my fiance''s sooo sweet...to get the 3 ct. stone...the poor resident.......
- Thread starter k2aimeroo
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Well, she should feel guilty. She allowed her FI to work a second job and to take out a loan without saying, "Honey, I don''t need a 3ct ring! Please stop all this nonsense!" She did not choose to stop him and reassure him that she doesn''t need to keep up with her social circle. Although I could be wrong, it sounds like she was fully aware of what he was going through to pay for this ring. That is very wrong, in my mind. Plus, I still don''t understand why she told us all this to begin with?
surfgirl
Ideal_Rock
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Actually, if an honest discussion and comments enlighten someone towards fiscal responsibility, then I''m fine with that. This IS a diamond board and yet, we have threads about all kinds of non-diamond issues (I wish it was only diamonds/gems, personally). And actually, there have been many MANY posts on PS over the years that consist of men wanting to know how much to spend on a ring, or men that are stressed because they cannot afford the "dream ring" or women that want a pricey ring when their BFs cannot afford that. So yes, we DO talk about financial responsibility all the time here. That said, honest comments do not equal rudeness, IMO.
k2aimeroo
Rough_Rock
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ME AGAIN!!!
Interesting judgements from a place that seems to be seeeething with SPOILED GOLD-DIGGERS!!!! Perhaps you''d feel differently if a) you had the ring on YOUR finger and b) you knew ANYTHING about us!! I am sorry to upset anyone. NOT my intention.
Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for the comments that were not judgemental... I do not take any personal offense to those who did judge, but I do appreciate those who pointed it out!! Thanks girls!!!
Interesting judgements from a place that seems to be seeeething with SPOILED GOLD-DIGGERS!!!! Perhaps you''d feel differently if a) you had the ring on YOUR finger and b) you knew ANYTHING about us!! I am sorry to upset anyone. NOT my intention.
Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for the comments that were not judgemental... I do not take any personal offense to those who did judge, but I do appreciate those who pointed it out!! Thanks girls!!!
TravelingGal
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Surfgirl, I am on the same page as you. And yes, we talk about financial responsiblity here on PS...usually when people are on the hunt for the ring.
However, on SMTR, I do try to show people the same courtesy as I would in real life. That''s probably just me though. IRL, I would not say, "Nice ring, but not my style." Or "I can''t believe you''d let your bf work two jobs for that...you''re shallow." IRL, I say, "Beautiful ring!" and move on.
KWIM?
k2aimeroo
Rough_Rock
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How catty of you. You shouldn''t assume anything that you don''t know. I said ALL of that, for your information. And my social circle''s biggest stone is about 1ct. Why do you even care what I do?
Anyways, I am entertained by all this and will not get sucked into the cattiness.
Good luck to all of you and I hope you find some peace that is missing in your lives. I am happy as can be. Debt is not looming over us at all -- like is pretty freaking good!!!
coatimundi_org
Ideal_Rock
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I don't feel this place is "seething with spoiled gold diggers."
Many of us work for a living, thank you very much!
It is a site that is seething with diamond lovers!
And YOU have a lovely diamond!
(I wasn't even going to post on this crazy thread, but I just had to object to that whole "gold digger" line of thinking.)
zhuzhu
Ideal_Rock
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Beautiful ring indeed and I wish you wear it in good health.
However I believe those who might have sounded "judgemental" (including me) came from a sincere place just wanting to warn you of the unpredictable danger the kind of financial detail you shared with us involved. Also, we did not call you names. SO please, don''t be too upset.
777_LDY
Brilliant_Rock
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Date: 2/8/2008 1:46:48 PM
Author: coatimundi
I don''t feel this place is ''seething with spoiled gold diggers.''
Many of us work for a living, thank you very much!
It is a site that is seething with diamond lovers!
And YOU have a lovely diamond!
(I wasn''t even going to post on this crazy thread, but I just had to object to that whole ''gold digger'' line of thinking.)
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
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Oy, I didn''t mean to open a giant can of worms.
I realize this is a diamond board, but it''s also a PUBLIC board and in all honesty, when i read the post I was sincerely concerned about K2. a $40 - $50k loan for a ring on top of medical school expenses and not having any savings or much income can be very scary for a woman who would be legally responsible (after marriage) if anything were to happen. I just wanted to make sure they had both really discussed the situation because the tone of the post seemed like she loved the ring, but that it was all his doing and that didn''t seem to be very fair to K2. When I realized they had discussed it and she was okay with him taking out the loan, well, then that''s a personal thing between them. I honestly just wanted to make sure she had a say in this.
