Home Is the first year really the hardest?

[radiantquest]

I have had so many people tell me that the first year is the hardest and I just don''t see it. What''s hard about it? Our first year anniversary just passed and it wasn''t hard at all. We have been together for 5 years and this has been the easiest thus far. Has anyone else heard that it is hard? Do you think it is hard?

 

[Paz]

I think it generally applies to couples who haven''t lived together before marriage. My first year with the ex-husband was incredibly hard because neither one of us had lived on our own (moved straight from our parents'' homes to our home) and it was difficult to adjust to the quirks and annoying habits of the other person.

Learning to live with another person can be incredibly difficult, especially if you''ve only had mom & dad to deal with your entire life!

Thankfully, with my current husband our first year going great! We''ve lived together for the previous three years so we''ve worked out all the kinks and love living together. Getting married just made things easier (taxes, car insurance rates, etc).

The hardest thing we forsee about this first year of marriage is that he''s going on deployment for six months.

We''re not looking forward to being apart that long, but we love and trust one another so we''re not too worried.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I lived with D for 7-8 years when we were married and the first year of marriage was one of the hardest years we had. I think I actually had the opposite problem because we lived together for so long that transitioning to marriage was not easy for me. Living together is just different--you are partners, but not in the same way you are partners in marriage. I had a hard time letting go of paying for my half, taking his name, feeling that I wasn''t quite as independent, etc.

Toward the end of year 1 I let it all go and concentrated on just being a true partner and great wife. Things weren''t so 50/50 anymore, but we fell into more natural roles and I can now say that year 2 of marriage was the best year of our decade-long relationship.

 

[sctsbride09]

Well, Dh and I are coming up on our first, and I have to say I love

being married. I dont see anything *really* difficult about it, but I think thats always the case when you are happy with your mate, and you have things on track, right? The only reason I can see the first year being the hardest, is if you begin having children asap or if you never lived together. Just my opinion.

 

[Tuckins1]

I didn't see any difference between before the marriage or after as far as our relationship went. It was great before, and it was great after.
We have been married for over 2 years and it is still pretty "easy". (No major issues or concerns

)

 

[kittybean]

Hmm . . . so far the first year hasn''t been hard at all (but we''re only 1/3 of the way through it). We lived together for 10 months before our wedding, but adjusting to that wasn''t hard either. It actually seemed to make things a lot easier and less stressful for us. We''ll see how the next 8 months go--I''ll report back then

.

 

[Lilac]

DH and I have been married for 8 and a half months and so far our first year of marriage has been easy and wonderful! We didn''t live together before marriage (we each lived with our parents until we got married) and moved in together after our wedding.

I expected an adjustment period and maybe some difficulties because several friends warned me that the first year of marriage was the hardest, but honestly it''s just been so amazing living together and finally being married and we haven''t hit any bumps we can''t handle! We dated for over 4 and a half years before we got married and spent most of our time together so there hasn''t been anything "new" that we''ve learned about each other so far. We''ve had our arguments, but they always just bring us closer together and they''ve actually decreased a LOT since getting married and now we rarely argue at all (and we''ve learned to compromise a whole lot more to make one another as happy as possible). We wanted to be married for so long and now that we finally are we''re just so grateful to have each other and be able to live together and spend so much time together!

 

[Skippy123]

Well my husband and I didn't live together so for us it was the hardest but then the 2nd yr and there after got easier. I guess it is just getting into the groove of things; we use to argue over silly things like where to put certain things in the kitchen, what type of furniture, etc. Now we laugh at some of our arguing but one of the biggest things we came away with in our 1st year of marriage is that it is okay to agree to disagree. hehe

Now we are going on 10 yrs of marriage; I love being married to my hubby.

 

[kama_s]

Date: 10/20/2009 6:41:20 PM
Author: Skippy123
Well my husband and I didn''t live together so for us it was the hardest but then the 2nd yr and there after got easier. I guess it is just getting into the groove of things; we use to argue over silly things like where to put certain things in the kitchen, what type of furniture, etc. Now we laugh at some of our arguing but one of the biggest things we came away with in our 1st year of marriage is that it is okay to agree to disagree. hehe

Now we are going on 10 yrs of marriage; I love being married to my hubby.

