Name change- are you/have you made the switch??

[iwannaprettyone]

I have yet (nine months later) to make the official switch to my married name. Can you ladies perhaps provide any useful tips or sites on the subject and maybe share how the adjustment period has been with your new identity??

 

[FrekeChild]

I''m kind of freaked out about this process (and signing my new name) so I want to hear stories. Well, not musey''s.

 

[cammy85]

I changed my name within the week from coming home from the honeymoon because I knew that if I didn't do it then, I'd get lazy about it haha.

I actually got a gift card from DB to use MissnowMrs.com for free, so I tried that out and it's actually pretty helpful (though 19.99 full price, i believe...) They did have the documentation you'd need to fill out which is helpful because at some places you have to go pick up the paperwork to even fill it out.

Mainly you have some big ticket things to change:
Social Security is usually first. That's the legal name change documentation you'll need for everything else. Biggest pain in the butt too to waiti in their offices (and the first time you get to sign your new name!! woohoo!)
Then the DMV for your license and registration.
Passport, Credit Cards, Bank Accounts, Billing Agencies, Business Cards, all that good stuff gets done afterwards.

It's not a huge deal, and not a huge time sink, but it does take time, and you need to make sure you're prepared. Marriage license is important as well as your old S.S. Card at the Social Security office, or License for the DMV - they will take it from you when you apply for your name change.

Good luck and hopefully you have a painless transition to your new name!

ETA: Signing my new name, however, is still a work in progress... 4 months post-wedding.

Yeah. that's what I get for getting a LOOOOOOOONG new last name.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Me too Freke. I am worried I will change something in the wrong order and lose access to something. Additionally I am scared that perhaps people won't be able to connect with me at work or in my personal life if my name has change, make sense??

Thoughts?



ETA: Cammi.....i am now officially overwhelmed!!!! I bow down to you girlfriend, you rock!

 

[cammy85]

Aww, don''t be overwhelmed! It seems like a huge process, and it is - you''re not only doing a ton of beaurocratic paperwork, you are also dealing with some identity transitions as well. I know for me I felt like such a poser when I first saw my license and my new social security card, but it''s getting more normal, though I still mistakenly use my maiden name (and especially initials at work!) You''re allowed to be overwhelmed, but if you take it one step at a time, you''ll be just fine! (in all honesty, I still haven''t done my passport yet, whoops - and I JUST changed my work voicemail to my new name... today) You will be finding things all over the place that have a wrong name (or in my case, name, address and/or phone number - they all changed within weeks of each other). But typically it won''t lock you out of anything. Banks will typically need a copy of your marriage license to make the name chagnes as well, but usually not a cert. copy. So have a few photo copies of it on hand, and that will save you some time down the road.

As far as recognition goes, I haven''t seen that become a problem. I did send out correspondence at work to let them know I have a new email address and the other one will no longer be valid, but everyone made the switch just fine. My email is still my same old one with my maiden name, so maybe that''s why i haven''t had too much of a problem!

You''ll be fine! One step at a time

 

[jjdav]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:11:49 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone
Me too Freke. I am worried I will change something in the wrong order and lose access to something. Additionally I am scared that perhaps people won''t be able to connect with me at work or in my personal life if my name has change, make sense??


Thoughts?




ETA: Cammi.....i am now officially overwhelmed!!!! I bow down to you girlfriend, you rock!

The company I work for has this option of having both your maiden name and your married name email accounts active, that means even if who didn''t know you changed your name, the email would still get to you. It''s worth asking if your workplace has something similar. Also update your email signature

You can always ask your family and friends to spread the word for you!

Cheers

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Do you have to go to the SS Office in person for your new card??

 

[Lilac]

I changed my license about 3 weeks ago because I had to renew it anyway, but it was kind of backwards because I think I should have changed my name at the social security office first. So now everything is still in my maiden name other than my license! Makes me so nervous because it looks kind of weird that my license is one name and EVERYTHING else is something else...

I have to get around to the rest soon...

 

[cammy85]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:24:43 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Do you have to go to the SS Office in person for your new card??

You are required to go in person for any name change. And they''ll mail your new card to you. I got mine in like a week to ten days.

Oh what joy sitting in the S.S. Office is.

 

[dcgator]

On more thing to add to the list of to do''s:

Make sure you consult your accountant and HR department at work about changing your tax filing status for both your federal and state taxes. You can file married jointly or filing married separately, so make sure you know what you want to do before you talk to you HR people!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I had a hard time letting go of my old identity, so I kept my maiden name as a second middle name.

