I need some advice

[redfaerythinker]

Hi guys. I''m not sure if anyone here remembers me, i''ve been super busy for the past few months but I''m gonna try and be a better PSer and keep up with you ladies. So on to the problem. I''ve been engaged since May of last year, and I immediately asked my three oldest friends to be bridesmaids. However, one of them has decided to stop talking to me and I think we have talked once in the past year. It''s a really long story, but the point is. I''ve decided to ask her to step down. But now what do I do? How do I tell her? Help!

 

[FrekeChild]

We aren''t going to forget about you RFT! Silly girl!

I don''t know what I''d do about your BM. If you haven''t talked to her I''d probably just call her up and be like, you know we don''t really talk anymore, so I don''t feel like it''s right to ask you to be in the wedding...

I mean, what can she say to that?!

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 10/1/2009 7:20:16 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We aren''t going to forget about you RFT! Silly girl!


I don''t know what I''d do about your BM. If you haven''t talked to her I''d probably just call her up and be like, you know we don''t really talk anymore, so I don''t feel like it''s right to ask you to be in the wedding...


I mean, what can she say to that?!

Ditto, I mean it''s an awkward situation, but the sooner you deal with it, the better. Honestly, I bet she won''t even be surprised. I say that because I have (had?) a similarly drifting friend and it was pretty much a "mutual breakup".

 

[redfaerythinker]

thanks guys. Unfortunately it's not been just a gradual drifting apart. She's one of those really toxic friends that you have because you've been friends since kindergarten and every now and again she does something really heinous, you don't speak for a few months, and then she pretends like nothing happened and it's all hunky dory again. However this time it's kindof the last straw. She decided that she was mad at me because I, and the rest of our friends don't like her psycho boyfriend, and she didn't talk to me for about seven months, until one day she just out of the blue started up a facebook chat with me. I told her that I would not tolerate her behavior anymore but that I would forgive and forget as long as she started behaving like a good friend. Well fast forward a about six months and she hasn't spoken to me since.

I guess my real problem is that my group of friends have always been like the four musketeers or whatnot. And to cut off my friendship with her would hurt them, and make life awkward when we have social gatherings where we all would be together. I keep thinking that I can suck it up like all the other times. But i'm just so resentful that she has put me in this position. I guess I just need a little courage to do what has to be done... because she hasn't given me a choice.

Also... feel free to tell me if I should just get over myself and let her stay.

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 10/1/2009 8:06:19 PM
Author: redfaerythinker



Also... feel free to tell me if I should just get over myself and let her stay.

Quite the opposite. I really want to tell you to get over it and just tell her no. If she is so toxic, why are the rest of your friends so close to her? This is your day, and your friends should understand that if you''re uncomfortable, that''s that. If you''re "chicken" (and I say that not to be insulting, but rather because I am a chicken) I would write I calm, composed email discussing your feelings; it will give you more ability to say what you want to say without getting emotional as you might on the phone. This is more of a "do as I say, not as I do" situation, though, since I eloped to avoid having to choose/exclude bridesmaids! Good luck!

 

[redfaerythinker]

Thanks sonnyjane. My normal self would have kicked her to the curb long ago, but my judgement has been clouded by my friends who just want everyone to get along, and she''s not a total b*tch to them so it''s harder for them to understand, although I think they''re coming around. Thanks for giving me an impartial view on the matter... it really helps. Now to just figure out what to say without unleashing 15 odd years of deeply hidden resentment.

 

[jcarlylew]

RFT - of course we remember you!

unfortunately i have no good advice

although i have a line ready for when my sister starts acting up
"i can see this is going to be really hard on you, and i don''t want you to feel like you have to do this. If you want to step down, i completely understand and support you"