might give me a few chances to do things without toting the kids back and forth. In fact our old car (the one I drive) is likely on its last legs (er, wheels), so when we get our refund we're just going to bite the bullet and get the mom-car (minivan).

Pancake, how's your transition back to work? It sounds like this research was a good way to ease back into it, but are there any other parts of your job that you *really* enjoy? Maybe as time passes and you get to do those again you can make a judgement call. I agree spending the day with Ethan can be a special treat for me, but I honestly think if I did it every day, it'd feel more like a job than a labor of love. Does that make sense?

AFU: the overnight trip was not a big deal for the boys. J was able to get Ethan fed and everything although he didn't have to worry about bath time. I did take the dog to camp, so one less thing to worry about. All in all it was fine, and J managed to handle it for a night. Although just to vent a teeny tiny bit: J wanted me to pick up Ethan on Friday. He called me up and was like "Can you pick him up?" Mind you, I"m TWO HUNDRED miles away. At first I said yes, but then thinking about the logistics of everything I told I wouldn't be able to and why can't he do it? He eventually said he would. Good thing because I didn't get into the city until 7:30PM, and day care closes @ 6:30. Dude, 200 miles vs 25 miles. Really??

 

[NewEnglandLady]

LC, I was using the soft rubber-soled Stride Rites (and other brands) because I was told they were best for early walkers. This weekend I picked up K's first pair of hard-soled shoes. Well, they're Sperry Top-Siders, so not super hard soled, but definitely more hard-soled than the ones she had. I find that she walks so much better in the Sperry's, which I wasn't expecting. I thought she might stumble over them, but she seems so much more sturdy in them, she doesn't fall down nearly as much. I also picked up some Converses, but they're still a bit big. I just ordered another pair of hard-soled shoes from Amazon today because I think I'm going to retire the flexible rubber soled shoes.

Anybody have helpful toddler books? I'm having the same issues as LC with tantrums. I'm currently reading Happiest Toddler on the Block and am planning to employ some of those tactics. Honestly, I'm a hard-ass when it comes to tantrums--I tend to say "ENOUGH!" or just ignore them completely instead of mirroring K's frustration and letting her know I understand that she's upset. Last week K kept throwing her sippy cup from the table and I was frustrated and finally said "NO! YOU DO NOT THROW THINGS FROM THE TABLE!" I did that a few times and each time she cried, but this week she hasn't thrown her sippy cup.

I think I have the opposite problem from most moms. I don't worry about being too soft and giving in, I worry about being too rigid. I just hope that K isn't a super sensitive kid or we'll be in for a rough time ahead!

 

[pancake]

LC, doing what I'm doing at the moment is totally different from my work pre-baby. In all honesty I actually think it's better this way as I was feeling restless and ready for a new challenge before Dot came, but it's just a bit of a teething period at the moment. I know it will improve and that I"ll continue to adjust, it's just tricky in the meantime. But it's been a better week.

I would have been FUMING at J over the pick-up! REALLY????

NELI don't have first-hand experience with tantrums yet as Dot doesn't really have them so far (touch wood!), but in general minimising is a better technique than giving any kind of reinforcement (and negative reinforcement is still reinforcement - the attention "rewards" the behaviour). I hope that I'll be able to take my own advice when the time comes, but basically at this age they don't really understand consequences etc, so the key is just to largely ignore the screaming reaction but also quickly distract them. At 12-13 months they don't have the cognitive capacity to work their way through the cause-and-effect stuff with these things yet.

I am finding this age so exciting - I think it is the speech development that gets me! We now have mooooo, raaaaah (roar), sssssss, woof and bok bok (chicken). She has started saying "more" when she really likes doing something. Yesterday at the park she would go down the slide and giggle and shriek with excitement, and then about half a second later, I would hear, "Moh?" She yells "DAAAAA-AAAAAAAD!" when she wants David's attention (haha, guess where she got the yelling and the inflection from??); when she hears Old Macdonald she will immediately say "Moooooo!", and when she hears the intro to the "Ning Nang Nong" song she says "neng neng!!". I love it!!!

Still slow and steady on the gross motor front. Now carefully cruising along furniture but walking is a while off yet I'm sure.

Still eating well - she went on complete fruit and veg strike a few weeks ago which kinda freaked me out but that seems to be over and whilst she is a little more selective now, she's eating pretty much everything again. She loves using cutlery and is learning to spear things with a fork, gets very excited when she manages it. She is fascinated by mirrors and will play with her reflection for ages, it's so funny to watch!

Meanwhile, I am having a better week at work and am generally more content than I was a week ago. Phew. A week at a time!

 

[lliang_chi]

Pancake, I'm glad this week is better for you. I'm so jealous you're in the middle of summer and S can go to the park etc. IT's still cold here and I would LOVE to take Ethan out, but I still have another few months to wait. I'm glad S is back to eating everything again. Ethan's appetite waned for a week but he hasn't made any changes in preferences (knock on wood)

NEL what did you think of HTotB? I like Karp in general, read his sleep book that helped us. So I'll check out his toddler book. I've heard 1,2,3 Magic is good for discipline, but that's likely for a little bit older child. I have some bigger pairs of shoes that are harder soles but Ethan can't fit those yet.

