Now I really did it :((
- Thread starter missy
- Start date
There's a lot of life experience here on the NIRDIs. All of it is valuable.
Gypsy, I am in No Contact with my parents. You may or may not know this but its germane to what I'm about to say here. (I am NOT advising anyone to go No Contact, it was appropriate in my case and advised by every therapist I saw over 30 years AND my parents' internist, who was also my internist. The past 2 years have proved it was the right decision for me and my long suffering husband.)
Your mother and your stepfather are not your burden to carry in life.
No matter what decisions they make, the results of those decisions are not your burden to carry in life.
Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences---Robert Louis Stevenson.
This includes your mom and stepdad.
You can love them without having to fix them. When not toxic, you can listen to them without having to fix the problems behind the call, including their marriage, their financial decisions, their stress level, their health.
The fact that you have not told them you are not working is completely understandable to me. Never give them information you don't want to have to respond to every.single.day until you've resolved it to their satisfaction. True, its not a healthy relationship to be secretive but OTH everyone deserves healthy boundaries and privacy and it will preserve your privacy until you choose to reveal this.
I waited several weeks to tell my parents I retired. They have demanded control of every decision I made in life, large or small. I never discussed retiring with them because it was none of their damn business. I've been independent my whole life---my parents have 0 leverage over me because I never took a dime from them. I was 50 when I finally decided my life belonged to ME. I'm just sorry I waited that long. I loved them and I didn't want to give up. When I accepted them as they are, I was able to cut the bond (that only I felt).
Gypsy, I am in No Contact with my parents. You may or may not know this but its germane to what I'm about to say here. (I am NOT advising anyone to go No Contact, it was appropriate in my case and advised by every therapist I saw over 30 years AND my parents' internist, who was also my internist. The past 2 years have proved it was the right decision for me and my long suffering husband.)
Your mother and your stepfather are not your burden to carry in life.
No matter what decisions they make, the results of those decisions are not your burden to carry in life.
Sooner or later, everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences---Robert Louis Stevenson.
This includes your mom and stepdad.
You can love them without having to fix them. When not toxic, you can listen to them without having to fix the problems behind the call, including their marriage, their financial decisions, their stress level, their health.
The fact that you have not told them you are not working is completely understandable to me. Never give them information you don't want to have to respond to every.single.day until you've resolved it to their satisfaction. True, its not a healthy relationship to be secretive but OTH everyone deserves healthy boundaries and privacy and it will preserve your privacy until you choose to reveal this.
I waited several weeks to tell my parents I retired. They have demanded control of every decision I made in life, large or small. I never discussed retiring with them because it was none of their damn business. I've been independent my whole life---my parents have 0 leverage over me because I never took a dime from them. I was 50 when I finally decided my life belonged to ME. I'm just sorry I waited that long. I loved them and I didn't want to give up. When I accepted them as they are, I was able to cut the bond (that only I felt).
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- Jun 7, 2014
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Rainwood, Thank you for your very insightful words on how to deal with aging parents. It took me years to realize much of this and you are so correct in what you said.
Gypsy, I think most of us here can relate to much of what you are going thru with your parents. My mom and stepfather have been driving me nuts for years. I can deal with most of it fine but when it comes to their health I am just now learning to keep my mouth shut because they are going to do what they want to do. I truly believe they have lost all their common sense. Things came to a head about two years ago. My mom called at 9:00 AM in a panic that my stepfather was feeling really bad and was having symptoms of a heart attack. Of course my comment was hang up and call 911. I told her I will meet you at the hospital. What happen next angered the hell out if me. She refused to call 911 or drive him to the hospital because he had a doctor appointment for 4:00 PM that day. I calmly said that if he was having a heart attack he would likely be dead by the time of his scheduled doctors appointment. She responded that she was going to drive him to my brothers and wait there until it was time to go to the doctor. My brother lives an hour away from them and my brother and SIL were at work. I called my SIL to let her know what was going on. She left work and met them at her house and immediately drove them to the hospital. She called and said my stepfather looked awful and could hardly walk. My mom refused to go Into the hospital and actually waited for the damn doctors appointment. My SIL sat in the car with them for hours. My mom called me at 10:00 PM that night to tell me my stepfather was fine. I told her then that if this were to happen again and she is not going to go directly to the hospital to NOT call me. I was worried sick the whole day and had visions of my mom driving the hour (in the country with no place to stop for help) and my stepfather dying in the car. I told her to look at the obituaries, 80 year old people die every day. I've learned that they are in control of their health and are not going to listen to anything I or my husband say. My SIL also told her the same thing. My stepfather has had a fainting problem for years and has been hospitalized many times for it. He still drives everywhere which I also believe is crazy and the whole family has had arguments with them about it. My niece has told my parents that she will not let them watch her daughter because she is afraid of my stepfather driving with her. We all thought that would wake them up but no such luck.
Sorry for the long post Gypsy. I guess what I'm trying to say as it seems old people and stubborness go hand in hand. I have told my niece to just shoot me if I ever act like my mom. I told her I would give her permission in writing to do so. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and can understand how frustrating this is for you.
Gypsy, I think most of us here can relate to much of what you are going thru with your parents. My mom and stepfather have been driving me nuts for years. I can deal with most of it fine but when it comes to their health I am just now learning to keep my mouth shut because they are going to do what they want to do. I truly believe they have lost all their common sense. Things came to a head about two years ago. My mom called at 9:00 AM in a panic that my stepfather was feeling really bad and was having symptoms of a heart attack. Of course my comment was hang up and call 911. I told her I will meet you at the hospital. What happen next angered the hell out if me. She refused to call 911 or drive him to the hospital because he had a doctor appointment for 4:00 PM that day. I calmly said that if he was having a heart attack he would likely be dead by the time of his scheduled doctors appointment. She responded that she was going to drive him to my brothers and wait there until it was time to go to the doctor. My brother lives an hour away from them and my brother and SIL were at work. I called my SIL to let her know what was going on. She left work and met them at her house and immediately drove them to the hospital. She called and said my stepfather looked awful and could hardly walk. My mom refused to go Into the hospital and actually waited for the damn doctors appointment. My SIL sat in the car with them for hours. My mom called me at 10:00 PM that night to tell me my stepfather was fine. I told her then that if this were to happen again and she is not going to go directly to the hospital to NOT call me. I was worried sick the whole day and had visions of my mom driving the hour (in the country with no place to stop for help) and my stepfather dying in the car. I told her to look at the obituaries, 80 year old people die every day. I've learned that they are in control of their health and are not going to listen to anything I or my husband say. My SIL also told her the same thing. My stepfather has had a fainting problem for years and has been hospitalized many times for it. He still drives everywhere which I also believe is crazy and the whole family has had arguments with them about it. My niece has told my parents that she will not let them watch her daughter because she is afraid of my stepfather driving with her. We all thought that would wake them up but no such luck.
Sorry for the long post Gypsy. I guess what I'm trying to say as it seems old people and stubborness go hand in hand. I have told my niece to just shoot me if I ever act like my mom. I told her I would give her permission in writing to do so. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and can understand how frustrating this is for you.
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- Jun 17, 2009
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Hi girls, things are crazy right now but I wanted to check in quickly with my nirdis, I know I've been MIA and I miss you all…
Missy, love the pics from your patio! I'm glad your rash seems to be clearing up a little, how frustrating that this random rash keeps making an appearance every summer. Your cat memes and cartoons made me laugh! Fred is the sweetest thing ever, I love him. I am so sorry about the kitty accident and I hope all the furbabies are doing ok. Poor Tommy sounds like he was having a tough day and I hope he's back to normal.
Marcy, I'm still so excited about your car, it's wonderful to have something to look forward to but I know it's so hard to wait until October. Sorry about the aggravation at work, maybe the movie and the popcorn will make up for it lol! It's a shame about those fires.
Gypsy, big hugs to you, I am so glad that you've shared your feelings here because it really does help to let those emotions out. I totally get how you are feeling…Unfortunately I think it seems like a few of us can relate to some extent, including myself. I completely understand where you're coming from. Your step-father sounds like such a sweetheart and I hope he can get some breaks here and there. Rainwood had some great advice and good ways of looking at your situation. I know it's a tough one, so many conflicting emotions that it's almost impossible to sort them out. I hate that feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and I hope you can get to a place where you feel a little more at peace but I know it's easier said than done. I'm sorry for your mother's physical condition and I do hope she has a smooth recovery. Life is pretty crazy sometimes, huh?
