Looking and booking before the ring??

[Shannon72781]

My SO and I have been talking about getting engaged the past 6 months. He''s saving up money for the ring (though everytime I ask him how much is in "the fund" he replies..."A dollar."), and will hopefully have enough saved for us to be engaged this time next year.

I was speaking with a friend who is getting married August 2008 and she started looking at venues for the reception several months ago. Her experience was not good- most were booked for that time of year already! She did eventually find something, but it was more money than originally planned. Her parents are paying for the wedding.

My questions is...my SO and I have been together for over 1.5 years, known each other for over 12 years, and completely agree we want to spend the rest of our lives together. How crazy would it be to to look at and book places BEFORE I am "oficially" engaged? We plan on marrying summer 2009, as he is a teacher and it will be easier for him to have time off during summer break. Would anyone else do this? I am now really nervous that since we will be marrying during high season, nothing will be available for us, and we will be footing most of the bill! I cannot do what my friend did and start looking at more expensive venues since they were the only ones left.

Any opinions or experiences greatly appreciated!

 

[JenStone]

I don''t think it''s a bad idea at all, especially if your schedules are less flexible than other people''s. I should be "officially" getting engaged sometime this month but my mother''s been planning our engagement party for a couple of months now, only because she knows that my boyfriend''s parents live in another country and they''ll be here for a month in July.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about it yet?

 

[neatfreak]

I think as long as HE is on board with it, go ahead.

I do have a friend who is looking at venues and planning on booking WITHOUT HAVING EVEN HAD THE ENGAGEMENT TALK WITH BF YET!!!

REALLY bad idea. Don''t be that girl.

 

[Shannon72781]

Hi Jen,

I mentioned it to him last night (just about my friend''s situation, not actually suggesting we start looking now), and he just smiled. He knows I worry about these things, so he''s pretty good at humoring me

. If 6 months from now, I suggest we start looking at venues, I am 99% sure he will go with me to look. And won''t think I''m crazy, lol. I was just wondering if anyone else has a similar situation (which sounds like you do!)

Another friend DID point out, that since we are planning on having a wedding on Friday night to save some money, we may have a little more flexibility than a person dead set for the popular Saturday night wedding. My cousin actually booked everthing 6 months prior to her husband proposing, as they talked about marriage and future, etc. He had no idea she went ahead and booked everything! He thought it was funny. I, however, would like my SO involved in such decisions, so I would never do that!

That must be tough with having family overseas- I have family spread between NY and PA and am thinking that''s going to be challenging, nevermind an ocean! Good luck with your planning and hopefully you will have that ring soon!!

 

[Stephanie]

I would sit down with the SO and see what his time frame is - seriously. We all know that boy time and girl time are very, very different. And while I might not bring up the specific reason for why you want to know, just tell him that you are trying to plan ahead since both of your schedules seem to demand that type of planning. If he understands, then maybe bring up the idea of going on ahead and booking a place. I would just think with that kind of looming date, there would be a lot of pressure on him to propose by a specific date. And remember, wedding details always change, so I wouldn''t set anything in stone yet. You will end up paying more if you put a non-refundable deposit down and can''t keep the date.

If all goes well, and he is completely for it - talk to the venues about a written contract that states a refundable deposit since you are booking two years in advance. Everything must be in writing!! I might even have the owner themselves sign it, if it''s not in the usual agreement they use. Then I would be calling periodically to make sure nothing has changed (even the workers/owners!!) If changes have been made with the owners or whomever, you could still be in for a lost deposit with the written contract.

I don''t know if this is helpful but good luck!!

Stephanie

 

[Shannon72781]

Thanks for the reply, Stephanie. Fortunately, we both have the same timeline. I was all about having a fall wedding, but he wanted summer since he will be off (we will be relocating form NY to PA after being married, too and need time to plan for that!) I wish we had some flexibility, but he has a pretty tight schedule. At least we both agreed on summer 2009!

As far as him proposing, I requested by June 2008 to give us at least a year for planning. He''s on board with that, so no worries there. However, some of my friends say "You MUST have that ring first!" and others say "Why not? You both want to marry each other anyway."

I think I will wait until this winter to actually look at places and consider booking them. I mean, how many are going to book up 1.5 years in advance for a Friday night?? It''s just has been other''s experiences with having a hard time booking reception halls and churches that have me concerned.

I was unaware that venues will even consider holding a date with a refundable deposit! Have you had experience with this, or know people that have? If I could find a place to do this, that would be so great! I am definitly concerned of something popping up and losing alot of money if I decide to go this route. All I know, is that I know my SO, and if this worries me and means alot to me, he will happily do it because he''s that awesome

 

[Stephanie]

I was unaware that venues will even consider holding a date with a refundable deposit! Have you had experience with this, or know people that have? If I could find a place to do this, that would be so great! I am definitly concerned of something popping up and losing alot of money if I decide to go this route. All I know, is that I know my SO, and if this worries me and means alot to me, he will happily do it because he''s that awesome

That''s great that you are both on the same page - it takes so much worry out of it all!

I will talk to some of my friends and get back to you - but yes, some of them have been able to do this. I don''t think that someone would turn away business because of asking for a refundable deposit, but it does make a small liability for the venue in the future so some may not want to go that route.

I''ll be sure to let you know terms and such!