How would U respond to a comment like this from a "friend"?

[beau13]

Okay ladies, a close friend suddenly decides to reset her diamond in a new setting to compete with the attention a "friend" has been receiving from her new ring. When I asked her if she was upgrading her diamond or just the setting, she replies.."my diamond may be smaller, but it''s a VS stone, so it''s TOP quality, and I would never upgrade it for a bigger stone, that is cheaper quality" I take this to mean, that since she KNOWS my diamond is an SI-1, but 1.76, vs. her 1.25 size, that comment was geared towards me. She knows VERY LITTLE about diamonds..period! When she seen my new ring, the ONLY thing she said was "huh...is that a VS diamond?" To which I replied, NO, but it''s perfectly eyeclean! How would you reply to such a comment, since I think anything from a VVS stone to a SI-2 (if it''s eyeclean), look pretty much identical side by side, at a distance. I clean my diamond DAILY, she cleans her YEARLY, and my diamond has so much more fire/brilliance that hers does! Just cuious as to what you would say when someone thinks her diamond is Sooooooo much more valuable because it''s a VS 1 rather than an SI 1. Thanks

 

[rubybeth]

Honestly, I would be pretty annoyed if a friend ''competed'' like this with me. We wouldn''t be friends for long!

I think I''d try to bite my tongue, but if you can''t, you could say you''ve done your research and you know what your priorities are when choosing diamonds, and VS isn''t one of them.

 

[TravelingGal]

I would keep cleaning my diamond and let it speak for itself.

 

[neatfreak]

Are we talking about an adult here? Because she really sounds like a child. I would take Indy''s approach. Her comment was just too ridiculous and childish to even respond to.

 

[KimberlyH]

I wouldn''t say a thing. Some people are competitive with their friends, most often it stems from jealousy. You said yourself she doesn''t know much about diamonds so I''d just write it off as a petty jealousy and move on, especially if it''s not a common theme in your relationship. If it is, I would reconsider the friendship.

 

[mimzy]

i wouldn''t say anything. she obviously needs to feel validated that she is superior for one reason or another and if believing that a 1.25 VS is more valuable than an eyeclean SI1 1.75, then let her be validated by that. she was obviously feeling defensive of her own ring if she went to the lengths of actually changing the setting to "compete" with a friend and it''s not surprising that she took the opportunity to let you know that hers is superior to yours as well (if in fact it was really directed at you, which maybe it wasn''t?). i would just take pleasure in knowing that you have a gorgeous, QUALITY ring that you are 100% satisified with, and leave it at that. no catty remarks necessary

 

[beau13]

Thanks Ladies, she ALWAYS has to be the center of attention...we were out shopping, and this little old lady approached me and said "is that a REAL LV bag, or a knock off"...I looked at her for a moment (in shock that she had the guts to ask), and said "It''s real!". The elderly lady responded saying "Lucky you, I will never own a REAL Vuitton", then my friend turns to her and says "I have two". The elderly lady said "two..wow, you''re lucky too, why aren''t you carrying the purse then"? My friend replies "they''re too nice, and too expensive to carry around everyday"! I shook my head, and walked on.... The friend is very "showy", bragging to other friends about their numerous trip to vegas, staying at the Bellagio, renting ferrrari''s and other fast cars for $ 500 per day! It does get annoying, yet entertaining....and I really have taken a backstep to the friendship, trying to avoid her more lately! I won''t respong to her comment at all....she sent an e-mail, and I thought I would reply by saying "yes, it''s great to have a large diamond that is also top quality, isn''t it?

 

[scarleta]

Her response does not need any reply.Its her stone, her decision.Her comment may have not been geared towards you.
As to your question on what would I say if someone thinks her diamond is so much more valuable because its VS rather than SI I would not be concerned at all.Hope this helps..Enjoy your stone...

 

[Ellen]

I would have said, If by VS you mean very sparkly? Then yesss, yes it is.

