Networking/ job solictiation advice please.

[Gypsy]

I am meeting at lunch with an attorney I worked against in a negotiation who has his own ''firm'' type thing that specializes in contract negotiation and drafting. I am hoping to be able to start working with him on the side of my regular job so that I can have some more exposure to different types of contracts and negotiations, as well as some extra $$ since my company has announced shutdowns. SO I am a little nervous about that. I REALLY want this to happen.

SO what do I do?

Small talk, then at the first opening just explain to him what I''m looking for (leaving out the extra $$ thing) and focusing on the fact that I want this as a resume builder, and for the experience it will give me? Also mention any possible conflict concerns and see what his opinion is?

Or just talk normally, and mention this in passing just as lunch is coming to a close? And follow up later?

I want to appear confident and like I know how to network. But umm... I don''t really know how to network.

HELP!

 

[neatfreak]

I would chat for awhile and then casually bring it up maybe once you are finishing appetizers? I don''t really know either though!!

 

[TravelingGal]

To me, the most important thing about networking is building rapport with others. It''s not about running around distributing and collecting business cards as people seem to often believe.

Basically, you want this person to like you and remember you. That means you should show a real and genuine interest in him and not what he can do for you (although I fully understand that it is an underlying motive). People want to work with people they like. This never fails.

So there''s no formula. If conversation is going well and it comes up, take it. Or you may have to bring it up another time. You have to go with the flow and see. Consider it an exercise in honing your people skills.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay, so go with the flow. Build people skills. See how it goes. Okay. I''m REALLY REALLY BAD AT THAT. LMAO. But I will work on relaxing both before and during and going with the flow. I''m had some moderate relaxation success.

Not be too intense. Be interested in the other person. Genuinely. Have a good time. Don''t be too intense. Relax.

Okay, I''m crazy.

Now I''m stressing about relaxing.

 

[TravelingGal]

Gypsy, breathe!

The best advice I can give you is to listen. REALLY listen. I can''t tell you how many of us are truly not good listeners (myself included...I keep having to hone this skill). Instead, we sit there and formulate in our heads what we are going to say next and are only half listening. If you ask questions, really hear what that person is saying. Watch his body language. Watch yours. Be engaging. Smile from time to time.

You know...be personable.

 

[Nicrez]

If you know how to make friends (regardless of business) then you can be charming. Remember that this is a person who puts pants on one leg at a time. They are human. How would you want to be treated in their position? Don''t think of networking, think of making friends.

The best contacts I have are people who are actually my friends. Contacts can be lost, friends can''t be. Always treat a network like the friendly relationship it is. Endear yourself to them as you have done with us! We like you, why on earth would they not?!

Go get ''em Gypsy!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. SO I have to be John. LOL.

He really listens. Unlike me. And he is genuinely interested in what people have to say.

And you are absolutely right about the script in my head. I have it prepared, memorized and everything. SO I'm going to put it in a mental box and and close the lid.

Just have lunch with a new friend. I'll watch his body language and take his lead.

Be engaging is not something I can compute. But I can smile and laugh and re-context this lunch.

This lunch is not about a job. This lunch is about just getting to know someone new. A new friend.

It's a couple of friends out to lunch. No pressure. No sell.

Okay. I can re-context this. Just a casual lunch. With a person I've gotten to know through work and am now just meeting in persont to chat.

Re-contexting reallly helps. Thanks TG and Nicrez. Just a friendly lunch.... BREATHE.

 

[poptart]

I just wanted to say good luck, and you can do it! You are so nice and helpful on here, you will have no problem getting through this lunch! I agree with Nicrez about making friends vs. making contacts. Don''t think about it so much, just sit down for lunch and have a conversation. You can always bring up your job prospects at a different time.

*M*

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/11/2007 2:03:45 PM
Author: Nicrez
If you know how to make friends (regardless of business) then you can be charming. Remember that this is a person who puts pants on one leg at a time. They are human. How would you want to be treated in their position? Don''t think of networking, think of making friends.

The best contacts I have are people who are actually my friends. Contacts can be lost, friends can''t be. Always treat a network like the friendly relationship it is. Endear yourself to them as you have done with us! We like you, why on earth would they not?!

Go get ''em Gypsy!

Yes, Nicrez put it better than I did! My business contacts have become friends. Even for some I don''t work with anymore, they send emails just saying "Hi" and invite me over for dinner when I am in town. I started my career traveling for meetings and doing trainings. I always said I was the luckiest person in the world because I was paid to make friends (I loved taking people out for drinks and dinner, even though I felt very nervous doing it since I am an introvert). I still have this mentality today and it has served me well - both in business AND personal growth.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 7/11/2007 2:06:54 PM
Author: poptart
I just wanted to say good luck, and you can do it! You are so nice and helpful on here, you will have no problem getting through this lunch! I agree with Nicrez about making friends vs. making contacts. Don''t think about it so much, just sit down for lunch and have a conversation. You can always bring up your job prospects at a different time.

*M*

Thank you for the luck poptart. Just re-contexting this has been very helpful. Friends. I can and have done with with opposing counsel before. Actually have a good relationship with a partner in large DC firm. Planning to meet for drinks with her when negotiations close. Just, relationship building. But she''s a woman. It''s funny cause for me that makes it so much easier.

But I can do guy freinds too. Re-context. Friends. Now I''m just going to meditate on that until 11:40.

You guys are so great. I would have totally blown this without you.

 

[Joolskie]

Gypsy... when it comes to networking, just relax and be yourself. But have a game plan. Let the conversation drift from here to there and get a feel for the attorney's personality. Once you are comfortable with the attorney and the conversation, there is no reason you cannot say something such as...

"I understand that your group specializes in contract negotiation and drafting. This is an area which interests me very much."