My mother is in rehab now and it becoming a little more alert and moving a little more, although still very weak, exhausted, and unable to walk or stand. She tried to get out of bed last night and fell. They switched her to a room closer to the nurse's station so they can watch her. I have some very tough decisions to make in the next few weeks and I am beside myself. Feeling very torn and confused. I have concerns I might not be able to properly care for her in my home, especially if she can't regain some of her mobility. It's really not her dementia that is concerning me, it's her physical condition and how much assistance and care she's going to need. It was kind of tough before this hospitalization. I know I'm rambling, and I'm sorry. It's a very tough time right now but I'm so glad my nirdis are here.
Sending love to you all, and I will check in again soon!
Missy, love the pics from your patio! I'm glad your rash seems to be clearing up a little, how frustrating that this random rash keeps making an appearance every summer. Your cat memes and cartoons made me laugh! Fred is the sweetest thing ever, I love him. I am so sorry about the kitty accident and I hope all the furbabies are doing ok. Poor Tommy sounds like he was having a tough day and I hope he's back to normal.
Marcy, I'm still so excited about your car, it's wonderful to have something to look forward to but I know it's so hard to wait until October. Sorry about the aggravation at work, maybe the movie and the popcorn will make up for it lol! It's a shame about those fires.
Gypsy, big hugs to you, I am so glad that you've shared your feelings here because it really does help to let those emotions out. I totally get how you are feeling…Unfortunately I think it seems like a few of us can relate to some extent, including myself. I completely understand where you're coming from. Your step-father sounds like such a sweetheart and I hope he can get some breaks here and there. Rainwood had some great advice and good ways of looking at your situation. I know it's a tough one, so many conflicting emotions that it's almost impossible to sort them out. I hate that feeling of being overwhelmed. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and I hope you can get to a place where you feel a little more at peace but I know it's easier said than done. I'm sorry for your mother's physical condition and I do hope she has a smooth recovery. Life is pretty crazy sometimes, huh?
My mother is in rehab now and it becoming a little more alert and moving a little more, although still very weak, exhausted, and unable to walk or stand. She tried to get out of bed last night and fell. They switched her to a room closer to the nurse's station so they can watch her. I have some very tough decisions to make in the next few weeks and I am beside myself. Feeling very torn and confused. I have concerns I might not be able to properly care for her in my home, especially if she can't regain some of her mobility. It's really not her dementia that is concerning me, it's her physical condition and how much assistance and care she's going to need. It was kind of tough before this hospitalization. I know I'm rambling, and I'm sorry. It's a very tough time right now but I'm so glad my nirdis are here.
Sending love to you all, and I will check in again soon!
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2007
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- 26,321
Hi NIRDIs!
Gypsy, you certainly have your hands full with your mom and stepdad. It sounds like you had a good and helpful therapist and I am glad you have someone to talk to about things. I am glad you are planning a day of fun with another PSer tomorrow. I am glad your hand is better. My hand is pretty much healed by now; just a little smudge. Small world one of your best friends was in Wyoming. Cool! I know my team would have a very different environment without me. They do tease me about my 2 work teddy bears so I know on some level we have a good relationship. We are all just trying to do our job. I agree having a clean house is a nice feeling.
Rainwood, great list of lessons to remember. I hope they help Gypsy but they can help me as well. You are a wise lady (sounds like you had some hard lessons getting there though.)
Missy, sounds warm there. I worry about the firefighters and the horrible loss of property from these fires. I heard some people are refusing to evacuate their homes. These are mostly remote areas but people either have homes or cabins there. I am glad to hear your rash is improving. Oh no for the mess on your wooden floor; I hope none of the kitties are sick. Poor Tommy does he seem to be doing better now? Fred’s pictures are adorable.
Jimmianne, Rainwood’s words of wisdom are awesome, huh?
Kristie, I love your Robert Louis Stevenson quote; that is fabulous. I am glad you cut the bonds with your parents; they were always making your life miserable. I know we’ve had many chats about it and I know how hard it was and is on you but it was the right thing to do for you and your happiness.
Callie, I know exactly what you mean about how selfish our parents can be and they sure don’t make rationale decisions (or so we think) with their health. I remember you telling us about you stepdad not going to the hospital that day. My mom fell all the time and do you know where her life alert was we got for her? Hanging around the phone on the wall that she couldn’t have reached in a million years if she fell. I’ve told my nieces and nephews the same thing - shot me if I start acting that way.
I left work about noon, picked up a junior hamburger for lunch, went and got my new glasses (I can SEE!) and then ran home for about 20 minutes. I got the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded before heading out to the department team building which was going to a movie. We saw the new Independence Day. It was pretty good.
Marty was leaving for a local bike ride outing when I got home. I made some chocolate cookies to take to the Porsche dealers (the one we ordered from and the one who gave us his “slot” to order our car.) We’ll go deliver the cookies this weekend. Maybe I should try and send some to the factory in Germany too.
I am doing laundry tonight as well. Woo hoo! Make the weekend easier.
Have a great evening.
Marcy
Hi NIRDIs!
Gypsy, you certainly have your hands full with your mom and stepdad. It sounds like you had a good and helpful therapist and I am glad you have someone to talk to about things. I am glad you are planning a day of fun with another PSer tomorrow. I am glad your hand is better. My hand is pretty much healed by now; just a little smudge. Small world one of your best friends was in Wyoming. Cool! I know my team would have a very different environment without me. They do tease me about my 2 work teddy bears so I know on some level we have a good relationship. We are all just trying to do our job. I agree having a clean house is a nice feeling.
Rainwood, great list of lessons to remember. I hope they help Gypsy but they can help me as well. You are a wise lady (sounds like you had some hard lessons getting there though.)
Missy, sounds warm there. I worry about the firefighters and the horrible loss of property from these fires. I heard some people are refusing to evacuate their homes. These are mostly remote areas but people either have homes or cabins there. I am glad to hear your rash is improving. Oh no for the mess on your wooden floor; I hope none of the kitties are sick. Poor Tommy does he seem to be doing better now? Fred’s pictures are adorable.
Jimmianne, Rainwood’s words of wisdom are awesome, huh?
Kristie, I love your Robert Louis Stevenson quote; that is fabulous. I am glad you cut the bonds with your parents; they were always making your life miserable. I know we’ve had many chats about it and I know how hard it was and is on you but it was the right thing to do for you and your happiness.
Callie, I know exactly what you mean about how selfish our parents can be and they sure don’t make rationale decisions (or so we think) with their health. I remember you telling us about you stepdad not going to the hospital that day. My mom fell all the time and do you know where her life alert was we got for her? Hanging around the phone on the wall that she couldn’t have reached in a million years if she fell. I’ve told my nieces and nephews the same thing - shot me if I start acting that way.
I left work about noon, picked up a junior hamburger for lunch, went and got my new glasses (I can SEE!) and then ran home for about 20 minutes. I got the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded before heading out to the department team building which was going to a movie. We saw the new Independence Day. It was pretty good.
Marty was leaving for a local bike ride outing when I got home. I made some chocolate cookies to take to the Porsche dealers (the one we ordered from and the one who gave us his “slot” to order our car.) We’ll go deliver the cookies this weekend. Maybe I should try and send some to the factory in Germany too.
I am doing laundry tonight as well. Woo hoo! Make the weekend easier.
Have a great evening.
Marcy
Gypsy, you certainly have your hands full with your mom and stepdad. It sounds like you had a good and helpful therapist and I am glad you have someone to talk to about things. I am glad you are planning a day of fun with another PSer tomorrow. I am glad your hand is better. My hand is pretty much healed by now; just a little smudge. Small world one of your best friends was in Wyoming. Cool! I know my team would have a very different environment without me. They do tease me about my 2 work teddy bears so I know on some level we have a good relationship. We are all just trying to do our job. I agree having a clean house is a nice feeling.
Rainwood, great list of lessons to remember. I hope they help Gypsy but they can help me as well. You are a wise lady (sounds like you had some hard lessons getting there though.)