Ignore her, she knows not what she speaks of.

 

[Hera]

It sounds like your friend really needs "things" to determine her self worth. Sad really.

 

[Mara]

scarleta says:
Her response does not need any reply.Its her stone, her decision.Her comment may have not been geared towards you.

_______

I totally agree. Honestly it sounds like you may be a little sensitive about the fact that you know this friend prefers higher quality in terms of color/clarity than your stone is, and you may be reading something into her comment that isn't there.

I have a friend who has a local jeweler she loves and she buys from them all the time. Personally I don't think all of their stuff is top notch (though they do excel at jewelry pieces), but she loves them. I know she'll probably always shop with them. She knows that I am seriously involved in the whole diamond thing and whereas other friends come to me for advice and for help, she probably never would. Which is totally fine, I don't feel the need to try to change her mind. I also know that she thinks more highly of things like VS and E or D color...which is fine because I am secure in my own knowledge thanks to PS.

I don't expect her to think like me or even be won over to my way of thinking...and we both are respectful of each other's different thought trains, but even if she DID make a comment like your friend did, I wouldn't think automatically she is trying to get a dig at me. She's my friend. But if this person does that to you more often, then maybe you should seek out a new friend...someone who you don't have to second guess?

 

[lyra]

Yeah, that doesn''t sound much like a friend to me either. I''ve had relatives act that way before, but not friends. Well, not since *high school*!

Wait until you get your new setting!!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

It sounds to me as if she might just be a tad insecure, and really is incredibly envious of your ring, and probably other aspects of your life if she''s one-upping you to perfect strangers regarding a handbag.

I have an acquaintance who''s a constant one-upper like that. It''s crazy because if you''re talking about your trip to Hawaii, she''ll butt in and start talking about her trip to the Maldives. Luckily, she''s not too competitive with jewelry, but with absolutely everything else she needs to be better than everyone else. I suppose she feels that the more she says it, the more she believes it.

I would just ignore it and move on - maybe show her the Show Me The Ring thread with all of the gorgeous eye-clean SI1s and SI2s? If I ever have trouble proving to people that an AGS 000 J, SI1 can be just as beautiful as a G, VS2, I just start showing them pics from the SMTR thread.

 

[FrekeChild]

Blah. I had a friend like that, and I''m so glad she''s not my friend anymore. With the LV, I could almost hear S in my head saying the exact same thing. I''ve never felt it necessary to compete with friends over anything as silly as material possessions. It does seem like she''s all about appearances.

And I think that flaws create personality-in people as well as material goods. I would probably ignore her unless she kept harping on it, and then I''d say, "That''s nice." in a rather evil tone to try to get her to stop. Failing her taking THAT hint, I''d stop talking to her completely. But that would bug the crap out of me very very quickly, and I''m not tolerant of that kind of behavior.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

There''s really not much you can say. My MOM did the same thing to me. I showed her my eng. ring and she whipped out her loope and pointed out why her stone was better!

Your friend would only make a comment like that if she is jealous, so just keep that in mind and leave it at that. Nothing you can say can make a difference in how she feels and you do not need to stoop to her level.

 

[beau13]

Date: 1/6/2008 7:59:25 PM
Author: Ellen
I would have said, If by VS you mean very sparkly? Then yesss, yes it is.

Ignore her, she knows not what she speaks of.

I like that one Ellen, Very good reply. I was thinking "VS" could stand for "Very Silly" to spend $ 5000 more on a VS diamond, when the SI looks just as great side by side! However, I couldn''t say that to her..BUT I might have to tell her that my diamond might be a VS afterall...VERY SPARKLIE!

 

[TravelingGal]

re: the LV thing...maybe your friend was coming to your defensive by trying to slam on the lady? Maybe saying "we don''t care what you think...I have TWO, so there!"

I do agree with Mara that sometimes people can be too sensitive too friend''s comments, although I don''t know if that''s the case for you specifically.