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I think this whole thread is very, very sad. I am sad that the original poster was so insulted when she came here being totally honest. If he had home equity, he was borrowing from himself. I just don''t think Show Me the Ring is the place to cast judgment like this. If she had asked a question prior to the purchase of the ring, I am sure most of us would have advised buying a smaller stone from GOG and WF and upgrading in 5 years when they have more money. But since that is not the case, I think the polite thing to do was say something nice, or say nothing at all!
I''m really sorry, Amy. Please remember that many of us are very happy for you and think your ring is gorgeous!
I''m really sorry, Amy. Please remember that many of us are very happy for you and think your ring is gorgeous!
galleygal
Shiny_Rock
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I think that she wanted to share how much her FI loved her and to what extent he was/is willing to go. She might have not asked for a 3 ct but maybe he wanted to get it for her. Whatever the story is, it''s no one''s business to start pointing the finger and saying "shame one you." There''s a saying from Bob Marley that goes "Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I am not perfect-and I don''t live to be, but before you start pointing fingers..make sure your hands are clean." I''m sure there are other people on this forum as well that could not afford their rings or had to take out a loan to purchase their "dream" ring. I''m not saying everyone on here had to do that. Please be nice and don''t judge.
Hi k2aimeroo...Congratulations on your engagement and enjoy wearing your BEAUTIFUL ring!
It's a shame this thread took such a bad turn... some of these comments were a bit harsh
I think your soon-to-be-hubby sounds like a great guy and you're a lucky girl
It's a shame this thread took such a bad turn... some of these comments were a bit harsh
golden
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1-no one knows how much the loan is for
2-no one knows what they have in savings
3-no one knows their finances
Maybe he worked the extra job so he didnt have to take a large loan, maybe the loan was for 5,000? maybe he didnt want to touch his or their savings? I mean no one knows any of this...as it is no one's business, but the comments came across as if everyone knew such details.
How do you know she didn't tell him NOT to work extra, not to take out a loan? It sounds like he was going to get her this ring, no matter what because HE wanted to. So should she have rejected the ring? I don't think he would have been to happy about that.
AND about the SOCIAL CIRCUIT- it sounded like HE was concerned about HIS social circuit, not hers.
2-no one knows what they have in savings
3-no one knows their finances
Maybe he worked the extra job so he didnt have to take a large loan, maybe the loan was for 5,000? maybe he didnt want to touch his or their savings? I mean no one knows any of this...as it is no one's business, but the comments came across as if everyone knew such details.
How do you know she didn't tell him NOT to work extra, not to take out a loan? It sounds like he was going to get her this ring, no matter what because HE wanted to. So should she have rejected the ring? I don't think he would have been to happy about that.
AND about the SOCIAL CIRCUIT- it sounded like HE was concerned about HIS social circuit, not hers.
Amy,
Congratulations on the engagement and the ring!
I won't reiterate what has been said, but I do want to express umbrage at your labelling us "spoiled gold-diggers." Many, if not all of us, either work or are full-time mothers (a noble job in itself).
Congratulations on the engagement and the ring!
I won't reiterate what has been said, but I do want to express umbrage at your labelling us "spoiled gold-diggers." Many, if not all of us, either work or are full-time mothers (a noble job in itself).
TravelingGal
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It''s a forum, and people are going to judge...it''s normal. But as I mentioned, SMTR seems to call for a bit more restraint. At least it has for many of us longtime PSers.
Just imagine this woman was at your work, showing you this ring and telling her your story. You may be THINKING what you are thinking, but would you say it? Yes, I know this is the Internet, but we''ve always shown some courtesy and grace around here at SMTR.
It would be like her telling the story in front of a crowd. After a few ooh and aahs, someone saying, "Well, did you know that he did that? I would have KILLED my FI if he did. I would have never."
Another nods. "Yeah, I was thinking that too."
Then another just shakes her head and gives the newly engaged a dirty look. Then another, then another, with no one wishing her happiness or compliments.
Someone finally pipes up and says, C''mon, she''s newly engaged. Just wish her well, wouldja?
A couple agree.
But there are people who STILL insist on making a point...all while this woman is standing there with her hand held out, proud of her ring. Their need to make a point (no matter how valid) trumps over just being happy for that person.
Really...would you do this in real life? I''m with DS2006. It''s unfortunate.
Just imagine this woman was at your work, showing you this ring and telling her your story. You may be THINKING what you are thinking, but would you say it? Yes, I know this is the Internet, but we''ve always shown some courtesy and grace around here at SMTR.
It would be like her telling the story in front of a crowd. After a few ooh and aahs, someone saying, "Well, did you know that he did that? I would have KILLED my FI if he did. I would have never."
Another nods. "Yeah, I was thinking that too."