Missy, sounds warm there. I worry about the firefighters and the horrible loss of property from these fires. I heard some people are refusing to evacuate their homes. These are mostly remote areas but people either have homes or cabins there. I am glad to hear your rash is improving. Oh no for the mess on your wooden floor; I hope none of the kitties are sick. Poor Tommy does he seem to be doing better now? Fred’s pictures are adorable.
Jimmianne, Rainwood’s words of wisdom are awesome, huh?
Kristie, I love your Robert Louis Stevenson quote; that is fabulous. I am glad you cut the bonds with your parents; they were always making your life miserable. I know we’ve had many chats about it and I know how hard it was and is on you but it was the right thing to do for you and your happiness.
Callie, I know exactly what you mean about how selfish our parents can be and they sure don’t make rationale decisions (or so we think) with their health. I remember you telling us about you stepdad not going to the hospital that day. My mom fell all the time and do you know where her life alert was we got for her? Hanging around the phone on the wall that she couldn’t have reached in a million years if she fell. I’ve told my nieces and nephews the same thing - shot me if I start acting that way.
I left work about noon, picked up a junior hamburger for lunch, went and got my new glasses (I can SEE!) and then ran home for about 20 minutes. I got the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded before heading out to the department team building which was going to a movie. We saw the new Independence Day. It was pretty good.
Marty was leaving for a local bike ride outing when I got home. I made some chocolate cookies to take to the Porsche dealers (the one we ordered from and the one who gave us his “slot” to order our car.) We’ll go deliver the cookies this weekend. Maybe I should try and send some to the factory in Germany too.
I am doing laundry tonight as well. Woo hoo! Make the weekend easier.
Have a great evening.
Marcy
Hi NIRDIs!
Gypsy, you certainly have your hands full with your mom and stepdad. It sounds like you had a good and helpful therapist and I am glad you have someone to talk to about things. I am glad you are planning a day of fun with another PSer tomorrow. I am glad your hand is better. My hand is pretty much healed by now; just a little smudge. Small world one of your best friends was in Wyoming. Cool! I know my team would have a very different environment without me. They do tease me about my 2 work teddy bears so I know on some level we have a good relationship. We are all just trying to do our job. I agree having a clean house is a nice feeling.
Rainwood, great list of lessons to remember. I hope they help Gypsy but they can help me as well. You are a wise lady (sounds like you had some hard lessons getting there though.)
Missy, sounds warm there. I worry about the firefighters and the horrible loss of property from these fires. I heard some people are refusing to evacuate their homes. These are mostly remote areas but people either have homes or cabins there. I am glad to hear your rash is improving. Oh no for the mess on your wooden floor; I hope none of the kitties are sick. Poor Tommy does he seem to be doing better now? Fred’s pictures are adorable.
Jimmianne, Rainwood’s words of wisdom are awesome, huh?
Kristie, I love your Robert Louis Stevenson quote; that is fabulous. I am glad you cut the bonds with your parents; they were always making your life miserable. I know we’ve had many chats about it and I know how hard it was and is on you but it was the right thing to do for you and your happiness.
Callie, I know exactly what you mean about how selfish our parents can be and they sure don’t make rationale decisions (or so we think) with their health. I remember you telling us about you stepdad not going to the hospital that day. My mom fell all the time and do you know where her life alert was we got for her? Hanging around the phone on the wall that she couldn’t have reached in a million years if she fell. I’ve told my nieces and nephews the same thing - shot me if I start acting that way.
I left work about noon, picked up a junior hamburger for lunch, went and got my new glasses (I can SEE!) and then ran home for about 20 minutes. I got the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded before heading out to the department team building which was going to a movie. We saw the new Independence Day. It was pretty good.
Marty was leaving for a local bike ride outing when I got home. I made some chocolate cookies to take to the Porsche dealers (the one we ordered from and the one who gave us his “slot” to order our car.) We’ll go deliver the cookies this weekend. Maybe I should try and send some to the factory in Germany too.
I am doing laundry tonight as well. Woo hoo! Make the weekend easier.
Have a great evening.
Marcy
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 12,641
June, wow, it's really tough now. I'm so sorry. I can imagine how hard it is for you to figure out the best thing to do for your mom. Her not having a lot of her mobility is just difficult. I know you're trying to figure it all out. I am glad you have your sister. I am sending your mom healing wishes and we are here for you June. I hope you can get enough sleep and are doing what you can to preserve your own mental and physical health. (((HUG)))
Missy, so glad you found Tommy. PHEW. Is he his old self? That accident was weird. Did you guys ever figure out what had happened? I am glad Greg is improving. Let us know what the doctor says.
Ooops, bedtime routine. Will catch up again soon.
Missy, so glad you found Tommy. PHEW. Is he his old self? That accident was weird. Did you guys ever figure out what had happened? I am glad Greg is improving. Let us know what the doctor says.
Ooops, bedtime routine. Will catch up again soon.
Gypsy
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 40,225
I will respond to the rest of the wonderful posts later but I just wanted to post to Junie. Honey, I am so sorry this has happened. Her physical condition is very concerning. Have they said how long she'll be in rehab (just a rough estimate even). It sounds like it might be for a while, which is actually good news, because it means you can just wait and see. You don't have enough information to make any decisions. Just explore some options you are are prepared for anything, and from there, just wait and see. As hard as it is, it is out of your hands.
My grandmother's physical condition the last year she was alive was beyond poor. But my family had promised her she would never be in a home. So they hired her a full time nurse. The nurse lived with her and only got days off when someone could cover for it. It was very demanding and no one in my family could do it. And yes, that was a hard thing to face. But ultimately it led to the best care for her, better than we could have given, and while my family was still very involved and took her to her doctor's appointments and everything as well as spending time with her. But her care, showering, medication delivery, monitoring of her health... that was all the nurses responsibility.
My grandmother's physical condition the last year she was alive was beyond poor. But my family had promised her she would never be in a home. So they hired her a full time nurse. The nurse lived with her and only got days off when someone could cover for it. It was very demanding and no one in my family could do it. And yes, that was a hard thing to face. But ultimately it led to the best care for her, better than we could have given, and while my family was still very involved and took her to her doctor's appointments and everything as well as spending time with her. But her care, showering, medication delivery, monitoring of her health... that was all the nurses responsibility.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2008
- Messages
- 54,136
Good morning girls! It's another hot humid and heavy morning in NYC.
Junie, sweetheart, I am hoping you don't have to make any decisions right now and that you can just take a wait and see approach and see how your mom is faring in rehab. Did the doctors give you any idea of prognosis re recovery of her mobility? The one day at a time motto rings true. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. All your NIRDIs are here for you and sending lots of good thoughts and healing vibes your mom's way. I am loving Gypsy's suggestion of a full time nurse if that is a feasible one if your mom cannot recover enough of her mobility and independence. Something to consider if your mom needs extra care. Big (((HUGS))) and love.
LLJsmom, thanks for asking about Tommy and Greg. They both seem better. I don't know what happened but I am keeping a watchful eye on the kitties since we still don't know which one had that accident. The floor needs to be replaced there but not dealing with that right this minute. Most importantly their health comes first and secondly we have to worry about them not doing it again i.e. that it doesn't become a behavioral issue. I am not sure if it is going to smell when we get there tomorrow because I didn't have anything to in the house to get the urine smell out with (sorry gross I know) but tomorrow I will see if it is too late and what I can do.
Marcy, you had a productive day yesterday at work and at home and got to enjoy a movie.
Thank you for asking about the kitties and everyone seems fine right now. Thanks for liking Fred's photo. He is a sweet kitty. Why do all our beloved fur babies get old so fast? I love that you baked chocolate cookies for the Porsche dealer. That is one lucky guy. Haha to thinking about sending it to Germany. I will add a caveat. When I shipped Greg's cookies overseas it was a pricey adventure and cost more than the whole batch did to make and the ingredients aren't cheap so you can guess that shipping that overseas is going to be expensive. Though if it gets you the car faster definitely worth it. But something tells me those German factory workers won't be rushed. 
Gypsy, sending more good thoughts and hugs your way and I hope things are looking brighter and you are feeling better. Thinking of your mom too.
Work was OK yesterday but I found out during the day that my past neighbor J had taken a turn for the worse. She was diagnosed with brain cancer a few years ago but had been doing well. I got together with her 2 months ago and there was a question with her last MRI but she was going to visit her family in Montana because the doctors said it was OK to do so. When she got back from Montana a few weeks ago another MRI showed another 2 suspicious areas in her brain.
