LIW...the last time you broke up ...

[Dancing Fire]

how long did it take for you to get over him? did he dumped you or did you dump him? did you take a time-out before you started dating again?

 

[FrekeChild]

Is this question addressing our previous relationships?

I''ll assume so and say, it was a 3 month "relationship" (I use this term loosely) and it took me a couple of days to get over. He was a mistake from the beginning. I dumped him. Via myspace message. Kind of.

It was his birthday. I had a test the next day first thing. I went out to dinner with all of his friends (although, if I''m honest, there weren''t that many people) and then he and his BFF went to go downtown to barhop and didn''t ask me to join them.

That was (thankfully) the last time I saw him.

I took a month and a half off from dating (lets face it though, I was surrounded by 18 year olds, and I wasn''t into dating guys that are 5 years younger than I was) and then I met FI.

He, on the other hand, broke up with his live in girlfriend shortly after we started exchanging emails...

 

[laughwithme]

The only guy I was truly head-over-heels for before current boyfriend was someone I dated early on in college. We were not even together that long, less than six months, but I thought he was it.

He dumped me and I was genuinely depressed for, oh, 3-4 months? Sick, I know, since that was so long in proportion to the actual amount of time we dated. And when I say depressed, I mean, playing our songs every night and crying for hours. Constantly on the edge of tears, whether it be at work or family events. I have no idea how he did that to me, but anytime someone talks about a hard breakup, that is my frame of reference and going back to that time truly lets me empathize - it HURTS.

About 4-5 months after breaking up, I was ready to move on, and this including letting new guys into my life.

 

[jcarlylew]

depends on which relationship. where i did the dumping, no time at all

. after my last relationship (that by talk, was headed towards marriage - that i also ended) i just realized there was no point waisting my time with dudes that there was no connection. So after dating a guy for a few months, or weeks, or....one date, i would just end it if there was nothing that made me said "THATS my boyfriend" in a good way.
however there is one that honestly i dont think i will ever get over, only because i think the way he did it was just wrong. and i''m more upset than the how, rather than the end result!

 

[Lauren8211]

The last guy I casually dated I dumped, and I seriously broke his heart. I told him it "wasn''t going anywhere" and he said "BUT I LOVE YOU"

We had only been dating a month. He blogged about me for weeks. It was kind of creepy.

The last serious guy I dated cheated on me. We dated for 5 years. Took me roughly 6 months to start dating again.

 

[NakedFinger]

well considering my FF and I started dating one month before my 16th birthday, and have been together ever since, I cant say I have that much experience

However I did have several stupid "High school" relationships before that, which lasted approximately 2 months each. All of which I dumped. Most I felt bad about, because they were still gaga over me, but I was just over it. There was one that was a little upsetting, we dated about 3-4 months, and he cheated on me with a stripper. He said "it was a once in a lifetime opportunity". I told him "So was I....peace"

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/1/2009 9:00:44 AM
Author: NakedFinger
well considering my FF and I started dating one month before my 16th birthday, and have been together ever since, I cant say I have that much experience

However I did have several stupid ''High school'' relationships before that, which lasted approximately 2 months each. All of which I dumped. Most I felt bad about, because they were still gaga over me, but I was just over it. There was one that was a little upsetting, we dated about 3-4 months, and he cheated on me with a stripper. He said ''it was a once in a lifetime opportunity''. I told him ''So was I....peace''

Ohhh... what I wouldn''t give to have the opportunity to say something that awesome.

 

[CNOS128]

I always dumped ''em before they could dump me, and I always had the next one lined up before I got rid of the current one.

 

[fieryred33143]

My last boyfriend, over 8 years ago, just disappeared. Never called me again. No explanation. Just fell off the face of the earth.

It took me like 2 hours to get over him. If he was going to be that big of a jerk and didn''t feel the need to waste his time to properly break up with me, I didn''t need to waste my time trying to get over him

 

[princesss]

Oh boy.

Let's see....we "dated" for 6 months. I put it in quotation marks because I was in Singapore and he was in Australia/the States and we saw each other for about 4 days every 2 months. We broke up but were still really only thinking of each other for about 9 months. It was 9 months of "Should we get back together, shouldn't we get back together." I kind of dated somebody during those 9 months, he did start dating somebody, but there was still an undercurrent of "If we were in the same place...." I still wasn't really over him almost 9 months after we broke up. (BF and I became friends about 4-5 months into the 9 month period.)

