Pregnant ladies-friends who guess the gender?

[mayachel]

Is this rude? Dismisive? Better or worse if they tell you they think they know, based on dream, intuition, etc...

 

[Kaleigh]

I don''t think it''s rude.

 

[Skippy123]

I think it is all in fun. My sister and I are pretty close and she just had her second child and each time she thought it was fun to see what people thought she was having. The first baby I thought was going to be a girl but of course wasn''t. We also had fun guessing her SIL''s baby; I even had a dream it was a girl and I never dream about that stuff. Turns out she had a boy; he sister in law thought it was fun to hear what others thought she was having and especially since they waited till the birth to find out.

 

[neatfreak]

Why would it be rude?

 

[packrat]

I think it''s fun to guess. Once past 15 weeks or so my first question is "Do you know what you''re having?"

 

[mayachel]

Date: 10/31/2009 4:39:20 PM
Author: neatfreak
Why would it be rude?

I think it could be seen as taking the attention off of the mom, and onto the friend who believes she knows the answer.

 

[Kaleigh]

Everyone guessed a boy with my first. I said well, no actually it''s a girl. They said are you sure?? Cause you are carrying all boy. Now that did annoy me a little bit.

But all in all I think it''s all done in fun and meant well.

I can''t guess for the life of me.

 

[ljmorgan]

This question is... surprising. No, I don''t think that guessing or predicting the gender of a friend''s baby is attention whoring. My friends and family did it all of the time to me, it was fun!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/31/2009 5:36:18 PM
Author: mayachel

Date: 10/31/2009 4:39:20 PM
Author: neatfreak
Why would it be rude?

I think it could be seen as taking the attention off of the mom, and onto the friend who believes she knows the answer.

I am sorry if that happened to you but I think most people intentions for guessing the gender is all in fun. Hopefully that does not happen to too many people (if it does just ignore them)

as I have always been genuinely excited for others and could care less if my guess was correct.

 

[qtiekiki]

I really don''t get how it can be seen as the friend making the guess is attention whoring. I doubt if anyone cares what a friend''s gender guess is.

 

[Haven]

I''ve seen people make uncomfortable observations about the pregnant lady while trying to guess the gender. They''ve said things like "You''re carrying all your extra weight *here* and *here* so it''s definitely a girl." If I were the pregnant lady, I wouldn''t appreciate people telling me where my extra weight has pooled, if you know what I mean.

Otherwise, I don''t see how anyone could think a friend is trying to steal her attention by making a guess at the gender, that sounds like a very sensitive person.

 

[mayachel]

Wow, thanks everyone for your seemingly unanimous replies. I have a 4 very close friends who are/were pregnant over the past year and was excited to have had a dream about each one, and their baby to be. So far, I have a batting average of 3/4. (haven''t heard about the 4th). I swear I don''t jump up and down, or say any awful superstitions, (have you heard the one about how the baby has ''stolen the mother''s beauty!? geesh, who says that?) I also don''t put a lot of stock in it, but because they are close, I *DO* enjoy feeling like I somehow intuited it. Previously, it hasn''t been an issue but the 4th friend has spoken generally about "how presumptuous it is that family and friends think that they *know* what the gender is. Now, I haven''t said anything to her, and haven''t had an idea either, but she knows my glee at having been *right* with the last 3 of my girlfriends. In addition, none of these women really know or interact with one another, but do know each other through me.

 

[princesss]

Date: 10/31/2009 7:14:56 PM
Author: Haven
I''ve seen people make uncomfortable observations about the pregnant lady while trying to guess the gender. They''ve said things like ''You''re carrying all your extra weight *here* and *here* so it''s definitely a girl.'' If I were the pregnant lady, I wouldn''t appreciate people telling me where my extra weight has pooled, if you know what I mean.


Otherwise, I don''t see how anyone could think a friend is trying to steal her attention by making a guess at the gender, that sounds like a very sensitive person.

Like the, "Oh, you''re definitely having a girl! You know what they say, girls steal your beauty!" Not cool. But I''ve never met a person that thought saying, "Hmmm...I think it''s a girl!" was inappropriate.

 

[miraclesrule]

Well, after all....it is a 50-50 chance so it''s not like they have some uncanny ability. Although, we do have a friend who has a dream and then they always turn out to be true....so that''s a little freaky.

What gets me is the people who think they can guess based on the way you carry a baby. Pulllleeezze, everyone and their brother told me I was having a boy because I carried the way I did. Everything I received was blue. I even believed them and made a blue blanket that turned into wall art when I had a girl.

