How much do you follow what the "experts" say?

[Sabine]

I''m thinking in terms of parenting, but it could be in terms of other stuff too.

I''ve been driving myself nuts the past few weeks because my ds is having nap problems. He goes down pretty easily (at least early in the day), but wakes up at 30 minutes on. the. dot. every. time. I think it''s because that''s when he switches sleep cycles and when he stirs he doesn''t know how to self soothe yet (he''s only 2.5 months) and when I try to soothe him he''s usually so happy to see me that he wakes right up. Experts say that naps under 1 hour basically don''t even count, and I''ve done everything I''ve read about to try to fix the nap problem, but now I''m just accepting that for now I have a 30 minute napper and hoping he''ll grow out of it.

Did you ever have to disregard what the "experts" say and just go with it?

 

[somethingshiny]

I think the best thing a mom can do is follow her instincts.

I somewhat believe the experts with the "under one hour" sleep thing. My little guy had colic until he was right at 3 months. He got so little sleep and was so miserable, I believed it fully. But, I have a nephew who is nearly 2 and is just starting to sleep through the night and still only takes tiny naps throughout the day. Obviously if he''s almost 2 and healthy, the sleep thing is somehow working for him.

btw-when my little one was that age (and colicky) the only thing he wanted to sleep in was his aquarium bouncer. He''s 3.5 and is just fine.

 

[fieryred33143]

I listen to an extent. I try to follow Sophia''s lead and figure out what makes sense. For example, most experts say that babies Sophia''s age should be sleeping by 7pm. But you know what, that just doesn''t work for her. When she sleeps later, she sleeps longer and naps better. But when it comes to some things-like emotional development, I tend to follow the experts.

Sorry jacks is having sleeping issues

Is his reflux any better?

 

[Mara]

sabine i don't have our nugget yet but i am reading 'healthy sleep habits, happy baby' as it was recommended by multiple people. it talks about trying to create sleep habits from childhood. it gives a ton of background on sleep and why we need it, how infants are different from adults, a chapter on naps and what purpose they serve, scheduling sleep, etc. anyway, it's interesting, but it also seems like everyone has their own way of what worked for them and all babies are diff soooo....i figure 'experts=grain of salt'.

you may have already read something that you like, but if not, i am enjoying reading this book and on amazon it has something like 1000 reviews with a 4 star average. pretty crazy!

 

[neatfreak]

I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.

EVERY baby is different-I don''t care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 10/12/2009 8:06:03 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.


EVERY baby is different-I don't care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

I agree 100%. The experts totally stressed me out in the early weeks/months, because I read a lot of books and often they conflicted, and often what they said did not work for my little guy! Especially about naps! But just read and learn what you can and use your instincts and you will figure out what works best for you guys.

 

[qtiekiki]

Date: 10/12/2009 8:06:03 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.


EVERY baby is different-I don''t care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

Tritto. Well said.

 

[packrat]

Date: 10/12/2009 8:55:24 PM
Author: qtiekiki

Date: 10/12/2009 8:06:03 PM

Author: neatfreak

I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.



EVERY baby is different-I don''t care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

Tritto. Well said.

I agree too. I read books and talked to other moms and kinda rolled it all into my own version that worked for me and my kids. Sometimes you have to play around with things until you find the right answer.

 

[KimberlyH]

I have watched my friends who have children and have read tons of books and tried to adhere to the latest and greatest in information struggle and feel bad about themselves and be frustrated with their newborns/infants. I have two friends with three kids between them who followed their instincts and the cues of their babies who had very easy times with that stage (and all of the other stages of parenting they''ve experienced). Not to say newborns become easy if parents throw out all of the expert advice, but that in my experience the parents handled whatever situation they were in much better were those that did what felt right/best for the baby and their family rather than trying to adhere to the experts.