She is currently undergoing both chemo and radiation and has another month to go. J is confused and not herself and the treatment is so harsh. I asked her if I could do anything for her and she said she needed help with her cat Zeke because he was all matted and needed to be shaved. So after work I went to visit her and help her and talk her out of shaving Zeke. She is not thinking clearly because of the treatments. I said no I will take care of him don't worry and I just brushed the heck out of him for like 45 minutes and was able to finally get all the matting out of his hair. It was a mess but thank goodness Zeke tolerated me brushing and picking at him for the whole 45 minutes I was trying to detangle and de-mat his hair. My friend has a health aide with her much of the day and the health aide was there when I visited. She seems nice and I am glad she has the assistance. It is heartbreaking because my friend is still young.About 60 I think. She never married and all her family lives in Montana so while she has good friends she has no partner and no family in NYC.
Sorry about sharing this unhappy news but it came as a shock to me yesterday because I thought she had beaten the cancer and was doing so well. Of course I am hopeful she will be OK and praying she recovers but I am so scared for her. Yesterday she told me she is scared and overwhelmed and that it has not fully sunk in yet as she just received all this info less than 2 weeks ago. She also has 3 kitties she got as newborns and I cannot even bear to think about that right now. One day at a time. I know it is selfish of me in a way to ask for good thoughts and PS dust for someone else but I also know you girls are generous and kind and empathetic and are happy to do that so I thank you for keeping J in your thoughts and prayers. The power of PS dust can only help.
Attaching an after photo of Zeke. Didn't think to take a before photo darn. He was really quite the mess. I promised J I would come over often and brush him so this wouldn't happen again. Plus she is bored to tears as she cannot concentrate enough to even read a book due to the chemo and radiation affecting her brain. I am glad she is up for visitors though and everyone knows I can talk up a storm and finally that is a skill that comes in handy.
Junie, sweetheart, I am hoping you don't have to make any decisions right now and that you can just take a wait and see approach and see how your mom is faring in rehab. Did the doctors give you any idea of prognosis re recovery of her mobility? The one day at a time motto rings true. Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. All your NIRDIs are here for you and sending lots of good thoughts and healing vibes your mom's way. I am loving Gypsy's suggestion of a full time nurse if that is a feasible one if your mom cannot recover enough of her mobility and independence. Something to consider if your mom needs extra care. Big (((HUGS))) and love.
LLJsmom, thanks for asking about Tommy and Greg. They both seem better. I don't know what happened but I am keeping a watchful eye on the kitties since we still don't know which one had that accident. The floor needs to be replaced there but not dealing with that right this minute. Most importantly their health comes first and secondly we have to worry about them not doing it again i.e. that it doesn't become a behavioral issue. I am not sure if it is going to smell when we get there tomorrow because I didn't have anything to in the house to get the urine smell out with (sorry gross I know) but tomorrow I will see if it is too late and what I can do.
Marcy, you had a productive day yesterday at work and at home and got to enjoy a movie.
Thank you for asking about the kitties and everyone seems fine right now. Thanks for liking Fred's photo. He is a sweet kitty. Why do all our beloved fur babies get old so fast? I love that you baked chocolate cookies for the Porsche dealer. That is one lucky guy. Haha to thinking about sending it to Germany. I will add a caveat. When I shipped Greg's cookies overseas it was a pricey adventure and cost more than the whole batch did to make and the ingredients aren't cheap so you can guess that shipping that overseas is going to be expensive. Though if it gets you the car faster definitely worth it. But something tells me those German factory workers won't be rushed. Gypsy, sending more good thoughts and hugs your way and I hope things are looking brighter and you are feeling better. Thinking of your mom too.
Work was OK yesterday but I found out during the day that my past neighbor J had taken a turn for the worse. She was diagnosed with brain cancer a few years ago but had been doing well. I got together with her 2 months ago and there was a question with her last MRI but she was going to visit her family in Montana because the doctors said it was OK to do so. When she got back from Montana a few weeks ago another MRI showed another 2 suspicious areas in her brain.
She is currently undergoing both chemo and radiation and has another month to go. J is confused and not herself and the treatment is so harsh. I asked her if I could do anything for her and she said she needed help with her cat Zeke because he was all matted and needed to be shaved. So after work I went to visit her and help her and talk her out of shaving Zeke. She is not thinking clearly because of the treatments. I said no I will take care of him don't worry and I just brushed the heck out of him for like 45 minutes and was able to finally get all the matting out of his hair. It was a mess but thank goodness Zeke tolerated me brushing and picking at him for the whole 45 minutes I was trying to detangle and de-mat his hair. My friend has a health aide with her much of the day and the health aide was there when I visited. She seems nice and I am glad she has the assistance. It is heartbreaking because my friend is still young.About 60 I think. She never married and all her family lives in Montana so while she has good friends she has no partner and no family in NYC.
Sorry about sharing this unhappy news but it came as a shock to me yesterday because I thought she had beaten the cancer and was doing so well. Of course I am hopeful she will be OK and praying she recovers but I am so scared for her. Yesterday she told me she is scared and overwhelmed and that it has not fully sunk in yet as she just received all this info less than 2 weeks ago. She also has 3 kitties she got as newborns and I cannot even bear to think about that right now. One day at a time. I know it is selfish of me in a way to ask for good thoughts and PS dust for someone else but I also know you girls are generous and kind and empathetic and are happy to do that so I thank you for keeping J in your thoughts and prayers. The power of PS dust can only help.
Attaching an after photo of Zeke. Didn't think to take a before photo darn. He was really quite the mess. I promised J I would come over often and brush him so this wouldn't happen again. Plus she is bored to tears as she cannot concentrate enough to even read a book due to the chemo and radiation affecting her brain.
I am glad she is up for visitors though and everyone knows I can talk up a storm and finally that is a skill that comes in handy.
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- Jun 8, 2008
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Sharing some pics of J's triplets. They really are triplets. All brothers born at same time. These photos are about 6 years old or so.
Yoshi is the long haired kitty and Theo the shorter haired kitty and of course you already know Zeke. The handsome black haired kitty.
Yoshi is the long haired kitty and Theo the shorter haired kitty and of course you already know Zeke. The handsome black haired kitty.
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- Oct 24, 2012
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Zeke is beautiful. I've never seen such a striking black cat. Missy, I am so sorry that your friend is sick. I would be extremely upset too. I love that you are giving her love that she can feel, being there to talk to her and taking care of what she loves, her kitties. That is truly compassionate and kind. Take care of yourself and Greg today. Hope your family is doing well.
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- Feb 27, 2007
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Hi NIRDIs!
Junebug, we were posting at the same time last night so I missed your post. I hate to hear your mom fell getting out of bed. The people at rehab will continue to give you their assessment of your mom’s progress and whether she is strong enough to go back to your house. I know it is such a tough decision and I see Kristie already mentioned talking to a social worker about her and your options is definitely something to look in to soon. You and her continue to be in my thoughts and I am sending her PS dust to get better. Thank you for being excited about my car with me; I am trying to be patient. I want to go drive one again.
LLJsmom, are you getting more sleep? I am trying to go to be 30 minutes earlier myself.
Gypsy, I hope you are feeling better today. I am glad your family was able to get the help your grandma needed to stay at home.
Missy, I am glad to hear Greg is doing better. I bet shipping cookies overseas would be pricey. Dee Jay commented she took her Porsche dealer her check and he can buy his own damn cookies. I thought that was pretty funny. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I am sure she enjoyed your visit and I bet her cat feels a whole lot better. I hope her treatments beat her cancer. I am sending PS dust her way. Zeke is a cutie and the triplets are great.
I had people from corporate come see me this morning. It made my morning go fast then I spent the afternoon trying to get everything done. I was close but gave up about 4:30. The rest can wait until tomorrow.
Marty bought a new bike today and got a helmet. There is a local group that rides bikes every Wednesday night and he has some friends in it so he has been enjoying going out for their weekly rides.
Marcy
Junebug, we were posting at the same time last night so I missed your post. I hate to hear your mom fell getting out of bed. The people at rehab will continue to give you their assessment of your mom’s progress and whether she is strong enough to go back to your house. I know it is such a tough decision and I see Kristie already mentioned talking to a social worker about her and your options is definitely something to look in to soon. You and her continue to be in my thoughts and I am sending her PS dust to get better. Thank you for being excited about my car with me; I am trying to be patient. I want to go drive one again.