Same thing with my daughter. Everyone told her she was having a boy. But I knew it was a girl because the Ultrasound technician had a wee bit of a slip that she tried to overcorrect and at that point I told my daughter. It''s a girl. Don''t let her explanations fool you....

My favorite is the swinging dime thing though. REALLY...why does it swing differently on different people? It sort of wierds me out.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/31/2009 7:27:39 PM
Author: mayachel
Wow, thanks everyone for your seemingly unanimous replies. I have a 4 very close friends who are/were pregnant over the past year and was excited to have had a dream about each one, and their baby to be. So far, I have a batting average of 3/4. (haven't heard about the 4th). I swear I don't jump up and down, or say any awful superstitions, (have you heard the one about how the baby has 'stolen the mother's beauty!? geesh, who says that?) I also don't put a lot of stock in it, but because they are close, I *DO* enjoy feeling like I somehow intuited it. Previously, it hasn't been an issue but the 4th friend has spoken generally about 'how presumptuous it is that family and friends think that they *know* what the gender is. Now, I haven't said anything to her, and haven't had an idea either, but she knows my glee at having been *right* with the last 3 of my girlfriends. In addition, none of these women really know or interact with one another, but do know each other through me.

Well I guess I would let your 4th friend be. It is probably fun that you have done well guessing (I think that is cool

) but if something like that bothered a close friend of mine I would drop it. Maybe share the fun you are having w/your hubby and just keep it between you two? Who knows why things bother people but if you are a close friend just let it go, yanno

 

[anchor31]

I think most of the reasons people give me for their guessing are pretty funny, so I don''t mind.

 

[mayachel]

te:[/b] 10/31/2009 7:36:52 PM
Author: Skippy123

Well I guess I would let your 4th friend be. It is probably fun that you have done well guessing (I think that is cool

) but if something like that bothered a close friend of mine I would drop it. Maybe share the fun you are having w/your hubby and just keep it between you two? Who knows why things bother people but if you are a close friend just let it go, yanno

[/quote]

Absolutely Skippy! It just made me retroactively worry that when I''ve done it in the past, under their breath they were thinking *geesh who does Mayachel think she is?* Which, I''ve also never experienced from them. But, never having been pregnant...I wanted to check in with the PS ladies.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 10/31/2009 5:59:15 PM
Author: qtiekiki
I really don''t get how it can be seen as the friend making the guess is attention whoring. I doubt if anyone cares what a friend''s gender guess is.

Ditto. I mean honestly! I think it''s a huge stretch to make the conclusion that a friend''s gender guess is made to take attention away from the mother.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think it''s funny when people guess - my dad is convinced it''s a girl I am cooking right now, and my grandma used to dream about what people were having and was always right, which I think is awesome - but when they say stuff like, "It must be a girl because you know how they say a girl steals your beauty", or "You gained a lot of weight so it must be a boy", THAT''S rude. By all means share with me what you think I''m having, but leave the reasons you think so OUT!

 

[swimmer]

Of course 1.7% of all live births are intersex; neither clearly XX or XY.

I recently asked a friend if she was going to find out the gender and she said she just hoped it was one or the other. I hadn't even thought about the possibility of neither.

ETA: clearly I don't think it is rude to guess or ask, but it all depends on the method of delivery right?

 

[fieryred33143]

Not rude:

For some reason, I see you with a girl.
I had a dream last night that you had a beautiful little girl.
There are a lot of boys in your family so you''ll probably have a girl.

Rude:

You don''t look like a mom of a boy to me.
You don''t like sports right? I think its best if you have a girl.

Downright nasty:

Your hips are sooooooo wide! That''s definitely a girl.

All of which were said to me throughout the course of my pregnancy.

 

[miraclesrule]

Fiery and swommer you almost made me joke on my pumpkin seeds.

Too funny. "I just hope it's one or the other." That's a mom with a sense of humor.

But really, people actually say those rude things? I have total foot in mouth disease, but "stealing beauty" and "soooo big" are things that would never cross my mind.

I do you the terms, carrying high, carrying straight out, and carrying low, or carrying around. I mean, those are the only options unless you are carrying on your head.

 

[somethingshiny]

I don''t think it''s rude at all.

I am a guesser too. I''m rarely wrong.

I''ve told my sis and SIL, many of my cousins and most of my friends what they''re going to have very early on. In fact a couple months ago an acquaintance said she couldn''t wait to find out what she was going to have. I told her it was a girl. She had her ultrasound recently, and it''s a girl.

