Promise ring?

[Indylady]

Hello All!

I''d love honest opinions on this topic.

I just received a Fulbright; my SO and I are ecstatic! My Fulbright is from fall 2010 to spring 2011, so we''ll start grad school together in the fall of 2011. He''s also going across the country for an internship this summer, so we''re going to be apart for about a year.

We''ve been talking about engagement and looking at rings, but won''t be ready by June, which is when he leaves for his internship. I also don''t want to get engaged just before I leave; I want to enjoy the time I''m engaged with him, not away from him.

However, I wish I had a symbol of our relationship for my trip. For myself, and also for others to show that I''m not single. Should we think about a promise ring?

Up till now, I had always thought promise rings were a little silly. A promise ring seems so similar to an engagement ring...both are be promises to marry, right? The only difference I see is that a promise ring is a an engagement ring with a built in upgrade. But, I''m starting to think that I might like one...

So, I want to know what you all think. All opinions welcome! Thanks in advance.

 

[legallyspoiled]

I love the idea! Especially since you two will be apart. Just make sure that baby is upgradeable!

 

[junebug17]

Indy, I think it would be really nice for you to have a promise ring while you and SO are apart. I think it will be comforting to you and a great way to symbolize your commitment to each other. (I just had the hardest time figuring out how to spell commitment lol). I say, if you want one, go for it!

 

[Octavia]

I think it makes a lot of sense in your situation! The only thing is, make sure you get a ring you're comfortable wearing abroad -- I don't know exactly where you'll be working, but if it will be in areas that are poverty-stricken or not very safe, you might want to keep that in mind when choosing the design. Otherwise, I say go for it!

 

[Sizzle]

I''m not a fan of promise rings for grown people (sorry, don''t shoot me). They seem a little "high school Sr. year" to me. I''m not sure why you need an outward symbol to other people that you''re taken. You know you''re taken and are capable of voicing that right? Also does he get this same symbol? I guess I just don''t understand how the whole promise ring thing works.

 

[KittyGolightly]

I don''t really understand how they work either. So, it''s going to be a diamond ring? Would you wear it on your left ring finger, or would it be a right hand ring?

My personal confusion aside, if it''s a meaningful symbol to you and your boyfriend, I think you should get one and wear it with pride.

Congrats again on your Fulbright. Such a remarkable achievement!!!

 

[Indylady]

Thank you Legallyspoiled, Junebug, Octavia and Sizzle!

Octavia- Thank you for the suggestion! That is definitely something I will keep in mind. I know that where I'm going, diamond rings are very expensive and diamond engagement rings are a relatively new thing. Its definitely taken as a "sign" and I wouldn't want attract more attention to myself than I already will by being foreign.

Sizzle- I know what you mean by seeming a little childish. I feel some sort of need to "show" that I'm taken because...well, I feel a little vulnerable about traveling abroad by myself. I'm not familiar with a lot of social cues that I am familiar with here. In the States, I can usually tell if someone is flirting with me, hitting on me, or even overstepping any boundaries. In essence, I know how to handle myself.

In the country I'm visiting, I'm not sure I'll be able to pick up on social cues. I've heard its popular for a guy to say, "Will you be my friend?" to girl he's interested in, and it has a romantic connotation. Its something I would have never thought of...I would assume it was an awkward question due to an language barrier, not a romantic invitation. I would not think of a promise ring if I were still in the States doing long distance. I'm capable of voicing that I'm single, but I like the idea of having a symbol because I think it will make things easier as I'm traveling.

ETA: Thanks Kittygolightly! I was thinking of a gemstone ring for my left hand.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m not a big fan of promise rings either - but if it is meaningful for you and your boyfriend, that''s all that matters.

 

[princesss]

I don't like promise rings, but I will say that there are times while traveling that something physical to point to as a symbol of your commitment to ward off unwanted attention is really helpful. I'd probably have something plain (you don't want to make yourself seem above the people you're around every day, and it could lead to unsafe situations if people believe you have enough with you to make you worth robbing), or with a tiny amount of bling - maybe one of Tiff's stackers with a .01ct sapphire or diamond?

Maybe something like this?

 

[RaiKai]

I am in the camp that does not quite *get* promise rings. They seem rather *young* to me.

I would rather just voice that I am not interested rather than rely on a ring to do it.

