I''m starting to feel just a little pressured....

[northstar_78]

In the short span of two weeks a good friend of mine just got engaged, my sister announced her upcoming engagement, and my best friend told me that another one of our mutual friends is tying the knot this summer...then she asked me "you''re not engaged yet, right?"

I know she was just trying to be funny...but hey I''m still looking for that perfect engagement ring!

Anyone else going through this? I feel blessed that I''ve already met the lucky husbands-to-be and they are the nicest bunch of guys I''ve ever known. It never ceases to amaze me that in this crazy world we still find love...

 

[appletini]

I''m not surrounded by recently engaged people, but I definitely feel your pain, especially since two of the BF''s friends are getting married this summer.

 

[Blue824]

You mean you don''t like every other person you meet asking "so when are you two getting engaged?"

I''m sure they''re just really excited and they can''t wait for you to be sharing in the same excitement that they''re feeling. If you''re looking at rings, it is obviously progressing. I''m sure they got just as irritated or felt pressured when people would bring it up to them before they were officially proposed to, but once they''ve got that ring, they forget how hard it is. Just my opinion.

About 6 mos ago, a then good friend of mine decided that it was to me for P & I to get engaged. She harped on it and made all these comments in front of him. We were like, why are you doing this? Now, after this girl got married, every time she speaks to me she likes to rub it in that she''s with her dh all the time and my bf is half way across the country. Everything ends with "you must miss P so much" I know I may sound like I''m overreacting, but I''ve shown her comments to people at work and my mom and they''ve all been like what''s wrong with her? I''m sure it''s just her wording, but sometimes it makes me want to scream and other times makes me want to crawl under my covers and cry. Do I really need the fact that I miss him so much rubbed in my face? She''s the only person that does that! They dated for less than a year, she gave him an ultimatum, he proposed before he was 21, spent all his money (2000) on a ring and he couldn''t buy text books for the upcoming semester. I knwo to each their own, but that is just not for me and I just wish people would be more tolerant of other people''s choices and not try to force their decisions on them. It made me feel that she wasnt completely comfortable in her situation and she didn''t want to be the only one, or something...I dunno. I try to ignore it all the time, thinking that if I don''t respond to that she''ll stop, but it hasn''t worked. Obviously I don''t consider her a good friend anymore...but I don''t even know if she realizes what she''s doing.

Anyway, I guess I went on that tangent because
1. needed to just vent
and
2. I think she''s similar to everyone who says the "you''re not engaged yet???" comments....A lot of people don''t THINK before they say things and that''s how I think everyone around you making those ''you''re not engaged yet comments'' is...they don''t realize what that does to you! And let''s be honest...I think our emotions are somewhat heightened and a little bit more sensitive to these kinds of comments right now.

My only advice is the same I"m trying to take and that''s just to breath, and try not to let it get to you too much.

 

[Buena Girl]

Over the past year or so, 4 guys at our office (b/f and I work at the same office) proposed to their girlfriends and a fifth guy has purchased a ring and is waiting for the right time. Two of those guys were wed this past summer, and two more will be married this Spring. AND ALL 5 OF THEM STARTED DATING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AFTER MY BOYFRIEND AND I STARTED DATING !!!

Our secretary is constantly asking me when it will be my turn !?! She means well, but sometimes she asks me several times a week. I feel some pressure from other people, but I would definitely say that I feel the most pressure from her.

Our secretary also adores babies, and is always asking all of us girls when that is going to happen.

I always give my standard answer of "trust me, that won''t be happening any time soon".

 

[appletini]

Sometimes the co-workers can be the worst! People in my office assume we are engaged b/c we are looking at rings, no we are not engaged!!! My boss quit asking a long time ago, b/c she knows that I'll be screaming the news when it happens.

 

[njc]

I think the worst part is keeping the "we''ve talked about marriage and are looking at rings" thing a secret. I wanted to scream it at people who would ask me, but im glad i didnt. It took a solid year for anything to ever come of it, and i think it would have made people ask more.

People i hadnt seen in a while would always ask if we were engaged, that wasnt *too* bad. I could just smile and say no, not yet! Although i would be thinking of strangling the BF. The one time that really got me was a baby shower i went to in Oct. Out of 5 friends, 3 were married, 2 had kids, and 1 engaged. They actually gave me advice on how to get him to ask me. Like drag him into jewelry stores and look at the items next to the erings. In my head i just kept thinking, we''ve picked out my ring, he just needs to get off his a$$ and buy it... LEAVE ME ALONE!

