Legal question...Lawyers please come in

[Mandarine]

FI and I had decided a while back that we both wanted to do a prenup. I know it''s not the most "romatic" topic to discuss, but we both were in agreement so it works for us.

Anyway. I understand we each need to get our own separate lawyers (not sure why, but that''s what I''ve read). We''ve decided to go to a different lawyer first (together) to understand how the process works.

So... What are the things we need to consider?. For example, if me (or him) stop working because of a family type of decision (let''s just say because we want me to stay home with the kids)...what do we need to include in an agreement?. Do you have any suggestions about how to go about this entire process?.

Thanks in advance!

M~

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Mandarine,

We looked into this, and decided to just write up our own agreement, more to jog our memories in the future about what we agreed than for legal purposes...although my understanding is that, unless one of us goes after the other aggresively in court, a court would be inclined to respect the contract we made. We decided on this because all the lawyers I talked to said that we were looking at about $4000-5000 between us to get the thing done.

So, be warned! It's expensive!

The rules vary from state to state. However, I would not go see a lawyer together first to find out about the process, beause depending on who finds the lawyer, it could end up being a means of invalidating the agreement. You're much better off talking to a lawyer friend informally about this. You need separate counsel to make it legal.

I found a great website that explained everything. I think I posted the link back a while ago. Let's see if I can find it!

(goes to search...)

ETA: OK, it's www.equalityinmarriage.com There's a lot of info about prenups on there! I think it's under 'preparing for marriage'.

 

[Mandarine]

Thank you IG!!!

4 to 5K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don''t have that just laying around!!....yikes!

We were going to go to one lawyer together to just understand the process legally. Then we would each go and choose our own lawyers.

I guess the importance of having separate lawyers is to make sure the agreement is valid (just in case)?...I guess that makes sense.


M~

 

[Independent Gal]

My understanding was that if the judge (heaven forbid it comes to that) has any reason to think that one of the parties was coerced or at a disadvantage in any significant way, that this can invalidate the agreement. I don''t actually know whether going together to a lawyer in advance would be a problem. I was just guessing it might, if, say, it''s HIS lawyer that you go to initially. Or something.

But on reflection, I guess if you later retained your own counsel, it would probably be OK!

Yeah, I was told it would cost us EACH about $2000-$2500 in legal fees to do it right.My assets aren''t significant enough to make that worthwhile. So we''re taking the risk of just doing up our own contract. But, it IS a risk.

 

[Mandarine]

Thanks IG.

Obviously we all get married knowing this is forever...and trusting your partner 100%...but...stuff happens. Like you say, God forbid but just in case...lol...

We wouldn''t go to his lawyer, we would just try to find a family lawyer for a consultation and then move on to each finding our own. Just so that we both understand what things we should be thinking about and discussing.

I hope it doesn''t cost that much though...that''s money I need for the wedding! haha

Thanks for that link! I will got through it and already sent it to FI!

M~

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I''m not a lawyer (but work for one) but you should consider where you live. Specifically, a prenup is usually only valid and enforceable if you live in a community property state - like California. If you don''t live in a community property state (like Ohio) then a prenup is a waste of time and money because everything is divided in the event of divorce - either as per the agreement of the parties or as per the Judge''s order.

Jess

 

[Mandarine]

I live in Florida....I don''t know what the rules are here. That''s why we thought it would be better to go to some sort of family lawyer first for a consultation. I didn''t even know it was different by state...lol...thanks for the info!!

M~

 

[goldenstar]

I can''t give any substantive legal advice, but you might want to start out by going to your local bookstore and browsing through the legal self-help section-- particularly the books by Nolo Press. They have books on many topics. They are in no way equal to the advice of a living, breathing lawyer, but its very useful in learning about the process and the issues you may face. You might get enough info to skip the first step you mentioned about going to a lawyer together first. This will SAVE MONEY!

For starters you can go to Nolo.com, then navigate to the family law section. The actual books are in bookstores everywhere. Good luck!

 

[strmrdr]

I did some looking around. FL has very specific laws about prenups that have too be followed or they are not valid.
Then the judge has the option of following it or throwing it out even if it is valid.

 

[AGSHF]

Mandarine,

I''m not a matrimonial lawyer and don''t live in Florida, but I have a few thoughts from my days as a lawyer and from experience.

(1) You and your fiance both want a prenuptial agreement--sit down first, discuss, list and come to an agreement about what you want addressed in the agreement. This is a great way to start a dialogue about important issues couples face.

(2) Prenups typically address monetary issues, but can and do now include many non-monetary issues. It''s these "odd" isssues that can make enforceability difficult.

(3) Do you and fiance have assets you are separately bringing into the marriage? Disclose and discuss.

(4) How do you want to treat your earnings--separate management by each person or commingle the money and jointly manage and spend. Management of income/assets is an issue to address regardless of whether Fla. is a community property state. How will each spouse contribute to household expenses?

(5) What are your debts--who will be responsible for paying them during marriage. What about debts incurred during marriage such as for further education or business? Disclose and discuss.

(6) Yes, both parties must separate counsel in order for the prenup to be enforceable. As mentioned before, that''s to prevent overreaching or coercion by one party over the less sophisticated party. Separate counsel is going to mean two legal fees but you''d want to have someone looking out only for your interest during negotiations.

(7) Legal counsel--you get what you pay for.

( One way to run up legal fees quickly is by seeking counsel before you and fiance know what issues are important to you and how you want to address them. (There is really is no such thing as a "standard" prenup but lawyers will give you a list to discuss and address.) If there is disagreement on issues, this can become a problem fast--it''s best to know about these things before your lawyers have to hash thing out on your behalf.

(9) Good advice in a post above--do your own research, specific to your state, by going to the bookstore or library and getting the most current book on the subject. The cost of a the book will be far less than the cost of one hour of legal representation. This will help immensely in cutting down the open issues. You will still need legal counsel to have the prenup drawn up but you''ll know the lingo and how to handle the issues.

(10) Other important matters--children from prior marriages, inheritance rights of children, heirlooms.

(11) Consider contacting your local bar association to get some referrals unless you know someone who can give you a good referral.

(12) In my "opinion," prenups should primarily address monetary issues, children and big ticket items. Matter such as how often he will take out the garbage or you will cook dinner should be addressed between couples under the heading of "living happily ever after."

I hope this helped a bit and best of luck going forward!