if you were getting a divorce tomorrow ...

[Dancing Fire]

will you be able to survive ?

 

[Ally T]

Yes, I would. I am a SAHM with 2 very young children, and here in the UK my husband would have to fully financially support me until the children finished full time education. So HE would be the poor one if we split

 

[NonieMarie]

I'm just engaged but I would, at least financially, be able to survive. All my children are grown so that makes a big difference. I've always told my girls that it was important for them to be able to take care of themselves. Unfortunately, they didn't listen. Each one divorced and had a hard time getting back on their feet. As far as emotionally, maybe I'm different than most. I live by the saying,
"just suck it up and carry on".

 

[diamondringlover]

With out a doubt, I would survive both financially and emotionally...bring it on....lol

 

[Autumnovember]

Financially, I would be perfectly fine.

 

[makemepretty]

What a ridiculous question! What choice would you have?

Anyone could survive a divorce, no matter what obstacles they'd have to overcome.

I've been a SAHM for 18 years so I'd have to get a paying job, I'm sure McDonalds would hire me. I'd have to find somewhere to live on my income but I'm sure there's millions of people who live on less and survive. It'd actually be easier than I'd think because we've always been poor so there's no "getting used to it". I have no savings account, no college degree but yes, I am sure I would survive just fine.

 

[Enerchi]

I'd be ok. I wouldn't want to be divorced and the resulting lifestyle changes and emotional trauma that would occur, but I know I'd manage and survive. Hopefully --- THRIVE--- in the end. But I do NOT want to put that to the test, thank you very much!

 

[Ally T]

Here, here, Enerchi. I also never wish to see the time come that my fabulous marriage ends & my children have to recover from the event. Never

 

[steelmagnolia]

Well, I'm not so sure I think it's really a ridiculous question given the amount of women I've known who did the head in the sand method and just prayed it would never happen to them and gave no thought to what they would do if it did. And statistically, it's likely to happen to many, unfortunately I *do* agree with the line of thinking "What choice do you have *but* do you get through it and survive if it happens?" It's what you do when the unimaginable happens. Or at least it's what I do, one foot in front of the other and eventually I'm much farther down the road than I ever though I would be.

That said, I surely would not like it if it ever happened to me and hope it never does. Emotionally, I'd be a wasteland for quite some time, I've shared 22+ years with him and I'm 42. We have a rich history together and 5 children, several who are still quite young - they would be my biggest concern throughout. Financially, I would be fine. I haven't worked, by choice, in quite some time but I could and would if it became a matter of survival.

I've learned a lot from friends who have gone through it, both planned and unplanned, a sort of list of do's and don't's. Exit plan lists for those who are making preps to leave, and things to do when one or the other has left unexpectedly. I'd be quite alright in the long run.

 

[rosetta]

I'd get a seven figure settlement on divorce so I'd be absolutely fine for good while (I won't bore you with the legalities)

But its because I have a career and means to earn a very decent salary that I'd be ok. That I feel is KEY to self-sufficiency. I would hate to be dependent on an ex-husband. In fact, I wouldn't actually NEED a penny from him, so he could still contest everything, leave me not a pound in my pocket, and I'd still be fine.

Of course, I don't wish to ever part from my lovely husband, but I believe in having a plan B if the s*** hits the fan. Because I believe divorce can happen to anyone, and certainly I don't have some sort of special immunity to it. So I aim to always be financially independent. I'm not saying every woman has to walk the same path as me, but my choice helps me sleep soundly at night.

 

[tammy77]

I'd survive, I wouldn't have a choice because I have 2 and soon to be 3 children that would depend on me to do so. That said, it'd be a very long time before I would be okay emotionally speaking. I love my husband and the life we have together. It would be devastating to lose that.

 

[packrat]

Dunno. Maybe w/child support and going on welfare. Para's don't make much. Emotionally I'd be fine. I'd have to be, for my kids.

 

[ame]

Yes but it would suck.

 

[Jennifer W]

No, not really. I wouldn't curl up and die obviously, but basic survival would be about the full extent of what I would manage, at least in the early days. I wouldn't survive terribly well without him, not after so long. It would be very hard to adjust to him not being there, not talking to me, not making my life a little bit nicer every day.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I was thinking about this the other day as I was up all night with my sick kids and I was contemplating running away!

Obviously I would survive. But it would be really really hard. We live in an area with high living expenses, and daycare is pricey. If we divorce, our incomes would be the same and all our current expenses the same, but add to that rent for another home and a second car expense... it's not doable. I suppose the non customdial parent would have to live in abject poverty, and the custodial parent would have to sell our current home and really downsize Anyways, not something I want to face.

They call this "constraint commitment" -- the cost of separating is just too high, so people stay together.