I have no intention of reading any books about parenting; I have done little reading about pregnancy -- I read the weekly What Your Baby Is Doing This week thing, but that''s it; if I have questions or concerns I tell my husband and let him do the research or I discuss with my doctor -- so it isn''t unrealistic to think that I will manage to do the same with parenting. I''m of the mindset that people have been having babies a lot longer than there have been parenting experts and theories and if we need assistance or advice I would prefer my husband and I rely on people who know our child and us such as my child''s pediatrician, and trusted family/friends (namely the two friends I mentioned above!).

Obviously my evidence is antecdotal, but it is enough for me to believe that it''s the right choice for our family.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Hugs Sabine, hang in there.

I can relate to what you're going through, I really can.

When my daughter was born, I was following the "experts." I used the Baby Whisperer and that book caused more problems than it ever solved. Lots of people love it, so obviously it works for them and works well, but for me, it was the worst thing I did in the early days. I'm picking on that one because it's the one I read and tried to apply - I know there are plenty others out there. In my anxiety about trying to follow the routine, I almost missed the early signs of a serious illness. Sounds crazy now, but when you're sleep deprived and someone is telling you that "this will work if you do it right" you lose some perspective. I'm someone who likes to research. I like to have all the information, so I'd done a lot of reading. Unfortunately, I lost sight of my instinct and tried to replace it with the EASY routine. Didn't work for us.


There isn't really an expert on your baby except you and your DH. Trust yourself. Honestly, this stage will pass. My little girl never napped during the day, she just didn't do it. Ten minute catnaps, maybe. I'd have killed for half an hour lol. It drove me nuts, partly because I never had any downtime, but partly because everything I read told me that was wrong. It wasn't, it was just how she was. Bright, active, alert and in constant motion! If it's any comfort at all, she's slept for 12 - 14 hours a night from 7 months, as soon as she wasn't hungry at night any more. She nursed at night for a little longer that "experts" would think proper, but then she used a lot of calories all day. She worked it out for herself, with as much help as DH and I could give her - set routines were useful at night but she would just laugh at us (then cry) if we tried that during the day!

Everyone is different, but personally I'm looking forward to bonfire night (I think that's just a UK thing) because I have a heap of books by "baby experts" that will burn nicely. They caused me more anxiety than any other aspect of parenting and I won't pass them on to my pregnant friend along with the baby clothes.

Good luck, I'm thinking about you.

Jen

edited for spelling!

 

[Pandora II]

Ditto Neatfreak.

I read a lot of the books just because I find them interesting - I read a gazillion pregnancy books and was so glad I did as there isn''t always time to explain things in an emergency situation in hospital. I''d have been far more scared if I was clueless. Also trying something like BLW that isn''t the norm, it''s helpful to have a book that answers the questions I have on allergies, first foods etc. But a lot makes sense in books that won''t always apply to YOUR child and I want to see back-up research for most things.

Sure I can get Daisy to go to bed at 7pm, but she''ll wake up and I will have to feed her at 10pm and probably 12.30am and then twice during the night. Any possibility of her sleeping 12 hours straight is a LONG way off!

During the day she will often only nap for 30 minutes - which is very exhausting as you never really get a break. It does get better when they can start to amuse themselves even if it''s only for 10 minutes.

Big hugs and don''t worry, you are doing a great job with Jacks.

 

[cdt1101]

I agree w/ everyone else. I''m an avid reader, so I find what the "experts" have to say interesting, but if it doesn''t feel right for my child I wouldn''t use their advice.

And I definitely agree w/ somethingshiny that the best thing you can do as a mom is trust your instincts. I think most times it will not fail you.

Good luck Sabine w/ the sleeping issues

Hopefully once Jacks'' reflux gets better he''ll start sleeping more.

