i''m a little confused - opinions please?

[ficklefaye]

i visited my bff last week, she is also one of my bms, she is attending the wedding with her husband and their two young children, while i was at her place, her husband was joking around about bringing her parents because he hasn''t gotten the hang of taking care of both kids at the same time, since she is one of my bms, she will be spending all the time getting ready and taking photos with the rest of the party, so her husband will need to take care of the two of them

i laughed it off because it did seem like a joke, she followed up acknowledging he still can''t handle the two of them, but now i''m a bit worried that it may not have been a joke, i''m afraid she might come with her parents even though i did not invite them, i want to contact her to ask, but she is very difficult to reach, she doesn''t pick up calls or emails, the best way to contact her these days is through text but even then it takes days for her to respond

i don''t know what to do at this point, just assume her parents aren''t coming? but what if they show up to my wedding, should i turn them away? honestly, if she did bring them, i''d actually be quite offended. this is just so confusing. she has been known to bring her whole family when only she is invited. i just wanted to add that part. i wouldn''t mind if it was just a birthday bbq, but this is a very expensive wedding.

sorry this is so long.

 

[cindygenit]

FF, this is a difficult situation for you to be in.

Personally, i would be quite offended at what your bm''s hubby said. Its not ok to invite family members to a friend''s wedding just because you can''t handle your kids. I hope she doesn''t do this to you because that is quite inconsiderate of her.

Why not suggest that the kids be left at their grandparents house instead? Why must they bring their kids to the wedding?

 

[LilyKat]

It might have just been a joke, but I do think you need to clarify.

Try and contact your friend by any means possible (maybe leave a text telling her to call you urgently?) Then say that you''d been thinking about what her husband said, and "sorry to be paranoid, but he WAS just joking about bringing your parents right??!"

If she says no, that''s the time to explain nicely but firmly that you can''t accommodate any more people. But my guess is that she''ll either reassure you it was a joke, or if she was seriously thinking about bringing them, will realise from your tone of voice that it''s not an option.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I think that they may have posed the question as a joke, with the hope that you may have said to them, yeah sure, of course your parents can come!

If he seriously cannot control both of the children without help i think you need to talk to your bff regardless of whether it was said as a joke or not. Having two children run riot because the father cannot control them is not a look you want for your wedding.. like Cindy said, maybe your bff''s parents could have the children at their house and then both your bff and her hubby can enjoy a night without them?

 

[mrm]

Are the children in the wedding? If not, why can''t the grandparents just babysit them? Is there a need for them to be there?

 

[doodle]

If they must bring the kids to the wedding, I would just hire a babysitter, and make sure the parents know in advance that you have hired someone to help keep up with the younger ones. Some venues even have specific designated areas for a babysitter to keep up with little kids so that you don''t have to worry about one of them toppling your wedding cake or something! Good luck!

 

[Londongirl1]

I agree with the advice about trying to contact your friend to set the record straight. I'm AMAZED at just how many people wrongly assume that they're invited or assume it's their right to invite whoever they want to MY wedding

Just be polite but firm - it works for me. I'm very close to my BFF so I wouldn't have a problem with her parents coming but NOT because her husband can't control his own kids

Good luck

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 9/14/2009 10:11:30 AM
Author: doodle
If they must bring the kids to the wedding, I would just hire a babysitter, and make sure the parents know in advance that you have hired someone to help keep up with the younger ones. Some venues even have specific designated areas for a babysitter to keep up with little kids so that you don''t have to worry about one of them toppling your wedding cake or something! Good luck!

Especially if you''ve got other kids there. It is shocking how many parents let their kids do stuff that is so disruptive and destructive.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 9/14/2009 11:56:46 AM
Author: TooPatient

Date: 9/14/2009 10:11:30 AM
Author: doodle
If they must bring the kids to the wedding, I would just hire a babysitter, and make sure the parents know in advance that you have hired someone to help keep up with the younger ones. Some venues even have specific designated areas for a babysitter to keep up with little kids so that you don''t have to worry about one of them toppling your wedding cake or something! Good luck!

Especially if you''ve got other kids there. It is shocking how many parents let their kids do stuff that is so disruptive and destructive.

i will probably do something similar as well. I am inviting a good friend and her daugher (13) who LOVES to babysit. it really does help out!

 

[oddoneout]

I agree with the idea of leaving the kids with their grandparents. The kids don''t have to come but their mother does.

 

[charbie]

Date: 9/14/2009 2:02:46 PM
Author: oddoneout
I agree with the idea of leaving the kids with their grandparents. The kids don''t have to come but their mother does.

+1- i mean seriously- who would say that they would just bring the grandparents along instead of just having the kids stay there??? that''s odd. but its hard since its a close friend, close enough that she is in the wedding. i do think you need to approach it carefully and just make sure that it was just a joke.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Maybe he meant that the grandparents would babysit the kids at the hotel while they attend the wedding events????

 

[ficklefaye]

Date: 9/14/2009 10:03:20 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Maybe he meant that the grandparents would babysit the kids at the hotel while they attend the wedding events????

thank you everyone for your responses. i''m having an out of town wedding and my venue only charges for adults, so i was ok with inviting children, i''m close to my younger cousins and wouldnt be happy if i didn''t include them in the festivities

i''m thinking diamondseeker''s guess is probably what is going to happen, the grandparents may come along just to take care of the kids, but i haven''t heard back from my bff, we''ve already given our final headcount to our venue and our payment is due at the end of this week, so there''s no turning back

my FI thinks i should just have a little faith in my bff and i''m trying but she''s really changed over the years and her "joke" just hit a sensitive nerve for me, FI and i have been battling over the guestlist for months, we only finalized it yesterday