LLJsmom, are you getting more sleep? I am trying to go to be 30 minutes earlier myself.
Gypsy, I hope you are feeling better today. I am glad your family was able to get the help your grandma needed to stay at home.
Missy, I am glad to hear Greg is doing better. I bet shipping cookies overseas would be pricey. Dee Jay commented she took her Porsche dealer her check and he can buy his own damn cookies. I thought that was pretty funny. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I am sure she enjoyed your visit and I bet her cat feels a whole lot better. I hope her treatments beat her cancer. I am sending PS dust her way. Zeke is a cutie and the triplets are great.
I had people from corporate come see me this morning. It made my morning go fast then I spent the afternoon trying to get everything done. I was close but gave up about 4:30. The rest can wait until tomorrow.
Marty bought a new bike today and got a helmet. There is a local group that rides bikes every Wednesday night and he has some friends in it so he has been enjoying going out for their weekly rides.
Marcy
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- Jun 8, 2008
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- 54,136
Good morning girls. The heat and humidity are oppressive right now but I am numb to it because I just heard about the terror attack in Nice and my heart is breaking for the people there.
Junie, how is your mom doing? I cannot believe she fell out of bed at the rehab center. I hope it was a minor fall but at that age no falls are really minor of course. Continued dust and hugs being sent to both of you.
LLJsmom, yes, Zeke is a beauty and so well mannered. My cats would never have stood for me combing and detangling and de-matting their hair for so long. He was tolerating me and that is a rare quality in a cat. Usually they just tell you what they think and do what they want but he is a good boy and maybe he knew I was doing it for his own good. Thank you for your good thoughts for my friend. Praying for a miracle.
Marcy, that's great Marty got a new bike and helmet. What colors are his bike and helmet? Bicycling is such a nice activity and as I have mentioned before it allows my mind to feel free when I am cycling. It is also relatively easy on our joints and stuff (though not easy on the bottom when doing it long distance ) and it is also a fun activity to enjoy together. Have you ever thought about starting to bike and perhaps joining Marty? Is that something you would be interested in? I highly recommend it.
Callie, I cannot wait to hear about your shopping expedition with your friends yesterday and what you bought.
Gypsy, hope you are feeling better each day. Thinking of you.
Rainwood, hope your week got less crazy and things are progressing smoothly.
A big hello and lots of hugs to everyone. We are getting ready to leave for the beach but the heat is just everywhere and the air quality is terrible. Hard to breathe so I doubt we are going bicycling today. I am sweating as I type this even with the AC on. It is that hot a morning. Hope everyone has a good Friday and I am keeping all the people in Nice in my thoughts.
Junie, how is your mom doing? I cannot believe she fell out of bed at the rehab center. I hope it was a minor fall but at that age no falls are really minor of course. Continued dust and hugs being sent to both of you.
LLJsmom, yes, Zeke is a beauty and so well mannered. My cats would never have stood for me combing and detangling and de-matting their hair for so long. He was tolerating me and that is a rare quality in a cat. Usually they just tell you what they think and do what they want but he is a good boy and maybe he knew I was doing it for his own good. Thank you for your good thoughts for my friend. Praying for a miracle.
Marcy, that's great Marty got a new bike and helmet. What colors are his bike and helmet? Bicycling is such a nice activity and as I have mentioned before it allows my mind to feel free when I am cycling. It is also relatively easy on our joints and stuff (though not easy on the bottom when doing it long distance
) and it is also a fun activity to enjoy together. Have you ever thought about starting to bike and perhaps joining Marty? Is that something you would be interested in? I highly recommend it. Callie, I cannot wait to hear about your shopping expedition with your friends yesterday and what you bought.
Gypsy, hope you are feeling better each day. Thinking of you.
Rainwood, hope your week got less crazy and things are progressing smoothly.
A big hello and lots of hugs to everyone. We are getting ready to leave for the beach but the heat is just everywhere and the air quality is terrible. Hard to breathe so I doubt we are going bicycling today. I am sweating as I type this even with the AC on. It is that hot a morning. Hope everyone has a good Friday and I am keeping all the people in Nice in my thoughts.
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- Jan 23, 2016
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Hello 
We have gone to Kristiansand in Norway on holiday with the children so I will share a few pictures this weekend and hope to be able to do a proper update later The hotel is a pirate theme mini park
Hope you are all well!!!
Missy, so sad to hear about you neighbour but she us so lucky to have you Love all you kitties! !! They are so so beautiful!
We have gone to Kristiansand in Norway on holiday with the children
so I will share a few pictures this weekend and hope to be able to do a proper update later The hotel is a pirate theme mini park Hope you are all well!!!
Missy, so sad to hear about you neighbour but she us so lucky to have you
Love all you kitties! !! They are so so beautiful!
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- Jan 23, 2016
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Callie, the chandeliers are in our cabin in the mountains
Marcy, yippi for Marty's bike and helmet sounds like fun! You should join them. Or not. A friend of mine almost (not really, just saying so to make a point) divorced her husband after a summer holiday cycling around, lol. They went together with two friends of her husband and the guys kind of "forgot" her one of the days so she was pedaling along alone for hours and almost missed the train back home cause she was so tired. And when she finally made it to the train station, her husband was like "what took you so long? Where have you been? We've been waiting for hours...?" Not wise! LOL
Marcy, yippi for Marty's bike and helmet
sounds like fun! You should join them. Or not. A friend of mine almost (not really, just saying so to make a point) divorced her husband after a summer holiday cycling around, lol. They went together with two friends of her husband and the guys kind of "forgot" her one of the days so she was pedaling along alone for hours and almost missed the train back home cause she was so tired. And when she finally made it to the train station, her husband was like "what took you so long? Where have you been? We've been waiting for hours...?" Not wise! LOL
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- Feb 27, 2007
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- 26,321
Hi NIRDIs!
Missy, sorry to hear the heat and humidity is so bad there. Our gas and light bill was pretty high; I am sure it’s from running the AC so much. Marty’s new bike is kind of a lime green with some blue writing on it. His helmet is orange. He says he probably won’t wear it around town but they are going to go riding out in the country and he’ll wear it then. I would not do well trying to ride a bike - walking is about my skill set. I hope it’s cooler at the beach for you.
Scandinavian, your Norway holiday looks and sounds great. Have fun! I can see why that lady divorced her husband. Not cool at all!
I was done with my work by about 3 today so then I was watching the clock until 5 rolled around. I listened to a bunch of Will and Grace shows today; Jack and Karen just totally crack me up on that show.
We had hamburger patties and corn on the cob for supper then we headed to our astronomy meeting. Lots of folks wanted to stay and chat tonight; we just got home.
Have a fabulous weekend.
Marcy
Missy, sorry to hear the heat and humidity is so bad there. Our gas and light bill was pretty high; I am sure it’s from running the AC so much. Marty’s new bike is kind of a lime green with some blue writing on it. His helmet is orange. He says he probably won’t wear it around town but they are going to go riding out in the country and he’ll wear it then. I would not do well trying to ride a bike - walking is about my skill set. I hope it’s cooler at the beach for you.
Scandinavian, your Norway holiday looks and sounds great. Have fun! I can see why that lady divorced her husband. Not cool at all!
I was done with my work by about 3 today so then I was watching the clock until 5 rolled around. I listened to a bunch of Will and Grace shows today; Jack and Karen just totally crack me up on that show.
We had hamburger patties and corn on the cob for supper then we headed to our astronomy meeting. Lots of folks wanted to stay and chat tonight; we just got home.
Have a fabulous weekend.
Marcy
Gypsy
Super_Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 40,225
Hiya everyone.
I keep typing and deleting. I'm not in a great head space. So I'm going to skip updating on myself except to say I'm having ups and downs. When I am out, I'm in a better place. When I am at home, not so much.
Rainwood, Thank you, so much for taking the time to post your experiences. I am sorry you had to gain that experience the hard way. I can do much of what you say, and will keep re-reading your advice, and even print it out. I am not going to tell my parents what is going on in my life. And there are reasons for that I can't get into on here. I am protecting them from my choices, some of which have consequences, that if they knew about them, would directly impact their life, and not in a positive way. As long as they are ignorant of it, they are safe. It is a stressor on me. A huge one, to be honest. But trust me, what I am doing is the right thing.
