Need career, school advice...could lead to getting hitched!

[annadragon]

Hi girls

Long story as succinct as possible:
I am on schedule to graduate with my masters degree next spring. And the PhD bug is upon me. There are plenty of positions in my field at the masters level of education, but I know that I will not be satisfied until I achieve doctoral status due to the type of projects I would like to spearhead, eventually.
Dilemma 1: Current school has an excellent masters program but no doctoral program BUT will have their inaugural doctoral class Fall ''10. Pros: Easy acceptance, free tuition, guaranteed assistantship and stipend, phenomenal staff Cons: Nascent program, same school as my masters.
Only other school in the area which offers the degree I desire is prohibitively expensive.
Other school of interest is in Texas. Pro: Very well established doctoral program, access to renowned research faculty and facilities, new contacts in my field Cons: If accepted tuition may be out-of-state rate unless I''m a resident for 1 year or get an assistantship AND the other con which is veryvery important: Will have to ask FI to move. I want to marry him but don''t want to use this as the reason.

I would like to know how some of you awesome ladies have dealt with these situations in the past.

Anna

 

[neatfreak]

First, choose what is best for you and your education. Then figure out how your relationship can fit into it. You guys will work it out if you are meant to be.

If you make a choice based on him you may always resent him for it-and that isn''t a good way to start a relationship.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I agree with Neatfreak, first and foremost consider your education. Secondly, consider your relationship.

 

[princesss]

Go to the best school you can possibly afford. Really. This may sound cynical, but engagements are sometimes broken. Your brain, on the other hand, will always be with you and the the better school may be able to open more doors for you. Moving is a part of life sometimes, and I''m sure your FI will be able to adapt.

 

[choyoyo]

Have you considered that your FI may be willing to relocate where you go to school without forcing marriage first? Have you talked to him at all about it?

When I was applying to PhD programs, my FI was willing to move to wherever I chose to go to school. He hoped that I would stay local, but understood that I might not. But it would not have been the end of the world if we were long distance. We would make it work.

I certainly would not sacrifice my education unless the caliber of schools/program support were similar enough that it wouldn't make a difference to me. I worry that, while your local school has great faculty, the graduate research support will not be there for you, since masters programs and phd programs can be structured quite differently. Additionally, I think any new program needs a few years to work out the bugs and kinks. You would be the guinea pigs, which is a little scary, even with great faculty.

A question about the Texas school- do you know if your department covers the tuition, or is that all out of pocket on you?

 

[MsP]

Tough one.

I''m in a similar situation only my SO is already in the top PhD program in his field on full scholarship and cushy stipend. Great advisors, already published... but still years to go. I on the other hand am looking to apply for a (yet another...haha) degree program and the top programs in my field are incredibly far away. If we were working, it would be easy to hop on a plane every could of weeks but with two people in top programs(ie hard) and on limited budgets, this becomes difficult.

Then there becomes the question of whether or not a couple need to have PhDs from the top programs because after all... there will always be one to lead in an academic career. I already have multiple masters from competent schools. It''s not like I can''t get a job. We are both in technical and well paid fields and for mine, the doctoral degree is pretty uncommon for all but academia. And even those jobs are often filled with experienced practitioners over academics.

It really is tough... it forces you to question how confident you are in your relationship.

 

[annadragon]

Well my current institution is really tempting because of my comfort and familiarity but mainly because of the free tuition and stipend.
The other school is not guaranteed tuition exempt or stipend supplied, but the possibility does exist.

You guys are right, there is nothing about this situation that says it must conclude with marriage. I got excited about school and couldn''t foresee embarking on this journey and not being able to share it with him as a married couple. I suppose you could call it an endemic symptom of being a LIW

I will broach the idea (of moving) to him as soon as finals week is finished!

Thanks ladies

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/3/2009 10:10:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I agree with Neatfreak, first and foremost consider your education. Secondly, consider your relationship.

I agree too. Definitely consider your education first.

 

[Alexiszoe]

what kinds of jobs are you looking for post graduation, and which school would be better in placing you?

In general for academia (speaking for my field) it''s really a matter of prestige - the more well known the school you graduated from, the better your chances of getting hired particularly at big names. Also, certain schools have certain rep - School A does well in placing graduates in liberal arts college, School B does better in placing grads in research universities. I would say speak to a few professors in your field before you decide.

 

[mousey]

I don t know how PhD programs work in the US, but in the UK (at least IMO) it is more important to decide on who would supervise you, rather than what school you are in. Of course it matters if the school is prestigious, but it is more important that you have a supervisor who excels in your chosen area. I would be dubious about a new PhD program. In my old school they started a new undergrad school of politics, and it took a couple of years to ''get it right'', and during those couple of years there were numerous complaints from undergrads. You need a lot of support as PhD. Could you not contact the school in Texas and ask about the likelihood of getting fees and stipend? Could you apply to both, and wait and see if Texas offers you a good deal? Its is important to have finances in place before starting as doing a PhD is hard enough w out having to worry about loans/bills/etc (I should know unfortunately).