If your spouse wants a tattoo and you don't like them...

[ame]

Not my body. The only time I think my opinion would be and should be considered is if it is a subject (as in the art he wants) is something that will cause issues later, ie get him fired or something.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I'd be annoyed if my dh got a tattoo if I had requested he not do so because there have been a few things I've wanted to do and when he requested I didn't, I honored his request.

But, then again, we're talking what kind of tattoo? A little one I'd rarely see or one that is obvious and I'd have to look at every day? My dh isn't into tattoos, so we're okay.

 

[rainwood]

This isn't a real issue for us because there's no way either of us would ever get tattoos, but I see it as more than just an issue about body art. If one person says "I'd like to do X" (whatever X might be) and that person's partner said "I really don't like X," then how they handle it affects both of them. If the person goes ahead and does X anyway, it can make the other person feel like what they think doesn't matter, and that's not good, particularly if it's something that can't be readily undone.

When it comes to tattoos, the "my body, my decision" is one way to describe it, but the other person is the one who has to look at it, probably forever, so they are involved too. I'd feel incredibly disrespected if my husband went out and did something permanent after I said I really didn't like it, and he'd probably feel the same if I did something like that. Relationships are about compromise sometimes, and the tattoo scenario seems like an example of one of those times.

That's my take on it, and it seems to be counter to the prevailing view.

 

[kenny]

I'm a passionate supporter of live and let live.

I find it fascinating that many of us who embrace that, embrace it a little less when it's our SO.

We think we have more 'say' when it's an SO vs. a random member of the public.

Interesting.

 

[distracts]

I don't think anyone would ever divorce over this, right?

... I might. I just do not at all find people with big tattoos to be sexually attractive. AT ALL. If it's small, sure, I can ignore it. If it's big, though, no way. My husband wants a really big tattoo that covers his entire calf and I just can't deal with it. Could he get it? Yes. Would I stop having sex with him? Quite likely. That would lead to me divorcing him.

Don't care about tattoos on people I'm not having sex with. But they're a lady-boner-killer to me so it just wouldn't work out with my spouse. Which he knows, because we had this talk about how we both dislike tattoos on our S/Os before we got engaged. But now he's found one he wants. Fortunately he seems to realize that would be a mistake.

I dunno. It's one of those things where I just don't know how it would end up.

 

[Laila619]

I'd voice my opinion if my husband wanted to get a tattoo. Neither one of us are into them so it wouldn't come up, but I don't see anything wrong with telling him how I feel. He feels the same way.

Ditto.

If DH suddenly wanted to get a tattoo, I would be shocked. I'd tell him that I hope he would reconsider. Obviously it's his choice ultimately. However, I really do not like tattoos, and thus I married a man who did not have any. If he wanted to get one, it would be a turn off.

 

[chrono]

... I might. I just do not at all find people with big tattoos to be sexually attractive. AT ALL. If it's small, sure, I can ignore it. If it's big, though, no way. My husband wants a really big tattoo that covers his entire calf and I just can't deal with it. Could he get it? Yes. Would I stop having sex with him? Quite likely. That would lead to me divorcing him.

Don't care about tattoos on people I'm not having sex with. But they're a lady-boner-killer to me so it just wouldn't work out with my spouse. Which he knows, because we had this talk about how we both dislike tattoos on our S/Os before we got engaged. But now he's found one he wants. Fortunately he seems to realize that would be a mistake.

I dunno. It's one of those things where I just don't know how it would end up.

Distracts sums it up best for how it would apply to our household, other than the part SO found a tattoo he wants.

 

[Laila619]

I think one has the right to chime in, but then the other has the right to do whatever they want after taking these concerns into consideration. And I mean serious consideration...there needs to be an open line of communication when it comes to permanent physical alterations. For example, I'd like to get a boob job some day, but my husband is so against it that I've dropped the issue. In general he doesn't want me to alter my body through surgery, tattoos, additional piercings, cosmetic surgery, etc, although he doesn't seem to care that my ears are pierced. However, I have my heart set on getting some liposuction when I can afford it and can take time off of work for recovery, and nothing he says would ever stop me. He knows this and will be supportive when I eventually go down that road.

I do think there's a big difference between asking a partner NOT to alter their body (which is pretty kosher in my book) and asking one TO alter their body (which is not cool). Nobody should expect their partner to undergo a painful and potentially risky procedure (tattos, surgery, etc) just because they want their SO to look a certain way. That decision needs to come from the individual alone.

Great point!

 

[star sparkle]

I really dislike tattoos, for myself and on others, but whatever. DH has two tattoos that he got before we met (one on each shoulder), but they're symbolically important to him and are not visible during the course of regular daily activities. When we first started dating he mentioned that he might want another someday, and even then I wasn't shy about telling him how I felt about them, and he hasn't broached the subject since. Ultimately, though, he knows how I feel about it and if he decided to get another one, I stop him from doing so. Luckily he works in a field with pretty strict appearance standards, so even if he were to get another it'd have to be something that's not ever visible to the public. As such, at least I wouldn't have to look at it all day.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I don't think anyone would ever divorce over this, right?

... I might. I just do not at all find people with big tattoos to be sexually attractive. AT ALL. If it's small, sure, I can ignore it. If it's big, though, no way. My husband wants a really big tattoo that covers his entire calf and I just can't deal with it. Could he get it? Yes. Would I stop having sex with him? Quite likely. That would lead to me divorcing him.
.

There is someone with a tattoo on his FACE who married into the family....yes, his face has a giant tattoo and no he his not employed, nor will he likely ever be able to get a job. He married into the family like that and we haven't met him even though it's been seven months.

 

[momhappy]

I'm a passionate supporter of live and let live.

I find it fascinating that many of us who embrace that, embrace it a little less when it's our SO.

We think we have more 'say' when it's an SO vs. a random member of the public.

Interesting.

I'm not married to the general public, so obviously, I have more say about what my husband does with his life/body than say, a guy I pass by on the street. If Joe Shmo wants to get his whole body tattooed, rock on Joe shmo and I'm thankful that I'm sleeping with/married to my guy instead of him