Skippy, I didn''t know you were so close to your 10th anniv! WOW! Much love and happiness to you both! Soooooo, any new bling on the way?

Re: the first year being hard, as others mentioned, it''s usually if you''ve never lived with each other before and if you''re typically an opinionated and independant person. Mr. Kama and I had a difficult first few months when we first moved in together, because we were both set in our own ways. But we''ve learnt to find a middle ground on most issues and it''s been absolutely wonderful being married.

This is something most relationships go through, and most emerge much stronger and happier...so don''t worry about it much

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I''m only 2 months in, but we''ve lived together for years and the marriage hasn''t really changed anything at all. I''m no more inclined to clean or cook, and he hasn''t started doing home renovations, heh. No real new roles for either of us, and combining financially hasn''t been too tricky since neither of us have debt.

I anticipate the hardest year will be the first year after the baby comes...

 

[jstarfireb]

I hope it''s true, because I can''t imagine it getting any harder than this. Although that''s mostly due to the distance and not the relationship itself. Let''s just say I wouldn''t wish a long-distance marriage on my worst enemy.

 

[Haven]

I highly doubt that the first year is the hardest. I would imagine that the first year of being parents is one of the most difficult, but I''m not there yet so I can''t really say.

We had our first anniversary in July, and I must say that our first year of marriage was so much fun. We dated for four years before we married, and we never lived together until we married. I hope we have as much fun and joy in the rest of our married years as we''ve had in our first.

 

[CNOS128]

For us, the first few months of marriage have been hard because of things happening in our lives that are unrelated to our marriage. The marriage part itself hasn''t been hard; in fact, being together is what has kept us both sane. (I might literally fall apart if my husband weren''t here). But I think going through difficult experiences together (and relying on each other for support) will ultimately make us stronger, as individuals and as a couple.

 

[KimberlyH]

The first year was hard for me, not so much for him. Suprisingly I really struggled with living together/sharing space with my husband (we did not live together before marriage). He had been on his own a lot longer than me, but transitioned to sharing our home with no problems, I on the other hand struggled.

I doubt the first year will be the hardest in our marriage, because there are many things to come in life, some of which will be difficult; but we''ve formed an amazing partnership and will navigate those things together in part because of how we forged together during that first year.

 

[musey]

I don''t think we''ve had a hard year so far.

The first year of marriage has been a bit difficult for me on a personal level (letting go of my former name, coming to terms with the reality of "forever"

, feeling like financial partners instead of independent people living together, etc.), but relationship-wise it hasn''t been hard at all.

I imagine we have a lot harder years ahead of us.

 

[JSM]

It has been so far for us, but not relationship wise. Rather, it''s due to life events that seemed to have been crammed into the first 6 months following our marriage. 2009 will not be missed!

But I do love being married to him, little spats and all.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Not so far..but we''ve only been married abt 3 mos.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/20/2009 7:23:54 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 10/20/2009 6:41:20 PM
Author: Skippy123
Well my husband and I didn't live together so for us it was the hardest but then the 2nd yr and there after got easier. I guess it is just getting into the groove of things; we use to argue over silly things like where to put certain things in the kitchen, what type of furniture, etc. Now we laugh at some of our arguing but one of the biggest things we came away with in our 1st year of marriage is that it is okay to agree to disagree. hehe

Now we are going on 10 yrs of marriage; I love being married to my hubby.

Skippy, I didn't know you were so close to your 10th anniv! WOW! Much love and happiness to you both! Soooooo, any new bling on the way?

Kama, you are so sweet!

Thank you!!!! Well I got my bling a tad bit early. hehe

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/what-is-the-best-way-to-celebrate-10-years-of-marriage-1-5-ctw-bgd-studs.122921/


eta: I agree with the others that there will be tougher situations through out marriage but I also think it makes your relationship stronger going through those things together. Also everyone is different so that makes sense it doesn't apply to everyone.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 10/20/2009 4:31:42 PM
Author:radiantquest
I have had so many people tell me that the first year is the hardest and I just don''t see it. What''s hard about it? Our first year anniversary just passed and it wasn''t hard at all. We have been together for 5 years and this has been the easiest thus far. Has anyone else heard that it is hard? Do you think it is hard?

