i think its neglect... (LONG!)

[cbs102]

my fiance has been divorced for 2 years - seperated for 3. They got divorced because his ex (BM for birthmother) was cheating on him with a man old enough to be her father. i have been living with my fiance for a year now and i have witnessed some things that are really beginning to worry me, so i need your advice.

back in march i noticed that SD4 (step daughter 4 yrs old ) was developing this really deep cough. now i have asthma so i was really worried and told fi that he should mention something to the BM and get her to the doctor right away. he did- she said she would..but never did. we got her the following wednesday and the cough was worse. again, fi mentioned to the mother that SD4 was really sick and she needed to go... she said "i know... "
but again, never took her to the doctor. that weekend SD4 developed a 101 temp and we immediately took her to the doc (thank goodness for saturday hours) turns out she had pneumonia!!! i was livid! the poor thing was so sick i felt like crying! i ended up calling off of work (i had just started) because she would not take off to stay at home..even though she has unlimited sick days. 2 months later the very same thing happened... she got pneumonia AGAIN and again we were the ones that took her to the doctor. SD4 even mentioned to her daddy that her mommy never takes her to the doctor... poor thing!

the end of november SD4 showed up for our weekend in a spring coat. we live in PA and there was a small blizzard outside. she has also been showing up dirty and smelling like she has not taken baths in a week.

2 weeks ago BM''s brother showed up at our house to talk to fiance. he said that the family is concerned because every single weekend that we don''t have SD4 BM is in maryland at swingers parties. WHAT!!!!??? where is SD4 when this is going on!? now, i have lived here for a year...and she has had 5 boyfriends-3 of them were going to move in. SD4 crawled under the covers one morning a few weeks ago and told me that she is sad because her mommy never plays with her and that she is always out with her work friends.. i could have cried. Fi called BM and confronted her, but all he got was excuses and lies.

so this past weekend SD4 was with her mother and fiance and i went out to a bar to see a band with some friends. in walks BM wearing a backless shirt- she was making out with women and men in the middle of the bar, groping men and women and flashing her chest. i was horrified! my biggest fear is that she is bringing home these random people and something could happen to SD4...

what do you think>??? is this all considered a form of neglect? can and should i make a tip to child services???? we could take her to court if we knew we could win.

 

[LaraOnline]

Erk, this sounds awful. okay, brainstorm.

Do you think you could just go via informal route first, and talk to extended family.

You could approach BM from the perspective that you don''t think she''s managing very well, or that she needs a break? Perhaps you don''t have to confront her with how out-of-whack she is, just that with her ''busy lifestyle'' the child needs more support, and that your fiance feels it''s time he stepped up to the plate?

Wouldn''t the court see 50/50 as the preferred option anyway, even without dragging the mother''s lifestyle into it? Perhaps your fiance could offer to take on the child for the next year, full time, just to give BM a break, and then take it from there...?

Or get the BM''s parents on side as well? Sounds like the BM''s family is also fairly concerned.

 

[fieryred33143]

Did you ever find out where her daughter is when she''s out in these parties?

I personally feel that her private life is her private life. If she''s in a club with a backless shirt making out with girls, then that''s her life. But the child is first priority and if she''s being neglected so that mom can live a party lifestyle then something needs to be done.

At the same time, calling child services might not necessarily mean that the daughter gets turned over to dad while they investigate. And it can be very tramautizing for the daughter especially if all they find is that mom has a wild side but the daughter is treated well.

Is there a reason why FI only has her every other weekend? Can you talk to her about every weekend? Also you mentioned not being able to win in court. Is there a reason why this is true?

I would think the first step would be to take her to court for more custody of the daughter as opposed to calling the authorities (Unless you do feel that the child''s life is in danger, then I would call immediately because you don''t gamble a child''s life)

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 9:46:02 AM
Author: fieryred33143
Did you ever find out where her daughter is when she''s out in these parties?

I personally feel that her private life is her private life. If she''s in a club with a backless shirt making out with girls, then that''s her life. But the child is first priority and if she''s being neglected so that mom can live a party lifestyle then something needs to be done.

At the same time, calling child services might not necessarily mean that the daughter gets turned over to dad while they investigate. And it can be very tramautizing for the daughter especially if all they find is that mom has a wild side but the daughter is treated well.

Is there a reason why FI only has her every other weekend? Can you talk to her about every weekend? Also you mentioned not being able to win in court. Is there a reason why this is true?

