I admit it! I AM HIGH STRUNG AND STRESS EASILY!

[hisspecialk]

ok so admitting it is the first step to recovery - yes?

My SO and I are kind of opposites when it comes to personality types. . I am the one to want to plan everything, stress if things don''t seem to be headed in that direction and well .. i want things MY way doggone it (who doesn''t - stop lying now! ) lol ANYWAY .. . he is the "K, calm down . . it''s going to work out- we''re good" type. . about EVERYTHING. . .his calming nature is very much apart of what I love about him. . .

I think around planning our lives together, finances, a wedding/ proposal. . it''s going to be what I absolutely despise! =(

I have my reassurance and am confident of his intentions - He wants to share his life with lil ole high strung ME

I am feeling more anxious. . with my reading the posts on here . i KNOW it''s not a healthy thing to do but I was trying to use it constructively. . looking at people who say they plan out their finances, where to live, in laws and just the future period. . has made me feel anxious and that WE NEED TO DO THAT TOO - so I bring it up lastnight and I get the infamous "K- we are GOOD. It''s all going to work out- when the time comes we will discuss it and whatever it is will be handled appropriately". . . .aren''t these the kinds of things people discuss because they are major contributors to divorce and unhappiness??

I probably need another reality check like I got yesterday

so go ahead!

BUT. .. before you do. all of this is coming from love and wanting us to be on the same page and not have any major issues down the line

 

[RaiKai]

Alright, well, I do think that you DO need to talk about the "big stuff" as well as the "little stuff".

There is no way that my DH and I would have even thought about getting engaged and married if we had not had the ability to communicate so openly about finances, lifestyles, living arrangements, sex, careers, priorities, family (in-laws, children, etc) and well, everything. Some people talk this out when they get engaged...but well for us we saw engagement as not a "waiting period" but a "we are ready to get married today" sort of thing.

But, to me, it also does not mean all this has to be talked about TODAY. Do you and your SO have an emotionally open and communicative relationship? By this I mean do you talk about everything - from feelings, to dreams, to fears, to joys, to disappointments, to wants and needs, from the mundane to the grand? Are you open about your finances, your discomforts, your skeletons, your proud moments? And even if you do talk, you cannot prevent major issues from arising (life has a funny way of throwing itself in your face after all) so what is important is how as a couple you handle these major issues. When you do have disagreements are you able to "work things out" together in a mutually constructive and respectful manner? If you do...I would not fret about it. Just talk about things as they come over the next few months. Do not have all the major conversations in one sitting! And, one conversation does not mean the end of ever talking again either! Gosh, DH and I regularly revisit the "major issues" together as we realize things change, life changes, WE change. Our bank accounts, expenses, debts, incomes, etc change...so we have to talk about finances regularly too! So, it is a lot of pressure to put it all out there at once and then expect that to answer everything forever...you know?

But, if you aren't talking..it is time to talk. As if you aren't talking, I am not sure naive belief that "whatever it is will be handled appropriately" is really the way to go about it. Calm is good...unless it is only calm coming from a "stick my head in the sand and pretend it's all good" sort of place. What does "appropriate" mean - appropriate to whom? When is "the time comes"? Is it when you are mired in debt and facing bankruptcy as you had no idea what the other thought about spending and saving money? Or is it when you decide to get married and open a joint bank account?

 

[choro72]

Where is your chill pill that you said you had yesterday?

 

[FrekeChild]

Perhaps you should lurk/read more, and post less? Hon, you've started 5 threads in two days. That's basically 1/3 of your 16 posts. There are a LOT of stories here on PS that you could probably learn a lot from.

Breathe. Relax. Calm down.

You're making MY blood pressure go up!

ETA: I have about 2+ years, 14,000+ posts and 200 topics. BIG DIFFERENCE. I was a LIW too. Again. BREATHE.

 

[monarch64]

Um, just reading your post made me very nervous. I''m going to hide under my desk now.

 

[luckynumber]

K,

You and your SO are a lot like me and mine! I am the planner, and he is always doing everything on the hoof. But he really loves me for my smooth planning and I love his spontaneity.

However, we HAVE talked a lot about our future, what kind of house to buy, where to live, kids, careers, everything. But we haven''t made concrete PLANS, only talked about what we want to do, so we know we''re going in the same direction. This man who doesn''t want to plan anything, happily went to look at bathroom tiles with me

I wouldn''t be too happy if he never agreed to talk about our future at all.

 

[hisspecialk]

Ok. . I need another chill pill obviously. . .