 

[surfgirl]

And you''re "close friends" with this person because why?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 1/6/2008 9:19:16 PM
Author: surfgirl
And you''re ''close friends'' with this person because why?

Hm...maybe she has other redeeming qualities?

I have a friend who I have been pals with since college. She''s a SAHM, married to a doc, and they do quite well. She''s always telling me about the posh restaurants they go to, the wines they buy, the friends they have who own black american express cards (and do I know that you can''t just GET those cards? you have to be invited, blah blah), and has shown me her latest in manolos, balenciagas, choos, yada yada yada.

I suppose I could perceive it as showing off, but I just don''t. That''s her life, and I accept it and appreciate her for who she is. She''s also a very caring person when it comes to our friendship in lots of ways. She''s also one of the most irritating friends I have from time to distant time because we are totally different people and sometimes I just don''t get her. But I think legacy friendships are important and worth keeping for various reasons.

And in the end, I don''t think she''s competing with me because...well...it''s kind of obvious that I''m no competition in the "stuff" arena!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Just ignore her. It doesn''t matter what SHE thinks about your diamond. You love it. That is all that matters.


Geee...I can''t remember the last time I cleaned my ring....*hangs head in shame*

 

[beau13]

I hear ya Travelinggal..it just gets so old, listening to how great her life is, when in reality she is very insecure, a tad jealous, and envious whenever ANYONE compliments me on my house, my car, my handbag, jewelry...etc. She likes to think she has the best of everything. I just got an e-mail from here telling me she went to Toronto on the weekend, to see a Leafs game,(NHL) with my husband's ticket! Long story short...Hubby and a few friends won a group prize at a golf tournament, and were supposed to use the tickets this weekend. We were already in Toronto, and it would have worked out perfectly, but didn't hear back from a couple of the guys who had the tickets. Turned out they went down with their wives...forget about my hubby (who has rights to one of the four tickets)...Nice friend huh? Yeahhhhhhh!

 

[rainydaze]

Date: 1/6/2008 7:22:36 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I would keep cleaning my diamond and let it speak for itself.

TG - well said!!

 

[bee*]

She definitely sounds as if she has some issues. Maybe you should take a break from the friendship for a while as it sounds like there are quite a few things irritating you.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I would have shrugged my shoulders and said "To each his own". It sounds like this friendship isn''t worth keeping.

 

[steph72276]

Sounds like she has some jealousy issues big time. I don''t know if that''s the kind of "friend" I would want to be around on a regular basis.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Given her past behaviors I would just ignore her from now on when she says something like that. I think she is envious of other things that you may have (like a faithful SO, kids or something else) so she may feel she needs material object in order for her to feel like she is important.

I have had friends like that and to say the least, those friendships have never worked out in the end.

Vent your frustrations here. We have all been there or will be there are some point.

 

[gwendolyn]

Since she emailed you this comment, I think you should essentially forget she made it. There's no tone in an email, so if you've had a bad day or are assuming she'll be one-upping you, that's how it'll come across to you, whether that was what she intended or not.

As for the incident with the LV bag, only you know whether she said that to one-up YOU, or to try to come to your aid against this woman who said you were lucky to own a real one--only you were there, so only you can tell if the other woman was kind of mean in her "well aren't you lucky" sorts of comments, or if she was genuinely impressed that you own a real LV. You also are the only one who knows whether or not your friend took that as an invitation to "beat" you in the 'stuff I own' competition that sounds like is going through her head, or if she was just stating fact.

I've had a couple of friends who always had to beat me in term of things I've got (not difficult!) or places I've gone, and either it ends up being a sort of quirk you think is endearing (or maybe a touch annoying) but generally harmless, or you find out the only reason you're friends is so your friend can feel better about herself. I've known both, so I wouldn't throw out her friendship over these incidents just yet--not unless these are the only experiences you have ever had together. Hope it all works out!

