Oh Mom.......I am not a "wife"

[HopeDream]

My BF has been doing gardening for my mom recently and aparently she has introduced him as her son-in-law to some of the neighbours.
BF said she also refers to me as his wife.

ugghhhh....... how embarassing.

It''s cute that my mom likes my BF enough to want him to be my husband, and that BF isn''t phased by my crazy mom, but the thought of using those titles before being officially wed makes me cringe.

We''re not even engaged yet so it all feels very inapropriate to me.
Partly I don''t want to jinx the relationship by calling it ahead of it''s time, Partly it just seems lame - like those kids in grade school who would claim to be older than they were for increased status.

(To be fair BF and I have lived together for 4 years, so we are technicaly common law)

Does anyone else have parents like this ?

 

[RaiKai]

If it bothers you talk to her about it. I would not be too worried about it though.

My mum did that on occasion with my ex common law partner but it is just because no one in my family really got stuck on idea of traditional marriage as we have a few non traditional relationships in our family. My mum referred to him as a son in law now and then...but keep in mind my mother and stepfather lived together common law for 25 years before getting married recently. It is just what she sees someone as family (she has with my siblings who are common law/engaged etc too).

I never personally felt uncomfortable as, even though that relationship fid not work out, we were serious and I saw it as respect for my partner and me. My hhusband had a very different experience with the mother of his ex common law partner who did not respect him as her daughters *life* partner and believe me I would take your situation anyday!

With my current husband heck even my office mates called him my husband before we married..I corrected it once, saw they accepted him as my *family* and then just enjoyed it!

I don''t believe in jinxes. Talk to her if it bothers..but I would not worry about it in your shoes!

 

[sapphirepulse]

My mom, while making casual conversations with strangers (like sales people) mentions my "fiance" sometimes because he''s a manager of a new store. She wants to talk about it because she and my dad opened the store, and some people around town know about that (like the manager of the grocery store we go to). She calls him my fiance, I guess, to make things simpler, but he''s not my fiance yet. It is definitely embarrassing, but so far I''ve shrugged it off because after all, what does the clerk at the grocery store, or the guy who sells us shoes, care?

But your mom talking to your neighbors would be worse, I''m sure! What is she gonna say to them when you and your BF do get engaged? Your neighbors might get confused, haha. I''m not sure how it is where you live, but I don''t think anyone really takes great notice of the neighborhood gossip - at least, I personally don''t. At least your BF doesn''t mind, that''s the important thing.

 

[jewelz617]

I had a thread about this not too long ago. It makes a lot of people cringe I found out!

Next time she says it around you, jokingly say "No, don''t call me that yet, I don''t want to jinx it!" Maybe that will stop her.

 

[PumpkinPie]

it''s cute - but it wouldn''t be acceptable to me!

 

[audball]

My FMIL does this. She will (often) refer to me as S''s fiancee or wife depending on who she''s talking to. A lot of older people or even younger, but traditional or religious people don''t get that we live togther and have been dating for nearly 5 years, but aren''t yet married. It''s easier in this type of situation. Also, I take it as a good sign that she is on board with us being together long-term.

S and I will sometimes refer to eachother as either fiancee or husband/wife to make it easier in some situations too. We just adopted our first puppy together (Molly!) and the lady assumed we were married saying husband/wife, we didn''t correct her. To us, it doesn''t make a difference in these type of situations. Now people we''re close to, friends, family, etc. I wouldn''t be okay with. But neighbors, parents co-workers, etc. We just go with the flow.

 

[HopeDream]

I had a converstation with my mom and let her know that boyfriend or partner are both acceptable terms, but she doen''t realy like the term partner because it''s not very romantic.
I think partner sounds very egalitarian.

I''m not sure if it will make a difference, but at least she know how I feel.

Thanks for all the advice ladies - it''s nice to know there are other crazy mothers/almost mothers in law out there.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 4/2/2010 12:52:54 PM
Author: HopeDream
I had a converstation with my mom and let her know that boyfriend or partner are both acceptable terms, but she doen't realy like the term partner because it's not very romantic.

I think partner sounds very egalitarian.


I'm not sure if it will make a difference, but at least she know how I feel.


Thanks for all the advice ladies - it's nice to know there are other crazy mothers/almost mothers in law out there.

Boyfriend is so "16" considering you have been living together for 4 years.
Partner sounds like a business arrangement not far from roommate but, yes, equal and noncommittal.
After 4 years together when is "finance" going to happen?

 

[entitledpearl22]

Date: 4/2/2010 8:13:52 PM
Author: swingirl

Date: 4/2/2010 12:52:54 PM
Author: HopeDream
I had a converstation with my mom and let her know that boyfriend or partner are both acceptable terms, but she doen''t realy like the term partner because it''s not very romantic.

I think partner sounds very egalitarian.


I''m not sure if it will make a difference, but at least she know how I feel.


Thanks for all the advice ladies - it''s nice to know there are other crazy mothers/almost mothers in law out there.

Boyfriend is so ''16'' considering you have been living together for 4 years.
Partner sounds like a business arrangement not far from roommate but, yes, equal and noncommittal.
After 4 years together when is ''finance'' going to happen?

I couldnt help but agree with you! Both my family and my FIL''s all refer to us as engaged, even our pastor refers to us as engaged. I just think when it does (finally) happen everyone is going to think there''s no bid deal since we had been "engaged" for so long already.

 

[HopeDream]

Swingirl and Entitledpearl22 you raise a very good point.

My BF is a starving student (no money for engagement ring) and 2 years younger than I - which my mother knows.

(This time last year he mentioned to me that he had wanted to propose the previous winter, but didn''t have the funds for the ring.)

So ''fiance'' will happen some time in the future after he gradutes this year, gets a job, and saves up some money and is man-ready to be engaged.

If I have to wait, then so does my mom.