Then I realized how I felt about BF and it was like the other guy stopped existing. I spent time with my ex before BF and I made things official so that I could end things, and the entire time I was at his place (2 days) I was so impatient to just be back with BF and officially become his girlfriend. It drove me nuts! And BF, smart boy that he is, wasn't about to commit to a girl who was torn between two guys, so he made me pretty much beg to be his GF.

So it was 6 months of dating, 9 months of trying to get over him/trying to get back together with him only to have things switch on me almost instantaneously when I realized how I felt about BF.

 

[sweetliloldme]

there was only one person that i dated seriously before my SO. i dated before that but i was always the one to break it off, they only lasted a couple months and it was pretty much something to keep me occupied. i dated this other guy for a little over a year and was convinced that he was the one. he dumped me 2 months after our first year anniversary and didn''t say why. he told me later (we still talked because we were always friends) that he cheated on me and thought that i desirved better. w/e. it took me a couple months to stop crying, but when i found out why i didn''t care anymore and couldn''t have agreed with him more. after that i jumped right back into the scene because i was over it.

 

[PrincessLily2009]

My previous boyfriend was my high school sweetheart who I met in 7th grade. We were kind of together, though not officially, through Jr high and freshman year, and then we made it official and remained together through the rest of high school. Over the summer, after graduation, he met a girl at work, and he broke up with me the same day I had all 4 of my impacted wisdom teeth removed. At that point, I had spent a third of my life with this guy, and I was pretty devastated. Fortunately, I met FF a few weeks later, and I forgot all about my ex.

 

[CurlySue]

At 33, I feel like I have had a LOT of experience with break-ups over the years. My typical reaction was to immediately try to date again, and usually I realized I wasn''t ready within a month of that re-entry into dating. So then I''d take another break for about three months before dating again. The "time outs" always really seemed to help me get over the guy for good.

But the last "real" break-up/ending of a relationship I had was very painful and drawn out. I had been dating this guy for about 10 months when we finally ended things, but the relationship was on the rocks for about the last three months. We always conflicted over how much time we spent together - I wanted more time, he was fine with how things were. We also did not fight well AT ALL. Probably should have realized much earlier that things were not going so hot, but I was convinced if we just worked on it, we could get on the same page.

So about three months before the official end of things, I was offered a promotion that would require me to move to a different city, so as a result, we had one of those "where is this going" talks. I remember asking him, "How will you feel if I take this and end up moving to Chicago?" His reply was, "Uh... well... that would suck, I guess." I knew it was over in that very instant, but I hung on for a few more months, because he said he wasn''t sure what he wanted to do "about us"... and because everything in my life was changing due to the promotion and move, so in some demented way, staying with this guy was my constant during a stressful time.

Anyway, here''s the way it finally ended. I returned back from a business trip one night. We had planned to get together, but an hour before we were going to meet up, he called to tell me he had "just found out" that one of his friends was having a going away party that evening and he wanted to spend it at that party. That spurred another dramatic fight, and as we were fighting on the phone, I eventually just asked, "Is this it?" He said, "I think so." And that was it. We talked a few times over the next few months, but we both knew it was over.

I moved about three months after that (for the job), so that made it a little easier to start dating again, but the whole relationship took its toll on my self-esteem, so I don''t think I really was "over it" for another 6 or 9 months after that, though I dated on and off throughout that time. I had my moments of self-pity, bitterness, and frustration, but when I look back on things now, I am so thankful that I survived that horrible relationship - in many ways, it helped me recognize what I really value and want in a relationship... which I found soon after with my now-BF.

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 5/1/2009 9:01:54 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 5/1/2009 9:00:44 AM
Author: NakedFinger
well considering my FF and I started dating one month before my 16th birthday, and have been together ever since, I cant say I have that much experience

However I did have several stupid ''High school'' relationships before that, which lasted approximately 2 months each. All of which I dumped. Most I felt bad about, because they were still gaga over me, but I was just over it. There was one that was a little upsetting, we dated about 3-4 months, and he cheated on me with a stripper. He said ''it was a once in a lifetime opportunity''. I told him ''So was I....peace''

Ohhh... what I wouldn''t give to have the opportunity to say something that awesome.