Then another just shakes her head and gives the newly engaged a dirty look. Then another, then another, with no one wishing her happiness or compliments.
Someone finally pipes up and says, C''mon, she''s newly engaged. Just wish her well, wouldja?
A couple agree.
But there are people who STILL insist on making a point...all while this woman is standing there with her hand held out, proud of her ring. Their need to make a point (no matter how valid) trumps over just being happy for that person.
Really...would you do this in real life? I''m with DS2006. It''s unfortunate.
NewEnglandLady
Ideal_Rock
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I'd have to say yes, without a moment of hesitation. I'd want to make sure she was looking out for herself.
decodelighted
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Without knowing all the details ... from the wee bit that was posted in the OP I *winced* a bit ... perhaps as much at what I felt was an *overshare* as the financial circumstances involved in the ring purchase.
HOWEVER
This is "Show Me The Ring". It was obvious that the OP wasn''t looking for financial advice or judgement. The purchase was ALREADY MADE, by SOMEONE ELSE. It wasn''t up for discussion IMHO. Which is why I didn''t post at all originally.
I can understand why others chimed in ... most likely with good intentions! "Hey, this seems like a great thing but there''s a flip side" But there''s a time & a place for all things and it seemed NOT like a time for that IMHO.
OP ... your ring is AMAZING! It''s wonderful that you''re engaged and that your fiance wants you to have the best. I applaud the fact you didn''t take the comments too personally. But I think calling names and assuming we''re "seething golddiggers" isn''t a) accurate and b) taking into account the INTENTION behind some of the comments. Perhaps some people just meant to shame. That''s awful. But some meant to give an objective opinion about a possible red-flag. Just so you could clarify that before such a serious step as a union. Pricescopers are sweet, but also honest and sometimes wrong.
Congrats on your BLING! It''s a knock out.
HOWEVER
This is "Show Me The Ring". It was obvious that the OP wasn''t looking for financial advice or judgement. The purchase was ALREADY MADE, by SOMEONE ELSE. It wasn''t up for discussion IMHO. Which is why I didn''t post at all originally.
I can understand why others chimed in ... most likely with good intentions! "Hey, this seems like a great thing but there''s a flip side" But there''s a time & a place for all things and it seemed NOT like a time for that IMHO.
OP ... your ring is AMAZING! It''s wonderful that you''re engaged and that your fiance wants you to have the best. I applaud the fact you didn''t take the comments too personally. But I think calling names and assuming we''re "seething golddiggers" isn''t a) accurate and b) taking into account the INTENTION behind some of the comments. Perhaps some people just meant to shame. That''s awful. But some meant to give an objective opinion about a possible red-flag. Just so you could clarify that before such a serious step as a union. Pricescopers are sweet, but also honest and sometimes wrong.
Congrats on your BLING! It''s a knock out.
steph72276
Ideal_Rock
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Totally agree with this.
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
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NEL, For the record, I don''t think your original post was too out of line, and yes, you may have said that in real life (I daresay some people WOULD, although I don''t think it''s necessary the most polite thing to say in front of a group).
And Deco, I beg your pardon. I AM a gold digger. I just happen to keep digging in a coal mine.
steph72276
Ideal_Rock
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Totally agree with this.
lumpkin
Ideal_Rock
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Not unless I knew her very well, and certainly not in front of others. I would not want to embarrass her regardless of what I thought.
That said, K2, please don''t call us gold diggers. It doesn''t give you any credibility and will allienate people who would otherwise be friendly towards you here.
decodelighted
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oh I KNOW you''re a gold/coal digger ... I just see you more as "sputtering" than "seething".Date: 2/8/2008 2:48:07 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Deco, I beg your pardon. I AM a gold digger. I just happen to keep digging in a coal mine.
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
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hmph.Date: 2/8/2008 2:53:56 PM
Author: decodelighted
Oh I KNOW you''re a gold/coal digger ... I just see you more as ''sputtering'' than ''seething''.Date: 2/8/2008 2:48:07 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Deco, I beg your pardon. I AM a gold digger. I just happen to keep digging in a coal mine.
Lurchie
Shiny_Rock
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Here here.Date: 2/8/2008 2:00:34 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I think this whole thread is very, very sad. I am sad that the original poster was so insulted when she came here being totally honest. If he had home equity, he was borrowing from himself. I just don''t think Show Me the Ring is the place to cast judgment like this. If she had asked a question prior to the purchase of the ring, I am sure most of us would have advised buying a smaller stone from GOG and WF and upgrading in 5 years when they have more money. But since that is not the case, I think the polite thing to do was say something nice, or say nothing at all!
I''m really sorry, Amy. Please remember that many of us are very happy for you and think your ring is gorgeous!
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