How long did it take you to change your name?

[elrohwen]

This question is for anyone who changed their last name - either taking their DH''s or hyphenating or making up a new one.

How long did it take you to change it? And I don''t mean how long did it take for the paperwork to go through. I mean: how long after your wedding did you actually get around to doing it?

 

[elrohwen]

I want to change my name to DH''s, and I''ve actually changed it on Facebook already

but I just can''t bring myself to change it in real life. Granted, it''s been less than 2 months since the wedding, but I''m not currently working so it''s not like I''m too busy to do it. I know I want to change it, and eventually it won''t seem like a big deal to have a new last name, but I''m finding it hard to take those first steps. It just seems easier to stick with my current name! I''m not sure if I''m procrastinating because I''m just lazy and there are a lot of people to tell about the change (doctor''s offices, vet''s office, banks, etc; the list seems endless). Or if it''s because I secretly don''t want to change it. I think it''s the former, but I''m sure there''s some part of me that finds it hard to make such a big change.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I did it the week following the wedding. I wasn''t looking forward to it, so I took the get-it-done-quickly-and-it-will-be-less-painful approach. I was adding my maiden name as a second middle name, which required a court order, and even then to do EVERYTHING (court order, new license, new SS card, send in passport, go to bank, call credit card co, etc.) only took 2 - 3 days with me taking a half day off of work.

Then it took another year to get used to the new last name.

 

[Lauren8211]

I did it the Monday following the honeymoon. Went to Social Security to change it... it was super easy. They gave me a piece of paper that I could use to show that I had changed it there, so I changed my drivers license the next day.

Then it was just a series of phone calls to change it on accounts, credit cards, etc. Stopped into the bank once I got my new license and they changed my bank stuff.

Took less than 2 weeks, and truly not that much effort.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:01:10 PM
Author: elledizzy5
I did it the Monday following the honeymoon. Went to Social Security to change it... it was super easy. They gave me a piece of paper that I could use to show that I had changed it there, so I changed my drivers license the next day.

Then it was just a series of phone calls to change it on accounts, credit cards, etc. Stopped into the bank once I got my new license and they changed my bank stuff.

Took less than 2 weeks, and truly not that much effort.

Elle, I know it''s not actually much work ... and I know it would take me very little effort to do. I guess I''m procrastinating because on some level I don''t want to do it. It''s interesting that you and NEL just bit the bullet and did it right away. I should just do it fast and get it over with I think.

 

[sctsbride09]

I waited 6 months, only because I was being lazy

, and trying to avoid what I thought would be a huge pain in the you-know-what. I had been using Dhs last name as my own, just not legally, and Im really happy it is "officially" his now.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:03:46 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 11/19/2009 12:01:10 PM

Author: elledizzy5

I did it the Monday following the honeymoon. Went to Social Security to change it... it was super easy. They gave me a piece of paper that I could use to show that I had changed it there, so I changed my drivers license the next day.

Then it was just a series of phone calls to change it on accounts, credit cards, etc. Stopped into the bank once I got my new license and they changed my bank stuff.

Took less than 2 weeks, and truly not that much effort.

Elle, I know it''s not actually much work ... and I know it would take me very little effort to do. I guess I''m procrastinating because on some level I don''t want to do it. It''s interesting that you and NEL just bit the bullet and did it right away. I should just do it fast and get it over with I think.

I swear I''m not trying to start a debate, but if you don''t want to change your name, how about you just don''t change your name? I don''t really understand changing your name if you don''t want to do it deep down.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:37:29 PM
Author: thing2of2

I swear I'm not trying to start a debate, but if you don't want to change your name, how about you just don't change your name? I don't really understand changing your name if you don't want to do it deep down.

Thing, that is a very valid point! It's not that I don't want to change it ... I guess it's that it seems hard to get used to, if that makes sense. Looking a year or two down the road, I absolutely want to share a name with DH. Especially looking many years down the road when we have kids, I want to share the same name 110%. But looking at right now, it just seems like a big change. So it's not necessarily that I don't want to do it; maybe it's more that I have a tough time with change and am having trouble getting it started. I don't have any good reason why I want to keep my current name - I don't have a long career behind me or papers in my name, I don't particularly like my last name as no one ever spells or pronounces it correctly, so that's not even a factor.

There's also the issue that I'm currently job hunting and feel odd changing my name in the middle of it. Then again, job hunting could last 6+ months, so that's not a good excuse. I just don't want someone to see my resume and say, "Hmmm, didn't I just see this with a different name on it?" I guess there's nothing wrong with keeping my maiden name on my resume, but warning people in an interview, say, that my last name has now changed.