I would think the first step would be to take her to court for more custody of the daughter as opposed to calling the authorities (Unless you do feel that the child''s life is in danger, then I would call immediately because you don''t gamble a child''s life)

First, I agree with you that her private life is her private life...but she brings that home when the children are there. that is what has us concerned.

as for the every other weekend.. that is in the custody agreement. my fi has her every other weekend and every wednesday until 7. her family does feel that there is neglect. and i feel that way too..but i feel uneasy because what if i am hyper sensitive and i open a can of worms?

my best friend is a child therapist and she feels that the mother has hyper sexuality issues that are trumping the well being of her child... she said that SD4 is at high risk of being molested because of the random poeple that are in and out of that house.

 

[neatfreak]

Honestly, I am not sure it's YOUR place. But I DO think it's her father's place to make sure the kids are taken care of and to petition the court for full custody or report the mom to CPS as necessary. I would first explore that route before calling in CPS yourself. You haven't really talked about what your FI has done. It's HIS responsibility as a father to make sure his kids are safe, and if anyone is making a report it should be him IMO.

Calling CPS IS opening a can of worms and often means that your FI will also be investigated, not something I would want to be responsible for unless the children's lives are in danger IMO. I think going the court/custody route first is your best bet, and your FI really should be the one pursuing it.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

CBS, you mentioned that you live in PA. I am a paralegal and I live and work in PA as well. Please keep in mind, I am not an attorney, so I can''t give you any legal advice. However, a large part of my job deals with child custody cases, so I know a little bit about this type of thing. You mentioned that there is a custody agreement in place, whereby you and your FI get SD4 every other weekend. Custody agreements (and even custody orders) are always modifiable. If your FI wanted to change the custody agreement to increase the amount of time he has custody of SD4, he could do this in one of two ways:

1) Talk to BM about signing a new custody agreement which would give him more time with SD4. This would probably be the easiest, least traumatic and least expensive way to go. If BM is willing to agree, then just have an attorney draft a new agreement for your FI and BM to sign, and that''s all it takes.

2) If BM refuses to agree to Option 1, your FI could file a petition to modify custody. This would be filed with your local Court of Common Pleas, and I would definitely recommend having an attorney help you if you decide to do this. The courts seem to be favoring a 50/50 split, so I would think that involving the court would not be a bad idea on your FI''s part.

Good luck to you, and I hope this was helpful!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 11:04:51 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
CBS, you mentioned that you live in PA. I am a paralegal and I live and work in PA as well. Please keep in mind, I am not an attorney, so I can''t give you any legal advice. However, a large part of my job deals with child custody cases, so I know a little bit about this type of thing. You mentioned that there is a custody agreement in place, whereby you and your FI get SD4 every other weekend. Custody agreements (and even custody orders) are always modifiable. If your FI wanted to change the custody agreement to increase the amount of time he has custody of SD4, he could do this in one of two ways:

1) Talk to BM about signing a new custody agreement which would give him more time with SD4. This would probably be the easiest, least traumatic and least expensive way to go. If BM is willing to agree, then just have an attorney draft a new agreement for your FI and BM to sign, and that''s all it takes.

2) If BM refuses to agree to Option 1, your FI could file a petition to modify custody. This would be filed with your local Court of Common Pleas, and I would definitely recommend having an attorney help you if you decide to do this. The courts seem to be favoring a 50/50 split, so I would think that involving the court would not be a bad idea on your FI''s part.

Good luck to you, and I hope this was helpful!

yes, thank you

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 11:03:49 AM
Author: neatfreak
Honestly, I am not sure it''s YOUR place. But I DO think it''s her father''s place to make sure the kids are taken care of and to petition the court for full custody or report the mom to CPS as necessary. I would first explore that route before calling in CPS yourself. You haven''t really talked about what your FI has done. It''s HIS responsibility as a father to make sure his kids are safe, and if anyone is making a report it should be him IMO.

Calling CPS IS opening a can of worms and often means that your FI will also be investigated, not something I would want to be responsible for unless the children''s lives are in danger IMO. I think going the court/custody route first is your best bet, and your FI really should be the one pursuing it.

well after discussing the situation with my friend who is a child therapist she thinks that i DO have a right because i am her step parent we are getting married in 4 months..and if the child IS in danger, i -along with my Fi will be raising this child. and if i did call CPS it would be anonymous.

yes, it is my Fi''s responsibility he has talked to a lawyer.. i was just wanting to know what *i* should do... i am not a parent yet..but i love this child and i want to know that she is safe and not being neglected....because if it is than i wanted some options. and i hope that they do investigate my fi. he is an amazing parent. and he takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously.

