Izzy's update

[iheartscience]

That sounds like a great plan! I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of your safety, emotion and financial interests. I hope you find the books and meetings to be insightful.

Ditto this. I'm so glad you're taking positive steps to help yourself. Good luck and please do keep us updated!

 

[swingirl]

All in all, right now I do NOT want to reconcile, but I am afraid I will look back and regret not giving him another shot. I don't know what to think, can someone like him really ever change?? He has so many great qualities and I really do think he can change, I'm just not sure he will change with me. Maybe he will remarry one day and not make the same mistakes.

First of all you have given him a lot of opportunities to straighten out.

Second, do you know any one who got divorced from an addict and/or abuser and regretted it? I don't.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Your new plan is great! Stick to it sister!

 

[movie zombie]

walk the talk, sister!

read the books.

and no contact means no contact!

 

[rainwood]

Congratulations!!!! I knew you had the brains and courage to make the right decision, and I'm so proud of you. You will have moments of weakness again. When you do, just come back here and we'll do our best to get you back on track.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Good update, Izzy! Hope you will gain clarity over the coming months!

 

[junebug17]

I think you made the right decision Izzy. Hang in there and stay strong!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

That sounds like a great plan! I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of your safety, emotion and financial interests. I hope you find the books and meetings to be insightful.

+1

 

[sphenequeen]

I truly believe that if you leave him, the only thing you will regret is that you didn't leave him sooner.

There is a better life out there for you if you want it.

 

[movie zombie]

I truly believe that if you leave him, the only thing you will regret is that you didn't leave him sooner.
There is a better life out there for you if you want it.

ain't that the truth?! been there and done that with my first marraige.......

 

[monarch64]

I truly believe that if you leave him, the only thing you will regret is that you didn't leave him sooner.
There is a better life out there for you if you want it.

ain't that the truth?! been there and done that with my first marraige.......

Ditto. Can't even "ditto" this enough. You'll get there. Stay strong.

 

[nkarma]

I just wanted to add another voice saying that Izzy I really like your last plan. Therapy + Al-Anon + living independently is such a great idea. I think you will find a lot of help in Al-Anon and see your role in your relationship with an addict. It is great to see you are ready to make a change and are taking the steps to do so. Good luck on your boards!

 

[Izzy03]

Hi all! Things have been going pretty great, I've been studying and spending time with friends. Still haven't had time to read the self help books but in a few weeks I will lounge by the pool and indulge.

I am still living separately from my husband, and gained a lot of clarity from my domestic violence therapist. She made me see that my husband's charming nature is classic to abusers. I do believe he is a good person with a good heart, but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes he treats me very poorly. I was holding onto hope that the therapy would help him, but now I am not willing to waste anymore time waiting around for something that may never happen.

I have been feeling very guilty and ashamed that we starting having problems only 6 months into the marriage, but the domestic violence therapist told me that abuser typically begin "abusing" 3-9 nine months after marrying. While there may have been some signs of this before the marriage, I do have to say I was very surprised by how things turned out.

I also noticed myself waiting for one last piece of validation that I am better off without him (it's sad that I felt that way), and I got that validation last week when I found out he was using pills again the week before I moved out. I thought he was clean, but after everything that has happened, he clearly will continue to use whenever he feels the need.

I sat down with my cousin a few days ago and read over a list of all the terrible things he has done to me in our short marriage. Recalling those terrible memories helped me to realize that even if he were to make a miraculous change, I will never get over all the pain he has caused.

A few days ago I told my husband and my parents that my decision is to go ahead with a divorce . He is acting devastated, whatever, I don't care anymore. I am sad that things turned out this way, but it's great to not be stressed out about this anymore!!!

BTW, I will continue in therapy for the time being. Dating dysfunctional men has not been a pattern for me, but I don't want to take any chances! I think the therapy will help me to let go of my anger.

 

[iheartscience]

I'm so glad you're realizing that you deserve so much better. Good luck to you!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I am thankful you are coming to terms with the situation and are finding the strength to move on. Sounds like your therapist is very helpful and can be there as you go through this transition. Take care!

 

[movie zombie]

thanks for the update, Izzy! instead of the kick in the ash i usually end up dishing out, i want to pat you on the back and say congratulations for doing the work for you that needed to be done. continuing in theraphy for yourself at this time is proof positive that you have planted both feet onto the path leading to a good life for you.

 

[that_someone_special]

Izzy, I've followed your threads and just wanted to comment that I am happy to see that you are doing so much better.

I think you've come a long way from being in a marriage with an abuser, to wanting out and not being a victim anymore. Kudos to you.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

So happy for you!

 

[rainwood]

This is great, great news!!!! I'm so happy you were able to get the clarity you needed. I predict great things for you in the future.

 

[Izzy03]

Me again...... It has been 6 days since I made the decision to divorce and I am growing more confident with my decision each day! FINALLY!!! Today is the day I break the news to my domestic violence therapist, I'm SO EXCITED!!

 

[mayerling]

Good for you!

 

[iheartscience]

That's fantastic! So glad to hear this!

 

[movie zombie]

july 14: bastille day in france and Izzy's day to state her declaration of independence! how did your theraphist react?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Izzy you are a strong woman for making this decision and following through with it! Keep up the good work!

 

[platinumrock]

Izzy, I've been following your story, and I just wanted to let you now that you are making the right decision to move on with your life. Only you can decide how much you can put up with, and it looks like you've come to the realization that he may not change. And even if he does, you're not sure if you're willing to stick around to find out.

Nobody goes into their wedding day thinking they might get divorced. Sometimes you don't really know someone until you're married to them, and by the time you realize that, you already took the plunge. The only solution is to stay or leave.

I think you're doing a very brave thing by admitting that your marriage isn't working out, and you will have to start a new life on your own. But look at what you will be getting in return: self-awareness, peace and a chance to be with a man who can show you what a healthy relationship should look like.

Good luck, and keep us posted!