Does it make sense if I say that I do want to change it deep down, but superficially I'm having a hard time getting it started?

 

[Octavia]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:37:29 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 11/19/2009 12:03:46 PM

Author: elrohwen

Date: 11/19/2009 12:01:10 PM


Author: elledizzy5


I did it the Monday following the honeymoon. Went to Social Security to change it... it was super easy. They gave me a piece of paper that I could use to show that I had changed it there, so I changed my drivers license the next day.


Then it was just a series of phone calls to change it on accounts, credit cards, etc. Stopped into the bank once I got my new license and they changed my bank stuff.


Took less than 2 weeks, and truly not that much effort.

Elle, I know it's not actually much work ... and I know it would take me very little effort to do. I guess I'm procrastinating because on some level I don't want to do it. It's interesting that you and NEL just bit the bullet and did it right away. I should just do it fast and get it over with I think.

I swear I'm not trying to start a debate, but if you don't want to change your name, how about you just don't change your name? I don't really understand changing your name if you don't want to do it deep down.

I agree with thing, especially since there's really no problem with using the name but not making it official. I didn't take my DH's name even socially, but I haven't foreclosed the possibility of doing so in the future if my feelings about it change. However, I don't plan to ever change my legal name, even if I end up going by his last name for other purposes. But I'd say that if I ever "change" my name, as in change what I prefer to be called, it's going to be a heck of a long time after the wedding!

ETA: elrowhen, do you live in a state where you had to put your name after marriage on the marriage license? If not, there's really no need to do it ASAP...just do it when you feel ready. If that takes awhile, so be it...there's no use rushing it if you're not ready to do it, though. Once you get used to having a different name socially, it might be much less of an issue to take the final step and make it legal.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:46:07 PM
Author: Octavia
I agree with thing, especially since there''s really no problem with using the name but not making it official. I didn''t take my DH''s name even socially, but I haven''t foreclosed the possibility of doing so in the future if my feelings about it change. However, I don''t plan to ever change my legal name, even if I end up going by his last name for other purposes. But I''d say that if I ever ''change'' my name, as in change what I prefer to be called, it''s going to be a heck of a long time after the wedding!

ETA: elrowhen, do you live in a state where you had to put your name after marriage on the marriage license? If not, there''s really no need to do it ASAP...just do it when you feel ready. If that takes awhile, so be it...there''s no use rushing it if you''re not ready to do it, though. Once you get used to having a different name socially, it might be much less of an issue to take the final step and make it legal.

Octavia, I did put it on the marriage liscence (it was in NY) but from what I understand, I could still choose to not change it (if that was something I wanted to do). Is that correct?

As far as I know it''s not legally binding in any way, so I don''t know if I have to do it ASAP. Though I should find out if I need to get a move on for legal reasons instead of taking my sweet time.

But I think you''re right - once I start using it more, I''ll get used to it and be ready to change it legally. We went on a trip last week and I was actually kind of annoyed that a lot of things (hotel, etc) were in my maiden name and I really wished I had changed it before we left. Especially when it came time to fill out the customs forms coming back into the US because we could''ve gone up as a family if we had the same last name; I think that would''ve been kind of special.

 

[rhbgirl24]

We took a two week honeymoon and I did it the NEXT business day after we got back!

 

[sunnyd]

I''m in a state of post-wedding laziness (1.5 weeks) so who knows when I''ll do it. I changed it on FB right away and changed my sig at work to include my new name, but my tabs are expired and I''m too lazy to even find out what happened to those (I renewed a month ago, but they never showed up)!

I hear ya though, it''s just a thing to get used to. It''s weird changing your name when you''ve had it your whole life! And I couldn''t wait to take DH''s name!

 

[Allison D.]

I did it the day after we returned home from our honeymoon, but I wasn''t reluctant about changing it to begin with.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:55:13 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 11/19/2009 12:46:07 PM

Author: Octavia

I agree with thing, especially since there''s really no problem with using the name but not making it official. I didn''t take my DH''s name even socially, but I haven''t foreclosed the possibility of doing so in the future if my feelings about it change. However, I don''t plan to ever change my legal name, even if I end up going by his last name for other purposes. But I''d say that if I ever ''change'' my name, as in change what I prefer to be called, it''s going to be a heck of a long time after the wedding!


