Name change after marriage

[CJ2008]

I know this topic has been discussed before...so I hope you guys don''t mind me brining it up again.

I was married back in June and I have not yet done anything about my name (I kept as it was).

I am starting to get a little anxious about it, as we''ve had a few social situations where people have said "oh, sorry, I used your DH''s last name for yours, is that OK?" and I''ve felt bad at that moment. I just feel I need to make a decision either way.

I know I don''t want to get rid of my last name - it''s just an identity thing for me, and I just can''t imagine that my family''s name would die with me. But I am definitely considering adding his last name after mine, no hyphen. So I would have my first name, my last name, then his last name.

So say my full name would then be C M D.

How does it work for legal things (banks accounts, etc.)? Must I use the full C M D, or can I use C M or C D?

What is passed on to the children? Does the M get passed on or not?

 

[aprilcait]

I''m in the same situation. I haven''t gone through the name change yet because I''m moving to a different state, so why not wait to do the name change and address change all at once? Anyway, I am keeping my first name, middle name, and maiden name and just tacking DH''s last name on the end. So, essentially, I would have two middle names: the middle name my parents gave me and my maiden name. DH''s last name will be used as my last name. So, for example, if I was born with the name Amy Abigail Anderson and DH''s last name was Smith. Then, my married name would be: Amy (first name) Abigail (middle name) Anderson (middle name) Smith (last name). (FYI: that''s not my real name, obviously.)

If you legally change your name to CMD, then in everything (bank, work, etc.) you would be CMD. If you do not legally change your name and decide to go by CM professionally and legally, then you could be CD socially (if you''d like) but CM legally (work, bank, etc.). No matter which you decide, your kids would (unless otherwise specified by you and hubby) take hubby''s last name.

I hope I didn''t confuse you too much there. If I did, let me know and I''ll try to be less all-over-the-place.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

You can do 1 of 2 things:

1. Add your maiden name as a second middle name

2. Have two non-hyphenated last names.

The legalities of Option #1 vary. After talking with two lawyers about the name change issue (I added my maiden as a second middle), I was told that if you can change the name on the marriage license application, it's legal. If you can't (most states you cannot change your middle name on the ML app), then you have to go through the courts. You can still change it cosmetically, just not legally. (BTW, who knew you could change the name on your SS name and that STILL not be your legal name)

In either case, whatever your legal name becomes, that's what you have to use on all legal documents. So regardless of which option you choose, you'd be using CMD on all of your tax filings, your will, etc.

Even if you go with option #2, you can still give your children the D last name without giving them the M, if that makes sense.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/14/2008 2:14:04 PM
Author: aprilcait
I''m in the same situation. I haven''t gone through the name change yet because I''m moving to a different state, so why not wait to do the name change and address change all at once? Anyway, I am keeping my first name, middle name, and maiden name and just tacking DH''s last name on the end. So, essentially, I would have two middle names: the middle name my parents gave me and my maiden name. DH''s last name will be used as my last name. So, for example, if I was born with the name Amy Abigail Anderson and DH''s last name was Smith. Then, my married name would be: Amy (first name) Abigail (middle name) Anderson (middle name) Smith (last name). (FYI: that''s not my real name, obviously.)

If you legally change your name to CMD, then in everything (bank, work, etc.) you would be CMD. If you do not legally change your name and decide to go by CM professionally and legally, then you could be CD socially (if you''d like) but CM legally (work, bank, etc.). No matter which you decide, your kids would (unless otherwise specified by you and hubby) take hubby''s last name.

I hope I didn''t confuse you too much there. If I did, let me know and I''ll try to be less all-over-the-place.

April, I''ve seen people do it this way before, and I think it''s a perfectly fine option. So, in the example April used above, this lady''s signature would look like this: Amy A. A. Smith (since Abigail and Anderson are both middle names).