 

[NYCsparkle]

take what the experts say with a grain of salt...every babyu is different and will have their own distinct personalities and sleep patterns. my ds was a sleeping dream...4 hour naps...asleep by 8 and woke at 8am......my dd is a whole different story...we have done all the same routines with her as with ds, but she is a different child with her own agenda.....as they say this too will pass....thank goodness children go through stages

 

[Sabine]

Date: 10/12/2009 7:53:53 PM
Author: Mara
sabine i don''t have our nugget yet but i am reading ''healthy sleep habits, happy baby'' as it was recommended by multiple people. it talks about trying to create sleep habits from childhood. it gives a ton of background on sleep and why we need it, how infants are different from adults, a chapter on naps and what purpose they serve, scheduling sleep, etc. anyway, it''s interesting, but it also seems like everyone has their own way of what worked for them and all babies are diff soooo....i figure ''experts=grain of salt''.

Mara, this is the book that was driving me particularly crazy...I think because it was more scientific, I bought into it from the start, and then when he went into all the bad things that can be related to sleep deprivation, I was terrified!

To be honest, there are days when Jacks seems sleepy most of the day and I think it''s because he''s not getting quality naps and I''ll work harder to get him to nap longer, but then there are days when he seems quite content to be up as much as he is and I don''t sweat it. At least he''s sleeping well at night (albeit, on my chest...).


you may have already read something that you like, but if not, i am enjoying reading this book and on amazon it has something like 1000 reviews with a 4 star average. pretty crazy!

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 10/12/2009 8:06:03 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.

EVERY baby is different-I don''t care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

I couldn''t agree more. What works for one baby or even most babies doesn''t necessarily mean it will work for EVERY baby. It''s great to be armed with lots of information but you should tailor it to your own needs and your child''s needs. Do what works for you.

 

[E B]

I haven't completed a single parenting book yet- just bits and pieces of one of my husband's 'dad' books. This is odd for me, because I'm usually a research-a-holic. I've just followed my son's cues and my instincts. Every once in a while, I'll check to see if he's meeting his milestones, or check with other parents to see if what new and strange thing he's done is normal, but I'm not following one strict set of parenting guidelines. As he gets older, I'll probably check out a few books about what to expect.

Where I've found myself caught is between the two sides RE: vaccinations. My head spins with information from both camps. My son's almost four months old, and I'm still not sure I'm making the right decision, but have ultimately decided to go with my instincts and vaccinate, but on his pediatrician's alternative schedule.

I'm with the others- you're doing a great job with Jacks. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

 

[janinegirly]

not much to add, just agreement. I was more neurotic about things before the baby was here, but now I barely crack the books open. I do however ask a lot of questions of real life moms (here and IRL). And, yes, each baby is unique and you're going to mommy him your own way based on what is called for.

i did a few things my own way based on ciricumstances...i put C on her tummy to sleep at 3 mo's (for head positioning--def worked for us), co-slept till 4-5 mo's (to watch over tummy sleeping), allowed bumpers, etc. Worked for me b/c my instinct told me it would be fine, plus I watched her like a hawk. No book or expert would recommend that since well they can't say "this is ok if you watch them like a hawk", b/c of course that's all subjective and what worked for me could be disasterous for someone else.

With sleep i did my own thing too. Didnt' read the books, a few blurbs here and there--it was too overwhelming and theoretical. I do remember at your stage (2.5mos) my LO also took lots of short naps. It's just how she was...and it's fine! A littel later on her naps were more structured, longer and less frequent.

 

[Mara]

Sabine I hadn't read any books yet, is the only book I am reading. And it's SUPER scientific and dry but I find it interesting. Do I think our kid will be like some model sleeper because I read the book? No. Would I love it if he was. SURE. But at least you are armed mentally with the info and whether or not it applies is a diff story.

None of this makes you a bad parent of course. It's just so personal. I mean I have read things saying 'don't fall asleep with the baby on you'... 'don't rock them to sleep' ... 'put them in the crib all the time' etc...but my Mom was like 'I always slept with you on me, I rocked you to sleep for hours' etcetc and I was a fine sleeper.

