My future ex-wife

[Erin]

You may remember me from LIW, but a lot has changed since then.

I started dating a guy with two small children, six months ago and well, we just found out Saturday we are pregnant.

Not planned, but welcomed none the less.

His exwife made the following comment to him last night after viewing me from afar for the first time.

"So this is the girl you've been seeing all summer?" Yep.
"She's kind of a big girl, don't you think?" What do you mean by that?
"Well, she's definitely not small. I know you have issues with being bald but don't you think you could have done any better?"

Let me preface by saying she makes Kate Moss look thin. And I'm well, 5'8, 38D, 30" waist and 155lbs.
Some women wouldn't mind losing a few pounds (myself included) but I think I look okay.

Since we found out we're pregnant we are on the fast track to meeting his boys, meeting the exwife, telling our parents, telling our (same) work, moving in. Most likely a wedding after the baby is born. We're both not a fan of shotgun weddings.

How the heck am I supposed to kill her with kindness (my original plan) when I now know first hand what a

she is? And of course everybody has been telling me how materialistic and arrogant she is.

Any suggestions are most welcomed. Thanks for listening.

 

[decodelighted]

CONGRATS first of all!!

I wonder why he even *told* you what his ex said? Perhaps that''s something to be discussed & maybe you can NOT be told in the future ... makes it easier not to take the bait if you can''t taste/smell/sense the bait.

As for dealing w/her and killing her with kindness etc ... stay on plan. You don''t have to like her but being polite & doting on the kids etc will make life much smoother & more pleasant for everyone involved REGARDLESS OF WHAT SHE DOES/IS.

BTW ... I''m sure her snipes etc are reminding your BF of why they are DIVORCED.

 

[mrssalvo]

ooo congrats starset

you''ll have to come join us in the pregnant pricescoper''s thread...

i agree with deco. I have an ex-wife too and have found being very nice and polite no matter what she says or does really has been the best. Of course, my hubby''s ex is VERY nice so i never had a snotty ex to deal with. But, there were some trying times early in our marriage when the kids would just get dropped off with no warning or plans and I wasn''t prepared. It took some time to establish basic workable groundrules so we could all get along easily and not step on each others toes.

anyway,congrats again, that is just wonderful news!!!

 

[Erin]

Thanks Deco! Thanks Mrssalvo, I will very soon!

I told him, I understand you think you're preparing me for what a

she is, but honestly, I think I got it.
Unless you need clarification from a she said she said, I don't care and don't want to know what she says about me.

There are so many positives for me in getting to experience watching his boys grow since I'm sort of a late bloomer on the having kids chart. She however, I know will not be easy...

 

[KimberlyH]

Thritto the "kill her with kindness" path...and learn to use your selective hearing button in regards to things she says, the boys repeat, etc, it will keep you sane and happy in your own relationship.

 

[Kaleigh]

Congrats on your pregnancy Starset!! I agree with everyone else, kill her with kindness. Ignore her drama. Y
You don''t have to like her. But you will be part of her kids lives and hopefully she will see you have their best interest at heart. So by leading by example, maybe she will back off on the negative comments.

 

[TravelingGal]

Nothing more annoying to someone like that than to not get a response/reaction. Being happy is probably the biggest payback you can give her.

And you''ll be happy because you''ll be glowing from your pregnancy! CONGRATS!!!

 

[monarch64]

Congrats Starset!!! You know, I was just thinking about you this weekend, usually you chime in on a holiday thread and tell us you''re in the pool having vodka lemonade, I think. My little brain actually thought "wonder where Starset is?" LOL! Now I know, you''ve been a busy gal!

Sheesh, no wonder she''s the ex, making crappy comments like that. Obviously this woman isn''t very comfortable with herself if she has to make horrid comments like that about anyone, so take ''em with a grain of salt. You''ll most likely be a welcome addition to the family being the positive and upbeat gal you are, what a refreshing change from her negativity it will be.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

 

[Skippy123]

Congrats on being preggers! Yay yay! That is very exciting news!!

I am in the kill her w/kindness camp but don't be a floor mat either (I know you won't). I know you will do great!

 

[diamondfan]

Congrats. I have one thought here...WHO CARES WHAT SHE SAYS? You have him and she does not. You could make Twiggy look chunky and she would find SOMETHING nasty to say so forget her and her sour grapes. Seriously. You need happy and nice thoughts right about now!

 

[luckystar112]

Well, doesn''t she sounds like a lovely human being who got exactly what she deserves.

Kill her with kindness, for sure!

 

[Haven]

Congratulations, Starset!

As for the ex--she has already proven what a grotesque person she is by making that comment, now it's your turn to prove (over and over again) what a lovely, happy person you are. Seriously--it's so hard to do at times, but kindness truly does kill a disagreeable individual, and disagreeable she certainly is.

Many, many, many congratulations to you two! Focus on your joy, and smear it all over her scowling face when she dares come near you.

ETA: Oh, and I'm 5'9" and 155 lbs--and dare I say we have QUITE lovely proportions, you and I!

 

[perry]

Congrat''s, and I wish you and your child to be the best...

As for your future relationship. Treat her with kindness, complement what she does that is nice (or well), and don''t worry about it.

Why is it that so many people do not realize that it is the person within and not necessarily the body and cloths that makes one special and meaningfull in life.

Perry

 

[Erin]

Sounds unanimous! I guess I knew that was the answer, I just can''t help but surprised by her immediate ''attack.''

I know we''ll be happy, I know I''ll be happy, I know his boys will make me happy, and this baby will make me happy.
Even if there were an alternative, I don''t think I''d have a choice anyway!

Thanks for the advice ladies, and my favorite male opinion, Perry.