Personally, I dropped my middle name completely, my maiden name became my middle name, and I took DH''s last name. So, my initials used to be EAW, and they are now EWR. If DH and I ever have kids (which we don''t plan on doing, but ya never know), the kids would have DH''s last name. I might consider giving them my maiden name as a middle name, but their only last name would be DH''s. Of course, you can do whatever you want, but this is what I did.

 

[Elmorton]

I dropped my middle name and took my maiden as my middle. We got married right after I was done with grad school, so it was a little easier I think because the name changed occurred as I was entering the job market. My first employers were a little confused at first since I put my full name on my resume, so my mailbox (and an e-mail address) ended up hyphenated (which I asked to have changed to just my last name and only the e-mail was ever changed). Also, at this job, I always introduced myself as "Elmorton Morton Newlastname" because the name thing was new and I was used to saying "Elmorton Morton" so it just came out that way. When we moved, I still put all three on my resume, but I''m a lot more comfortable introducing myself as Elmorton Newlastname, so there have been no more issues with what to call me. For official document stuff or on documents at work, I always use all three names, but socially, I''m Elmorton Newlastname.

So..what I learned from all of this is really that I think people you encounter will be flexible with whatever you decide, but you do need to be clear about how you''ve decided you''d like to be addressed or it will be confusing for others. One of my girlfriends got married the same summer I did, and she has been on the fence for more than a year about what her name is. For one month she''s "Elmorton Friend" and for others she''s "Elmorton Friend Newlastname" - she says she uses "Elmorton Friend" for work and "Elmorton Friend Newlastname" socially, but is also comfortable with "Elmorton Newlastname" but then she''ll complain how she doesn''t like how "Newlastname" sounds. I have no idea what to call her, and to be honest, it bugs me (though I realize it''s none of my business). When it comes to kids, I don''t think it matters whose last name the child has as long as she or he knows her or his name DH and I plan to give our children his last name and give them middle names that are family maiden names so their names "look" like mine.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Oops, my option #1 shouldn''t have been add your maiden as a SECOND middle name. Sorry! Unfortunately the legalities of replacing your middle name is the same as adding a second middle name--in many states it requires going through a judge (again, unless you can change your middle name on the marriage license application).

 

[CJ2008]

Thanks guys, for all your replies. My head''s spinning a little bit so let me ask you a few things to see if I understand...

- First, I wanted to clarify that I don''t have a middle name - just first and last

- So when you fill out whatever form for the legal name change, there are spaces to signify middle names and last names - so I could put whatever I want in there. But whatever I pick for the middle name/s and last name/s becomes my legal name. So I could take my NOW last name and make it a middle name...or, I could leave it as a last name but then add my DH''s last name as a second last name.

- Whether I choose to make my now last name a middle name, or keep it as a last name with DHs after it...do both choices give us the SAME option if we decide to have children? In other words - if I choose to make now last name a middle name, can I choose to make that name a last name for children, followed by DH''s last name as well?

Sorry guys - hope my questions are clear. Let me know if I''m "getting it".

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/14/2008 3:23:46 PM
Author: claudinam
Thanks guys, for all your replies. My head''s spinning a little bit so let me ask you a few things to see if I understand...

- First, I wanted to clarify that I don''t have a middle name - just first and last

- So when you fill out whatever form for the legal name change, there are spaces to signify middle names and last names - so I could put whatever I want in there. But whatever I pick for the middle name/s and last name/s becomes my legal name. So I could take my NOW last name and make it a middle name...or, I could leave it as a last name but then add my DH''s last name as a second last name.

- Whether I choose to make my now last name a middle name, or keep it as a last name with DHs after it...do both choices give us the SAME option if we decide to have children? In other words - if I choose to make now last name a middle name, can I choose to make that name a last name for children, followed by DH''s last name as well?

Sorry guys - hope my questions are clear. Let me know if I''m ''getting it''.

Yep! You can do that, and the kids would have two last names. So, your son''s name might be Johnny Lastname1 Lastname2. Or, you could hyphenate the kids'' last names: Johnny Middlename Lastname1-Lastname2.