That being said - do what works for you two!

Does where you are going practice the left hand ring = marriage thing? It is not a universal symbol!

 

[PavePrincess]

I wasn''t a huge fan of promise rings either.. until I decided that I wanted to move away for grad school. Being in a long distance relationship can be rough at times, and it really is nice to glance at your finger throughout the day and remember that there''s someone back home who is committed to you. I know that you don''t need a promise ring to know that your bf loves you, but I think it''s a fun and sweet way to show commitment. So from experience, I think that a promise ring will work great in your situation!

Although it''s an idea to get a ring that''s upgradeable, I would also consider just getting something simple and sweet that you can keep forever. My mom still has the first ring my dad gave her when she was 15..

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 4/25/2010 11:27:18 PM
Author: PavePrincess

Although it''s an idea to get a ring that''s upgradeable, I would also consider just getting something simple and sweet that you can keep forever. My mom still has the first ring my dad gave her when she was 15..

Aw, that is sweet!

 

[HappyNewLife]

I love it! I actually wear a "pre-engagement ring" as my GF calls it. She got me a pink plastic ring from a $.25 vending machine and I got her one as well. When my plastic ring broke, she "upgraded" me to one that cost $1. LOL!

make your own traditions I say! If you want a promise ring, get one!

 

[4ever]

BF and I went though a long distance time in our relationship and just before that he bought me a ring (I got him a watch). It wasn''t exactly a "promise ring" in the engagment sense, but when he gave it to me he promised he would come to NZ for me and that this wouldn''t be goodbye. I have worn it every day since, on my right hand, and it was a great comfort to me when we were apart so I say go for it!

And also congradulations on your award (I admit I had to look it up to know what a Fulbright was)!

 

[MayFlowers]

First, congrats on receiving the Fulbright! That is an amazing accomplishment!

Second, I too have always thought promise rings were very "high-school" to me. However, I think it is appropriate in your situation. As princesss said, having something physical to show that you are taken could be very helpful while you are away. I have a ring from BF that isn''t a "promise ring", but he gave it to me to let me know that he wasn''t going anywhere. I love the idea of getting a gemstone ring for it as well. Perhaps if you wanted something understated, you could get a sapphire and diamond eternity band from BGD, like this one or this one.

 

[dawnabee]

Hi Indy,

I think it truly is a matter of choice as you can see by response and personal preference. For me I would not want a promise ring because well my BF is right here and he has the means to get an engagement ring. If he didnt and we were far apart I would love a gift from him that symbolized our time together! Its probably the phrase ''promise ring'' that raises hackles because it is a highschool term but is it any different than an anniversary band? I don''t know but I say do what you want and whatever that will comfort you on your travels! Sorry you and him are far apart you must be very strong and in love

 

[Loveitroundbrilliant]

I love my promise ring. It isn''t a diamond though, it is a aquamarine gem (becuase we started dating in march..ahhh so cute), but he gave it to me after two years of dating, and said that it was a promise that someday we would get married. He was working the nighttime shift as a mechanic 9pm to 5am and i was in school, so it was important for him. That was all that mattered, and now every time i miss him i just look down at the ring and remember that he loves me. He still works the graveyard shift, and i am still in grad school

I also wear mine on my right hand, just becuase i want to save left hand finger for the fabulous e-ring hope this helps!

 

[charbie]

i think a nice simple eternity band would be very appropriate for this situation. you don''t need to call it a "promise ring"- it''s just a ring your FF gave you to have in celebration of your accomplishments.

 

[blacksand]

I did have a promise ring when I was in high school and for part of college, when I had a long distance boyfriend. I wouldn''t do it now, as it does seem a bit juvenile (and the "promise" of those last two relationships obviously didn''t carry much weight, as we''re not together now!). That said, I fully understand the value of having a physical sign that you are taken to help compensate for the language barrier while you are abroad. There are tricky situations that will arise. I lived abroad for several years and took great comfort in being able to show my ring to anyone with..ahem...questionable intentions.