So i agree with blue824... the best thing you can do is just breathe... and come here to vent. Unfortunatly for me, i found the LIWs in the last few months of my struggle, sure could''ve used them last June!

 

[northstar_78]

Thanks for the support! Honestly, I''ve tried to keep everything on the down-low but its hard...and I know that my friends mean only the best!!

 

[JCJD]

Date: 2/8/2005 10:54:52 PM
Author: Buena Girl
Over the past year or so, 4 guys at our office (b/f and I work at the same office) proposed to their girlfriends and a fifth guy has purchased a ring and is waiting for the right time. Two of those guys were wed this past summer, and two more will be married this Spring. AND ALL 5 OF THEM STARTED DATING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AFTER MY BOYFRIEND AND I STARTED DATING !!!


Our secretary is constantly asking me when it will be my turn !?! She means well, but sometimes she asks me several times a week. I feel some pressure from other people, but I would definitely say that I feel the most pressure from her.

Our secretary also adores babies, and is always asking all of us girls when that is going to happen.

I always give my standard answer of ''trust me, that won''t be happening any time soon''.

Here''s another, more jabbing answer you could give her! "Wow, I''ve never had anybody so interested in my sex life before! How is yours, by the way?" And then smile, turn, and walk away.

Maybe not OK to actually say to her, but it sure would feel good to imagine it!!

 

[allycat0303]

North!

HUGS! Every couple has their own pace and I wish that people would keep their mouths SHUT. Even if you don''t want to get engaged yet(like me) I find it really offensive when people make comments. I see major red

. Often I wonder if their comments is based on their own lonliness/lack of relationship or just plain spite! I try to think of it this way, in all honesty, how much time do you spend worrying about if your friend/cousin/sister''s engagement? When it happens you are happy for them, but its not as if you pass judgment on them. People can be really insensitive.

 

[ammayernyc]

I feel your pain. We were at a Superbowl party last weekend where out of the 15 people that were there, we were the only couple that was not engaged or married (and it was all couples except for one single guy who just broke up with his gf).

My friends aren''t so bad... it''s my family. There is literally not a conversation that happens with my aunt where she mentions something about a wedding or when she start loosing weight to look good or how my cousin''s baby is old enough to be my flower girl (not going to happen... EVER)!

And this has been going on since my bf and I had basically begun dating. Literally three months after we started!

I had a friend who was doing the same thing until finally I had to sit her down and tell her in plain English to stop asking me. I decided that cute answers weren''t working anymore. She hasn''t mentioned anything since. (Although, I did have to bribe her a little by telling her she would be the first person I call after it happens).

Good luck with everybody!

 

[Buena Girl]

Date: 2/9/2005 10:57:54 AM
Author: JCJD

Date: 2/8/2005 10:54:52 PM
Author: Buena Girl
Over the past year or so, 4 guys at our office (b/f and I work at the same office) proposed to their girlfriends and a fifth guy has purchased a ring and is waiting for the right time. Two of those guys were wed this past summer, and two more will be married this Spring. AND ALL 5 OF THEM STARTED DATING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AFTER MY BOYFRIEND AND I STARTED DATING !!!


Our secretary is constantly asking me when it will be my turn !?! She means well, but sometimes she asks me several times a week. I feel some pressure from other people, but I would definitely say that I feel the most pressure from her.

Our secretary also adores babies, and is always asking all of us girls when that is going to happen.

I always give my standard answer of ''trust me, that won''t be happening any time soon''.

Here''s another, more jabbing answer you could give her! ''Wow, I''ve never had anybody so interested in my sex life before! How is yours, by the way?'' And then smile, turn, and walk away.

Maybe not OK to actually say to her, but it sure would feel good to imagine it!!

Hahaha!!!

I would LOVE IT if one of us ever said something back to her like that. It will never happen, though, ''cuz she''s the one in charge of paychecks, vacation days, and all of the important stuff. Not that she would ever truly screw a person over, but she has the power to make your life difficult if you piss her off.

 

[JCJD]

My other in-the-back-of-my-mind answer for rude questions like that is "Wow... Well, we''re not ready for kids yet, but since you''re so interested in our procreation, I guess we could let you know when we start trying." Don''t know if that one is a little to subtle though..... Either way, it''s fun to think!!!

 

[rfath]

well... I think fiance and I had been together so long that most people just assumed that we were married anyway... Luckily my family and his didn''t pressure either of us. I think I had more pressure from the random people on public transportation trying to pick me up and getting angry that I''d been in a relationship that long without a ring.

Hey, they were good for laughs...