And it''s kind of nice that you don''t have a middle name in this particular situation. I believe a lot of parents DON''T give their daughters a middle name for this very reason . . . they assume she will take her maiden name as her middle name and take her husband''s last name when she gets married. (I have a friend whose parents didn''t give her a middle name for that reason.)

Rest assured that there isn''t really a "rule" here . . . whatever you do is completely up to you, and you should do whatever feels right!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

When I went to court for my name change, they have spaces for your first, middle and last name, so you can change your name to whatever you want. As Phoebe did on Friends, you can change it to "Princess Banana Hammock" if you'd like. You write in your old name, your suggested new name, the reason for the change and that's it--pay your $200 (or whatever the county charges), the judge approves it, you get an official name change form and then you can go and get everygthing changes (driver's license, social security card, etc.).

So in your case you could do

First name: C
Middle name: (blank)
Last name: M D (no hyphen)

or

First name: C
Middle name: M
Last name: D

Legally the only difference is that when you sign something legal with your last name, you'd have to use both last names if you did it the first way. But even in that scenario you can still give your children either last name or a combination of both last names.

I hope I'm not confusing you more, haha. It sounds more complicated than it is.

 

[CJ2008]

Can you guys tell I'm a very linear thinker? It's like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must've picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother's name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I'll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it's annoying/confusing...)

ETA: what would business cards be considered? I know it's not a "legal" thing...but would it be weird to use one thing and go by another legally?

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I''m a very linear thinker? It''s like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must''ve picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother''s name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I''ll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it''s annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don''t think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom''s last name was, let''s say, "Smith," and his dad''s last name was "Jones." When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it''s all in what the kids get used to. If that''s their last name from the day that they''re born, it probably doesn''t bother them at all IMO.

 

[katamari]

Question: Do you actually use the maiden name when you are telling people your name? Like, I am Jane Smith Doe. Or do you end up just going by Jane Doe and then having the Smith randomly appear on legal documents? I am wondering because it seems like you are essentially just taking the name, but I may misunderstand how it plays out and am quite curious.


To answer claudinam, my parents had different names (mom kept maiden) and it never bothered me at all or caused anyone to make assumptions about my parents (from what I noticed). She would get peeved when people assumed she was Mrs. Dadlastname. I never even thought about it being different until I got probably high school age. And, then I totally respected her for it.

 

[aprilcait]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:01:11 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I''m a very linear thinker? It''s like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must''ve picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother''s name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I''ll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it''s annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don''t think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom''s last name was, let''s say, ''Smith,'' and his dad''s last name was ''Jones.'' When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it''s all in what the kids get used to. If that''s their last name from the day that they''re born, it probably doesn''t bother them at all IMO.

I grew up with a few grls with hyphenated last names and it was of no consequence to them, as far as I know.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:34:08 PM
Author: katamari
Question: Do you actually use the maiden name when you are telling people your name? Like, I am Jane Smith Doe. Or do you end up just going by Jane Doe and then having the Smith randomly appear on legal documents? I am wondering because it seems like you are essentially just taking the name, but I may misunderstand how it plays out and am quite curious.


To answer claudinam, my parents had different names (mom kept maiden) and it never bothered me at all or caused anyone to make assumptions about my parents (from what I noticed). She would get peeved when people assumed she was Mrs. Dadlastname. I never even thought about it being different until I got probably high school age. And, then I totally respected her for it.

Katamari~

I usually introduce myself as Emm Lastname, and when I sign my name, I sign Emm W. Lastname. I just treat my maiden name just like my middle name (which is what it now is). If I had kept my previous middle name, and used two last names (my maiden name and DH''s last name), then I might do it differently though.