ETA: elrowhen, do you live in a state where you had to put your name after marriage on the marriage license? If not, there''s really no need to do it ASAP...just do it when you feel ready. If that takes awhile, so be it...there''s no use rushing it if you''re not ready to do it, though. Once you get used to having a different name socially, it might be much less of an issue to take the final step and make it legal.

Octavia, I did put it on the marriage liscence (it was in NY) but from what I understand, I could still choose to not change it (if that was something I wanted to do). Is that correct?

As far as I know it''s not legally binding in any way, so I don''t know if I have to do it ASAP. Though I should find out if I need to get a move on for legal reasons instead of taking my sweet time.


But I think you''re right - once I start using it more, I''ll get used to it and be ready to change it legally. We went on a trip last week and I was actually kind of annoyed that a lot of things (hotel, etc) were in my maiden name and I really wished I had changed it before we left. Especially when it came time to fill out the customs forms coming back into the US because we could''ve gone up as a family if we had the same last name; I think that would''ve been kind of special.

I don''t know about legality, it really varies state-to-state. Even though people tend to go to Social Security first, whatever name the state has on file for you (not the federal gov''t) is your true, legal name. So if the marriage records are linked to other state databases somehow, it *could* cause confusion...but I don''t think it''s that likely. Especially if they told you that it wasn''t legally binding. I guess it couldn''t hurt to check, though!

 

[tlh]

2-3 weeks approx after the wedding. We honeymooned, came back, on the tuesday after I returned he and I went to the SS office and did the paperwork. approx 3 days later my new card came, and the next day I went to the DMV and changed my license. Done and Done.

 

[Haven]

I think I did the the day after we returned from our honeymoon. If it wasn''t the day after, it was a few days after.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:45:09 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 11/19/2009 12:37:29 PM

Author: thing2of2

I swear I''m not trying to start a debate, but if you don''t want to change your name, how about you just don''t change your name? I don''t really understand changing your name if you don''t want to do it deep down.

Thing, that is a very valid point! It''s not that I don''t want to change it ... I guess it''s that it seems hard to get used to, if that makes sense. Looking a year or two down the road, I absolutely want to share a name with DH. Especially looking many years down the road when we have kids, I want to share the same name 110%. But looking at right now, it just seems like a big change. So it''s not necessarily that I don''t want to do it; maybe it''s more that I have a tough time with change and am having trouble getting it started. I don''t have any good reason why I want to keep my current name - I don''t have a long career behind me or papers in my name, I don''t particularly like my last name as no one ever spells or pronounces it correctly, so that''s not even a factor.

There''s also the issue that I''m currently job hunting and feel odd changing my name in the middle of it. Then again, job hunting could last 6+ months, so that''s not a good excuse. I just don''t want someone to see my resume and say, ''Hmmm, didn''t I just see this with a different name on it?'' I guess there''s nothing wrong with keeping my maiden name on my resume, but warning people in an interview, say, that my last name has now changed.

Does it make sense if I say that I do want to change it deep down, but superficially I''m having a hard time getting it started?

Ha, that makes total sense. I hate change and can''t even imagine getting used to a new name.

Plus the job hunting does throw a wrench into things a bit, doesn''t it? Are you able to change your name to your husband''s last name whenever or does it have to be within a certain time period after the wedding or then you have to go to court or something? If there''s no rush, I say you just sit on it for a while and get used to it before you change it. But again, I hate change and am a huge procrastinator, so you may want to keep that in mind!

 

[iloveny]

I started the process one month to the day after the wedding. I waited 4 days after getting back from the honeymoon because I was busy earlier in the week. It was kind of emotional! After I left my first stop- the Social Security office- I felt a little tightness in my throat! I didn''t cry or anything, it was sort of the same feeling I got when I moved the last bits out of my apartment (my only apartment by myself after college) and gave the keys back. It''s a big deal. You''re used to being called one thing for 30 years, and then that''s changed. I wanted to do it though, for future''s sake when we have kids, because I want us all to have the same last name. I''m not knocking those who choose to keep their names at all- I totally understand that. Luckily I get the best of both worlds, because since I''m an actress, I''m keeping my stage name (same as my birth name) as a performer.

 

[kama_s]

Thankfully, here in Canada we don''t need to do a legal name change. We can just assume our new married name. That said, I haven''t done anything as yet, and we''ve been married close to 5 months now.

Hey, it''s changed on facebook. Isn''t that what matters the most anyways?