Haha

 

[AllieGator]

My last boyfriend before my bf now was a kind of loser...he was quite a bit older than me, and didn't really have his life together. We were together for four months when I realized what I originally thought was his "bohemian lifestyle" was really just him being lazy and indecisive.

I broke up with him. He wasn't really upset, he understood why I did--an ambitious, young college student didn't quite mesh with a drifter-type. We're good friends now, and see each other every couple of weeks for coffee and such. I'm glad he's my friend, but I'm so much happier with my current BF.

Edited to Add: I got over him pretty quickly. I knew for a couple of weeks before I did it that i was going to break up with him, so I was fine when I actually did it. I was sad for a couple weeks, but fine after that.

 

[Winks_Elf]

My ex-husband had been cheating on me with my supposed best friend, and walked out three weeks after our youngest was born. That was April 30th. I waited until July to go onto Match.com to get into the swing of dating, despite being very nervous, and very heartbroken. I started dating at the end of August.

I knew that if I didn''t start dating, I would just be a doormat for the man I was still very much in love with.

 

[bluebell]

I've been with my FF since I was 16 so I don't have a huge amount of dating expirience, but there was my first real boyfriend. We "dated" (if thats what you call it when your parents drive you everywhere) on and off for a little over a year and a half. It was a ridiculous realtionship. He was always breaking up with me to date someone else for like a week and then he would com back to me for 3-5 months.

I started dating another guy soon after because that was the only way I knew how to get over the old bf. That "relationship" didn't last more than 4 months but was just fun, no drama just fun. After that I was single for a year and eventually I found my current BF and have been with him ever since

.

 

[misskitty]

Even though he dumped me, I got over my last boyfriend before B very quickly. Probably because of how awkward/annoying the breakup was.

We had been dating about 7-8 months. We were out at a bar watching a football game with some friends, and in the middle of the game, he launched into this whole speech about how he had had a dream the night before in which he met the love of his life/future wife in the UK on an upcoming business trip, and how he believed that the dream was actually a premonition

. And since he was such a good guy, he didn''t want to cheat on me, even with the woman of his dreams (literally), so he wanted to be single when he went on the trip just in case. After that lame excuse, I was over it in a matter of days.
He called me six months later, immediately after landing back in the States. Surprise, surprise, his dream had not been psychic, and he hadn''t met any girls, much less The Girl.

I politely declined his offer to get back together, and a few weeks later, I met B.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 5/1/2009 10:11:59 AM
Author: misskitty
Even though he dumped me, I got over my last boyfriend before B very quickly. Probably because of how awkward/annoying the breakup was.

We had been dating about 7-8 months. We were out at a bar watching a football game with some friends, and in the middle of the game, he launched into this whole speech about how he had had a dream the night before in which he met the love of his life/future wife in the UK on an upcoming business trip, and how he believed that the dream was actually a premonition

. And since he was such a good guy, he didn''t want to cheat on me, even with the woman of his dreams (literally), so he wanted to be single when he went on the trip just in case. After that lame excuse, I was over it in a matter of days.
He called me six months later, immediately after landing back in the States. Surprise, surprise, his dream had not been psychic, and he hadn''t met any girls, much less The Girl.

I politely declined his offer to get back together, and a few weeks later, I met B.

I feel like that story should be on some list of Top 10 Worst Breakup Excuses or something.

A premonition? Goodness!

 

[princessplease]

The last guy I dated before FI was a total mistake. We met under strange circumstances, and I should''ve known it wasn''t going anywhere.
Anyway, I noticed him starting to get flaky around the beginning of December, but I attributed it to the fact that his sister, who he was very close to, just had a baby. We talked, and he told me we were fine. Assured me if something was up, I would know
We didn''t spend much time together because of holidays, but after New Years, I knew something was up. He basically fell off the face of the earth for about a week, then called me out of the blue and told me that he met someone else, and was seeing her for about a month. I got really upset, and then he told me I had no right to be mad because he took the "high road" and called me to end the ''relationship''.
I told him he was a scumbag, and never spoke to him again.
It took me about a week to get over him because I was fuming inside about his lies.
My longest relationship, which was almost 4 years took me a good 4-6 months to get mostly over, then pangs of pain would hit now and then for up to a year after the breakup (It was 4 years ago).