 

[katamari]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:40:31 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 4:34:08 PM

I usually introduce myself as Emm Lastname, and when I sign my name, I sign Emm W. Lastname. I just treat my maiden name just like my middle name (which is what it now is). If I had kept my previous middle name, and used two last names (my maiden name and DH''s last name), then I might do it differently though.

Interesting and good to know. Thanks, Emm!

 

[geckodani]

My sister took the route of eliminating her middle name, making her maiden the middle and her husband's her last. So, she was Deb Suzanne Frank , married a Gord Scott Smith (obviously I am making these up) and now goes by Deb Frank Smith. Her business cards read as such. Her signature is Deb F Smith.

I have a friend that added the second last name on. Their kids just use the husband's last name.

ETA: I just took my husband's name. If we have a boy I might make my maiden name a middle name, as it's sort of manly sounding, LOL.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:51:43 PM
Author: geckodani
My sister took the route of eliminating her middle name, making her maiden the middle and her husband''s her last. So, she was Deb Suzanne Frank , married a Gord Scott Smith (obviously I am making these up) and now goes by Deb Frank Smith. Her business cards read as such. Her signature is Deb F Smith.

I have a friend that added the second last name on. Their kids just use the husband''s last name.

ETA: I just took my husband''s name. If we have a boy I might make my maiden name a middle name, as it''s sort of manly sounding, LOL.

Dani, this is me exactly! My business cards read Firstname Middlename Lastname, since many people I work with knew me before I got married and would recognize my maiden name (now my middle name), but not my new last name. But, when I sign my name, I never write out my whole middle name . . . I just use the middle initial.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:53:48 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 4:51:43 PM
Author: geckodani
My sister took the route of eliminating her middle name, making her maiden the middle and her husband''s her last. So, she was Deb Suzanne Frank , married a Gord Scott Smith (obviously I am making these up) and now goes by Deb Frank Smith. Her business cards read as such. Her signature is Deb F Smith.

I have a friend that added the second last name on. Their kids just use the husband''s last name.

ETA: I just took my husband''s name. If we have a boy I might make my maiden name a middle name, as it''s sort of manly sounding, LOL.

Dani, this is me exactly! My business cards read Firstname Middlename Lastname, since many people I work with knew me before I got married and would recognize my maiden name (now my middle name), but not my new last name. But, when I sign my name, I never write out my whole middle name . . . I just use the middle initial.

Right! She had to keep her maiden in there somewhere, since she is a businessperson and her name is recognized in her field. She answers the phone with her full name, "Deb Frank Smith." I had to look up to see what pseudonym I was using, LOL!

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/14/2008 4:01:11 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I''m a very linear thinker? It''s like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must''ve picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother''s name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I''ll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it''s annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don''t think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom''s last name was, let''s say, ''Smith,'' and his dad''s last name was ''Jones.'' When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it''s all in what the kids get used to. If that''s their last name from the day that they''re born, it probably doesn''t bother them at all IMO.

I wouldn''t have to hyphenate the kid''s name if I didn''t want though, right?

I am really starting to like the idea of adding his last name to my name...it''s almost like the more secure I feel that I don''t have to drop my own last name, the more I actually like the idea of uniting it with his. I am still uncertain as to whether I would just make my last name a middle name...it seems like having two last names might be a little bit more of a PITA, whereas having it as a middle name gives me the option of either writing it out or not...depending on my mood

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/14/2008 5:10:24 PM
Author: claudinam

Date: 8/14/2008 4:01:11 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I'm a very linear thinker? It's like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must've picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother's name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I'll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it's annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don't think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom's last name was, let's say, 'Smith,' and his dad's last name was 'Jones.' When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it's all in what the kids get used to. If that's their last name from the day that they're born, it probably doesn't bother them at all IMO.

I wouldn't have to hyphenate the kid's name if I didn't want though, right?