Married in September. Went to court in October to legally change my maiden name to a second middle name (took less than a day). The following day I took my court-ordered name change to the DMV, SS Office and Bank to have my DL, SS card and accounts changed. Nearly everything else I could do online. It took SEVERAL months for me to get used to my name change. I used my maiden name professionally for about 6 months because I was published under that name. When I switched jobs, I started using my married name.

One day last fall I was walking through B&N and saw a book with my married last name on it. Instead of thinking "That''s D''s last name" I thought "That''s my last name" and I knew I was starting to accept it.

We''ve been married for a little over a year and a half now and now I feel a little silly for holding onto my maiden name so much. I don''t know if it''s because we''re closer to starting our own family or if I just let it go, but I hardly ever use my second middle name (maiden) anymore at all. I realize now that the whole legal process was just a bit of a band-aid for me and probably a waste of time, but at the time I felt it''s what I should do. Live and learn, I guess.

 

[Clairitek]

I am about to publish my first paper in a refereed academic journal so I am feeling the pressure to decide on a name. Lately I have been telling people that I am going to hyphenate. A little party of me gets excited about sharing, full stop, a last name with DH. Another little part of me feels like I would be sort of shunning my family by ditching my maiden name. I know I won''t do anything legally until I officially own my car (still belongs to parents) and I get my own car insurance and a license for the state I live in. Since I am still a full time student I can get away with having an out of state license but come November that will all change. I just didn''t want to have to deal with name changing in a state 300 miles from me and then have to stand in line at the DMV all over again when I get a license for the state I currently live in.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:38:46 PM
Author: dcgator
On more thing to add to the list of to do''s:

Make sure you consult your accountant and HR department at work about changing your tax filing status for both your federal and state taxes. You can file married jointly or filing married separately, so make sure you know what you want to do before you talk to you HR people!

This is a good point! I have been meaning to go change my filing status.

 

[cammy85]

i totally understand the identity crisis part...

Before I was married, my middle name was my mom''s maiden name (aka my mom''s family''s name) and my last name is my dad''s family name. I felt so torn because I felt like no matter what I decided, I was ''ditching'' half of my family. How do you choose one side over the other? My new last name is really long, so hyphenating was out, and I thought briefly about 2 middle names.

However, when the time came, I dropped my maiden name and kept my middle, since I have a brother and cousins who can carry that name onto future generations. My mom''s family name ends with me. That was my deciding factor.

I''m glad I''m hearing that it''s taking some people a long time to adjust to the new name. I have an ethnic last name, and I look nothing like it, and it''s a bit of a mouthful to get used to and signing it takes forever. I feel like I need to be practicing it, because it''s not getting any better as of right now. I still forget I have a new name, but then when I do remember, I get so excited hehe.

 

[CNOS128]

I asked my husband to research where I need to register my name change, and everything I need to do in order to effect these changes. He''s really patient and an expert researcher -- and a little bit Type A -- so I now have a little folder with all the necessary instructions and paperwork and I''m about to start making my way through it. I also have extra certified copies of the marriage certificate to mail to places like the passport office.

I think it''s going to be a little messy no matter what, especially with my bank accounts - but I plan to carry the marriage certificate with me for a couple of months. Hopefully that''ll help to resolve most issues?

 

[geckodani]

Erm. It''ll be 3 years in August... and I just found a rewards card account that still has my maiden name. I think Blockbuster still has my maiden name too.

I did it as soon as I could (took a while to get the license to validate everything). Do the biggies first and work your way down from there.

As for being connected in your professional life, my sister chose to move her maiden name to become her middle name. She now goes by Deborah Maiden Name, Married Name. And has her full name printed on business cards.

I still sometimes start my Rs with a flag... leftover from the F that once started it... I''m bad.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

I went in a week after we got back from our honeymoon, went first thing in the morning, and was out in ten minutes. Had my new card in 5 days. It wasn''t bad.

Work email was changed immediately - I couldn''t wait to get rid of the old name! And dealing with HR was no problem for me.

Now, I need to go to change my name for my drivers license - we moved last week, so I figured I would kill two birds with one stone. I just dread going there!

It''s funny - I have no reservations about shedding the old name. I automatically respond when someone calls me Mrs. Marriedname. I love it. But, if I had a name I was attached to with rich history, I would probably feel the same sense of attachment to it.

 

[ChinaCat]

Haven''t done it yet and we celebrated our 2 years in June.

I always thought I would change mine right away, and was surprised at my ambivalence towards changing it. I am way more connected to my maiden name than I thought!

Still, I had planned to do it right after I got married and before I started a new job, but didn''t realize it was such a PITA and didn''t have time to go stand in line at Social Security before I started my new job. I think that there should be one legal form to fill out (much like the marriage license) and then you should send that everywhere. Nope, at least in my state, you have to go the SS office, DMV, etc.

