somedaysunday
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2011
- Messages
- 84
Girls, I am losing. my. cool. Every important aspect of my life is totally uncertain right now and I feel like I'm just flying off into space with nothing to hold on to. No post-grad job yet, no idea where I'm going to be living, no idea what I'm going to be doing. And yes, while I feel secure in my loving relationship, I've just been burned too many times to consider anything permanent until it's, well, permanent (and engagement/marriage is as permanent as I can ask for). For particular reasons I am quite certain we will be engaged soon (as in sometime this summer), it's just killing me that I am completely in the dark....about everything. I feel like I'm just flying away.
This isn't manifesting itself into fights with him (thank goodness), rather, into a quiet little psychosis that has me insecure about our relationship. The fears keep creeping up that SO is somehow turning into my ex, who was cheating on me for many months while I glided along not seeing it until he left me for her. To be clear, my current SO could not be more vocally supportive or loving to me. He hasn't earned any of this. The one friend who I confided to about this thinks I should try to talk to SO about it - but I just can't. It just doesn't seem fair to present him with this issue which he has neither caused nor could fix. He already knows - by way of knowing my personality, and because I've specifically told him - that the waiting is hard for me. But, as he points out, the surprise is the fun of it. For him, anyway. I don't want to take that away from him - I don't want to ruin a special proposal just because I have too much uncertainty in my life. I don't want him to feel like he is making my life more complicated - even though this issue is - because he does so very much to try to make my life less stressful.
SS
This isn't manifesting itself into fights with him (thank goodness), rather, into a quiet little psychosis that has me insecure about our relationship. The fears keep creeping up that SO is somehow turning into my ex, who was cheating on me for many months while I glided along not seeing it until he left me for her. To be clear, my current SO could not be more vocally supportive or loving to me. He hasn't earned any of this. The one friend who I confided to about this thinks I should try to talk to SO about it - but I just can't. It just doesn't seem fair to present him with this issue which he has neither caused nor could fix. He already knows - by way of knowing my personality, and because I've specifically told him - that the waiting is hard for me. But, as he points out, the surprise is the fun of it. For him, anyway. I don't want to take that away from him - I don't want to ruin a special proposal just because I have too much uncertainty in my life. I don't want him to feel like he is making my life more complicated - even though this issue is - because he does so very much to try to make my life less stressful.
SS