pregnant & scared

[gwendolyn]

LM, add me to the chorus of voices who are here to support you no matter what you and your boyfriend decide to do. Although I haven''t been in your shoes, I have had a couple of scares and so have at least some small idea of the feelings you are experiencing. Listen to your heart and make the choice that''s best for you, and do your best to ignore people who are trying to push their beliefs onto you. This is up to you and your boyfriend alone.

Best wishes, sweetie!

 

[Patchee]

Little Monster - Hugs!!!

Your boyfriends (like Mere''s husband) said it''s your choice 100% and I don''t think that should have been said either way. HE needs to be with you 110% on board with you. It''s your choice ONLY because you are carrying the child. He needs to be 110% for the rest of HIS life with you and your child should you decide to keep.

Black Jade, I took in your post and have no ill feelings to what you wrote, it is your experiences that you shared here and it''s another insight so I think you should be thanked for you voice, as everyone elses well wishers to LM.

LM I, the anti kid person here has been in your shoes before with my husband and those dam BC''s. We decided not to keep, and not for a second did I have thoughts back on it. It was quick & painless and it''s ok with whatever choice you make, really it is.

So many of us have been through this situation, your support is right here!!

 

[meresal]

Date: 9/3/2009 11:28:10 AM
Author: Patchee
Little Monster - Hugs!!!

Your boyfriends (like Mere''s husband) said it''s your choice 100% and I don''t think that should have been said either way. HE needs to be with you 110% on board with you. It''s your choice ONLY because you are carrying the child. He needs to be 110% for the rest of HIS life with you and your child should you decide to keep.

Patchee, since you referenced me, I just wanted to respond. Technically, he is just her BF and doesn''t HAVE to be with her for the rest of his life. That is truth. This is 100% her decision and her body.

In my case, when my DH said it was 100% my decision, he meant and said, he was 100% on board with whatever was decided. He wasn''t trying to push a burden onto me, he just didn''t want to prseeure me into something I wasn''t sure I was ready for. However, the more we talked about it together, the more we loved what we were starting. (From the way that LM wrote her post, I''m assuming her BF intended his statement to mean the same thing my husand did.)

Just my .02
LM, I hope everything is going ok. We''re thinking of you!

 

[KimberlyH]

LM,

Just wanted to let you know I''m thinking of you. Hope you and your boyfriend had a productive conversation (or several) and are feelling content in your decision.

K

 

[Patchee]

Hi Mere

I put you in my post referring to you as your DH said it''s your decision 100% like her BF said it is her choice 100% ... but him being her BF and your Husband being that of your husband it''s entirely different. I apologize for misusing you in my statement but I can now clarify that it was meant in a BF way to a DH way.

I kept on ephasizing HIS HIM LIFE because they are not married.

BTW, I am happy for you! I wanted to tell you in the last thread I was following.

 

[meresal]

Date: 9/3/2009 2:51:00 PM
Author: Patchee
Hi Mere

I put you in my post referring to you as your DH said it''s your decision 100% like her BF said it is her choice 100% ... but him being her BF and your Husband being that of your husband it''s entirely different. I apologize for misusing you in my statement but I can now clarify that it was meant in a BF way to a DH way.

I kept on ephasizing HIS HIM LIFE because they are not married.

BTW, I am happy for you! I wanted to tell you in the last thread I was following.

No worries!! I understand now. I misread a couple of things. Sorry about that, but I realize we''re saying the same thing... and thank you!

 

[princesss]

Thinking about you, LM.

 

[Bia]

Date: 9/3/2009 3:31:07 PM
Author: princesss
Thinking about you, LM.

me too Little Monster

 

[Little Monster]

Ladies,

You all absolutely amaze me with your compassion -- honestly I am truly floored by all your kindness & responses. I am sorry to not check in earlier but it has been a busy week. We talked a lot more about everything & while this has caused us both to realize that we want to have kids together, we also know that we want to have been together for a longer time, be married & plan for kids.

I decided to have an abortion & did yesterday. That makes me sad just to write it, but it was the right choice for us. I am taking a few days off from work to just take time for me -- I feel pretty much fine physically, but I didn''t want to have to be at work while my mind is still completely consumed with this.

I understand this may not be a decision that everyone likes to hear & I really was not trying to start an ideological debate. I just wanted someone to talk to when I really had no one. I will always be grateful that you guys recognized that & were incredibly supportive.

All of this has made me truly grateful for my boyfriend. I cannot even imagine how awful this would have been if I was with anyone else. He was kind & loyal & comforting & could not have done more to make me feel loved during all of it. He is amazing & I love him. Despite that, you guys really gave me an outlet of support that was completely different from him & I am really grateful for that.

Thank you all again -- I will not forget your kindess,

 

[neatfreak]

LM-I am so glad that you guys were able to come to the right decision for your family. It may not be a popular one with some people-but kudos for doing the thing that was right for you.

Lots of hugs and I hope you spring back from this very quickly!

 

[snlee]

Date: 9/3/2009 7:21:16 PM
Author: neatfreak
LM-I am so glad that you guys were able to come to the right decision for your family. It may not be a popular one with some people-but kudos for doing the thing that was right for you.

Lots of hugs and I hope you spring back from this very quickly!