I have slowly started getting used to his last name, and now it doesn''t bother me to use it at all. At work I use my maiden name, but in social situations I use his name. I am now 9 months preggo and it just occured to me that I should change it before our son is born so that my name and his dad''s name will be the same on the birth certificate! But the DMV makes you take a new picture when you change your name (why, exactly?) and I know it''s lazy and vain, but there''s no way I am taking a picture 9 months preggo, much less have to go stand in line in this condition.

So I will probably change it after he''s born. BUT I think I may keep my maiden name for work purposes.

I think I would say do it right away if you are going to, otherwise it gets harder to find the time.

 

[cakeny]

I''m all over the place, but I''m about halfway there!

Married in early april
Rec''d marriage certificate 3rd week of april.
Went to SSN office First week of May
rec''d new card mid may.
with my new SS card, I applied for my drivers license first week of June
Rec''d 3rd week of June.

Still haven''t gotten around to changing my passport or credit card info. I recently filled out some paperwork at my job for my new insurance card. But I haven''t changed my official work email address yet. Or my personal one, although i did open up a new gmail account with my new name. I have yet to use it for anything other than signing up for newsletters. Old habits die hard I guess

BTW, I also got a GC to missnowmrs, but I honestly didn''t find it that useful. I had to re-fill out most of the forms once I got to places like the SSN office or the DMV.

 

[cammy85]

Date: 7/20/2009 4:49:58 PM
Author: cakeny
I''m all over the place, but I''m about halfway there!

Married in early april
Rec''d marriage certificate 3rd week of april.
Went to SSN office First week of May
rec''d new card mid may.
with my new SS card, I applied for my drivers license first week of June
Rec''d 3rd week of June.

Still haven''t gotten around to changing my passport or credit card info. I recently filled out some paperwork at my job for my new insurance card. But I haven''t changed my official work email address yet. Or my personal one, although i did open up a new gmail account with my new name. I have yet to use it for anything other than signing up for newsletters. Old habits die hard I guess

BTW, I also got a GC to missnowmrs, but I honestly didn''t find it that useful. I had to re-fill out most of the forms once I got to places like the SSN office or the DMV.

I agree with the highlighted part. Not to mention I didn''t like all my personal information stored in their website for future reference, either. But I do think it gave me a good idea of who to contact and what things to remember when changing my name over. And for free, I can''t complain

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I did it (did the the week after) and so far it's been a pain to be honest between that and getting on the insurance. We also merged our accounts or at least added each other to each other's accounts if that makes sense. Everyone seems to want something specific. They won't change your name without x. Registrar's office? Well even the temp social security card and marriage certificate wasn't enough..they HAD to have the driver's license.

It took FOREVER to get my driver's license it felt like because they mail it to you now in VA. It was only a week, but it felt like forever! Lol. I need to change over credit cards, paypal, and passport still. Everything else is set I think...I think.

Took about 2 and a half weeks to get my new social card.

ETA: And still not used to signing the new name! Still perfecting it anyway. But so far I am trying to sign Sarah Oldlastname Newlastname. Decided to drop my middle afterall and not hyphenate.

 

[IluvEmeralds]

Got married in April, and waited until after my cruise in early July to start the process. (Due to passport issuess). It''s now the 20th of July and I now have:

-new SS card took 10 minutes in the office and 3 days to mail to me
-new license (took 10 minutes max)
-Changed my name on my bank statements (and got my new check card) took about 5 business days to get the new card.
-changed my name with my credit card company (and got my new card) same about 5 business days.
- just finished the paperwork for school (I''m a teacher so I had to report the change to the state, HR, etc)....not too much of a pain though.
-since I changed with my credit card, they took care of notifying the credit bureaus. Kinda cool- I didn''t know they did that for me. One less person to call.

I''m even receiving MAIL as my MRS name now! (Kinda cool I have to admit!!) For me it was pretty painless. (Lucky I guess).

Still getting used to signing my new name though!
ILE

 

[Dreamer_D]

I changed mine about 6 months after we got married as I couldn''t decide whether to do it and how to do it. In the end I just took his name. I found the adjustment really easy and the process painless. Just took my marriage certificate to all the places, started with DL and our version of social security and went from there.

C-tec I had already published under my maiden name and when I changed it, I started publishing as Dreamer Maider Married, cited as "Married, D.M." Works well and let me keep a little of my maiden name at least professionally!

