My mom has severe dementia, any advice??

[crafftygrrl]

Lisa.

When my grandmother in law was dying, she had a long series of mini-strokes that incapacitated her until she passed away. When it became clear she could no longer care for herself. My in-laws retained the services of an eldercare social worker. This person took charge and arranged for 24/7 care. Her firm took care of EVERYTHING, from filling out medical forms, and arranging for medical care to food shopping, errands, laundry and house cleaning. Her primary caregiver was PHENOMENAL. In fact, my GMIL''s last words were that she loved Audrey--her caregiver. She remained in her home till the day she died. She was very lucky with her care. Handling her care this way also saved her estate, too.

Best of luck!

Claudia

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks Claudia,
I just heard of a service around here that does the same thing. One of my best friends is going to use them for her parents. I will definitely keep it in mind. I have a little while before they come home and want all my ducks in a row so to speak. Thank you so much for all your advice. I read everything in your other post as well. Lisa

 

[Shay37]

Lisa, I don''t have much in the way of advice. Just a bit of stick to your guns and do what you know is right, even if your father is being a turkey. you''re in my prayers. I''m so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

shay

 

[Blenheim]

I don''t have any advice either, but just wanted to say that I''m thinking of you. Good luck with what is certainly a very difficult situation.

Blenheim

 

[tawn]

My Dad took care of his Father for 5-6 years, with very little help from his sister, and no help at all from his brother. His sister reported his driving to the DMV, and they called him in to be retested for his license and he just gave it to them and started walking. He carried his name and address in his pocket, and the police brought him home on several occasions.

Fortunately, he was very happy and content, other than brief period in the beginning where he pushed my Grandmother down and ripped up the curtains and a few other weird things. Some Alzheimers patients get quite angry and violent...and it was such a blessing that he stayed very lovable!

It''s such a horrid disease, and I hope your Dad can open his eyes and become aware that you''re trying to help them both. Make sure you take care of yourself! I''ll be thinking of you!

 

[jorman]

Hey Kaleigh-

My step father (who was remarkably older than my mother) had alzheimer''s for years before he died in 2000. I don''t know if your mother''s dimensia is alzheimer''s or parkinson''s or stroke induced, but if she does have alzheimer''s I recommend reading "The 36 Hour Day". It helps give a new perspective to how the alzheimer''s brain works and what makes them do what they do. My mom also attended a support group for spouses of alzheimer''s. They also have a children of alzheimer''s support group.

I wish you and your family the best and wrap you up in a big hug. Dimensia of any kind is very difficult and heart wrenching.

-Janna

 

[Kaleigh]

Thanks Shay, Tawn, Blenheim and Jorman!! I will buy that book and read it. I''m not sure if it''s alzheimer''s or not. We will need to find that out once they come home. I am leaving for a vacation this Saturday and am going to recharge my batteries so I can be up to the challenge that lies ahead. Many thanks to all of you. I really appreciate all the words of wisdom and advice. Lisa

 

[BrightSpot]

Hey Lisa,

I''m so sorry to hear about your mom''s condition. My grandfather had Alhzeimer''s disease as well. He & my Gran lived with my parents for several years & it was manageable for a while. Over time, as the disease progressed, caring for him at home became unmanageable. He lost control of his bowels & would become very angry & even violent at times. He was always worse at night. This was especially disturbing as he was such a kind & gentle person before the disease. My Gran bore the brunt of his rage & it was heartbreaking to see.

When he started to get bad, they got an eldercare social worker who came in 3 times a week. She was a wonderful woman who took great care of my Grandpa & was a much needed companion for my Gran. She & my Gran are still close. Gran also took my grandpa to elder daycare once a week, which seemed to be good for him (the structure, being with other people) & gave Gran some time off from caring for him.

Eventually, his care became too difficult to handle at home, so he & my Gran moved to an assisted living facility. He moved into the nursing home section & she moved into a suite in the "independent living" section. This transition was extremely difficult for her initially. She didn''t want to move away from my parents'' house, but they gave her a push out of the nest. Initially, I didn''t agree with my parents'' decision to do this, but it really has been for the best. My Grandpa was well cared for in his new home & my gran was able to spend the majority of her days with him, but he received the care he needed at night.

Unfortunately, my grandpa passed away 2 months after the move. The community was an amazing source of support for my Gran. She''s made a lot of wonderful friends & is constantly on the go. She has a much more active social life than she did when she was living with my parents. (And she now refers to the place where she lives as "home" rather than "the big house," which is a good sign...

Also, when the time comes when she needs more care, she can move into the assisted living section. I think she''s also liked not having to cook every day, though she always makes her specialties when she visits my mom''s house. (They usually get together at least once a week.)

My grandparents were happily married for 52 years. Anyone who knew them, or even looked at them, could tell how much they loved each other. I remember, growing up, thinking that I wanted to find a man who looked at me the same way my Grandpa looked at my Gran. It was heartbreaking to see this connection tested by the disease. But now, several years after my Grandpa''s death, the horrible memories of his final days have been erased. I see that look in Gran''s eyes again when she talks about Grandpa.

So, Lisa, you have a hard road ahead with your mom. Please don''t try to take it all on yourself. Your dad might be resistant to getting outside help, but it''s really in his best interest & your mom''s if he does. You might have to push him a bit, though. I know my mom had to push my Gran.