 

[littlelysser]

CBS - I just wanted to ditto what NF said. Other than making an anonymous report to CFS, there isn''t much that you can do. And although your friend is a therapist, she isn''t an attorney. Up until a year ago, I was a practicing attorney in PA and did a good deal of family law/parental rights termination work.

As the future wife of SD4''s father, at this point, you really do not have any legal right to do anything. In terms of the law, you are not her step mother. You are her father''s fiancee.

Further, getting the custody agreement changed or modified would probably be the least painful means of improving SD4''s situation. In that situation, a court will look to what is in the best interests of the child - and given the information you''ve shared here - it would be easy to argue that such a change would be in the child''s best interest.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/29/2008 12:06:55 PM
Author: littlelysser
CBS - I just wanted to ditto what NF said. Other than making an anonymous report to CFS, there isn''t much that you can do. And although your friend is a therapist, she isn''t an attorney. Up until a year ago, I was a practicing attorney in PA and did a good deal of family law/parental rights termination work.

As the future wife of SD4''s father, at this point, you really do not have any legal right to do anything. In terms of the law, you are not her step mother. You are her father''s fiancee.

Further, getting the custody agreement changed or modified would probably be the least painful means of improving SD4''s situation. In that situation, a court will look to what is in the best interests of the child - and given the information you''ve shared here - it would be easy to argue that such a change would be in the child''s best interest.

Great advice LL.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 12:06:55 PM
Author: littlelysser
CBS - I just wanted to ditto what NF said. Other than making an anonymous report to CFS, there isn''t much that you can do. And although your friend is a therapist, she isn''t an attorney. Up until a year ago, I was a practicing attorney in PA and did a good deal of family law/parental rights termination work.

As the future wife of SD4''s father, at this point, you really do not have any legal right to do anything. In terms of the law, you are not her step mother. You are her father''s fiancee.

Further, getting the custody agreement changed or modified would probably be the least painful means of improving SD4''s situation. In that situation, a court will look to what is in the best interests of the child - and given the information you''ve shared here - it would be easy to argue that such a change would be in the child''s best interest.

thank you for your response. i am not looking for my rights legally. i **know** that i don''t have any in that regard and i know it will remain that way even after we get married. my only concern is the safety of the child- and i wanted to know if this was considered neglect.

we will continue on with the lawyer! thanks again for sahring your advice.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/29/2008 11:17:54 AM
Author: cbs102

Date: 12/29/2008 11:03:49 AM

Author: neatfreak

Honestly, I am not sure it''s YOUR place. But I DO think it''s her father''s place to make sure the kids are taken care of and to petition the court for full custody or report the mom to CPS as necessary. I would first explore that route before calling in CPS yourself. You haven''t really talked about what your FI has done. It''s HIS responsibility as a father to make sure his kids are safe, and if anyone is making a report it should be him IMO.


Calling CPS IS opening a can of worms and often means that your FI will also be investigated, not something I would want to be responsible for unless the children''s lives are in danger IMO. I think going the court/custody route first is your best bet, and your FI really should be the one pursuing it.

well after discussing the situation with my friend who is a child therapist she thinks that i DO have a right because i am her step parent we are getting married in 4 months..and if the child IS in danger, i -along with my Fi will be raising this child. and if i did call CPS it would be anonymous.


yes, it is my Fi''s responsibility he has talked to a lawyer.. i was just wanting to know what *i* should do... i am not a parent yet..but i love this child and i want to know that she is safe and not being neglected....because if it is than i wanted some options. and i hope that they do investigate my fi. he is an amazing parent. and he takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously.

If your FI is a serious and amazing father, then he should be doing everything in his power to take care of the situation. And you should just be supporting him as needed IMO. HE can call CPS/CFS and make a report, it doesn''t need to be done anonymously by you regardless of whether your friend thinks you have a right to or not.

 

[Haven]

I just wanted to offer some support, cbs. I can only imagine how difficult it is to see a little one suffering. Best of luck to you.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:04 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 12/29/2008 11:17:54 AM
Author: cbs102

Date: 12/29/2008 11:03:49 AM

Author: neatfreak

Honestly, I am not sure it''s YOUR place. But I DO think it''s her father''s place to make sure the kids are taken care of and to petition the court for full custody or report the mom to CPS as necessary. I would first explore that route before calling in CPS yourself. You haven''t really talked about what your FI has done. It''s HIS responsibility as a father to make sure his kids are safe, and if anyone is making a report it should be him IMO.