I do generally accept that they are completely outside my control. I don't offer advice. I only give it when they ask for it (even with the marble floors I didn't offer, she asked). It's just with my mom's health that I get involved and offer unsolicited advice, and I do have to stop that. I won't tell my mom to be a better wife (though I really do wish she would be), you are quite right.
Missy, Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as well. It sounds like we all have super stubborn parents. Are there any other kind, or do children always think their parents are stubborn? I know what it like to have a difficult relationship with your mother, and I know exactly how draining such conversations can be, and how wearying it can be to love someone and yet always have to be on your guard with them.
Fred looks like an angel. My Duncan is 14 too and is aging fast. It's a slow heartbreak at times. But I too try to stay in the moment about it. He's my first born. And my live will never be the same without him. I DO hope Tommy is okay! Maybe get him to the vet and have a basic blood and urine screen run on him? With multiple pets I often wonder if a mobile Vet is a good idea. Just have them drive up and do all the cats at once.
I need that T-Shirt. My heart would break if I thought I'd never see my kids again.
I hope your rash is gone and that Greg is continuing to improve.
Your poor neighbor. I am so happy she has you in her life. I must be very hard to watch her go through that and so scary. I know she is grateful to have you. So is Zeke, what a handsome boy. How does a short haired cat get so matted though? I rarely brush Lucy (she's a handful) and she never mats. Sheds like 3 other cats combined, but no matting. Her kitties are lucky to have her, and I will keep them and her in my thoughts. I love the kitty pics! Zeke is very regal, isn't he?
Kristie, Thank you for sharing your past with your parents with me. I almost got to that point with my mother 3 years ago. For 6 months I just stopped all communication and cut her off. It seemed to be a wake up call for her, and things have been significantly better. I do not have any communication with my father as he is very toxic. It's hard, I know, to make the decision, and I am sorry you had to. But I also understand that there is relief and frankly, good mental health, when you cut yourself off from toxicity, even if that toxicity is your parent. I am sorry you had to go through that. But you sound stronger for it. I believe I am too. I could not have my dad in my life. It wasn't an option. And I am happy I had the strength to cut him out.
Scandi, have fun on holiday!
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Much love to all.
Callie, thank you so much for sharing so much of your experience with your parents with me. I can honestly say that in your place I would have LOST IT completely with your mom AND you dad's fainting and driving. That level of unreasonableness and illogic would have seriously put me around the bend. You are a much stronger and more patient woman than I am, and I admire that. It is amazing how childish and selfish parents can be, isn't it?? I am very sorry you have to deal with it ((HUGS)). I don't have a niece or nephew on my parents side to tell to shoot me if I behave that way, but I did tell DH.
Hi Marcy, I did have a great time with JDDN. It was a blast. I love that you took Chocolate Chip Cookies to the dealership. I am sure they never expected that. How sweet of you. I am happy you put yourself first and left the rest of your work to deal with today after having to deal with corporate issues all day Thursday.
I keep typing and deleting. I'm not in a great head space. So I'm going to skip updating on myself except to say I'm having ups and downs. When I am out, I'm in a better place. When I am at home, not so much.
Rainwood, Thank you, so much for taking the time to post your experiences. I am sorry you had to gain that experience the hard way. I can do much of what you say, and will keep re-reading your advice, and even print it out. I am not going to tell my parents what is going on in my life. And there are reasons for that I can't get into on here. I am protecting them from my choices, some of which have consequences, that if they knew about them, would directly impact their life, and not in a positive way. As long as they are ignorant of it, they are safe. It is a stressor on me. A huge one, to be honest. But trust me, what I am doing is the right thing.
I do generally accept that they are completely outside my control. I don't offer advice. I only give it when they ask for it (even with the marble floors I didn't offer, she asked). It's just with my mom's health that I get involved and offer unsolicited advice, and I do have to stop that. I won't tell my mom to be a better wife (though I really do wish she would be), you are quite right.
Missy, Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as well. It sounds like we all have super stubborn parents. Are there any other kind, or do children always think their parents are stubborn? I know what it like to have a difficult relationship with your mother, and I know exactly how draining such conversations can be, and how wearying it can be to love someone and yet always have to be on your guard with them.
Fred looks like an angel. My Duncan is 14 too and is aging fast. It's a slow heartbreak at times. But I too try to stay in the moment about it. He's my first born. And my live will never be the same without him. I DO hope Tommy is okay! Maybe get him to the vet and have a basic blood and urine screen run on him? With multiple pets I often wonder if a mobile Vet is a good idea. Just have them drive up and do all the cats at once.
I need that T-Shirt. My heart would break if I thought I'd never see my kids again.
I hope your rash is gone and that Greg is continuing to improve.
Your poor neighbor. I am so happy she has you in her life. I must be very hard to watch her go through that and so scary. I know she is grateful to have you. So is Zeke, what a handsome boy. How does a short haired cat get so matted though? I rarely brush Lucy (she's a handful) and she never mats. Sheds like 3 other cats combined, but no matting. Her kitties are lucky to have her, and I will keep them and her in my thoughts. I love the kitty pics! Zeke is very regal, isn't he?
Kristie, Thank you for sharing your past with your parents with me. I almost got to that point with my mother 3 years ago. For 6 months I just stopped all communication and cut her off. It seemed to be a wake up call for her, and things have been significantly better. I do not have any communication with my father as he is very toxic. It's hard, I know, to make the decision, and I am sorry you had to. But I also understand that there is relief and frankly, good mental health, when you cut yourself off from toxicity, even if that toxicity is your parent. I am sorry you had to go through that. But you sound stronger for it. I believe I am too. I could not have my dad in my life. It wasn't an option. And I am happy I had the strength to cut him out.
Scandi, have fun on holiday!
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Much love to all.
Callie, thank you so much for sharing so much of your experience with your parents with me. I can honestly say that in your place I would have LOST IT completely with your mom AND you dad's fainting and driving. That level of unreasonableness and illogic would have seriously put me around the bend. You are a much stronger and more patient woman than I am, and I admire that. It is amazing how childish and selfish parents can be, isn't it?? I am very sorry you have to deal with it ((HUGS)). I don't have a niece or nephew on my parents side to tell to shoot me if I behave that way, but I did tell DH.
Hi Marcy, I did have a great time with JDDN. It was a blast. I love that you took Chocolate Chip Cookies to the dealership. I am sure they never expected that. How sweet of you. I am happy you put yourself first and left the rest of your work to deal with today after having to deal with corporate issues all day Thursday.
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2008
- Messages
- 54,136
Good morning girls!
Junie, more good thoughts and hugs your and your mom's way. I hope things continue to improve and she gets stronger.
Gypsy, I'm glad you enjoyed a good visit with JDDN. Duncan and Fred are the same age and both aging quickly. He used to run so fast to get the food when I fed them and now I have to call him several times and he is slow to go down the stairs. Heartbreaking and like you I am trying to enjoy the moment one day at a time and savor our time with sweet Fred. 14 seems so young but from my past experience I know it is not. I hear you on feeling better when you are out and about and I am usually the same way. If left to my own devices I might easily become a hermit and go down a negative spiral. It takes energy to go out and socialize and be among people but when we do that everything feels a bit easier to bear and is in a more positive light. Usually. Sending more good thoughts and positive vibes your way and (((HUGS))). We are here to listen and offer you support whenever you want us to be. I hope things keep moving in a better direction for you sweetheart.
Marcy, OK got it. Well you and I have much in common even though I bike ride. I am a klutz and even walking can sometimes be dangerous for me LOL. So I hear you and get what you are saying. Maybe one day you will start bike riding but until then I hope Marty enjoys his new lime green bike and orange helmet. I like that combo. Love corn on the cob and glad you enjoyed your astronomy meeting last night. We are getting together tomorrow with Greg's childhood friend and his wife who live in South Carolina and he is a professor at Clemson and astronomy is a big hobby of his. You might remember I asked you for that info for him and thanks again. He enjoyed your newsletter very much. Have a good weekend.
Scandi, it looks so beautiful there. Greg said summer is the best time to visit there when I showed him your photo. Enjoy your holiday and looking forward to hearing more about it. I hope the kids (and you and your dh too) are having the time of their life!
