lost again

[begin ing]

I got all excited about shopping and learning about the diamond but it just got to me today. Why am I the only one doing this? Shouldn''t he be the one looking for the perfect ring for me? shouldn''t there be some sort of proposal?
it just doesn''t seem right. I look for the ring, the diamond. all he does is pay for it.. I don''t need him to pay for it. I can buy myself one.
shouldn''t the guy help out somewhere in the ring seeking process? or am I being not fair? lost lost lost

 

[cinnabar]

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Has he refused to take part in the research for the ring?

Personally, I would MUCH rather choose the the stone and setting myself and let him pay for it, so I get exactly what I want.

But if you''re not happy, then you need to talk to your FI about your concerns. There will be bigger issues that come up during your life together later, and lines of communication need to be established early on.

 

[MissAva]

Well just becuase you pick the ring doesnt mea he can not go all out to propose to you with it.
Also perhaps he is doing research as well. He may want you to show him things so he can get a feel of what you like so he can be safe in knowing that he will buy you something you like.
Also sometimes it can be fun just to look and learn and enjoy diamonds and their properties and settings. The more you learn the happier you will be with your final purchase, but I would not say you being here means he is not as well.
Welcome to LIW Begin Ing

 

[flutterby]

I have done nearly all the research for my ring, set up all but the initial appointment with the jeweler. It was frustrating at first, but I did know what i wanted and he does want me to love it. As long as he puts something into it, like a creative proposal, to show that I didnt do it all on my own, I''m ok with that.

 

[VuittonGal]

You should talk to your BF. He may not realize it''s bothering you that he''s not involved in shopping for the ring. Maybe he wants you to pick it out because he wants you to have exactly what you want?

What''s funny is that I love my BF dearly and trust his taste, but told him there''s no way I''d let him pick out my ring alone. I know too much!!!! I''m learning more about diamonds everyday and it''s just dangerous. I suppose I could share the knowledge with him, but I enjoy diamonds too much to take the experience away from myself!!!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 8/30/2005 5:17:17 PM
Author: cinnabar
Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Has he refused to take part in the research for the ring?

Personally, I would MUCH rather choose the the stone and setting myself and let him pay for it, so I get exactly what I want.

But if you''re not happy, then you need to talk to your FI about your concerns. There will be bigger issues that come up during your life together later, and lines of communication need to be established early on.

That is exactly how I would feel too- I would rather do the choosing but I agree you need to discuss it with him, maybe he is sailing along quite happily and doesn''t realise you would like a little more input from him?

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 8/31/2005 8:50:01 AM
Author: VuittonGal
You should talk to your BF. He may not realize it's bothering you that he's not involved in shopping for the ring. Maybe he wants you to pick it out because he wants you to have exactly what you want?

What's funny is that I love my BF dearly and trust his taste, but told him there's no way I'd let him pick out my ring alone. I know too much!!!! I'm learning more about diamonds everyday and it's just dangerous. I suppose I could share the knowledge with him, but I enjoy diamonds too much to take the experience away from myself!!!

Good post too VG. It is hard to judge how it is in the " real" non Pricescope world as us ladies and gents are far more diamond educated than the average consumer - however IMO it seems that more and more are smart shopping with diamonds and making the effort to go beyond the 4 C's. See if you can get his take on it, some guys seem to think as long as it is a diamond, it sparkles, looks pretty, and the lady is happy, that is good enough. - all they have to do is pay for it. Ask for his involvement and he may surprise you! I am sure that all he wants is your happiness and if you want his input you may have to guide him a little! Good luck!

 

[DonaBella]

As already mentioned, he may not be even aware of how much this is bothering you and it would do you both good to talk to him honestly and openly about it. Just be careful on how you phrase your concerns,being sure to make "I" statements not "You are not doing..." statements. My hubby is a highly educated, highly intellectual man who is out to lunch on emotional things with me unless I am clear and deliberate with my concerns. I have to be careful not to be defensive when I communicate and I get my message across much better. That''s all I am suggesting.

Most likely--if he is like any other guy--he doesn''t realize how much you want him a part of the process. Express what you want and he will more than likely give you what you want. Hope everything works out!

 

[mtleaves]

You''ll definitely want to talk to him about it, as was mentiioned in previous posts. He may actually be feeling very different from what you are assuming. He might be feeling left out. When I told my bf that I wanted to pick out my own ring he said "Well you''re kind of taking the romance out of it". Guys are usually exited to make it a big surprise. So your bf may feel like he''s been taken out of the process. But you won''t know until you talk to him about it.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Begin ing:
I hear you gal! I was in the same boat- researching like mad, "doing all the work", etc... I even bought him a book, as I know he doesn''t have as much daily time to surf the net as I do (he''s a medicinal chemist, and works in a lab) But I never heard a peep from him on the subject. I began to get frustrated!

Well, guess what?? I talked to him about it, and found out that he had actually read the book, and was poking around on the net here and there. Just because he hadn''t talked about it, didn''t mean he wasn''t doing "anything". Communication is key- I learned that he was acutally into it (sort of!), and he learned that I needed to talk more about the process (total girl!)

We went on our first e-ring shopping trip this last weekend- his idea!

 

[fountainfairfax]

I can sympathize- all of this involvement does kinda take the magic out of getting engaged at first!

I had to realize that while being married is important to my BF all the things you do to get there aren''t on the same scale of importance to him. Once he started to see how much I was into it and I started asking him opinions on different rings that I liked he started to "get" it. When I wanted to look for a custom designer he asked for the different websites and told me what he liked and disliked about each one. When we decided on a designer he had a lot more to say about the sketches than I ever thought he would! And the final decision was really a collaboration of what we both thought our engagement ring should look like (although it is very different than either of us originally liked!)

and I know once it gets here I will have all the butterflies & excitement wondering what he''s going to do to give it to me.
I agree with everyone that you need to discuss this with him- you want a heart-felt proposal, not a bank!!!! I bet he''ll come around the closer it gets to the time to pick it out, or if that''s really too much for you- just give him some of your favorite diamond vendors & settings, tell him the ball is now in his court and begin "the wait." Plenty of the ladies here have been on the receiving end of rings where they''ve helped to narrow down the choices but didn''t know what they were actually going to receive. How fun is that!!!!

 

[begin ing]

Thanks to everyone I finally asked him this weekend. We had a wonderful conversation. Once I find the setting. He will look for the right stone. But he did request for me to help ''educate'' him... I forward him www.pricescope.com.. now I am just nurvese

 

[MissAva]

Date: 9/6/2005 12:22:11 AM
Author: begin ing
Thanks to everyone I finally asked him this weekend. We had a wonderful conversation. Once I find the setting. He will look for the right stone. But he did request for me to help ''educate'' him... I forward him www.pricescope.com.. now I am just nurvese

That is the perfect comprimise!