We are thankfully quite happily married, but I did conclude from my midnight ponderings that I would have to up and run off solo in the middle of the night and change my name to "mud" if I ever wanted to escape

 

[Jennifer W]

I didn't read the whole thread before replying, didn't realise this was a finance question. Sorry - yes, I'd survive just fine. In fact, there would be no one buying up the builders' merchant store three times a week and stacking it in my garage. There wouldn't be anyone wanting a very particular item of foodstuff that comes only from one Italian foodstore on the other freaking side of the city where we work, necessitating the Drive From Hell/ the largest taxi fare the world has seen so far. There would be no need for a constant supply of a very particular vermouth, or for grilled lobster from one small fishing port a two hour drive from where I live.

Come to think about it, I'd be ok, generally...

(I'm kidding, I wouldn't want to be without him, but I wouldn't have a financial problem, since we're fairly independent in that regard anyway.)

 

[Mayk]

I would be DEVASTATED... I married a prince!!!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Are we talking about financial issues? Emotional? Physical? Or just a plain ol' zombi apocalypse happening right as I sign the divorce papers?

 

[loriken214]

YES....been there, done that!

Lori

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I would hope that I survive. It would be hard at first. But time heals all wounds right?

 

[ksinger]

YES....been there, done that!

Lori

LOL! Ditto that. Survived long enough - financially, emotionally, for the one who should have been smarter much sooner to figure out what a catch he almost lost, and marry me.

Since we couldn't seem to ditch each other (hard though we tried) in almost 30 years, we realized divorce isn't even an option.

However, if something happens that he dies before me, I may NOT survive that very long. I'm pretty sure the world will become gray and pretty meaningless without him....

 

[jaysonsmom]

Yes. I would definitely survive. I'm financially independent, I have 2 well adjusted and mature kids and 2 wonderful parents who would provide emotional support, and a strong church family to lean on.....also in the event we were to divorce, it would be 100% my fault because I made the choice. Dh is very happy in our relationship (or so he claims), I'm the one always picking at him! So, if that were the case, I know he'd still be a responsible dad to my kids because he is first and foremost a great dad....as a husband, he's okay I guess.

 

[Laila619]

I would be fine, but it would be tough! My DH is a great dad, so he would continue providing for the kids generously. I'm a SAHM though, so I'd have to probably get a part-time job. DH would be lost, as I do all the bills and banking. He would have no clue about all that stuff!

 

[SB621]

It's not divorce I'm worried about. If that was the problem I would survive without a problem. It would be a break down between DH and myself or perhaps just him walking away from us. I would continue on.

However, with DH's job his life could end anytime he is out in the field. That would destoy me knowing he was taken from me vs leaving me. I would pull it together for my children but emotionally I would be destoyed for life. I have seen too many of my good friends bury their husbands in the last few years. I pray every time he leaves I'm not the next one.

 

[04diamond<3]

I would survive. I'd be heartbroken for a while and I'd miss him terribly but I'd get through it. Initially it'd be difficult as he's supporting me because I'm in school full time. I'm looking for a full time job, but if it happened tomorrow, I'd have to move back home, deal with my insane family on a daily basis again and go through severe depression, again...but I would eventually get through it. Now a days it's reality...what's the divorce rate again?

 

[geri]

I am separated from my husband and am fine financially, although obviously not in as good a position as if we had stayed together. Although my ex is a good dad and has expressed willingness to share expenses for our daughter, I am planning my financial future on the assumption that I will need to pay for everything myself because there is a risk that things could change if he ever remarried/had more children. I am so glad I am financially independent as I am currently watching a friend go through a nasty divorce and, although she will be fine in the long run, things are pretty tough for her at the moment as she is on maternity leave with a young child and he has cut off all access to money.

 

[chrono]

I am financially independent with my personal 6 months cash emergency funds to rely on should it ever be needed.

 

[longtimelurker]

Hell f'ng yeah. And thrive.

 

[Tuckins1]

Yep. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself. I have my own job and money. That being said, I married someone who I WANTED to be with, not someone who I NEEDED to be with for any other reason than I love him.

 

[NTave]

I divorced 4 years ago...I'm in a better financial picture now than we were together, and I don't receive child support (deadbeat) or any help..it's is still not my ideal, so I am currently in school, work full time and work in such a schedule that I can maximize the time I spend w my kids. I'm not away from them much. But, I'm plucky, and I had a good job always..I also got out from under a considerable amount of unknown debt that I shouldered and paid for a large atty bill for a man that wouldn't go quietly..I still financially have a long way from where I want to be, but I am doing it alone and I provide a decent life for my children. Do I wish I could do more? Yes. But eventually I'll get there