I am really starting to like the idea of adding his last name to my name...it's almost like the more secure I feel that I don't have to drop my own last name, the more I actually like the idea of uniting it with his. I am still uncertain as to whether I would just make my last name a middle name...it seems like having two last names might be a little bit more of a PITA, whereas having it as a middle name gives me the option of either writing it out or not...depending on my mood

Nope, no need to hyphenate.

When I talked to the lawyer about his option he said that a non-hyphenated double last name is the exact same as a hyphenated name legally, you just don't have the hyphen, that's all.

To be honest, I wish I had done the two-last-name thing. Everybody ends up dropping my middle name, anyway, and I end up being Mrs. Hislast, which is exactly what I didn't want. I would have probably given our kids his last name, but would have loved to keep the non-hyphenated double last as my own.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/14/2008 1:52:15 PM
Author:claudinam
I know this topic has been discussed before...so I hope you guys don''t mind me brining it up again.

I was married back in June and I have not yet done anything about my name (I kept as it was).

I am starting to get a little anxious about it, as we''ve had a few social situations where people have said ''oh, sorry, I used your DH''s last name for yours, is that OK?'' and I''ve felt bad at that moment. I just feel I need to make a decision either way.

I know I don''t want to get rid of my last name - it''s just an identity thing for me, and I just can''t imagine that my family''s name would die with me. But I am definitely considering adding his last name after mine, no hyphen. So I would have my first name, my last name, then his last name.

So say my full name would then be C M D.

How does it work for legal things (banks accounts, etc.)? Must I use the full C M D, or can I use C M or C D?

What is passed on to the children? Does the M get passed on or not?

Hi Claudinam!

Here''s what I did: I just dealt with this today at the Social Security office. I''ll admit, I went through the past few weeks not being really sure what my last name was anymore. It sounds funny to be confused at what your name is, but I was. Anyway, I just got married one month ago, and I finally did something about changing my name when I had to for work purposes. I wanted my new name added to my maiden name on my paychecks, but in order to do that, I had to get do the name change process through the SS office first. I was going to keep my middle, last, and just tack on my new name to the end. But then I thought I''d run into problems of people not knowing what my last name is. In the end, I did just what you want to do -- I dropped my middle name and now I''m using my maiden name as my new middle name. This was the best of both worlds for me -- I never really use my middle name anyway, and I like being able to see my maiden name on all legal documents.

Sorry to ramble -- on legal documents, I''d use CMD and more formally, I''d use CD. That''s what I''m doing anyway, only with, you know, other initials.

If your maiden name becomes your new middle name, I don''t see the need to pass that on to future kids. You could if you wanted to keep your maiden name going, but you wouldn''t have to.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/14/2008 5:10:24 PM
Author: claudinam

Date: 8/14/2008 4:01:11 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I''m a very linear thinker? It''s like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must''ve picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother''s name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I''ll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it''s annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don''t think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom''s last name was, let''s say, ''Smith,'' and his dad''s last name was ''Jones.'' When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it''s all in what the kids get used to. If that''s their last name from the day that they''re born, it probably doesn''t bother them at all IMO.

I wouldn''t have to hyphenate the kid''s name if I didn''t want though, right?

I am really starting to like the idea of adding his last name to my name...it''s almost like the more secure I feel that I don''t have to drop my own last name, the more I actually like the idea of uniting it with his. I am still uncertain as to whether I would just make my last name a middle name...it seems like having two last names might be a little bit more of a PITA, whereas having it as a middle name gives me the option of either writing it out or not...depending on my mood

That''s one of the reasons why I did it this way. You have options.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/14/2008 5:22:46 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/14/2008 5:10:24 PM
Author: claudinam

Date: 8/14/2008 4:01:11 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/14/2008 3:56:35 PM
Author: claudinam
Can you guys tell I''m a very linear thinker? It''s like step 1. OK. Step 2. OK. hahaha

NEL - you must''ve picked up on that because of how your broke up your explanation.

Irish...I used to have a first, middle and last name. But I hated my first name, with a passion, even though it was my grandmother''s name.