If you have parents or also other adults that raised kids around you, I find sometimes listening to the more 'simple' older ways of raising a child can also be incredibly grounding, at least mentally. Good luck and hang in there!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 10/12/2009 7:48:18 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I think the best thing a mom can do is follow her instincts.

I agree! I try to do this with every aspect of parenting. I read and followed HSHHAB and while it is hard to understand (at least when you read it AFTER the baby is born and you are so tired) it did work for us. When DD was 3-4 months her sleeping was a mess. I started following it and she went from waking up 2x a night, to 1x a night at 5 months, to sleeping 12-13 hours a night at 6 months. Bliss. Your son is still really little. HSHHB says babies can be "trained" at 4 months. Try not to get too frustrated. It WILL get easier. He WILL start sleeping. I promise

 

[TravelingGal]

Too many experts writing too many books which all say different things. Read what you can, and use what you can. And what you don''t use, don''t worry. If you don''t read, no worries there.

I read HSHHC. Reading the book isn''t going to make any kid a model sleeper. Lots of things come into play. Disposition. Sleep environment. Commitment from the parents. Reflux. Lots of things. I highly recommend the book because I think the science of sleep interesting but it''s important to give yourself some breathing room.

My personal belief when it comes to sleep are that two things are key. Consistency AND disposition/temperment. I''ve seen a fair amount of kids being raised since I''m one of the last of my friends to do so and a lot of times where things fall apart is that the parent is not consistent, oftentimes without realizing it. Consistency is difficult to manage all the time and very tiring...I see my friends right now falling apart in this area (when it comes to discipline) and they wonder why their kids are having issues. And the reason why consistency is tough? Because we''re all human and we get exhausted and frustrated, and sometimes it''s easier to throw in the towel for that day. Unforunately, more often than not, it makes tomorrow even more difficult.

Consistency and diligence, IMHO can overcome more difficult temperments, but it''s so tough to do, most don''t continue at that point. Then it''s easier to just say "such and such" didn''t work for my child.

Kids have a mind of their own. I certainly learned that with my own when it came to eating. But minds can be molded, I really do believe that.

 

[Mara]

Tacori what is HSHHAB?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/14/2009 12:34:54 AM
Author: Mara
Tacori what is HSHHAB?

I think she meant HSHHC? I know Tacori read it....

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 10/14/2009 12:39:11 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/14/2009 12:34:54 AM

Author: Mara

Tacori what is HSHHAB?

I think she meant HSHHC? I know Tacori read it....

Yeah...not sure what I was thinking when I wrote that. I meant HSHHC. I agree 100% with Tgal''s post. You HAVE to be consistent. It is a lot of work to sleep train and no one likes hearing their baby upset or crying but if you can do it the benefits outweigh the rough road. EVERYTHING improved for me once she started sleeping 12+ hours. I do remember nighttime came quicker than consistent naps. But they did come. She used to take two 2 hour naps on top of the 12-13 hours a night. Now she sleeps about 11-12 hours a night and takes one 2-3 hour nap. Also some kids need more sleep than others.

 

[janinegirly]

Sorry to threadjack, but any suggestions on how to be consistent with middle of the night wake-ups? C will sleep for 10 hrs, I wish it were 12-13! I get her sleepy and then put her in her crib to sleep. However she is then waking up 1-2 times per night, standing in her crib and screaming. I give her paci and she goes down on her own, but I must stay in the room until she is asleep or else she will stand and scream again. This has happened for weeks now.

I could leave her, but she will keep screaming. I hope that''s not the only solution. I also am not too fond of the paci solution long term b/c she ends up with it in her mouth most of the night which isn''t good....

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 10/12/2009 8:06:03 PM
Author: neatfreak
I think you have to take in ALL the information you can gather, add that to the information you have about your own baby, and use your own judgement to go from there and find a solution.

EVERY baby is different-I don''t care what the experts say sometimes because they are talking about children ON AVERAGE. Not the specifics of your child. So you just need to take their advice and use what you can.

Absolutely.