Calling CPS IS opening a can of worms and often means that your FI will also be investigated, not something I would want to be responsible for unless the children''s lives are in danger IMO. I think going the court/custody route first is your best bet, and your FI really should be the one pursuing it.

well after discussing the situation with my friend who is a child therapist she thinks that i DO have a right because i am her step parent we are getting married in 4 months..and if the child IS in danger, i -along with my Fi will be raising this child. and if i did call CPS it would be anonymous.


yes, it is my Fi''s responsibility he has talked to a lawyer.. i was just wanting to know what *i* should do... i am not a parent yet..but i love this child and i want to know that she is safe and not being neglected....because if it is than i wanted some options. and i hope that they do investigate my fi. he is an amazing parent. and he takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously.

If your FI is a serious and amazing father, then he should be doing everything in his power to take care of the situation. And you should just be supporting him as needed IMO. HE can call CPS/CFS and make a report, it doesn''t need to be done anonymously by you regardless of whether your friend thinks you have a right to or not.

hey neat... done- he called them this morning. i was not on here asking on his behalf...i was asking on mine. i would have done it anonymously..and i would have for ANY child that i felt coupld possibly be in danger.
thanks for your input and i might be extra sensitive today, but i feel like there is a slight attack here. i am not trying to over step my boundaries, i just wanted advice from women that *are* parents in regards to a possible neglect issue. this in general is a very tough situation. i don''t have children of my own yet...but there IS a child in my life that i really care about and i want the healthiest and happiest life possible for her.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:28 PM
Author: Haven
I just wanted to offer some support, cbs. I can only imagine how difficult it is to see a little one suffering. Best of luck to you.

Haven
thank you so much! its really sad...and scary- not knowing what she sees on a daily basis!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/29/2008 1:37:25 PM
Author: cbs102

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:04 PM

Author: neatfreak

Date: 12/29/2008 11:17:54 AM

Author: cbs102

Date: 12/29/2008 11:03:49 AM


Author: neatfreak


Honestly, I am not sure it''s YOUR place. But I DO think it''s her father''s place to make sure the kids are taken care of and to petition the court for full custody or report the mom to CPS as necessary. I would first explore that route before calling in CPS yourself. You haven''t really talked about what your FI has done. It''s HIS responsibility as a father to make sure his kids are safe, and if anyone is making a report it should be him IMO.



Calling CPS IS opening a can of worms and often means that your FI will also be investigated, not something I would want to be responsible for unless the children''s lives are in danger IMO. I think going the court/custody route first is your best bet, and your FI really should be the one pursuing it.

well after discussing the situation with my friend who is a child therapist she thinks that i DO have a right because i am her step parent we are getting married in 4 months..and if the child IS in danger, i -along with my Fi will be raising this child. and if i did call CPS it would be anonymous.



yes, it is my Fi''s responsibility he has talked to a lawyer.. i was just wanting to know what *i* should do... i am not a parent yet..but i love this child and i want to know that she is safe and not being neglected....because if it is than i wanted some options. and i hope that they do investigate my fi. he is an amazing parent. and he takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously.

If your FI is a serious and amazing father, then he should be doing everything in his power to take care of the situation. And you should just be supporting him as needed IMO. HE can call CPS/CFS and make a report, it doesn''t need to be done anonymously by you regardless of whether your friend thinks you have a right to or not.

hey neat... done- he called them this morning. i was not on here asking on his behalf...i was asking on mine. i would have done it anonymously..and i would have for ANY child that i felt coupld possibly be in danger.

thanks for your input and i might be extra sensitive today, but i feel like there is a slight attack here. i am not trying to over step my boundaries, i just wanted advice from women that *are* parents in regards to a possible neglect issue. this in general is a very tough situation. i don''t have children of my own yet...but there IS a child in my life that i really care about and i want the healthiest and happiest life possible for her.

Sorry, CBS, no attack meant. I was just confused as to why you would be the one calling CPS/CFS instead of your FI. If he''s already called and started legal motions, then he''s done the right thing and just be there to support him.

 

[HollyS]

Someone needs to be an advocate for this child. Your fiance needs to call whatever child welfare agency you have in your state. Immediately. Then he needs to petition the court for full custody, and you need to be ready to be a mom 24/7. The two of you need to get a lawyer today, and be prepared; it will get ugly. But it is in the best interests of the child.