So I ended up dropping it a couple of years ago and my middle name became my first. I really like the idea of doing this if I ever have a daughter.

OK - so it seems that if I have two last names for anything legal I must use both names/sign both, etc. But in social circles I can use whatever I want (although like elmorton said, I need to decide what I''ll do and stick to it - otherwise I could see how it''s annoying/confusing...)

Any thoughts as to how it affects the children to have two last names?

Ya know, I don''t think it really bothers them. I grew up with a boy who had a hyphenated last name. His mom''s last name was, let''s say, ''Smith,'' and his dad''s last name was ''Jones.'' When his parents got married, his mom kept her maiden name, and when they had their son they hyphenated his last name: Smith-Jones. I think it''s all in what the kids get used to. If that''s their last name from the day that they''re born, it probably doesn''t bother them at all IMO.

I wouldn''t have to hyphenate the kid''s name if I didn''t want though, right?

I am really starting to like the idea of adding his last name to my name...it''s almost like the more secure I feel that I don''t have to drop my own last name, the more I actually like the idea of uniting it with his. I am still uncertain as to whether I would just make my last name a middle name...it seems like having two last names might be a little bit more of a PITA, whereas having it as a middle name gives me the option of either writing it out or not...depending on my mood

Nope, no need to hyphenate.

When I talked to the lawyer about his option he said that a non-hyphenated double last name is the exact same as a hyphenated name legally, you just don''t have the hyphen, that''s all.

To be honest, I wish I had done the two-last-name thing. Everybody ends up dropping my middle name, anyway, and I end up being Mrs. Hislast, which is exactly what I didn''t want. I would have probably given our kids his last name, but would have loved to keep the non-hyphenated double last as my own.

Good point, NEL...

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/14/2008 5:25:45 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 8/14/2008 1:52:15 PM
Author:claudinam
I know this topic has been discussed before...so I hope you guys don't mind me brining it up again.

I was married back in June and I have not yet done anything about my name (I kept as it was).

I am starting to get a little anxious about it, as we've had a few social situations where people have said 'oh, sorry, I used your DH's last name for yours, is that OK?' and I've felt bad at that moment. I just feel I need to make a decision either way.

I know I don't want to get rid of my last name - it's just an identity thing for me, and I just can't imagine that my family's name would die with me. But I am definitely considering adding his last name after mine, no hyphen. So I would have my first name, my last name, then his last name.

So say my full name would then be C M D.

How does it work for legal things (banks accounts, etc.)? Must I use the full C M D, or can I use C M or C D?

What is passed on to the children? Does the M get passed on or not?

Hi Claudinam!

Here's what I did: I just dealt with this today at the Social Security office. I'll admit, I went through the past few weeks not being really sure what my last name was anymore. It sounds funny to be confused at what your name is, but I was. Anyway, I just got married one month ago, and I finally did something about changing my name when I had to for work purposes. I wanted my new name added to my maiden name on my paychecks, but in order to do that, I had to get do the name change process through the SS office first. I was going to keep my middle, last, and just tack on my new name to the end. But then I thought I'd run into problems of people not knowing what my last name is. In the end, I did just what you want to do -- I dropped my middle name and now I'm using my maiden name as my new middle name. This was the best of both worlds for me -- I never really use my middle name anyway, and I like being able to see my maiden name on all legal documents.

Sorry to ramble -- on legal documents, I'd use CMD and more formally, I'd use CD. That's what I'm doing anyway, only with, you know, other initials.

If your maiden name becomes your new middle name, I don't see the need to pass that on to future kids. You could if you wanted to keep your maiden name going, but you wouldn't have to.

Hey Zoe! And yes, I know you just got married, you have that adorable big hunk of a husband!
I feel the SAME way about "seeing" my name...it's like, yes, it's still there!
I guess I was thinking so that my last name would live on as well? (just like you said) Why do men's last names keep going and ours die?

ETA: yes, I like options. It's my DH's favorite saying...