Ditto, in fact I think it was easy peasy! Our 6 year dating anni is in Feb and we have owned our house for 4.5 years. My first anniversary was 9/27.

 

[musey]

Date: 10/23/2009 3:36:38 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone

Date: 10/20/2009 4:31:42 PM

Author:radiantquest

I have had so many people tell me that the first year is the hardest and I just don''t see it. What''s hard about it? Our first year anniversary just passed and it wasn''t hard at all. We have been together for 5 years and this has been the easiest thus far. Has anyone else heard that it is hard? Do you think it is hard?

Ditto, in fact I think it was easy peasy! Our 6 year dating anni is in Feb and we have owned our house for 4.5 years. My first anniversary was 9/27.

Iwanna, our relationship timelines match up almost exactly!! Minus the homeowner thing - I wish

 

[somethingshiny]

DH and I have been married 10 years. Yes, the first year was hard, but not the hardest.

Neither one of us had lived with a SO before we got married so there was a lot to figure out. Finances were a huge problem for us at the beginning too. We had to learn to live together, learn to have patience with each other, and learn to balance our "other" lives with married life. And I had to learn not to throw things at his head.

The hardest years for us were the years that we had severe financial problems and constant devastating miscarriages. Obvious reasons for hardship.

Our little boy is 3.5 and the first few months of his life were difficult because we had to learn an entirely new balance.

I think learning to balance in the beginning makes it easier down the road. When DH got laid off and was unemployed for 8 months, neither of us were ever terribly upset or worried. DH knew that I could handle the budget and I knew he was trying to find work so that I could continue to stay home with our little guy.

It''s also important to realize and accept that your spouse is not perfect nor is he/she capable of everything you think they should.

 

[Hera]

I think so. It''s hard knowing that THIS is the last person you might be with. Their successes become your successes and their failures become your failures.

I know after I got married, I had an identity crisis, I had a new role and a new name and I needed to get my bearing on who the new me was. It took me at least a year to figure that out, but I did.

Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing if you''re with the right person and what I have sacrificed, I have gained in other ways. While I may have lost the excitement of a new flame, I gained in the comfort of a best friend(with benefits

. While I may miss some of my independence, I love knowing that there''s is always someone there to support me.

 

[Pandora II]

I think it depends on whether you have lived together before or not.

If not, then maybe it is...

If you have then I would say the first year with a baby is tough. You are sleep-deprived, cranky and have no interest in DTD, they think that you just watch TV all day... I mean, how hard can breastfeeding really be??? All your clothes are covered in spit-up and you don''t know where your make-up is, let alone have the energy to put it on...

Okay, I exaggerate a bit, but it is tough - and cliched as it seems, it really is worth it...

 

[junebug17]

The first two years were hard for me, I think I was too young, I know this sounds awful but I wasn't ready to sit in the house every night and watch tv, I felt I had lost my freedom and was missing out on life. Looking back on it I guess I just wasn't ready for such a big lifestyle change. I loved my husband very much, and he was very patient with me, I was just immature I guess and not quite ready for marriage. I could have waited another year or two, but my fi was so ready to settle down. Believe it or not, I got a job at night teaching aerobics and it helped alot. I didn't feel so couped up, and felt I still had some freedom. I know I sound horrible but I'm just being honest. The good news is I got through that phase and became very content with married life. And we've just celebrated our 25th! Now I'm such a homebody that my husband calls me a hermit, go figure!

eta: I think it's so wonderful that the majority of you ladies have made a smooth transition into married life! That's the way it should be, and how I wish it had been for me!

 

[chiquitapet]

For us, I found that the first year of living together was the hardest - getting used to living with another person was the biggest part of the difficulty for me. I had to let go (just a little

) of being OCD. Once I accepted that there will be socks lying on the floor when I come home, I started really enjoying living with my DH. The 1st year after we got married was easy for us and we loved being together as husband and wife.