Date: 4/7/2010 1:52:38 PM
Author: choro72
Where is your chill pill that you said you had yesterday?

I will calm it. . and not mention anything except for funny,light and silly things while on this trip.

FC . . you are right.. . I am sure of it. .I need to spend more time reading and plano n doing just that. We have a 5 hour train ride in front of us and he is bringing a book he''s reading and I''ll bring my laptop to do some reading on this site

whooooooooooo-saaaaaaaah

water in one hand. . 2 chill pills in my *ringless* other. . . .

 

[FrekeChild]

 

[PumpkinPie]

yay for another grasp on calmness

try to enjoy your weekend!

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/7/2010 4:07:26 PM
Author: hisspecialk

water in one hand. . 2 chill pills in my *ringless* other. . . .

This is obviously the problem right here .. you should have a margarita in that hand! (ignore this if you''re under 21

)

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Date: 4/7/2010 1:57:56 PM
Author: monarch64
Um, just reading your post made me very nervous. I''m going to hide under my desk now.

LOL ditto.

You need to WHOOOOOSA big BIG time!
If your SO senses your stress, he might be put off and run in the other direction. He wants to marry you, and pretty soon.
So relax! Please! You are self-sabotaging here.

Good luck!

 

[hisspecialk]

LMAO @ having a Margarita in one hand!!

OMG you guys .. we are on our trip and having a fabulous time!!

BE brought up the subject of rings because in the casino where we are staying there is a diamond store (right by the elevator bank!!) yay!!
We went in and he was asking about diamonds and rings and we looked at Men''s bands got our sizes and oooooooooooooooh wow!!

I am sooooooo happy!!!

you probably CANT tell!!

Anyway .. all my concerns and fears ?? GONE! Weve been having the best time, have talked about the future off and on. . the plan around rings and it turns out his GOD brother is a jeweler (i haven''t met him yet) but he''s been in communication with him and that''s who''s helping him!!! WHO KNEW?!!!

This trip has been fabulous! Lots of time uninterrupted just connecting and talking and lots of reassurance about the future and his intentions towards me.

Thanks so much for the support you guys!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY "CHILLING"!!!

 

[KittyGolightly]

Aw, that''s nice.

Have fun!

 

[pixgirl]

Hi K,

I used to be much like you and it was affecting my marriage, job and life in general. I decided to go to therapy and found that my problems were not what I was reacting to, but deeper things from my past. After some time working on these issues I am able to think before I react, see others'' points of view and calm down.

I hope I haven''t said anything to hurt you - just what helped me to have a better life.

 

[hisspecialk]

Date: 4/11/2010 4:55:08 PM
Author: pixgirl
Hi K,

I used to be much like you and it was affecting my marriage, job and life in general. I decided to go to therapy and found that my problems were not what I was reacting to, but deeper things from my past. After some time working on these issues I am able to think before I react, see others'' points of view and calm down.

I hope I haven''t said anything to hurt you - just what helped me to have a better life.

LOL.. I am not sure I know what you mean by "much like me" but ok, thanks.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 4/11/2010 9:18:31 PM
Author: hisspecialk

Date: 4/11/2010 4:55:08 PM

Author: pixgirl

Hi K,



I used to be much like you and it was affecting my marriage, job and life in general. I decided to go to therapy and found that my problems were not what I was reacting to, but deeper things from my past. After some time working on these issues I am able to think before I react, see others'' points of view and calm down.



I hope I haven''t said anything to hurt you - just what helped me to have a better life.

LOL.. I am not sure I know what you mean by ''much like me'' but ok, thanks.

I bellieve pixgirl is referring to being high strung and high stress. And I agree with her - living that way is exhausting for you, others around you, and relationships. It does wear them down.

And it is something that can be worked through in therapy before it does. I highly encourage it.

 

[hisspecialk]

style="WIDTH: 65.51%; HEIGHT: 158px">Date: 4/11/2010 9:18:31 PM
Author: hisspecialk

Date: 4/11/2010 4:55:08 PM
Author: pixgirl
Hi K,

I used to be much like you and it was affecting my marriage, job and life in general. I decided to go to therapy and found that my problems were not what I was reacting to, but deeper things from my past. After some time working on these issues I am able to think before I react, see others'' points of view and calm down.

I hope I haven''t said anything to hurt you - just what helped me to have a better life.

LOL.. I am not sure I know what you mean by ''much like me'' but ok, thanks.

Hi RaiKai. . . .I get it. . . Thanks