 

[lucyandroger]

I broke up with my last boyfriend right after moving away to go to law school. I really should have broken up with him sooner because there was no way things were going to work out between us - he loved to go out and drink beer while I prefered to stay in and enjoy conversation and a good dvd...I was super ambitious and he was happy to roll from one job to the next.

Anyway, after I broke up with him he sent a giant bouquet of red roses to my dorm. Then he actually showed up at my dorm...about a 5 hour drive from where he was living. He got really stalker-ish and luckily the guys who lived on my hallway watched over me. The whole thing added a ton of extra stress to the beginning of law school that i did not need.

Then I met my current BF a couple days later. He had also just broken up with his college GF so we became friends first and then started dating seriously a couple months later.

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/1/2009 10:18:38 AM
Author: princessplease
The last guy I dated before FI was a total mistake. We met under strange circumstances, and I should''ve known it wasn''t going anywhere.
Anyway, I noticed him starting to get flaky around the beginning of December, but I attributed it to the fact that his sister, who he was very close to, just had a baby. We talked, and he told me we were fine. Assured me if something was up, I would know
We didn''t spend much time together because of holidays, but after New Years, I knew something was up. He basically fell off the face of the earth for about a week, then called me out of the blue and told me that he met someone else, and was seeing her for about a month. I got really upset, and then he told me I had no right to be mad because he took the ''high road'' and called me to end the ''relationship''.
I told him he was a scumbag, and never spoke to him again.
It took me about a week to get over him because I was fuming inside about his lies.
My longest relationship, which was almost 4 years took me a good 4-6 months to get mostly over, then pangs of pain would hit now and then for up to a year after the breakup (It was 4 years ago).

I love when people cheat and then try to blame you/argue with you about how you were wrong.

I had a guy cheat on me, tell me when I was dating somebody else (actually, I was dating the ex I talked about above), and then blame me. He cheated because he wasn''t getting the "attention" he deserved (I was 16 and not willing to boink him). Then when I (naturally) reacted poorly, he said, "Wow, I almost feel justified in cheating on you because you''re being such a b**** about this."

 

[princessplease]

Date: 5/1/2009 10:41:01 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 5/1/2009 10:18:38 AM

Author: princessplease

The last guy I dated before FI was a total mistake. We met under strange circumstances, and I should''ve known it wasn''t going anywhere.

Anyway, I noticed him starting to get flaky around the beginning of December, but I attributed it to the fact that his sister, who he was very close to, just had a baby. We talked, and he told me we were fine. Assured me if something was up, I would know

We didn''t spend much time together because of holidays, but after New Years, I knew something was up. He basically fell off the face of the earth for about a week, then called me out of the blue and told me that he met someone else, and was seeing her for about a month. I got really upset, and then he told me I had no right to be mad because he took the ''high road'' and called me to end the ''relationship''.

I told him he was a scumbag, and never spoke to him again.

It took me about a week to get over him because I was fuming inside about his lies.

My longest relationship, which was almost 4 years took me a good 4-6 months to get mostly over, then pangs of pain would hit now and then for up to a year after the breakup (It was 4 years ago).

I love when people cheat and then try to blame you/argue with you about how you were wrong.


I had a guy cheat on me, tell me when I was dating somebody else (actually, I was dating the ex I talked about above), and then blame me. He cheated because he wasn''t getting the ''attention'' he deserved (I was 16 and not willing to boink him). Then when I (naturally) reacted poorly, he said, ''Wow, I almost feel justified in cheating on you because you''re being such a b**** about this.''

I completely agree, princess. What a scumbag that guy was for saying he felt justified. To me, there is NO justification for cheating. And if you cheat on me, don''t you dare try and throw it back on me. I hope he got his!!! Prior to the start of us dating (it wasn''t serious at that time) I asked him to tell me that if he met someone else or wanted to end things to just be honest with me, and he agreed. With me, you can''t have your cake and eat it too.

 

[Bia]

The last time my FI and I broke up was 3 years ago. I dumped him because I was sick of his $**t. I ignored his @$$ for two months and then I forgave him. He''s been on his best behavior since.

 

[tlh]

Date: 5/1/2009 9:17:31 AM
Author: TheBigT
I always dumped ''em before they could dump me, and I always had the next one lined up before I got rid of the current one.

hello soul mate!

 

[Feralpenchant]

I made it all the way to 20 without ever being broken up with. Trust me, I almost died. Pain like that should not be allowed. Ever.

