Innocuous Title

[miraclesrule]

What saddens me about all of this, is that women have come so far from the days when all we could hope for was to be a secretary. Then you get women in power who are far worse...evil even...than the worst sexist male boss. I''ll take a numbnut male boss anyday, over an evil woman. It''s shameful. Well, now that I think about it, I would just like to have brains and humanity.

I was comparing bosses the day to "The Lion King". On one hand, there is Mufasa and on the other hand, Scar, and all the ones in between. I think that a boss should have to be on the meter closest to Mufasa than Scar.

Me.. I try to be Rafiki...the wise babboon....

(It''s a jungle out there, I tell ya...a jungle)

 

[Po10472]

Firstly, does your organisation have a dignity at work policy? You should be able to get this through your HR department.

Secondly, you spoke to HR, what did they advise?

OK, lets get serious about this. This woman is bullying and harassing you!! You must act now, it is in your best interest to do so, regardless of what the VP is telling you, you need to cover yourself. If you can, I would take a retrospective diary of altercations and from now on, keep it up to date with other issues that arise. Every employee has a right to be treated with dignity and respect in their workplace and if not, can raise this as a grievance against the individual in question.

The reason why you should keep a diary is because this boss of yours seems extremely sneaky and could quite easily turn it round on you, so you need to have your house in order. I understand that going down a formal route may not be an option for you for fear of the ramifications however, there may come a point where you both need to sit down and have a good talk to iron out these problems, this can be done in an informal way but would require an independent witness to be present from HR who will mediate.

I have seen hundreds of these situations throughout my time and the trend seems to be women, abusing their ''friendship'' with other women colleagues and playing the ''boos'' card when it suits them. This is a dangerous game and my advice to employees is always cover your back and keep a diary for evidence and use your policies and procedures in work, that''s what they''re there for.

Your boss sounds like she has serious issues and I can''t believe that the VP isn''t doing anything about it, especially when he hears that an employee is threatening another employee, however it is all heresay until you raise it and can provide evidence.

 

[monarch64]

I haven''t worked for a woman since my first job post-college...I worked there for a year before leaving of my own accord but I do recall not really liking my "bosses", and they were all female and could be seriously biatchey. Since then I''ve only worked for men and things have been pretty peachy aside from one....all this has me starting to wonder whether I would ever work for a woman again, especialy at the age I am now. Seems like it gets tougher the older I get. Just thinking out loud, never mind me.

 

[Gypsy]

I was up all last night over this. I think it''s MAKING me sick, the way she treats me. I had a migraine again this morning, after a headache all last night.

I took your advice regarding the diary. I will keep one regarding her treatment of me to protect myself.

She is very much after her own interests and it would not at all surprise me if she twisted things over to her point of view. I''ve seen her do it before. I''ve sat in meetings with her, left and heard her recount the meeting to someone else, and it sounds nothing like what I witnessed. The facts were changed to put her in the best light, always.

I would much prefer a different boss. I don''t think that our VP really appreciates how abusive she is. But I am going to make a poinnt of talking about it to him soon.

Monnie, I''d love to work for myself. On the way home yesterday I bought a lottery ticket. It''s been a while, but I figured... maybe if I win I can quit. I would love to be able to quit.

I really would. Working for someone else, let alone working for myself, at this point is a dream.

I hope I can find another job soon. She''s really hurting me. And I need to stop it.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 4/5/2008 3:43:42 AM
Author: Po10472

Firstly, does your organisation have a dignity at work policy? You should be able to get this through your HR department.

Secondly, you spoke to HR, what did they advise?

OK, lets get serious about this. This woman is bullying and harassing you!! You must act now, it is in your best interest to do so, regardless of what the VP is telling you, you need to cover yourself. If you can, I would take a retrospective diary of altercations and from now on, keep it up to date with other issues that arise. Every employee has a right to be treated with dignity and respect in their workplace and if not, can raise this as a grievance against the individual in question.

The reason why you should keep a diary is because this boss of yours seems extremely sneaky and could quite easily turn it round on you, so you need to have your house in order. I understand that going down a formal route may not be an option for you for fear of the ramifications however, there may come a point where you both need to sit down and have a good talk to iron out these problems, this can be done in an informal way but would require an independent witness to be present from HR who will mediate.

I have seen hundreds of these situations throughout my time and the trend seems to be women, abusing their 'friendship' with other women colleagues and playing the 'boos' card when it suits them. This is a dangerous game and my advice to employees is always cover your back and keep a diary for evidence and use your policies and procedures in work, that's what they're there for.

