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- Dec 31, 2006
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Spent several days with sister and 14-year-old niece.
When we went out to lunch, and almost any time we were out and about and in the midst of other people, my niece would make comments about other people.
There were somewhat neutral "observations" such as whether some people looked like they had money, or looked fashionable, or whether some guy was cute...but many comments seemed to be negative/judgmental in nature (e.g., she said how someone shouldn't be wearing those shorts, or would give a "look" at overweight girls and people). Most times she would point them out to my sister or just say it outloud or just be looking in a certain direction with a "look."
I found it exhausting. And ugly. And in some ways believe it or not it made ME feel self-conscious - I'm certainly not the best looking thing out there, I don't have a perfect body, etc., and I have been overweight at times in my life. For reference, both my sister and niece are above-average looking and get a lot of male attention. We can't go anywhere without one of them getting a compliment, being stared at, someone trying to talk to them, etc.
I did say at one point in the night - when I stopped the car to let a heavy 20-something girl cross the street and my niece made a comment - that part of not letting your looks go to your head is to understand that not everybody can look like her.
Since I don't have experience with a lot of teens, I started to wonder whether this might be a common thing among teens...(not that it makes it OK in any way, but curious if this common).
I've also been contemplating about whether I should say more about it, either to my niece directly or to her mother.
When we went out to lunch, and almost any time we were out and about and in the midst of other people, my niece would make comments about other people.
There were somewhat neutral "observations" such as whether some people looked like they had money, or looked fashionable, or whether some guy was cute...but many comments seemed to be negative/judgmental in nature (e.g., she said how someone shouldn't be wearing those shorts, or would give a "look" at overweight girls and people). Most times she would point them out to my sister or just say it outloud or just be looking in a certain direction with a "look."
I found it exhausting. And ugly. And in some ways believe it or not it made ME feel self-conscious - I'm certainly not the best looking thing out there, I don't have a perfect body, etc., and I have been overweight at times in my life. For reference, both my sister and niece are above-average looking and get a lot of male attention. We can't go anywhere without one of them getting a compliment, being stared at, someone trying to talk to them, etc.
I did say at one point in the night - when I stopped the car to let a heavy 20-something girl cross the street and my niece made a comment - that part of not letting your looks go to your head is to understand that not everybody can look like her.
Since I don't have experience with a lot of teens, I started to wonder whether this might be a common thing among teens...(not that it makes it OK in any way, but curious if this common).
I've also been contemplating about whether I should say more about it, either to my niece directly or to her mother.