 

[bee*]

It''s only been 4 months for us but it''s been fine-we lived together for a year prior to getting married and have been together 10 years so any issues that we ever had were ironed out before we got married. I can definitely imagine the first year with kids to be the hardest.

 

[April20]

We didn''t live together before we were married and we didn''t find the first year difficult at all. Or the second year. We''re working on our third and things are still great. In all honesty, we don''t relate to people that talk about how hard marriage is and how much "work" it takes. It''s never felt like work to us. I often wonder if it hasn''t seemed as difficult to us because we''d both lived on our own for years, moved around and experienced difficulties before we got married. We were relatively financially secure when we married and even when I got laid off, we were able to adjust and make things work until I got work again without stress. We''ve only had one fight during our entire relationship and it was over a sofa. Yep, a sofa. Seems stupid now (but than again, I have my sofa- only took me 9 months to get it!).

 

[elrohwen]

I''m only one month in, so I guess I can''t speak to it ... But I think our first year living together was the hardest. Not the whole year, but I think we went through the only period of our relationship where we got into disagreements a lot. Right after we moved in together I became friends with a bunch of interns at work. Before I really only had him and his work friends, so I was so excited to make some friends of my own at work. We started going out in the evenings one or two nights a week. It was easy for them because they lived 5 minutes from the bars (which were near work) but DH and I lived 45 minutes away, so DH wasn''t able to join us. I think he was upset that I was spending time away from him and staying out late (til midnight or so ... not *that* late) while he stayed home and went to bed alone (or had to drive far away in order to hang out with me). I think he was lonely, and I was too excited about having friends to stay home all the time.

Most of the interns left at the end of the summer and I stayed home a lot more. So those two or three months were the roughest we experienced, but looking back they weren''t that bad. We learned a lot about each other and came out closer than before.

 

[Bliss]

For us, it's like Dickens wrote: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Just kidding. But the first year for us was the most challenging in our relationship yet it was also the best. It bore the most fruit in our relationship because we really bonded as a married couple with deep communication and really worked out our little quirks together.

You can't help it when you're living together! LOL Everything's out in the open and you really get vulnerable and completely open. The trust factor is huge and he has really been an amazing partner throughout this journey. I couldn't ask for more in a partner. So while we have times of delirious happiness and glee, we also have times of deep introspection, tears together and we challenge each other to grow. We figure that putting in the hard labor now to really communicate and confront all of our issues as they come up will help us be stronger partners in the long run. It's really amazing to watch our relationship take root, take whacks along the way and still grow stronger.

I look ahead and think how amazing marriage is. It's so much hard work at times, yet other times it's just incredible joy and fun. The hard work for me is personal growth. We help each other in trying to be better people... We have deep talks about our fears and vulnerabilities. Sometimes it's downright terrifying to be so exposed but in the end, it's deeply satisfying. Two people joined together forever - that idea is a miracle and something to be celebrated each and every day. It's really incredible! Plus, he is the funniest and sexiest man I have ever met...that probably doesn't hurt, either.

 

[Sha]

I have to smile because this I posted this same question (same wording and everything) on PS in my first newlywed year.

DH and I moved in together after the wedding - and our first year was really easy! We had hardly any difficulties getting used to each other, and we had a lot of fun together, even though I was doing my Masters at the same time. This is our second year and it's just as great, truly.

I think it comes down to the compatibility of the couple more than anything else. DH and I are quite alike in a lot of ways - and even some of our differences are complimentary (him liking to cook/hating to clean - me liking to clean/not loving to cook), so living together has been quite easy so far.

My friiend and her DH, on the other hand, had a difficult first year, with lots of arguments. They're still arguing a lot in their second year. And they also argued a lot before they got married! I'm not sure they'll really compatibile as a couple, sadly, and I think it contributes to a lot of the conflict they have.

I think probably the year after having a baby is the hardest. At least so I've heard. I'm 8 months pregnant now, so I guess I'll find out pretty soon!