Adding a pic of Ethan @ daycare. Sis's boyfriend's "look" is long sleeve button down with rolled up sleeves. So I sent this to both of them for laughs.

 

[noelwr]

One of Skye's classmates who is 18-mo-old also lives in our condo. The family is 2 parents with 4 young girls, and they have 2 live-in maids. Each maid shares a room with 2 girls. Believe me, the rooms are not that big. Anyway, the family has just gone on vacation to Spain for a week and left the 18-mo-old home alone with the two maids!

Now, I trust our maid with our daughter's life, but we would never leave our daughter without one parent at home (or a grandparent). If it's an emergency and you have no choice, I understand. But it's sad that her family left her at home to have a vacation from her.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

That pic is adorable, LC! Is that a muffin E is eating? It looks delicious!

Honestly, when I first picked up HTotB, I thought it was not for me. I haven't finished the book, but the general theme is about acknowledging your child's feelings when he/she is upset, speaking their language (Toddler-ese), then diverting them away from the problem after they've been "heard". I thought the idea of speaking Toddler-ese in the middle of a grocery store if my kid is having a breakdown just didn't seem like something I would do ("You want box! You want! You want! But you can't have box. Katie mad! Mad!). Luckily K has never had a meltdown in public and even at home they are rare, but I'm more the type to ingore undesired behavior or take K elsewhere if necessary until she calms down. That being said, I've started employing the tactic of acknowledging her anger if she's upset and I'm surprised at how quickly she calms down. I've only been doing this for a few days, but so far I think it works better than when I ingore her. I thought she might be a little to young to understand mirroring emotions, but she seems to get it.

I'm learning that K is on the sensitive side--I still meet with my mom group 1x per week so all of our kids are within a couple of weeks in age. It's obvious that K is sort of the shy, sensitive one in the group. She's more reserved when meeting new kids/introduced to new things. If she thinks I'm upset (even if I'm joking with friends), she looks concerned and holds my leg. I'm wondering if this whole mirroring of emotions works better on kids who are more sensitive. I'm sure different tactics work best with different types of personalities.

I've heard 1,2,3 Magic is good, too. It was referenced a few times in Bringing Up Bebe because the basis of it is French (having strong boundaries, but giving room for independence within those boundaries). K isn't old enough for discipline or understanding consequences, but I do plan on reading it because I want for Katie to know that behavior and consequences are a choice--her choice--when the time comes.

Pancake, I'm so glad that you're feeling better about work! And it sounds like Dot is doing really well, she's such a cutie! I feel like she's just a ball of happy, positive energy. And she's starting to say some words, that's great! I agree with LC, I'm so jealous that you can go to the park! I just can't wait for the day I can stop dressing my squirmy kid in layers.

I think K is right at the age that she is starting to understand some boundaries. She knows not to throw something when I say "no throw" or if I ask her to put her cup on the table, she will. And when I say "Very good!!" or "Thank you!" she smiles and laughs. I was telling LC that K seems to be on the sensitive side, so if I seem frustrated, she picks up on it and I don't want that because she's still too young to understand why I'm frustrated. Oh well, it's always a work in process and I'm always worried about doing the wrong thing, but I'll probably feel that way when K is a grown woman, too. May as well get used to it now!

Oh, and I'm jealous of the untensil usage! K still doesn't undrestand how to use her spoon unless I hand it to her.

 

[lliang_chi]

NEL, thanks for the insight on the book. I'm not sure if I have it in me to Toddler-ize my language to him, I really don't prescribe to it I think. I want him to learn proper speech. But very interesting htat Katie's responding better when you acknowledge her emotions. But in reality aren't we all like that? I'm more apt to listen to an argument when the other side acknowledges my side.

 

[noelwr]

I think kids understand discipline and consequences very early on. However, when S gets really upset, she can't control herself very well and there's no reasoning with her and discipline doesn't work. I just stay calm, pick her up and take her away from the situation. Usually we go look out the window in the master bedroom and point out the stuff outside. That helps calm her down. I agree that toddler-ease doesn't sound right. Sometimes we copy S to show her how annoying it is: "Mommy, TV! Mommy, TV! Mommy, TV!" but it doesn't seem to phase her. I also believe in talking to kids normally, showing you respect their intelligence to understand you.

NEL - I'm slightly jealous of K's sensitivity if it means she stays close to you. My kid is so outgoing that she shouts "Hello!" to strangers on the bus and will go run off in public and pretend she belongs to another family. At home, she won't play alone, yet. She'll follow whoever is at home. I think she "needs" people around her. Quite the opposite from me.

llc - S wore the pull-up diapers from about 1 year, and they tear open on the sides, so it was easy to remove poopie diapers. Not sure how that works with cloth diapers.

What has everyone got planned for Easter? I decorated some plastic eggs with stickers, and DH and I made some pom-pom chicks and bunnies to put inside. We'll create a really simple Easter egg hunt for her outside.