 

[kama_s]

Date: 11/19/2009 1:34:04 PM
Author: sunnyd
I'm in a state of post-wedding laziness (1.5 weeks) so who knows when I'll do it. I changed it on FB right away and changed my sig at work to include my new name, but my tabs are expired and I'm too lazy to even find out what happened to those (I renewed a month ago, but they never showed up)!

I hear ya though, it's just a thing to get used to. It's weird changing your name when you've had it your whole life! And I couldn't wait to take DH's name!

Your current last name is the name of my favourite street in my favourite city (which, coincidently, also happens to be my favourite street and city in the world!)

 

[Elmorton]

I was completely changed on everything - ss to bank - within a week of returning from the honeymoon. I got married in the summer between finishing grad school and starting my career, so it was a pretty easy change.

 

[havernell]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:55:13 PM
Author: elrohwen

Octavia, I did put it on the marriage liscence (it was in NY) but from what I understand, I could still choose to not change it (if that was something I wanted to do). Is that correct?

As far as I know it''s not legally binding in any way, so I don''t know if I have to do it ASAP. Though I should find out if I need to get a move on for legal reasons instead of taking my sweet time.

But I think you''re right - once I start using it more, I''ll get used to it and be ready to change it legally. We went on a trip last week and I was actually kind of annoyed that a lot of things (hotel, etc) were in my maiden name and I really wished I had changed it before we left. Especially when it came time to fill out the customs forms coming back into the US because we could''ve gone up as a family if we had the same last name; I think that would''ve been kind of special.

We got married in NY state (and thus filled out the NY marriage licence form). The woman at City Hall told us that if you even think there''s a possibility you''ll want to change your name in the future, you should put your new married last name on the form (apparently it''s really hard to change your name if you didn''t put it on the licence). However, she said that this does NOT obligate you to change your name at all. You can live out the rest of your days with your maiden name remaining your legal name and there''s no problem. A marriage licence is not a legal name change document- you can only legally change your name with the Social Security Administration.

So, based on her explaination (she seemed to know what she was talking about), I filled out the marriage licence with my husband''s last name. So far, I have not changed my name and most likely will not in the future (but i wasn''t 110% sure, so I figured I''d leave the option open at least). We''ve been married for five months now, and I haven''t had any problems at all with retaining my maiden name even though my marriage licence lists my husband''s last name as my "post-marriage name."

So, from my limited knowlege of these things in NY state, I don''t think you''d get in trouble if you didn''t change your name.

 

[Winslet]

Date: 11/19/2009 11:41:45 AM
Author: elrohwen
I want to change my name to DH''s, and I''ve actually changed it on Facebook already

but I just can''t bring myself to change it in real life. Granted, it''s been less than 2 months since the wedding, but I''m not currently working so it''s not like I''m too busy to do it. I know I want to change it, and eventually it won''t seem like a big deal to have a new last name, but I''m finding it hard to take those first steps. It just seems easier to stick with my current name! I''m not sure if I''m procrastinating because I''m just lazy and there are a lot of people to tell about the change (doctor''s offices, vet''s office, banks, etc; the list seems endless). Or if it''s because I secretly don''t want to change it. I think it''s the former, but I''m sure there''s some part of me that finds it hard to make such a big change.

Hi date twin! This is too funny because it describes EXACTLY where I''m at with the whole name change thing, and since we both live in NY it''s also the exact same (not so difficult) process for us to get it done. I''ll keep you posted if I change mine anytime soon, though the holidays ARE fast approaching and I don''t know if I''ll get around to it for a while

I wish you better luck and more motivation than I''m having!

 

[Munchkin]

I waited several months.

In all honesty, the delay was because I couldn''t make up my mind. I knew that I wanted to share a name with DH and knew that I wanted (even more) to share a name with our future children. However, I really liked my maiden name. I went 28 years of being called that name. I like the family history it connected me to. I liked the Irish history it connected me to. I liked where it fell alphabetically. I liked everything about it. Add to all that that I am the youngest in a generation with all females - and you realize that the name potentially dies with me. We were together 8 years before we married and I still needed more time to decide!

I also started my career with my maiden name. My patients knew me by my maiden name and my licenses and my DEA numbers were all in the maiden name. It would be a bit of a PIA to suddenly change all of that. In truth, though, I made that out to be a bigger deal because I wasn''t sold on changing my name to begin with.