Yesterday was brutally hot here so we didnt go cycling and in fact we had an AC scare. The HVAC repairman came quickly despite having a heavy schedule of people needing him yesterday (and they are closed on the weekends) and long story short it seems to be working now but I am on edge. AC is critical for me and the kitties when it is so hot and humid outside. We are not trapping this weekend because it is not safe weather for the ferals to be trapped and it looks like Greg and I are out of luck for this go round because Ann has her hands full and cannot come here to help us during the week. I am sad and dreamt about the ferals last night so you can see what is on my mind. Fresca or Sammy came to our back glass door last night and looked in and Tommy ran up and attacked the glass. I felt so sad she was out there in this heat and just wanted to open the door but I knew she would run. She left after a minute and my heart feels heavy thinking about all of them in this heat and also the fact that we still have so many that need to be spayed and neutered.
We are going to attempt a bike ride today so wish us luck. Have a great Saturday girls and (((HUGS))).
Junie, more good thoughts and hugs your and your mom's way. I hope things continue to improve and she gets stronger.
Gypsy, I'm glad you enjoyed a good visit with JDDN. Duncan and Fred are the same age and both aging quickly. He used to run so fast to get the food when I fed them and now I have to call him several times and he is slow to go down the stairs. Heartbreaking and like you I am trying to enjoy the moment one day at a time and savor our time with sweet Fred. 14 seems so young but from my past experience I know it is not. I hear you on feeling better when you are out and about and I am usually the same way. If left to my own devices I might easily become a hermit and go down a negative spiral. It takes energy to go out and socialize and be among people but when we do that everything feels a bit easier to bear and is in a more positive light. Usually. Sending more good thoughts and positive vibes your way and (((HUGS))). We are here to listen and offer you support whenever you want us to be. I hope things keep moving in a better direction for you sweetheart.
Marcy, OK got it. Well you and I have much in common even though I bike ride. I am a klutz and even walking can sometimes be dangerous for me LOL. So I hear you and get what you are saying. Maybe one day you will start bike riding but until then I hope Marty enjoys his new lime green bike and orange helmet. I like that combo. Love corn on the cob and glad you enjoyed your astronomy meeting last night. We are getting together tomorrow with Greg's childhood friend and his wife who live in South Carolina and he is a professor at Clemson and astronomy is a big hobby of his. You might remember I asked you for that info for him and thanks again. He enjoyed your newsletter very much. Have a good weekend.
Scandi, it looks so beautiful there. Greg said summer is the best time to visit there when I showed him your photo. Enjoy your holiday and looking forward to hearing more about it. I hope the kids (and you and your dh too) are having the time of their life!
Yesterday was brutally hot here so we didnt go cycling and in fact we had an AC scare. The HVAC repairman came quickly despite having a heavy schedule of people needing him yesterday (and they are closed on the weekends) and long story short it seems to be working now but I am on edge. AC is critical for me and the kitties when it is so hot and humid outside. We are not trapping this weekend because it is not safe weather for the ferals to be trapped and it looks like Greg and I are out of luck for this go round because Ann has her hands full and cannot come here to help us during the week. I am sad and dreamt about the ferals last night so you can see what is on my mind. Fresca or Sammy came to our back glass door last night and looked in and Tommy ran up and attacked the glass. I felt so sad she was out there in this heat and just wanted to open the door but I knew she would run. She left after a minute and my heart feels heavy thinking about all of them in this heat and also the fact that we still have so many that need to be spayed and neutered.
We are going to attempt a bike ride today so wish us luck. Have a great Saturday girls and (((HUGS))).
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- Jan 23, 2016
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- 2,143
Missy, unless you want to go skiing, summer is the time for a Scandinavian holiday
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- Jan 23, 2016
- Messages
- 2,143
Today's kitties
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- Jan 23, 2016
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- 2,143
Marcy, I love Karen too Her work attitude is just the best ever
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- Jan 23, 2016
- Messages
- 2,143
Gypsy, I wish you could come here too promise to show you around too when you do come to Scandinavia another year
We really should have a NIRDI gathering here some day When the summer house is remade in a couple of years, there is plenty of room for all of you with DHs too
promise to show you around too when you do come to Scandinavia another year We really should have a NIRDI gathering here some day
When the summer house is remade in a couple of years, there is plenty of room for all of you with DHs too - Joined
- Jun 7, 2014
- Messages
- 9,237
Missy, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It's heartbreaking to hear news like this. I am sure she really appreciated your taking the time to visit her and help with Zeke. I hope your weather is begining to cool down. We had very cool weather yesterday for this time of the year. It was in the low 70's and cloudy. Hopefully it will be heading your way. Actually it was nice for running around shopping. I bought a couple cute things at the Nordstrom Sale. It's so much fun shopping in the city.
Gypsy, I'm sorry to hear you are still not feeling great. I am glad you were able to get out and have some fun jewelry shopping. Distractions like this are great for feeling better for at least a few hours. I hope things get easier for you soon. Hugs honey. Do you and your husband have any plans for this weekend? Thank you for your kind words about my dealing with my aging parents. Trust me I am not nearly as patient as I ought to be. At the height of my stepfather's fainting spells they decided to take a driving vacation half way across the country. As you can imagine that went over really well with my brothers and I. It sounds like the situation with your mom will probably be difficult for a while so please know we are always here to listen and help if we can. I also know how hard it is not to worry.
Marcy, Did you deliver the cookies to the Porsche dealer today? Did you make your death by chocolate cookies?
Scandi, I can't wait to to hear all about your family vacation. I'm sure you are having a wonderful time. Did you bring the furbaby with you?
Junebug, I hope your mom is having a better day and she continues to get stronger. I was very surprised they did not have an alarm on her bed that would go off and alert the nursing station when she tried to get up. That's terrible that she fell out of bed. Have you visited additional nursing homes or are you waiting to see what happens with your moms progress? I know ideally you would prefer to be able to bring her home with you I just don't know if that is possible with what has been going on. Have you interviewed any home nursing professionals?
LLJsmom, Kristie and CJ, What are you up to this weekend?
Rainwood, Are you away for the weekend?
Gypsy, I'm sorry to hear you are still not feeling great. I am glad you were able to get out and have some fun jewelry shopping. Distractions like this are great for feeling better for at least a few hours. I hope things get easier for you soon. Hugs honey. Do you and your husband have any plans for this weekend? Thank you for your kind words about my dealing with my aging parents. Trust me I am not nearly as patient as I ought to be. At the height of my stepfather's fainting spells they decided to take a driving vacation half way across the country. As you can imagine that went over really well with my brothers and I. It sounds like the situation with your mom will probably be difficult for a while so please know we are always here to listen and help if we can. I also know how hard it is not to worry.
Marcy, Did you deliver the cookies to the Porsche dealer today? Did you make your death by chocolate cookies?
Scandi, I can't wait to to hear all about your family vacation. I'm sure you are having a wonderful time. Did you bring the furbaby with you?
Junebug, I hope your mom is having a better day and she continues to get stronger. I was very surprised they did not have an alarm on her bed that would go off and alert the nursing station when she tried to get up. That's terrible that she fell out of bed. Have you visited additional nursing homes or are you waiting to see what happens with your moms progress? I know ideally you would prefer to be able to bring her home with you I just don't know if that is possible with what has been going on. Have you interviewed any home nursing professionals?
LLJsmom, Kristie and CJ, What are you up to this weekend?
Rainwood, Are you away for the weekend?
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2009
- Messages
- 14,143
Hi girls -
Missy, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, my heart goes out to her. It's really nice that you spent some time with her, I know you were a breath of fresh air and wonderful company. You did a great job on Zeke, he looks beautiful. Big hugs to you about your concern over the ferals, I hear you, and it's hard - they do seem like a tough bunch of kitties though. And they have you and Greg in their corner - You are providing food and water for them, which is major. I'm sorry the trapping had to be put on hold, sounds like Ann has a full plate and I hope she can get to your ferals soon. Fingers crossed the AC holds out, it sounds like it will but I understand your concern. Being without AC in this heat would not be good.
I hope you and Greg could beat the heat and had a decent bike ride today.
Marcy, Marty's new bike sounds nice and I hope he enjoys it. I'm not much of a cyclist either, I'll just do a leisurely and short ride once in a while at the beach and that's about it. I hope you're having a relaxing weekend.
