now what?

[esperanza]

Hi there everyone. I am a new user on this site and this maybe the wrong forum for this but I would love some advice. My b/f and I have been talking about getting engaged for about a year, and we have done the ring research and my finger has been sized. He has been hinting for a while that it could be coming soon. But then we talk about it and it sounds soooo far away.
Some history on the subject I am a second semester junior in college and he is a grad student. I may have to go the west coast in order to be employed and that would leave him in the midwest. He says it may be a while before we get engaged b/c the distance could hurt. I understand but now I am having a hard time being excited. I know that it is going to happen but the giddiness is missing. Am a just being a brat? Sorry this is soo long.
esperanza

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 1/31/2005 4:35:35 PM
Author:esperanza
Hi there everyone. I am a new user on this site and this maybe the wrong forum for this but I would love some advice. My b/f and I have been talking about getting engaged for about a year, and we have done the ring research and my finger has been sized. He has been hinting for a while that it could be coming soon. But then we talk about it and it sounds soooo far away.
Some history on the subject I am a second semester junior in college and he is a grad student. I may have to go the west coast in order to be employed and that would leave him in the midwest. He says it may be a while before we get engaged b/c the distance could hurt. I understand but now I am having a hard time being excited. I know that it is going to happen but the giddiness is missing. Am a just being a brat? Sorry this is soo long.
esperanza

Hi esperanza and welcome

! You are in the perfect place. All of us here are in various degrees of waiting for our ring, some of us closer than others. From what you wrote, I don''t think you''re being a brat at all. I know exactly how you feel. My bf and I have known and talked about getting married for a very long time (bben together 6.5 years) and we''ve been researching the ring together for over a year now. I experience waves of excitement interspersed with frustration about waiting that depletes any kind of giddiness. The frustration and lack of giddiness describe what I''ve been feeling for the past few moinths. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are now finally starting the steps to GET the ring (rather thna the planning) and my giddiness level has definitely gotten a HUGE boost! I think you''re giddiness is being affected by what you perceive to be a long wait, which is totally understandable. You just found this out recently so its not surprising your giddiness took a hit. I wouldn''t be surprised if this is temporary. As long as you and your bf are open and communicate well, likely your giddiness will return to the norm, and get that boost when the time comes!

Esperanza - doesn''t that mean hope? or is it peace?

mi espanol esta muy malo

 

[appletini]

Esperanza: Welcome!!! I can understand your frustrations, and that is what is getting in the way of the giddiness. How long have you and your BF been together? Also the Ladies in Waiting have learned that there are two kinds of "soon", "boy soon" and "girl soon". But in the end its worth the wait. I''m sure that the distance will be tough when that time comes, but how much longer will it be, before he is finished with his program?

Ginger: the verb "esperar" means to hope or to wait. So I think she is hoping and waiting.

 

[Erin]

Girl, fasten your seatbelt, it''s going to be a bumpy ride.

My bf bought the ring last April. I still don''t have it. I am absolutely positive he wants to marry me - soon. He''s just waiting to make sure his life is in order (who''s ever is?) before he takes it to the next level without considering maybe I''ve been sitting on top of the mountain waiting for him (doing my nails!)

I''m not saying he''s going to make you wait an eternity - we all have our timeframes. I was elated when I knew he bought the ring and now sometimes my anticipation borderlines resentment. But then I''d remember that he didn''t buy it for any reason, it''s all because he wants to marry me and sometimes that was enough and I''d be giddy again. Then holidays and special occassions would pass and it would lower. Then he''d bring up the topic all by himself and I''d been joyous, but then too much time had gone by (days) where nothing was happening and back down I go.

I guess my point is you''ve got to make sure you know that you both believe marriage is in your future. After that everything is a process. Some wait more than others but we all know what the end result will be. Just keep your faith and your perspective intact. There are some women who think they''ll never find that certain someone and it consumes them the same way an engagement consumes us. However, I''d rather wait for the proposal knowing I''ve found him and I love him dearly and he loves me unconditionally. It will happen, just try to enjoy the ride. We are all here for you.

 

[blueroses]

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(what Erin said!!)

Bienvenidos, Esperanza! I hope that your stay on the list is short and sweet....maybe cruise over to the official thread and the introduce yourself thread and join in the fun!

Anyway, you''re in the right place--you''re absolutely within your rights to be alternately excited/deflated/freaked out/resentful/worried/etc.....it''s a hard place to be, and though we all have different "wait periods" and relationship-lengths, we all are looking forward to the same thing....and I think Erin''s right on. Here''s hoping it will all be worth it in the long run.

 

[esperanza]

Thank you so much for your feedback and support. We have been together two years. And we know that we want to marry each other..he is a planner and we have about 40 years in the plan

. Which is why it may be awhile before he asks, and I understand that. I just get disappointed. Depending he should be done about 4 years from now. And we are hoping to be married in the 4-6 year range. I sometimes have no idea if what I am feeling is justified.
He is a wonderful guy and that is why this wait is sooo hard. And I can tell that he is as excited as I am.

That is when I get conflicted...if we want it so bad why wait so long? Again thank you so much for you responses. Esperanza