And, no. This woman''s life IS NOT HER OWN. She has a child. That trumps everything. Whatever she wants to do is always secondary to the well being of her child. So, yes. It is now your responsiblity, along with your FI. But legally, your FI must be the one willing to see this process through.

 

[Steel]

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:28 PM
Author: Haven
I just wanted to offer some support, cbs. I can only imagine how difficult it is to see a little one suffering. Best of luck to you.

I am with Haven here, no advice but plenty of support. I am happy SD4 feels able to confide in you, you must be a good step-mother (to be).

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 1:52:49 PM
Author: HollyS
Someone needs to be an advocate for this child. Your fiance needs to call whatever child welfare agency you have in your state. Immediately. Then he needs to petition the court for full custody, and you need to be ready to be a mom 24/7. The two of you need to get a lawyer today, and be prepared; it will get ugly. But it is in the best interests of the child.

And, no. This woman''s life IS NOT HER OWN. She has a child. That trumps everything. Whatever she wants to do is always secondary to the well being of her child. So, yes. It is now your responsiblity, along with your FI. But legally, your FI must be the one willing to see this process through.

totally and completly agree with you. thanks so much holly. she may not be my child by i am fiercely protective non the less.

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/29/2008 2:09:02 PM
Author: cbs102

Date: 12/29/2008 1:52:49 PM
Author: HollyS
Someone needs to be an advocate for this child. Your fiance needs to call whatever child welfare agency you have in your state. Immediately. Then he needs to petition the court for full custody, and you need to be ready to be a mom 24/7. The two of you need to get a lawyer today, and be prepared; it will get ugly. But it is in the best interests of the child.

And, no. This woman''s life IS NOT HER OWN. She has a child. That trumps everything. Whatever she wants to do is always secondary to the well being of her child. So, yes. It is now your responsiblity, along with your FI. But legally, your FI must be the one willing to see this process through.

totally and completly agree with you. thanks so much holly. she may not be my child by i am fiercely protective non the less.

No advice, but lots of support. Thank goodness this little girl has people like you and your FI that love her and are willing to fight for what is best for her.

 

[swingirl]

Document as many things as you can now; things people say, illness (doctor's visits), clothing, comments from relatives, even photos, etc. Your FI will need to go to court and get full custody of the child. This could be a case of neglect. But having boyfriends, girlfriends, live-ins, babysitters, and wild nights out won't be enough to have a mother lose custody. And although it might be a case a bad parenting, not playing with your kids isn't neglect, either.

When the child was first sick your FI could have taken his daughter to the doctor since she is both parents' responsibility. And if she doesn't have proper clothing your FI could take SD4 to buy new clothes. It's too bad he doesn't live closer to SD4. Sounds like she could really benefit from having him in her life more often. I hope it works out for you. Step-parenting is difficult enough let alone the issue of custody and ex battles.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 12/29/2008 2:06:13 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:28 PM

Author: Haven

I just wanted to offer some support, cbs. I can only imagine how difficult it is to see a little one suffering. Best of luck to you.

I am with Haven here, no advice but plenty of support. I am happy SD4 feels able to confide in you, you must be a good step-mother (to be).

ditto
WOW- I truly feel for you, cbs. SD4 is very lucky to have you in her life!

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 2:54:56 PM
Author: swingirl
Document as many things as you can now; things people say, illness (doctor''s visits), clothing, comments from relatives, even photos, etc. Your FI will need to go to court and get full custody of the child. This could be a case of neglect. But having boyfriends, girlfriends, live-ins, babysitters, and wild nights out won''t be enough to have a mother lose custody. And although it might be a case a bad parenting, not playing with your kids isn''t neglect, either.

When the child was first sick your FI could have taken his daughter to the doctor since she is both parents'' responsibility. And if she doesn''t have proper clothing your FI could take SD4 to buy new clothes. It''s too bad he doesn''t live closer to SD4. Sounds like she could really benefit from having him in her life more often. I hope it works out for you. Step-parenting is difficult enough let alone the issue of custody and ex battles.

well their divorce decree is actually very interesting. the daughter is under the mother''s insurance. and in this instance..Fi never was in reciept of a new insurance card..even though it has been documented via letters that he has requested one on multiple occasions. he called and asked her for the card so that he could take her and the mother was out of town..shocking... that is why he asked her to take the daughter monday..when she is with her mother.. and it never happened. we have since recieved the card and now do not bother asking the mother anything.

in regards to the clothing.. fi pays for half of the clothes but up until this point the mother has kept all the clothes because that is her main residence and packs a back when she is with us... obviously once the mother started dressing her 4 year old in thin dresses and a spring coat we went out and bought additional clothing. we are ok when daughter is with us -our fear is that she is really being over looked and neglected when she is not with us.. which is most of the time.