Your boss sounds like she has serious issues and I can't believe that the VP isn't doing anything about it, especially when he hears that an employee is threatening another employee, however it is all heresay until you raise it and can provide evidence.

The one time I spoke with HR about how she treats me it was about my mom's illness. When mom nearly died, my boss was making my life hell. Literally, she has no understanding of family and COULD NOT, absolutely refused to understand why I would WANT (or need) so go visit my UNCONCIOUS mother in the hospital, since she wasn't awake to appreciate it. I needed the leeway to come into work a late a few days (a couple of hours) and go home later as a result, and she was making my life miserable over it. Threatened my job over it three times.

So finally I went to HR. I mentioned at the time that it was considered part of my job description to listen to her for about an hour each day about her woes and her life, listen to her negativity, cheer her up, and keep her in a good mood. Because it's true. It's become part of my job to coddle her emotional, cojole her into a good mood when she's in a bad one, and bend over backward to be her 'friend.' Our HR representative said that I shouldn't have to put up with any of it.

Then the HR rep MARCHED over to my boss's boss's office and apparently told him that there had been complaint about her-- my boss-- (I'm her only employee so WHO ELSE WOULD BE COMPLAINING), and then he called her into his office. It was al handled very badly in my opninion, as there was no attempt even made to protect me. I came off sounding like a complainer. Our VP was overseas when all this was happening. So when he returned I brought it up to him, and he said that he was shocked that they would treat me this way.

So this time when my mom goes in for surgery, I'm asking HIM directly for time off. Screw chain of command. My boss's boss is afraid of her and lets her do ANYTHNG she wants. Our VP is the only one who can override her, and half the time HE doesn't either, cause she yells at him too. She' miserable. The lady in the office next her to heard her yelling at our VP once, and told me she was SHOCKED that he didn't fire her on the spot.

Wishful thinking. She can do whatever she wants, and as far as I can tell. No one stops her.

 

[ladypirate]

I''m so sorry about this, Gypsy. I can totally relate--I was under so much stress at my last job due to working under a psycho b**** that I developed neck and back issues that miraculously went away as soon as I stopped working there. One example: she didn''t like the way I phrased one question in an internal company email (the email was about redesigning our website and I asked "what about the search feature" rather than "where is the search feature supposed to be located on the webpage"), so she came up to me in front of the entire department and started cursing at me. It was insane. She was the type of person who was horrible to everyone except the owners of the company (she had helped start it, so they were all really close friends) and her fellow VPs. In the month after I got there, 2 people left the department because they couldn''t stand working with her. She constantly commented about my appearance and weight (mostly about how I stayed thin--enough that it was strange...she was somewhat overweight so it could have had something to do with her own insecurities) and would always remind me of how young I was to the point that it made me really uncomfortable. Once she decided that she didn''t like me, she began badmouthing me to the owners of the company and then got the ok to hire another one of her friends in a position above mine, basically rendering me useless. The abuse got so bad that other coworkers started commenting on it--one told me that she had hinted that she was trying to bully me into quitting. It was horrible.

OK, didn''t mean for that to get so long. The point is that it is NOT worth it--these people are on their power trips for whatever reason and there''s nothing you can do to change it. *hugs* I''m so sorry you have to go through this.

 

[diamondfan]

Chain of command goes out the window if you are dealing with a nut case.

I am so sorry, she seems out of control on every level and needs help. YOU have a job to do which should NOT include being her therapist.

I think truthfully she should be fired or be given a compassionate leave with the warning that she seek help. And you should not have to interact her on any significant level from here on out.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hi Gypsy,

I''m sorry if you''ve mentioned this and I can''t remember, but have you tried talking with your boss about all of this (maybe with someone else in the room -- HR or someone else)?

It might, *might* help clear the air and at least make things more tolerable for you. Is it to the point where you''d like to look for a different job (or ask to be transferred to a different dept.)?

 

[Gypsy]

LadyP... I think that''s what she''s trying to get me to do... look for another job. But at the same time, she can NOT handle the workload by herself... whole reason I was hired. Ideally there would be three of us not two handling our workload. I''m so sorry you had to deal with that in your old job, I hope you are in a much better place now.

DF-- I agree. I really do. I''m just completely powerless to affect any change with her.