I don''t know how it works in the US, but here in Canada the married name is an assumed name, so if some things are left in your maiden name it isn''t technically illegal. My telephone service is still in my maiden name.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:09:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I'm kind of freaked out about this process (and signing my new name) so I want to hear stories. Well, not musey's.

You've heard enough of it to last a lifetime!

I won't share stories, but to answer the question I started the ball rolling on my name change about a month and a half after the wedding (I knew if I put it off, it would never get done - and I did want to get it done). Everything was switched over about 8 months after (the passport was the last to get done).

Don't worry about it causing logistical problems, people change their names every day and everyone's used to dealing with it. Most people will come across some annoying situations in the process, but assuming you really do want to change your name, it'll be worth it in the end.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Okay, and here I was feeling like a major procrastinator for having not changed a thing yet. It''s 5 months....

I want to take his last name, I have no qualms with it... I''ve just been soooooo lazy about it.

 

[SparklyLibra]

***Mini Thread Jack***

I LOVE THIS BOARD

THANKS ALI & AUDREY for making it happen, & HUDSON_HAWK (for starting the "married, now what?" thread!!!

 

[Haven]

I changed my name right after we came home from our honeymoon. It was pretty easy--I went to the DMV, then the Social Security Office, had my job change everything, went to the bank, called my doctors, etc.

As for the identity thing, it really didn't phase me. I really do prefer my maiden name to my married name, but it's just because it sounds better to my ear.

As a teacher, though, it was very strange to have a new last name. I hear my last name called (beckoned, demanded, pleaded, whined, screamed) by teenagers hundreds of times throughout the day, so it was very strange to be start the school year off with a new last name. In fact, it took me a while to answer to my new name at the beginning of the school year. My former students largely refuse to call me by my married name, it's as if they cannot grasp the change, which is fine by me.

A year after our wedding, I still have moments where I see my name on a piece of mail, or I hear a student calling me and I think "Huh? Oh, right. I'm married now, so that's my name. Weird."

ETA: My mother didn't change her name with Social Security for years after she and my father married. It took her something like fifteen years to get in there and make it official.

 

[cakeny]

Hehe, same. I''m not having any identity issues but it *is* weird having my last name horribly mispronounced ALL THE TIME. My maiden name was a very simple 3 letter last name that could NEVER be mispronounced. Not so much with my new last name! DH: "Get used to it honey!"

 

[Patchee]

I have a question, can you change your SS# and DMV but not change anything else?

Or will that jam you up down the road? I just received my marriage license yesterday and thought, heck I will take a walk down to SS to change it, then DMV... but do they take the certified copy of our marriage license?

Do I need to have a bunch of copies (at $10. a piece) for these places to keep or can I/they just make a copy?

I do not want to change banking information, credit, work etc. stuff.

Is it ok to do the above two but nothing elsE?

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 7/21/2009 10:34:43 AM
Author: cakeny
Hehe, same. I''m not having any identity issues but it *is* weird having my last name horribly mispronounced ALL THE TIME. My maiden name was a very simple 3 letter last name that could NEVER be mispronounced. Not so much with my new last name! DH: ''Get used to it honey!''

I have the opposite issue (and so did my MIL)! My maiden (still current) name is a PITA to spell out loud and no one ever knows how to pronounce it when they see it written down. I have to over-enunciate all of the letters to people over the phone and I end up sounding pissed off when I do it. If I don''t really form the words (letters) carefully and pause between each one my name always ends up being spelled incorrectly. DH''s last name, however, doesn''t even need to be spelled. Its a fairly common last name, especially where I grew up. Due to this issue, I have begun to use his last name sometimes, in more casual situations. For example, we returned a gift to Pottery Barn and they wanted my name for the merchandise card with the credit. I started to spell out my last name and just said "Screw it, my last name is M______!" and didn''t have to spell it out.

MIL said that she really loved her more unique French-ish last name (family from Northern VT). She said that she sometimes misses going by that name but back when she got married, all women changed their name. Especially in her family. She has 8 married sisters and not a single one kept their maiden name. This really showed when every wedding card we have received from someone over the age of 30 had "Mr and Mrs. DH''s Last Name" written on it. Our friends knew better though.

I think his last name rings nicely with my first name. My first name is common in the country of origin of his his last name.

Even with the difficulty with my maiden name and the fact that his last name "matches" my first name better I still struggle with the idea of losing that obvious connection to my parents.

I will probably always use my maiden name professionally though because my father is in the same industry and its recognizable and unique. When I meet people in business settings they know I''m his kid and I gather that he is well-respected as an ethical and savvy contributor to the industry which is something I really want to stay connected to.

OK, I''ve rambled enough. Can you tell I spend a lot of time thinking about this?