Hera
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2007
- Messages
- 2,405
Hi Everyone, my mom and I have a somewhat difficult relationship and it can become really hard to keep an accurate perspective. It''s my mom''s birthday coming up and as usual there''s family drama. Last year was drama filled as it was and I would like to not repeat it again. To give you the background on it, I drove 2-1/2 hours to see her for her birthday and because we have a limited budget decided that we would cook her a gourmet meal and get her a cake for her birthday. Well, she flipped out and was really mad that I would ask her what she wanted for her bday dinner, that we should just prepare something. Initially, I was going to invite her brother over for the dinner and then continued to get angry that we would want to invite him because if he comes over for dinner, she won''t get her free, expensive dinner from him. She also flipped out and got angry that we ordered a cake from a bakery that she felt was unsatisfactory, in fact she told me not to go and pick it up. She then told me that one of her friends drives like an hour to get delicious cakes for their mother.
So, here we are this year, sigh.
I told my mom we would be out to visit her around her birthday about a month ago. Today, she tells me that her brother is planning on taking her out to dinner on her birthday which follows on the Saturday we plan to visit. Basically, this entails a dinner at a very expensive five course meal in Hollywood. Everyone drinks heavily in my family (not my husband and I) and purchase expensive wines also. Then, when the bill comes, the bill is split evenly between the people at the table. The tab per person is usually at least $150.00. So in order for my husband and I to go to dinner with them, I can count on at $300 plus my mom''s portion divided. In this instance, we cannot just pay for our own because my mom''s brother(my uncle) gets very offended when we just want to pay our portion.
This year, I cannot attend because we can''t afford it. We''re buying a house and we''re just not willing to incur those kind of charges anymore. So my mom gives me the option of going to the dinner or rescheduling and visiting her the following weekend. Well, I was a little angry that she would pick this dinner over me visiting so I told her so on the phone. After that I said okay, I will come to visit the following weekend, just tell my uncle that I don''t have the money to go to dinner. Well, my mom wasn''t happy with that because my uncle would want to downgrade her bday into a cheap restaurant (or maybe just drinks at their house). She want me to lie to my uncle and come up with an excuse.
Well, I didn''t want to lie to them, but now I''m not really sure what to do. It''s not really a big deal that I visit the following weekend, but I also don''t want to be a doormat either. My mom can be quite entitled, quite the opportunist and I don''t want to reinforce bad behavior. After all, this way she gets two dinners (I did tell her we were going to take her to dinner also) and yes she does think that way.
But seriously, I do realize that it is her bday. Maybe I should give her what she wants....
Thank you for any perspective you can give me
So, here we are this year, sigh.
I told my mom we would be out to visit her around her birthday about a month ago. Today, she tells me that her brother is planning on taking her out to dinner on her birthday which follows on the Saturday we plan to visit. Basically, this entails a dinner at a very expensive five course meal in Hollywood. Everyone drinks heavily in my family (not my husband and I) and purchase expensive wines also. Then, when the bill comes, the bill is split evenly between the people at the table. The tab per person is usually at least $150.00. So in order for my husband and I to go to dinner with them, I can count on at $300 plus my mom''s portion divided. In this instance, we cannot just pay for our own because my mom''s brother(my uncle) gets very offended when we just want to pay our portion.
This year, I cannot attend because we can''t afford it. We''re buying a house and we''re just not willing to incur those kind of charges anymore. So my mom gives me the option of going to the dinner or rescheduling and visiting her the following weekend. Well, I was a little angry that she would pick this dinner over me visiting so I told her so on the phone. After that I said okay, I will come to visit the following weekend, just tell my uncle that I don''t have the money to go to dinner. Well, my mom wasn''t happy with that because my uncle would want to downgrade her bday into a cheap restaurant (or maybe just drinks at their house). She want me to lie to my uncle and come up with an excuse.
Well, I didn''t want to lie to them, but now I''m not really sure what to do. It''s not really a big deal that I visit the following weekend, but I also don''t want to be a doormat either. My mom can be quite entitled, quite the opportunist and I don''t want to reinforce bad behavior. After all, this way she gets two dinners (I did tell her we were going to take her to dinner also) and yes she does think that way.
But seriously, I do realize that it is her bday. Maybe I should give her what she wants....
Thank you for any perspective you can give me