ETA: I'm in the middle of doing my business cards now (that's a whole other issue, different thread)...what do you guys think would be "safest" to use?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Once upon a time long ago, etiquette books said the "proper" format was to drop your middle name, put your maiden name as your middle name, and have your husband''s last name. If your name is Jane Doe and you marry John Smith, you''d be Jane Doe Smith. Doe Smith is NOT going to be seen as one last name by anyone else unless you hyphenate it. Then when you have children, they can be Mary Doe Smith, or Mary Jane Doe Smith....but that will really be understood by MOST people to be two middle names unless you hyphenate.

 

[gemgirl]

I never legally changed my last name, but for family and friend''s mail and Christmas cards etc, I hypenate my two last names.
It looks better to other people that way. I never wanted to change my name at all and I never gave it a second thought.

 

[Pandora II]

My maiden name is a hyphenated surname (old family surname on my father's side - not two parents surnames joined together). I hated it when I was a child, it's a very uncommon surname - I only know 16 people who have it and I'm related to all of them, so it's very unanonymous. I'm only too happy to swap it for a nice short 5 letter surname that fits on forms and I don't have to spell out all the time.

But, I have a political career and my name is my brand, so I am keeping my maiden name for everything connected with that. It will be so nice to have a little anonymity in the rest of my life though.

I am changing my name on my passport, driving licence, bank account and all other legal places. I will be know as Mrs Pandora Husband's Last Name except at work and politically where I will maintain my current name.

Keeping my maiden name as a middle name isn't really an option as it's too long. I don't have a middle name as my parents felt that we had enough to learn to spell as kids.

Please do think carefully before giving your children hyphenated surnames. It may be different in the US, but I had a lot of problems over here where people assume that I am a) very wealthy (I wish

), b) a complete snob before they have even met me and I was teased about it at school a lot.

 

[HollyS]

I did not change my last name. I''m nearly 50, and I think a change this late in the game is kind of silly. The DH was ''shocked'' at first, but has accepted it. It would entail too much: not only personally, but professionally. For instance, I''m a signature on our company checks; I''d have to have the papers drawn up and cart one of the owners to the bank with me to have my name changed on the signature card. Hassle.

Socially, I''m known as HollyM, and we are known as Mr. and Mrs. M. Because we are older I guess, no one thinks this is weird.

Now, remembering to give my new last name when introducing myself in social situations . . . . that''ll take some gettin'' used to!

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/14/2008 6:52:57 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Once upon a time long ago, etiquette books said the 'proper' format was to drop your middle name, put your maiden name as your middle name, and have your husband's last name. If your name is Jane Doe and you marry John Smith, you'd be Jane Doe Smith. Doe Smith is NOT going to be seen as one last name by anyone else unless you hyphenate it. Then when you have children, they can be Mary Doe Smith, or Mary Jane Doe Smith....but that will really be understood by MOST people to be two middle names unless you hyphenate.

I've thought about that too...

Man, it's complicated. What a PITA. I keep going back and forth, but there's really so much to consider.

We're both almost 40...so we're "older" too. I was feeling VERY comfortable not changing it all...but I want it to be a conscious decision. I tell you though, doing what gemgirl did and HollyS did sounds pretty good. I can always use his last name for social occasions. I think part of me feels bad to actually tell him this would be my decision, even though he has told me he understands if I don't want to change my name. I think he would prefer/it would make him happy if I did change it, or at least added it to my name, or even used his last name as my middle name, and my own last name following it (very traditional in PR, where he's from).

Wow - come to think of it, doing that would solve ALL my problems, wouldn't it??

 

[AprilBaby]

I got married in 1980 and took husbands last name. About 20 years in I felt like I missed MY identity so I had my drivers license changed to make my maiden name my middle name. I sign everything with my full name (first, maiden, last). Legally I think your whole name is still first, middle, maiden, last. Kids are fully dads name, not mine.