Zoe, I have brought this up to her. But she PRIDES herself on being a b*tch. She''s actuall said EXACTLY that to me several of times. I''ve broached th subject before with her about how she treats others, specifically some of her fellow managers, and how they are afraid of her temper. She always seems to take it as the highest compliment that she''s regarded with fear. She even BRAGS, flat out BRAGS, that out E-VP runs the other way when he sees her coming. She loves power. She''s a sad miserable old woman with no family that cares for her, no real friends, nothing but her work and her money. And she THRIVED on being feared in the department, she always says, "GOOD! I''m glad they fear me! It keeps them out of my office"... except for the fact that her job is SUPPOSED to be helping the other managers. But she''s completely unapproachable unless you are one of TWO people (other than me, god help me she LIKES me and she treats me this way) that she likes or are her boss, or the VP. And even them, she''s abusive to. The words "hostile work environment" are a COMPLIMENT to her.

So I have NO IDEA how to get through to her. I tell her her comments hurt me or that I thought a remark was unfair her response is always either a) get used to being hurt, it''s life or b) life is unfair get used to it. I swear to you... this is what I''m dealing with. NO empathy. No remorse. One of the othe managers almost quit because of her and finally didn''t because her boss and hte VP got on her to told she was driving him to quit, and she back down. They also made it clear to him to avoid her as MUCH as possible.

So in answer to your question. YES. It''s bad enough that I''ve asked one of the Senior VP''s for a transfer into his department. But he''s a guy, and he''s very strict so he''s BAFFLED why I would want a transfer to HIM. I don''t know how to tell him that he might be strict, might be demanding... but so is she, and I''m not worried about that. But with him I have the confidence that he''s SANE. Where with her I really don''t. She''s got serious issues.

I''m also looking, actively, for anther position. I''ve applied to a few (there aren''t that many I''m a good fit for RIGHT NOW, if I can make it to September more doors will be opened to me), and I''ve posted by resume of many websites. So I''m crossing my fingers.

Plus, I have the wedding coming up. And SHE EXPECTS AN INVITE. Oh, yeah, did I mention that? And she keeps mentioning in passing how she KNOWS how important my job is to me, what with the wedding coming up and all the expense. So she KNOWS I need this job right now.

John''s told me flat out to screw the wedding, eat the deposits, and find another position ASAP, and we''ll get married at a JOP, if this is going to keep affecting me so badly. I''m a mess. I waited all week for this weekend to get away from her... but she''s HAUNTING me, I cant'' get away from her, the things she said, and the way she''s treated me. I''m just so upset by it.

I just... I''m just thankful you are are letting me vent. I think I need to. Bottling it up has only made me sick with migraines since she returned from vacation and her week off for the flu. She''s been just wicked.

Thank you guys for all the support. I really appreicate it. SO VERY MUCH.

And if you hear of a good job offer for an attorney who manages, negotiates, and drafts contracts in the bay area. let me know, okay? LOL. Especially if it''s supply chain focused.

 

[FrekeChild]

Can you stand up to her?

She''s old and she''s a B...what else can you tell us about her?

 

[Gypsy]

What do you what to know hon?

Also, what I just posted might answer both your questions.

 

[FrekeChild]

What I mean is treat her the way she''s treating you? I know she''s your boss, but usually people who act like that can''t take it when someone acts like it back to them. Ya know?

Is she sensitive about anything?

BTW, I''d tell her straight up she''s not invited to your wedding.

Want me to talk to her?

Is she an attorney as well or just some power hungry garden tool?

 

[sera]

That''s just absolutely horrible and it''s not a healthy environment! Things have gotta change there or you need to get outta there because that''s just not a healthy environment. Stress at that level will continue to effect you physically and emotionally. That woman needs some serious lessons in how to be a human being! GRRR it makes me mad when people treat others like that! DEFINITELY keep documentation like suggested... maybe filing a complaint and documenting all the serious problems will force them to do something. If they are aware of her behaviour then they have the responsibility to do something... maybe pushing them harder with things in writing will motivate them to save their own butts as well as protect you from harassment.

 

[diamondfan]

Gypsy, if you have an employment lawyer as a pal, I might mention this to him/her and document ALL of this stuff. Keep in in a safe place. You might need to bring out the big guns at some point in time. Go back and try to recall stuff in as much detail as you can and going forward keep a journal. This is insanity and she pulls anything you should be able to whip out some documentation and put the fear of god into them. Can you find another job that is workable for you, so you can get out of there?

 

[Gypsy]

I''m to think about what you suggest DF, Sera and Freke. I think I need to enjoy the rest of my weekend without this woman ruining my time out of work. So I''m going to block everything about her, including this thread, out. I hope that''s okay?!?

 

[diamondfan]

DO IT. (the ignoring part) Do not give her any more power right now. All I am saying is forwarned is forearmed. She is a loose cannon so you must have a strategy. These situations can go down a couple of ways, and one of them is not good for the innocent party often times. So I am just saying fight fire with a nuke and be ready. Hopefully you will not need it and maybe they will fire her!!!!