Fi and i actually live about 10 minutes away from them..which believe me is just thrilling!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/29/2008 2:57:17 PM
Author: ChargerGrrl

Date: 12/29/2008 2:06:13 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 12/29/2008 1:25:28 PM

Author: Haven

I just wanted to offer some support, cbs. I can only imagine how difficult it is to see a little one suffering. Best of luck to you.

I am with Haven here, no advice but plenty of support. I am happy SD4 feels able to confide in you, you must be a good step-mother (to be).

ditto
WOW- I truly feel for you, cbs. SD4 is very lucky to have you in her life!

I agree. It''s great that she confides in you, that means she feels safe with you. That''s a big deal. You have a bond with her, and that will only grow over time. You are doing a great job.

 

[swingirl]

Well, it sounds like you are both on it. So many issues to workout with kids and divorce. And it''s always the kids who suffer. Hopefully, your FI will be able to get more time with his daughter. It''d be nice to work things out before she starts school because who knows what the BM will do with afterschool care, leaving her alone, sending her to babysitters houses, etc. I hope it works out for your family (you, FI and SD4) without too much stress.

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''m so glad to hear that your FI is taking action on this. I also wanted to offer support - it sounds like a really difficult situation, but you clearly have the best interests of this little girl at heart.

One thing I would caution you about, as a child of a nasty divorce and tough step-parent situation myself. No matter how difficult it is (and I can see that it would be extremely difficult here), try to avoid communicating your (perfectly understandable) negative feelings about BM to SD4 - believe me, she will pick up on them and this will create even more pain and guilt for SD4, which I know is not your intention at all.

I will be hoping and praying that all of you find a good resolution to this situation.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/29/2008 11:42:02 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
I''m so glad to hear that your FI is taking action on this. I also wanted to offer support - it sounds like a really difficult situation, but you clearly have the best interests of this little girl at heart.

One thing I would caution you about, as a child of a nasty divorce and tough step-parent situation myself. No matter how difficult it is (and I can see that it would be extremely difficult here), try to avoid communicating your (perfectly understandable) negative feelings about BM to SD4 - believe me, she will pick up on them and this will create even more pain and guilt for SD4, which I know is not your intention at all.

I will be hoping and praying that all of you find a good resolution to this situation.

i am a child of divorce myself, so i am very sensitive about the situation. i would never dream of saying anything to SD4 about her mother. no matter what, she loves her mommy and is too young to understand that her mother is a nightmare and is not taking care of her properly. she will figure it out on her own one day.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I think you have her best interests at heart here. I think you should talk to your lawyer and see what your legal recourse is. I do believe that if she is putting the child in a dangerous situation and in an environment that is not in the best interst of the child, then that child should be placed in an environment of learning and love.

Stepmoms get a bad rap and its not a fair situation for anyone else to judge. Just because they are not your bio kids does not mean that you cannot love, support and nurture them just as they were your own children. I don''t think anyone here really has a right to demean someone because they are concerned over a situation.

But I would definantely talk to your lawyer.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/30/2008 12:50:48 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
I think you have her best interests at heart here. I think you should talk to your lawyer and see what your legal recourse is. I do believe that if she is putting the child in a dangerous situation and in an environment that is not in the best interst of the child, then that child should be placed in an environment of learning and love.

Stepmoms get a bad rap and its not a fair situation for anyone else to judge. Just because they are not your bio kids does not mean that you cannot love, support and nurture them just as they were your own children. I don''t think anyone here really has a right to demean someone because they are concerned over a situation.

But I would definantely talk to your lawyer.

Alexis,
thanks you for responding. it is very interesting the stigma that goes with being a step mother and 2nd wife. this is not what i had planned for myself, but this is what i got. I love my FI- we are getting marred very soon. i care very much for his daughter and i wish only the very best for her. my fi has called child services and there will be an investigation but we are also calling an emergency hearing- (and i say WE because my FI is adamant that this is MY life as well. it DOES affect me and i DO have a right.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, good! I am glad your fiance is pursuing a hearing. I hope he can get primary custody. Perhaps her family will testify on your behalf. I HATE hearing a child has to live under these circumstances, and I applaud you for caring enough to do what it takes to see that she is properly taken care of. The medical neglect is obvious, and I venture to guess that it is the tip of the iceberg. I think it is wonderful that you love this child and can be a good mother to her!