The attorney will respond with something like "Why yes, we do."

This will give you an opening to briefly mention your background and experience. What happens next really depends on where the conversation goes. The goal will be for you to eventually say something like...

"After all you have said, I am even more interested. What would be your advice to someone who is looking to expand their skills? And would you mind if I forwarded a copy of my resume to you?"

Of course the attorney will say yes, go ahead. Give it about a week and then call to follow up. When you follow up, you can ask about any current opportunities with that firm or if the attorney knows of anyone else you might contact.

Yes, I am a PR professional.

Now go out there and NETWORK BABY!!!!

 

[Gypsy]

Thank you Joolskie. I will follow up with him in a week or so.

It went well, thanks to you guys! We talked (I LISTENED!) for a good hour... he actually brought the conversation around to his company and the contractors that work for him, and how he utilizes them. I mentioned that I was interested in finding out more about that and how it works, so he told me. I asked him the types of contracts he covers when he told me, I expressed an interest in expanding into those types. He really did know what I was after and told me that he definitely thinks I have great skills and would be an asset, that he doesn''t have anything right now... but that he would be in touch if a future project comes up looks promising.

We really just spent most of the time talking about other things... and it was exactly what you all called it: relationship building. And I was comfortable and relaxed and smiled. He gave me a couple of resources ( a club for in house attorneys, and suggested that I join as they have good seminars) and will send me an invitation to a few events he has upcoming.

So... we''ll see.

I CAN''T THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH! You really helped me relax and bring things into focus.

I want a nap now, though.

 

[poptart]

Yay! So glad it went well! It''s easier to keep in contact, too, if you can do it by email and phone. I still have great contacts from my past internship, we email each other frequently, and are friends with DH as well. It''s much easier to think of them as friends rather than just contacts.

*M*

 

[Joolskie]

Gypsy... you go girl!!!

It sounds as though your networking lunch went VERY well. And while there are no current openings, you have made a new contact. And you have received some valuable information regarding how to further your career.

So, what was all of this about being nervous and not knowing what to do?!? You are obviously a GREAT networker...

 

[Skippy123]

Yay, Gypsy! Glad your lunch went well

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 7/11/2007 4:54:27 PM
Author: Joolskie
Gypsy... you go girl!!!

It sounds as though your networking lunch went VERY well. And while there are no current openings, you have made a new contact. And you have received some valuable information regarding how to further your career.

So, what was all of this about being nervous and not knowing what to do?!? You are obviously a GREAT networker...

Joolskie honey, I am a CHAMPION Stresser and Panicker. When I stress and panic I loose are perspective and get trapped in trying to micro manage everything, overtalk, and come across as too intense. Everything I say is from a script, instead of flowing from a conversation because I start to monologue.


I am getting BETTER. But I have serious panic and anxiety issues and things like re-contexting don''t occur to me. So I often need a little kick in the pants in order to gain perspective and be able to function ''normally.''


SO... this experience was a BIG hurdle I needed a little hand holding to overcome. And with sucess comes confidence and the anxiety recedes ... and you are absolutely right, next time I will handle it better. But I am just so thankful for everyone on here for their patience is helping me through these ''episodes. ''

 

[decodelighted]

Great news!!

I''ve found this thread very informative as I lack confidence when it comes to "networking" *cough* beggingforwork (which is how I always guiltily define it - to my own detriment).

The advice has been inspiring! Thanks for asking the question & thanks also to all you offered the skinny!

 

[Joolskie]

Date: 7/11/2007 5:06:46 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 7/11/2007 4:54:27 PM

Author: Joolskie

Gypsy... you go girl!!!


It sounds as though your networking lunch went VERY well. And while there are no current openings, you have made a new contact. And you have received some valuable information regarding how to further your career.


So, what was all of this about being nervous and not knowing what to do?!? You are obviously a GREAT networker...

Joolskie honey, I am a CHAMPION Stresser and Panicker. When I stress and panic I loose are perspective and get trapped in trying to micro manage everything, overtalk, and come across as too intense. Everything I say is from a script, instead of flowing from a conversation because I start to monologue.



I am getting BETTER. But I have serious panic and anxiety issues and things like re-contexting don''t occur to me. So I often need a little kick in the pants in order to gain perspective and be able to function ''normally.''



SO... this experience was a BIG hurdle I needed a little hand holding to overcome. And with sucess comes confidence and the anxiety recedes ... and you are absolutely right, next time I will handle it better. But I am just so thankful for everyone on here for their patience is helping me through these ''episodes. ''

Gypsy, like I mentioned above. I am a PR professional. LOTS of people need to have a "script" from which to work. I have written speeches for hospital presidents and prepped corporate executives for press interviews. One of the best ways to unravel that anxiety and over talking is to create a written outline and write down a few key points. Much like I did in my previous post. It helps calm the panic and get you focused. And, when you feel the monologuing coming on, you can remember your outline to reign yourself back to the topics at hand.

I, uh, speak from experience. While I am really good at prepping OTHER people and being the person behind the scenes... when I am the one who is actually speaking, I have to make sure that I am prepped! Yes, even for networking meetings. LOL!

Networking is not easy as it forces you to put yourself out there. But, the more you do it, the easier it gets. When it was crunch time today, you obviously handled it really well!

 

[lovelylulu]

congratulations! it sounds like lunch went really well!!

 

[neatfreak]

Congrats Gypsy!!!! Sounds like it went great.

 

[Gypsy]

I think it went well and am happy! Thank you so much for all the encouragment. I really needed it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Glad to hear it went well! Joolskie gave you some great advice as well. I agree scripting is not a bad thing! I often script things in my head, and am dorky enough to "practice" things in front of a mirror to help make it sound more natural. Some people are naturally blessed with confidence. The rest of us have to learn and develop it.