 

[lliang_chi]

Noel, yes, you expressed exactly what bothered me about the Toddler-ese. Aw, sounds like the cutest EAster festivities! Do they do a lot in Singapore? I'd love to do an egg hunt for Ethan but I don't think he's old enough yet. Plus it's still cold here in Chicago.

Today he had the BIGGEST tanty because he wanted to keep eating instead of having just a snack. So I told him OK, but you're going to go to bed early if you eat dinner early. When dinner time rolled around, sure enough tantrum #2. He went down just fine, so he definitely needed the snooze.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I'm in the same boat about the Toddler-ese. I've found that I can reflect K's feelings and communicate without needing to resort to the super-short sentences. So far that is working well for us, but she's gotten better about trying to communicate, too. Everything just changes so fast at this age, it's hard to know if my tactics are working or if she's just changing independently. The thing that upsets her the most is when she has something she shouldn't and I need to take it away. She used to cry, even when I offered her a replacement toy. Now I'll ask her to give it to me while offering something else. She still sometimes gets upset, but she'll say something like "Ga ba ga da ba!!" in short, angry syllables, like she's really frustrated. She does this more than she cries. It's really funny, actually.

Noel, I keep trying to get K to be more outgoing! When she's at home, we go out every day and I'm always trying to get her to say "hello", but she's shy and prefers to bury her head in my shoulder if I'm holding her. This weekend I had a few family members come over and each time somebody would come through the door she'd run and hide behind my or my husband's legs. My husband was super shy as a child, so I'm hoping she comes out of her shell more. The grass is always greener, I guess!

For Easter, we're just going to our in-laws. I'm actually relieved not to be hosting because I've just been feeling tired lately and the thought of hosting a family lunch is stressful.

LC, we're on the fence about an easter egg hunt, too. If we do one, it will only be a few eggs and I'm sure I'll be the one who ends up "finding" them and picking them up. I don't think it's supposed to reach the 50's this weekend, so it may just be too cold. I wish we lived in a region where K could wear a cute easter dress without needing to wear a big sweater and coat over it.

All, does anybody have any good teething recommendations for molars? One of K's molars finally came through a couple of weeks ago, but now she has 2 coming in at once and she's having a rough time. She's constantly chewing on things and she's waking up multiple times at night, seemingly in pain. Last night I ended up giving her Motrin before I put her down for the night.

I keep 4 toothbrushes/gum massagers in the house and am always giving them to her because she can get them to her back teeth and chomp on them. I have a few freezer teething toys (+ washcloths), but she doesn't seem to like holding on to anything frozen. Just curious if anybody has used something that helps.

 

[lliang_chi]

NEL, Does K use the toothbrushes? Of all the things I WANT Ethan to put in his mouth, the last things he does are the toothbrush and/or banana "brush" I got him. He puts everything else in his mouth. The doctor said that I should brush his teeth twice a day but I totally haven't been doing that. Bad Mommy. I totally hear you on the cute Easter outfits. I'm not even bothering with a cute Easter outfit for Ethan since it's always crappy during Easter in Chicago. We're going to have family (sis, her BF and the ILs) over for an earlyish dinner around 5:30PM. Not sure what I'm making yet. It's kinda weird because I don't like turkey or ham, J doesn't like lamb or beef rib roasts. So I think I'll either make a sirloin roast or a crown rack of pork. Sigh, too bad J doesn't like lamb.

Teething: I don't do anything except some Motrin for Ethan before bed. He likes the frozen teethers, sometimes that makes him feel better. He prefers it when I hold them, but he'll hold them eventually.

We had our first parent teacher conference with Ethan's daycare yesterday. They said he's developing as expected. He doesn't talk much at all, but not too concerned about that. He'll get to it eventually.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Such a bummer that J doesn't like lamb--I'm a huge lamb fan and there are several crock pot lamb recipes that I like.

K likes her toothbrushes. In fact, she even likes for me to brush her teeth. I think she likes the taste of the baby toothpaste I'm using. The only thing is that she's been "sharing" a lot lately. She tries to feed me what she's eating...usually straight from her mouth (I politely decline). Same with the toothbrush--she takes it out of her mouth and tries to shove it in mine. She thinks this is great fun.

Teething is still happening, but no Motrin last night. She's been waking up at 1am, but last night I let her settle herself without dosing her and she went back to sleep until 7.

K isn't a big talker, either, but she's babbling a lot. She tries to say words--her favorite is "balloon", which just comes out as "boo". I was afraid she didn't have the muscle development to form words, but apparently that's not the case since she chews just fine. My friend's 13-month daughter is seeing an eating therapist because she wont' eat solids. But she has a vocabulary of about 30 words. The food specialist said that the muscles for talking and eating are the same, so they can do one if they can do the other. I think K is just taking her time with talking, but definitely understands things I say (she'll point to things she understands).

 

[pancake]

NEL - totally normal to not be talking much at this age!! Nothing to worry about at all.