My best friend has the same knack as does my mother.

I never try to put the attention on me by any means. I think I''ve only ever told the gender in one-on-one conversations, besides the most recent which took place publicly.

 

[mayachel]

How interesting a point swimmer. Having even just finished "newborn assessment" in school, and learning about talking to parents about newborns with "ambiguous genitalia", it NEVER crosses my mind to consider that someone may have an intersex baby in the first place. True hope in "one or the other"! It''s just a whole lot simpler.

 

[mayachel]

Date: 11/1/2009 11:33:10 AM
Author: somethingshiny
I don''t think it''s rude at all.


I am a guesser too. I''m rarely wrong.

I''ve told my sis and SIL, many of my cousins and most of my friends what they''re going to have very early on. In fact a couple months ago an acquaintance said she couldn''t wait to find out what she was going to have. I told her it was a girl. She had her ultrasound recently, and it''s a girl.


My best friend has the same knack as does my mother.


I never try to put the attention on me by any means. I think I''ve only ever told the gender in one-on-one conversations, besides the most recent which took place publicly.

Good for you somethingshiny! It IS fun isn''t it.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I found it really annoying (not offensive, just annoying).

I had (past tense) a close friend who kept on saying I was going to have a girl. Started off that she just had a feeling, then went on and on and on about how it had to be a girl because they're somehow superior to boys and that would fit in with our group of friends (her friends really, with one or two exceptions, who all had girls and most of whom were single moms for one reason or another, some quite anti-men). Like, if I had a son, they would be disappointed and not terribly interested. It made me twitchy and a little unhappy - hormones!

DH had a poor relationship with his own father and was also hoping / guessing we'd have a girl, since he didn't feel confident he'd be a great parent to a boy. It was all a little overwhelming. My own parents even got in on the act, saying how much how they were sure it would be a girl and they could buy her cute clothes. (Boys can't have cute clothes? News to me!)

I felt that if I'd had a boy, I would have had issues to deal with. Not my own issues, either. It was annoying.

Then out of badness, when I went for a scan and knew I was having a daughter, I didn't tell any of them.

Made them wait the full nine months (well, not DH, obviously, but the rest of them). At my scan, the sonographer thought boy, but I had to have another scan a few days later after some problems and that's when we found out for sure it was a girl. It was actually a bad couple of days for me, in my hormonal emotional state.

All because people wanted to guess / have a strong opinion on my unborn child.

 

[mayachel]

Aww Mrs. Mitchell, I''m so sorry. That does sound like a stressful situation.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Thanks. It wasn''t great! I don''t think I''d have minded fun guesses though and I don''t think most people would mind if it wasn''t too adamant or intrusive (or out and out rude, like the examples Fiery gave. They were stunning lol).

Jen

 

[Sha]

I think you have a gender preference it can definitely be annoying if friends predict that you''ll have a certain gender - kind of like what Ms. Mitchell alluded to. When I got pregnant, my preference was for a girl, so I would always feel a bit disappointed when my friends said they ''felt'' I was having a boy, or that they ''saw'' me with a boy. I found that I wasn''t so disppointed - more excited - when friends guessed the opposite, that I was having a girl. I guess that lined up with my gender preference, so it didn''t bother me at all.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 10/31/2009 7:28:51 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 10/31/2009 7:14:56 PM
Author: Haven
I''ve seen people make uncomfortable observations about the pregnant lady while trying to guess the gender. They''ve said things like ''You''re carrying all your extra weight *here* and *here* so it''s definitely a girl.'' If I were the pregnant lady, I wouldn''t appreciate people telling me where my extra weight has pooled, if you know what I mean.


Otherwise, I don''t see how anyone could think a friend is trying to steal her attention by making a guess at the gender, that sounds like a very sensitive person.

Like the, ''Oh, you''re definitely having a girl! You know what they say, girls steal your beauty!'' Not cool. But I''ve never met a person that thought saying, ''Hmmm...I think it''s a girl!'' was inappropriate.

Agree...it''s fun having people guess, especially family/friends! BUT, the comments from strangers sometimes can cross the line ("stealing beauty"...yup got that one!, or insistence that they are right when they are not!). I had strangers say OH you are having a BOY. In one case I said, "actually no, it''s a girl, at least 99% sure it''s a girl" (I said it lightheartedly). Then the stranger said "Well I think they are wrong, I know you are having a boy. I''m always right"). Okkkkk