 

[butterfly 17]

I just got home from work, but I wanted to respond before I went to sleep. Here is my 2 cents.

Everyone has their own standards when buying diamonds (that''s the beauty of a diamond, there is a right one for everyone), she likes VS''s, maybe she is overly anal (like me) and prefers not to buy SI stones if given a choice. I don''t think she was intentionally trying to put your stone down, I think she was just stating how she feels.
As far as feeling she is always trying to show off, she may actually be doing it unintentionally. It could be she was so excited about her trips, or bags or whatever that she had to tell someone and since she considers you her friend, you were the one she told.

Maybe she was just telling you abou her trip to Las Vegas because she had such a good time and didn''t think it was showing off. Maybe she was surprised that it cost $500 to rent a Ferrari and she just had to tell you.

I love bags and Roberto Coin pendants and I used to tell one of my friends whenever I got something new. But not everyone is going to be happy and obviously, there is going to be some jealousy, not that I am saying you are jealous of her, but that''s just what happens. After a while I got the impression that she was not happy with me telling her about my latest shopping expedition and now I don''t bother with it anymore because I am sure she thinks I am just bragging, when really I am just excited about it.

I have learned over time that I have a sickness (lol) and not everyone is going to get me

. Very few people know about my bag and bling addiction because I realize that they are going to take it the wrong way if I were to I tell them I got a new bag or jewelry. They are going to think I am showing off. Sometimes when I bring a bag to work, I lie and say it''s fake, because I don''t want them to say, "oh, she got another LV, what a show off". And I am sure that is exactly what they are thinking even though my intention is not to impress them, just to make myself happy (which makes my husband unhappy unfortunately).

I think that''s what it could be. What if it were the reverse. What if she went on that trip to LV and didn''t bother to tell you, would you have gotten upset with her for not telling you. What would make you more upset, her telling you about trip or her not telling you.

If it were me, I would be more upset about my friend not telling me about a trip she went on, than her bragging about it. I would be upset she didn''t think I was close enough to share with.

 

[aljdewey]

Please don''t bother responding at all, because with someone like that, the only thing you''ll accomplish is stoking the fire of ''oneupsmanship'' even more.

Look at what it''s doing to *you*. Some of your post sounds like you feel like you have to justify the soundness of your choice to go with an SI, that you have to offset that by pointing out that your stone is cleaned more often and better cut.

When you let someone''s comparisions start getting under your skin, it just makes you respond by comparing too, and that''s not enjoying your own diamond.

What would be the point of trying to ''educate'' her about SI stones? So she recognizes the soundness of your purchase? Why bother?

I agree with Mara and Tgal that her comments may not have ''undertones'' toward you and you may be a bit sensitive. It''s easy to have that happen when you KNOW your friend is a ''keeping up with the Jones'' type to begin and seems to want to discredit others who she feels may ''trump'' her or threaten her.

HOWEVER....you''re in the better position. You already know she doesn''t really know what she''s talking about, so when such comments come along, just brush them off in your head as ''eh - she doesn''t have a clue, and it''s not worth trying to tell her otherwise.'' You''ll find her comments lose their zing.

 

[mela lu]

I think Alj and TG et all have added some great insight. I also love Ellen''s " would have said, If by VS you mean very sparkly? Then yesss, yes it is." hahahahah.


But in honesty, I''ve come across a lot of people who feel that they know a lot about diamonds because they know the four "c"s and they love to ask those dumb question like, "is it a D, E or F" colour....

I always respond cheeky (much like Mara would) and say that becuase I''m a bit of a size whoooore, I''ve placed my priorities in ''other'' area rather than clarity.

Honestly though Beau, as much as it''ll eat you up inside, I really dont think it''s worty stooping to her level. I think your response of "at least we both have good quality diamonds" is good - or nothing at all.

Although it would be WAY more fun to say what''s on your mind, I dont think that you''ll get the feeling of satisfaction in the end. Take the high road...Good luck!

xo