Scandi, have a wonderful time on your holiday! It looks like a fun and beautiful place and I'm sure the kids are enjoying being there. Love the pics of the "kitties" - omg such gorgeous creatures.
Gypsy, big hugs to you, I know what it's like to have ups and downs so I can relate to a lot of how you are feeling. I also understand how hard it is to deal with a very stubborn parent so I empathize with you. I hope you just focus on yourself and try to do small things for yourself to pick yourself up a little - getting out around people does help. Glad to hear you had a good time with JDDN, I wish I could have tagged along lol. Who knows, maybe someday - I'd love to look at bling with you ha!
Things with my mother still aren't going very smoothly, although she does seem to be regaining a little strength and is a little more awake. Still very weak and shaky, can't stand on her own and just seems very frail and more "elderly" than before the pancreatitis, if that makes sense. She also seems to be a little more confused than usual. Her appetite is very poor. The only thing she'll consistently take in is Ensure so we just keep pushing that. She was running a slight fever and developed a cough in the past few days. A chest x-ray was normal and she's been put on antibiotics. The cough sounded a bit better to me today.
Missy and Gypsy, thanks for the suggestion of having help - it's a valid option and a lot of people do it, but it's not a necessarily easy solution. It doesn't sound like a big deal but there's a lot involved. My brief foray into having caregivers showed me it's not as easy as it sounds. You don't have any privacy in your own home. My son and husband live here too, and I'm not sure it would be fair to them. I was in the middle of arranging to have someone in at night and the coordinator at the agency said something like "and I assume the aide can have access to your coffeepot". Ok, so now I have someone making coffee in the kitchen at night. And of course they need to use the restroom, and the laundry room…and this would be during the day and night. It would also be very expensive, just for an aide, never mind a nurse. And there are certain functions they're not allowed to do. Sorry for going on, but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys.
My sister is still here and she is heading home early next week. She has been great throughout all of this, and it has been SO helpful to not have to handle all of this on my own. We have spent the week visiting nursing homes in the area, as well as running back and forth to the rehab center. It has been exhausting, to be honest. My brother who lives in California was here for a few days to visit my mother and he went with us to a few. We found 3 that are acceptable, but two of them are very expensive and the least expensive one seems really good. I was discouraged after seeing a few of them and felt I would bring her to my house if we couldn't find anything decent but my sister and I were comfortable with the place. It is close by so I can go every day and I will still be very involved in her care. I hope you girls know me well enough by now to know that I am not considering this step lightly. I'd give anything if my mother was doing well enough for me to care for her by myself, but she needs SO much care. I just don't think I can provide all the care she needs and keep my own health. I have been agonizing over this and I just feel I have to do what's best for my mother, me, and my family. I won't lie, this has all taken a toll on me. I've lost weight, am not sleeping well, and I have a cough that will not go away. Maybe if I was stronger I could do it, but I am just worn out. Again, sorry to ramble but I just wanted to let you all know what this has been like for me and I hope you guys don't think less of me. I'll understand if some of you don't agree, but I hope you all can understand the reasons I'm coming to this decision.
Wow, I really went on…thanks for bearing with me! I'm thinking of you all and hoping everyone is having a great weekend!
eta - Callie, you posted while I was writing lol. I think I covered everything…I think the rehab center didn't realize my mother would attempt to get up, and my sister and I thought she wouldn't attempt it due to her being so weak and exhausted but obviously we were wrong. An alarm has since been added and she has tried to get up several more times but the nurses have been able to catch her.
Missy, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, my heart goes out to her. It's really nice that you spent some time with her, I know you were a breath of fresh air and wonderful company. You did a great job on Zeke, he looks beautiful. Big hugs to you about your concern over the ferals, I hear you, and it's hard - they do seem like a tough bunch of kitties though. And they have you and Greg in their corner - You are providing food and water for them, which is major. I'm sorry the trapping had to be put on hold, sounds like Ann has a full plate and I hope she can get to your ferals soon. Fingers crossed the AC holds out, it sounds like it will but I understand your concern. Being without AC in this heat would not be good.
I hope you and Greg could beat the heat and had a decent bike ride today.Marcy, Marty's new bike sounds nice and I hope he enjoys it. I'm not much of a cyclist either, I'll just do a leisurely and short ride once in a while at the beach and that's about it. I hope you're having a relaxing weekend.
Scandi, have a wonderful time on your holiday! It looks like a fun and beautiful place and I'm sure the kids are enjoying being there. Love the pics of the "kitties" - omg such gorgeous creatures.
Gypsy, big hugs to you, I know what it's like to have ups and downs so I can relate to a lot of how you are feeling. I also understand how hard it is to deal with a very stubborn parent so I empathize with you. I hope you just focus on yourself and try to do small things for yourself to pick yourself up a little - getting out around people does help. Glad to hear you had a good time with JDDN, I wish I could have tagged along lol. Who knows, maybe someday - I'd love to look at bling with you ha!
Things with my mother still aren't going very smoothly, although she does seem to be regaining a little strength and is a little more awake. Still very weak and shaky, can't stand on her own and just seems very frail and more "elderly" than before the pancreatitis, if that makes sense. She also seems to be a little more confused than usual. Her appetite is very poor. The only thing she'll consistently take in is Ensure so we just keep pushing that. She was running a slight fever and developed a cough in the past few days. A chest x-ray was normal and she's been put on antibiotics. The cough sounded a bit better to me today.
Missy and Gypsy, thanks for the suggestion of having help - it's a valid option and a lot of people do it, but it's not a necessarily easy solution. It doesn't sound like a big deal but there's a lot involved. My brief foray into having caregivers showed me it's not as easy as it sounds. You don't have any privacy in your own home. My son and husband live here too, and I'm not sure it would be fair to them. I was in the middle of arranging to have someone in at night and the coordinator at the agency said something like "and I assume the aide can have access to your coffeepot". Ok, so now I have someone making coffee in the kitchen at night. And of course they need to use the restroom, and the laundry room…and this would be during the day and night. It would also be very expensive, just for an aide, never mind a nurse. And there are certain functions they're not allowed to do. Sorry for going on, but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys.
My sister is still here and she is heading home early next week. She has been great throughout all of this, and it has been SO helpful to not have to handle all of this on my own. We have spent the week visiting nursing homes in the area, as well as running back and forth to the rehab center. It has been exhausting, to be honest. My brother who lives in California was here for a few days to visit my mother and he went with us to a few. We found 3 that are acceptable, but two of them are very expensive and the least expensive one seems really good. I was discouraged after seeing a few of them and felt I would bring her to my house if we couldn't find anything decent but my sister and I were comfortable with the place. It is close by so I can go every day and I will still be very involved in her care. I hope you girls know me well enough by now to know that I am not considering this step lightly. I'd give anything if my mother was doing well enough for me to care for her by myself, but she needs SO much care. I just don't think I can provide all the care she needs and keep my own health. I have been agonizing over this and I just feel I have to do what's best for my mother, me, and my family. I won't lie, this has all taken a toll on me. I've lost weight, am not sleeping well, and I have a cough that will not go away. Maybe if I was stronger I could do it, but I am just worn out. Again, sorry to ramble but I just wanted to let you all know what this has been like for me and I hope you guys don't think less of me. I'll understand if some of you don't agree, but I hope you all can understand the reasons I'm coming to this decision.
Wow, I really went on…thanks for bearing with me! I'm thinking of you all and hoping everyone is having a great weekend!
eta - Callie, you posted while I was writing lol. I think I covered everything…I think the rehab center didn't realize my mother would attempt to get up, and my sister and I thought she wouldn't attempt it due to her being so weak and exhausted but obviously we were wrong. An alarm has since been added and she has tried to get up several more times but the nurses have been able to catch her.
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2012
- Messages
- 12,641
June, how could anyone judge you? You're in a very difficult position, mentally, emotionally, physically. You're doing your best for everyone you love. No one could ask for more. Vent and unload as much as you want. Or you can just come by and say, I'm tired. And that's it. My heart is with you. I'm sorry this is so hard. I wish I could do something. But know that we would never dream of judging you. I know you doing everything you can with only love and concern in your heart for your mom, your husband, son, sister, brother. It's a lot. You're giving as much as you can. We only have Love for you June. You can refill here.
Did You Miss The Throwback Thursdays For April 2024?
Did You Miss The Throwback Thursdays For April 2024? - 04/25
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