Anyway, my CURRENT SO broke up with me last June.. (his mother has just passed away and I think he was just having a tough time with everything..) He said he just couldn''t give me what I needed.

I moved to Georgia with my father for a while to try to go to school and work down there because I had been living with SO, so I had nowhere else to go. Georgia is where my heart is so it wasn''t all that bad that.

It''s actually a funny story. It was one day in September after I''d been in GA for about 2 and a half months.. and I woke up one morning, checked my phone and I had 2 missed calls and like 7 texts, all from him. So I called him and he started talking and I cut him off and said..

Me: Look, I can''t talk to you anymore.. Everytime you call me I''m back to square one, I love you too much to be friends with you right now, so please just leave me alone for a while.

Him: Oooookaaaayyy, but can I say what I called to say now?

Me: Go ahead.

Him: I made a terrible mistake, babe. I miss you so much, please come home. I love you.

Me: ...what?




Aw.

So 2 days later I had all my stuff packed into my car and I began the 12 hour drive back up. And here I am. Back in god-forsaken Maryland. But I almost have a ring on my finger!

 

[Feralpenchant]

Date: 5/1/2009 9:17:31 AM
Author: TheBigT
I always dumped ''em before they could dump me, and I always had the next one lined up before I got rid of the current one.

LOL that''s how I made it to 20 without being dumped. And when I did get dumped, oh it was the worst thing ever. And I HATED being single. I hadn''t been single since I was 15!

 

[leagall]

ugh. i broke up with my ex of 4 years in February 2008. It was horrible. We were best friends in high school & college and he had always liked me, finally in 2004 we got together and fell in love. We spent a lot of time with each other''s families, we all vacationed together, I went to the movies & dinner with his mother without him, we discussed the future (although very hypothetically, in retrospect.) I never once really mentioned marriage or our immediate future and I made the mistake of assuming we were on the same page. It was driving me crazy. One night, after he told me he had re-signed his lease for another year, the resentment was too much to bear and I asked him what he thought the next steps were. He said "I''m not sure you are the one. Our future never crystallized for me. At some point, I felt like I was leading you on."
I packed all of my things (luckily we weren''t living together) and told him "I wish you would come after me, but I know you are too much of a coward." and I left. I spoke to him for the first time since then in December.

I was so heartbroken. I thought I would never feel joy again. I dated almost immediately, all the wrong guys. I lost tons of weight because my stomach hurt all the time. I drank a lot, smoked, basically was a wreck. Then I had the amazing chance to take a leave of absence from work and travel around the world for three months with a friend. Thank GOD! The trip saved my soul, my spirit, my life. I came back renewed and ready to start again. I went on a million dates, just had fun. And then I started spending time with a former co-worker. Who, as it turns out, is the love of my life.

Life is funny.

 

[mrscushion]

I''ve never been head over heels for anyone except FI. FI and I had a couple of breaks during the last 8.5 years, but there wasn''t a chance of either of us ever getting over the other one.

I''ve dated other people and I always broke up with them and was over it immediately.

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/1/2009 10:15:56 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 5/1/2009 10:11:59 AM

Author: misskitty

Even though he dumped me, I got over my last boyfriend before B very quickly. Probably because of how awkward/annoying the breakup was.


We had been dating about 7-8 months. We were out at a bar watching a football game with some friends, and in the middle of the game, he launched into this whole speech about how he had had a dream the night before in which he met the love of his life/future wife in the UK on an upcoming business trip, and how he believed that the dream was actually a premonition

. And since he was such a good guy, he didn''t want to cheat on me, even with the woman of his dreams (literally), so he wanted to be single when he went on the trip just in case. After that lame excuse, I was over it in a matter of days.

He called me six months later, immediately after landing back in the States. Surprise, surprise, his dream had not been psychic, and he hadn''t met any girls, much less The Girl.

I politely declined his offer to get back together, and a few weeks later, I met B.

I feel like that story should be on some list of Top 10 Worst Breakup Excuses or something.


A premonition? Goodness!

I was thinking the same-that has to be one of the most unique way of breaking up with someone!


I''ve been with D since I was 17 and we''ve never split up during our ten years together. Before that I went on a date or two with one guy and I remember ringing him over the phone and telling him that it just wasn''t working out for us. I was ready to date again the next day.