blacksand
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2010
- Messages
- 889
This has been on my mind for a while. I’ve formulated several posts, but ending up scrapping them all in embarrassment. The fact of the matter is I realize I’m being a bit jealous, immature, and selfish. I know I need to suck it up for the love of my boyfriend. But I’m having some trouble coping. I’m hoping you can be a sounding board, maybe share similar experiences you may have, or tell me I’m being ridiculous, if that’s the case!
Here’s the story: my boyfriend was married before. Honestly, this never bothered me at all until recently. His ex is completely out of the picture. No children, no shared assets, nothing. A clean break. I did fear complications with his family and friends when they first met me, but it turns out none of them liked her, and they’re all wonderful to me. My boyfriend harbors no feelings for his ex, doesn’t talk much about her, but doesn’t hide anything if I ask, and goes out of his way to make it clear that I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Seriously, he’s amazing, and I’m very lucky. Even my parents, who are devout Catholics and were not fond of the idea of my dating a divorced man, put that aside immediately after meeting him. They adore him and are eager for us to start a family of our own.
So everything should be perfect. And most of the time, it is. But since we’ve been thinking more and more about engagement and marriage, a nasty feeling has crept up on me. I don’t like it, but I can’t shake it. It bothers me that he has proposed to another woman. That he has picked out a ring, agonized over the perfect proposal, announced the engagement to family and friends, planned a wedding, bought a house, and prepared to spend his life with another woman. This is COMPLETELY hypocritical of me, and I know it. Though I have not been officially engaged before, I have certainly mentally planned a wedding and a life together with an ex of mine, and had every intention of going through with it. I realize this is not much different from what my boyfriend did. I realize it was just a relationship that didn’t work out, and everyone has a past. Believe me, I don’t like feeling this way. But it just…bothers me.
I know the answer is to either get over it or break up. I basically have to suck it up. But I’m wondering if anyone has anyone experience with this or sage words for me. Any ideas to help me get past this?
Here’s the story: my boyfriend was married before. Honestly, this never bothered me at all until recently. His ex is completely out of the picture. No children, no shared assets, nothing. A clean break. I did fear complications with his family and friends when they first met me, but it turns out none of them liked her, and they’re all wonderful to me. My boyfriend harbors no feelings for his ex, doesn’t talk much about her, but doesn’t hide anything if I ask, and goes out of his way to make it clear that I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Seriously, he’s amazing, and I’m very lucky. Even my parents, who are devout Catholics and were not fond of the idea of my dating a divorced man, put that aside immediately after meeting him. They adore him and are eager for us to start a family of our own.
So everything should be perfect. And most of the time, it is. But since we’ve been thinking more and more about engagement and marriage, a nasty feeling has crept up on me. I don’t like it, but I can’t shake it. It bothers me that he has proposed to another woman. That he has picked out a ring, agonized over the perfect proposal, announced the engagement to family and friends, planned a wedding, bought a house, and prepared to spend his life with another woman. This is COMPLETELY hypocritical of me, and I know it. Though I have not been officially engaged before, I have certainly mentally planned a wedding and a life together with an ex of mine, and had every intention of going through with it. I realize this is not much different from what my boyfriend did. I realize it was just a relationship that didn’t work out, and everyone has a past. Believe me, I don’t like feeling this way. But it just…bothers me.
I know the answer is to either get over it or break up. I basically have to suck it up. But I’m wondering if anyone has anyone experience with this or sage words for me. Any ideas to help me get past this?