Joke- humor release clean.

[iwannaprettyone]

The third grade was studying whales. The teacher asked the children if they knew anything about whales. A little girl raised her hand and said, "well Jonah was swallowed by a whale." The teacher rolled her eyes and told the little girl that that was scientifically impossible. The little girl said, "well when I die and go to heaven I will ask Jonah about that." The teacher said,"what if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl said," then YOU can ask Jonah what happened."

 

[iwannaprettyone]

There are two olives chillin'' on a table. One starts rolling and falls off the table. The first one asks, "Are you okay?"










The second one responds, "Olive!"

lolol

 

[OUpearlgirl]

hahah cute!

Q. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

A. Because the cow has the udder!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

A mushroom walks in to a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender point to a sign that says "no mushrooms allowed"

Mushrooms says " come on, i''m a fungi !"

lol

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 7/17/2008 5:43:35 PM
Author: OUpeargirl
hahah cute!

Q. Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

A. Because the cow has the udder!

lol, i love clean jokes!

 

[Skippy123]

LOL, thanks for the laugh!

 

[Octavia]

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "sorry, we don''t serve strings here." The string goes outside, loops himself around, and unravels a bit. He goes back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says suspiciously, "hey, aren''t you the same string I just turned down?" The string shakes his head and says, "nope, I''m a frayed knot!"

Heh heh...

 

[aliciagirl]

Hahaha. I love this thread.

"How did the artist paint his picture?"
"Easel-y"


"What do you call 900 rabbits dancing backwards?"
"A receding hare line"

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 7/17/2008 8:12:16 PM
Author: aliciagirl
Hahaha. I love this thread.

''How did the artist paint his picture?''
''Easel-y''


''What do you call 900 rabbits dancing backwards?''
''A receding hare line''

lol too cute.

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."

She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.

"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I''ll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"

The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."

So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.

Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold.

She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!"

The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won''t happen again. I am deeply sorry."

Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger.

The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes.

When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what''d he do, attack you?"

 

[mercoledi]

Date: 7/17/2008 8:10:15 PM
Author: Octavia
A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, ''sorry, we don''t serve strings here.'' The string goes outside, loops himself around, and unravels a bit. He goes back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says suspiciously, ''hey, aren''t you the same string I just turned down?'' The string shakes his head and says, ''nope, I''m a frayed knot!''


Heh heh...

Ha ha haha haha ha

 

[Irishgrrrl]

DH and I have a friend who has kids in elementary school, and he''s always telling us these funny, little kid jokes. This is one of them, and it''s REALLY cheesy:

Q ~ How do you make a kleenex dance?

A ~ Put a little boogie in it!!!

 

[Dandi]

Heeheehee!!

I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants the other day, but I couldn''t find any!

 

[Julianna]

Two snails are sitting at the edge of a road one day, watching cars go by and talking.

"You know what?" says the first snail, "I want a fast car".

"Oh yeah?" says the other snail.

"Yeah. I want a fast car. I want the fastest car ever, faster than the other cars on the road. And I want it to be blue. Blue with racing stripes. Racing stripes, and a big S painted on the roof and an S on each side. So every time I drive down the road, everyone will say ''HEY! LOOK AT THAT S CAR GO!!''"

Hee hee.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 7/18/2008 9:39:15 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
DH and I have a friend who has kids in elementary school, and he''s always telling us these funny, little kid jokes. This is one of them, and it''s REALLY cheesy:

Q ~ How do you make a kleenex dance?

A ~ Put a little boogie in it!!!

ewwww

 

[dockman3]

Two men walk into a bar.

The third one ducks.


That is so lame, but I still laugh every time I tell it.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 7/18/2008 9:51:41 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 7/18/2008 9:39:15 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
DH and I have a friend who has kids in elementary school, and he''s always telling us these funny, little kid jokes. This is one of them, and it''s REALLY cheesy:

Q ~ How do you make a kleenex dance?

A ~ Put a little boogie in it!!!

ewwww

I know!!! He''s such a sicko!!! LOL!

 

[Deelight]

What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant?


Dead Ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead annnnnnnt.



Why is the mushroom the life of the party?


Cause he is a fungi .


A lot of these jokes are giving me a good giggle

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 7/18/2008 10:04:24 AM
Author: Deelight
What does the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant?


Dead Ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead annnnnnnt.



Why is the mushroom the life of the party?


Cause he is a fungi .


A lot of these jokes are giving me a good giggle

 

[iluvcarats]

Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon Georg W. and Bill Clinton are wandering aroun Oz looking for the wizard.
The wizard asks Carter "What can I do for you Mr. President?" and Carter says "I am looking for courage" so the wizard grants him courage.

Then it is Nixon''s turn, and the wizard asks "What can I do for you President Nixon?" Nixon says "I need a heart", and the wizard grants him a heart.

Next up is George W: "Wizard, I need a brain" so he gets a brain.

Finally it is Bill Clinton''s turn, and the Wizard asks "President Clinton, what special power can I give to you?" and Bill Clinton says
"No thanks Wizard, I don''t need any special powers.....but have you seen Dorothy around here anywhere?"

 

[OUpearlgirl]

A 94 year old woman was getting married for the fourth time. A local newspaper asked to interview her, and the reporter asked about her previous husband. She said "the first one was a banker, the second was in a circus act, the third was a very famous clothing designer, and the man I''m about to marry is a funeral director." The reporter replied that she had quite the different collection of husbands and asked what each one brought to the marriage. The old woman replied "Well the first was for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and the fourth, to go."

Heheehe I heard that one today!

 

[angel_nieves]

I love that one!!!!!

 

[goldenstar]

What do you call cheese that doesn''t belong to you?

Nacho cheese.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 7/18/2008 9:25:11 PM
Author: goldenstar
What do you call cheese that doesn''t belong to you?

Nacho cheese.

Ahahahahahahahaha, Whew!!! That one made me laugh out loud all by myself in the house. Too cute.