The thing is, my ring was in the style that was common in the country I lived. A simple gold band worn on the right hand (it''s moved to the left when you are married). It was inexpensive and did not attract a lot of attention, since many other women in the country I lived in wore similar rings. This took care of a few things: I didn''t worry as much about being robbed, I didn''t worry about being perceived as superior to those around me or snobby, and I knew the exact message the ring would send to the locals. Of course, I also learned the language and customs of the people around me and tried to avoid any social gaffes that would put me in an awkward position. But that''s easier said than done. Anyway, I''d recommend finding out about the local customs for promise/engagement rings and see if perhaps you could do something similar. It''s kind of fun learning about those kinds of things regardless! Congrats on the Fulbright; that really is an amazing achievement.

 

[packrat]

My brother''s girlfriend was deployed to Afghanistan the beginning of this month, and they''re planning on getting engaged when she''s back which is hopefully the end of this year. He got her a promise ring so she would have *something* tangible while she''s gone. Had she not gone, they wouldn''t have done it, and just gotten engaged. I think it''s a nice idea in those circumstances, like yours.

 

[luckynumber]

Indy,

I have lived in the country you are going to for several years (don''t anymore)

My advice is this:

wear a plain gold/silver ring on your right ring finger. Most married women do that there. The engagement ring concept is fairly new and not well recognised, and if you want to ward off wannabe romeos, it''s best to give out the signal that you are married. Also, in a country of extreme poverty, it is wise not to wear flashy jewelry, both out of respect, but also because it is a huge theft risk. I have heard many stories of women being held at knifepoint through car windows whilst waiting in the interminable traffic.

Don''t accept any offers from men to be friends, for most of them (but not all!) it''s a line to get involved with you romantically. I would be more comfortable with men who are already married, or have long term girlfriends.

I have lots more general advice to give you, but I wont unless you solicit it!!

Good luck, it will be an experience of a lifetime!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 4/26/2010 12:30:30 PM
Author: charbie
i think a nice simple eternity band would be very appropriate for this situation. you don''t need to call it a ''promise ring''- it''s just a ring your FF gave you to have in celebration of your accomplishments.

This. I balk at the term "promise ring" and do think it seems a bit high school, but there''s nothing wrong with getting jewelry just because he loves you! I wouldn''t wear it on the left hand though. I would rather just tell people that I''m taken.

 

[Indylady]

Thanks Maevie, Princess, RaiKai, PavePrincess, Kittygolightly, HappyNewLife, 4ever, Mayflowers, Dawna, Loveit, Charbie, Blacksand, Packy and Elrohwen!

I really like the idea of getting an anniversary band or a simple eternity, and not putting the title of "promise ring" on it. That is definitely a great idea and something I hadn''t thought of!

Princesss- My SO actually almost bought me that ring when we were 17! He ended up going with the Tiffany Nature ring...but he really liked that one as well. Its something we could probably even make custom through an Etsy seller.

Luckynumber, I''d love to hear your thoughts and advice!! Please feel free to share.

Pave, that is so sweet!

Mayflowers, the blue sapphire bezeled eternity is gorgeous.

Dawna, your comments are so sweet! This will definitely be a test of our strength.

Loveit, that is sweet to commemorate the month you started dating!

Blacksand, that is good advice! I''m glad that Lucky commented on it, or else I would need to start some research!

Packy, it sounds tough for your brother''s girlfriend to go away to Afganistan! How long is her deployment?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think you should. My DH knew he would want to propose before we were going to be able to get "the ring". So he went to the store and got me a little pearl ring for about $150 and proposed with that. I love that ring and wore it every day until I got the ring. It was so sweet and I adore it. I think promise rings are often silly, but in your case it makes sense. I second getting something not so showy under the circumstances, but it doesn''t mean you won''t love it.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Normally I am not a big fan of them, but I think for your situation it would be perfect for all the reasons you explained.

 

[packrat]

Indy, I think she''ll be back at her Stateside base in December, and back here with my brother (he gets out is September) either the end of that month or in January. It''s been pushed out a couple times (was supposed to be done in September if I remember correctly). I''m DYING to point her in the PS direction but I don''t want to be pushy!!

 

[Clairitek]

I love the idea of a simple gold or silver band as a gift from him to you to celebrate your relationship and accomplishments. No harm in wearing it on your left hand, if you feel like thats a better idea to ward off the men (as luckynumber suggested). Congrats on the Fulbright!

 

[lilyfoot]

I prefer the term "finger warmer", but they''re all the same thing, aren''t they?

Listen, I would take any and all excuses to get more bling .. so I definitely think you should do it (plus I can appreciate the reasoning behind it).