Ditto.

 

[tiffanytwisted]

LM- I''m glad you were able to come to a decision that you is right for you at this point in your lives. I''m glad you have such a supporting boyfriend and that you''ve taken a few days off of work. Take care of yourself!

 

[swimmer]

Sending love to you LM.

 

[Lilac]

I''m glad you were able to come to a decision that made sense for you and your boyfriend. He really sounds wonderful and very supportive. Take care of yourself. *hugs*

 

[Italiahaircolor]

((huge hugs))...you''re going to bounce back in no time and go forward to have an amazing life. I am proud of you for making the best choice for your family.

 

[drk]

How great that both of you were on the same page and will be able to continue to provide each other with support. He sure sounds like a keeper! Glad you''ve made your decision, and don''t need to continue to agonize over it.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I know I''ve certainly been keeping you in my thoughts and am glad you gave us an update.

Hugs to you -- you need to rest up physically & otherwise this week. I''m very glad that you and your boyfriend are there for each other and were able to make a decision together. He really sounds like a great guy.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Glad to hear an update- it''s so wonderful that you have a great support system! I wish you quick healing and hope your relationship with your SO keeps growing stronger and stronger. You did the best and most-important thing: What was right for your family/relationship. It takes major strength

 

[iheartscience]

Hi LM-I''ve been following this thread and I''m glad you came to a conclusion about what''s best for you and your boyfriend. It sounds like he''s a great guy and definitely a keeper. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend in the future.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

LM - I am glad you made the decision that you think is best. It sounds like your BF is very supportive and you are very lucky to have such a wonderful person in your life.

 

[vespergirl]

LM, I''m glad that you came to a decision that you are at peace with, and that works for you and your boyfriend. My younger brother and his girlfriend were in the same situation as you guys about 5 years ago. He had been dating his girlfriend for a few months when she became pregnant. She decided to have an abortion, and my brother supported her decision (they were too young, no money, no place to live, no jobs, etc.) Five years later, they are still together, living together, and are working (but still struggling). They are very happy as a couple, and their relationship survived, and thrived, despite the difficult choices they made.

I just wanted to offer you support and well wishes for your future - take care of yourself.

 

[princesss]

*big hugs*

I''m glad you two were able to talk about this and do what is best for you guys. I''m glad your BF was so supportive and caring, hopefully that made a bad situation a little bit better. He sounds like a wonderful guy, and a great person to lean on during difficult times.

 

[purselover]

I''m glad you were able to come to the decision that was best for you, and your bf sounds so supportive you are very lucky. Sending lots of hugs to you both!

 

[cellososweet]

((hugs))

I''m glad that you and BF were able to come to a decision together and that you have eachother for support.

Try and rest up as much as you possibly can and pay close attention to your feelings/mental state. It''s easy to slip into a depression over things like this. Things that were the right decision for us at the time but have a heavy "what if?" factor. These types of things weigh very heavily on the mind regardless of if it was the right decision.

((hugs)) again.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I''m glad you came to the best decision for you! Huge hugs.. I know it must have been hard!

 

[dragonfly411]

LM- I missed this before, but I''m glad that you found a good solution and wish you fast healing!

 

[ladypirate]

*hugs* LM. I''m glad you reached a decision that was right for you. You have been in my thoughts.

Take care of yourself over the next few days.

 

[kcoursolle]

Date: 8/30/2009 12:13:27 PM
Author: TanDogMom
Little Monster,

I was thinking more about you. Did you mentioned that health insurance was a concern? I thought you said that but just skimming again I don''t see it in your original post. Anyway, if it is, you may want to check into Medicaid. You may qualify since you are a student so I am assuming you don''t have a huge income at this time (I am not trying to be nosy or make assumptions - please forgive me if it comes across that way!) The reason I mention Medicaid is that it is specifically designed to cover pregnant women and babies. So the cost of your prenatal care and labor and delivery may be significantly less than you first thought, if you do qualify. I think it is worth looking into. The rules vary a little state to state.

I also remember reading recently that close to 50% of pregnancies in the US were unplanned. This surprised me, so I did a little more research into the source material and it did seem legit! So, whatever you decide to do, take comfort in the fact that many, many, many women have been in the same situation you are in now.

I am finishing up a Ph.D. in demography and I can add that this is correct, over 40% of pregnancies are unplanned. Many of these pregnancies are also terminated, but it''s difficult to get an exact estimate because of the sensitive nature of this question in survey data. Most demographers feel that terminations are under-reported, but it is not known for certain.

In any case, I just wanted to chime in and note that what you are going through is extremely common. If you decide to share your experiences with close friends and family, I wouldn''t be surprised if many of them have had similar experiences themselves and they may be an additional source of support for you. I wish you and your SO all the best in your future together. I hope that this has been a good community to draw on for support and for you to be at peace with your decision.

 

[Dandi]

It''s great that you have such a supportive guy, and were able to come to a decision that you feel is right for you. Take care of yourself sweetheart.

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh, honey, I am so relieved for you that the two of you made a choice together and have supported each other through this. So wonderful that he has been really supportive and loving--no doubt you need lots of extra TLC right now. Take care of each other, and be extra good to yourself. Sending lots of love to you, m''dear.