After much hemming and hawing (oh, and my middle name has always been my Mum''s maiden name, so simply replacing that wasn''t something I was interested in, either) I hyphenated. DH never cared what I did, he just wanted to know what I wanted to be called! To be honest, if he felt that strongly that I had to take his name, then he married the wrong girl anyway. I still use my maiden name when introducing myself to patients, but I''m not bothered being called Mrs. Hislastname socially. The children will have his last name, and I will share that, even partially.

One of the more important things to me (this will probably sound foolish to all of you) was that I had my maiden and his last name embroidered on my black belt when I earned it. I started that journey with my maiden name. I put in years of hard work under both my maiden and married names. My DH supported me through it all. The embroidery on the belt is a very tangible demonstration of what I accomplished with his emotional support.

So, after much rambling, I delayed the process until I was confident in my decision. I am very happy with my choice. I have also found, that after 2 years of marriage, I am more excited to have his last name tacked onto mine. I think living as a married woman made me more comfortable with having a married name.

Take time to make your decision. You don''t have to change anything if you don''t want to. It is a bigger pain to change your name and then change it back (or to something else) than to make a confident decision once.

 

[AdiS]

2-3 months maybe? The only reason for the delay is because I was so busy. Right after our honeymoon I went back to the university and my classes had already started so I had to do some catching up. The moment I found some spare time I did it.

 

[Clairitek]

Married on June 20thh. Changed on November 6th.

ETA: Now that I've gone through and read everyone's responses I wanted to add that I waited because I, like a few others, struggled with what I wanted to be called. Same story of having a name for my whole life, loving being called that name, and then getting married and wanting to share something with my husband and his family too. I hyphenated ultimately and took my mother's maiden name as a middle because I am very very close with that side of my family and never had a middle name. Our kids will have a hyphenated name as well and DH is fine with everything. I asked him to hyphenate but he politely declined.

Maybe in 10 years I might feel like dropping my maiden entirely but for now, I am loving being Mrs Clairitek MothersMaidenName MyLastName-HisLastName.

 

[elrohwen]

Great responses, ladies! I love reading about everyone''s journey - especially because a lot of you seemed to have similar feelings to mine and are total procrastinators.

Thing - I can change it at any time I think, but I don''t know if I want to wait forever in case it takes me forever to find a new job

I think I''ll just do it now and try to explain to employers (and leave my resume the same). My other excuse to not change it was that we were going to Germany (went last week) and I didn''t want my SS card and driver''s license to not match my passport (and didn''t want to pay for a rushed passport). But now that''s out of the way so I have no more excuses to procrastinate

Kama - Clearly Facebook is the most important thing

Doesn''t that make it legally binding? Can''t the SS office just look on there?

Havernell - Good to know! That''s how I thought it worked, but I''m glad I know for sure now. I wouldn''t want there to be some kind of timeline on it that I wasn''t paying attention to.

Winslet - Hi date twin! I did get married in NY, but I actually live in CT right on the border. So I''m not sure if that changes anything ... I don''t think it does though, except that I obviously have to go to the CT SS office, DMV, etc. The DMV is bugging me to renew my registration anyway, so I guess it''s a good time to just change my name too. Good to know you''re a fellow procrastinator

You''ve all inspired me to get on the ball! I think I''m going to get started on Monday, so I can get everything done by the holidays. DH would be ok if I didn''t want to change it, but he''ll admit that he''s very excited for me to take his name. It''s so cute

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

We got married in early July and it''s now the end of November....I''m still Berry, he''s still wondering why I''m not Domenico

My license expires in April so I''m planning on doing it right before then.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 11/20/2009 12:34:34 AM
Author: havernell

Date: 11/19/2009 12:55:13 PM

Author: elrohwen


Octavia, I did put it on the marriage liscence (it was in NY) but from what I understand, I could still choose to not change it (if that was something I wanted to do). Is that correct?

As far as I know it''s not legally binding in any way, so I don''t know if I have to do it ASAP. Though I should find out if I need to get a move on for legal reasons instead of taking my sweet time.


But I think you''re right - once I start using it more, I''ll get used to it and be ready to change it legally. We went on a trip last week and I was actually kind of annoyed that a lot of things (hotel, etc) were in my maiden name and I really wished I had changed it before we left. Especially when it came time to fill out the customs forms coming back into the US because we could''ve gone up as a family if we had the same last name; I think that would''ve been kind of special.

We got married in NY state (and thus filled out the NY marriage licence form). The woman at City Hall told us that if you even think there''s a possibility you''ll want to change your name in the future, you should put your new married last name on the form (apparently it''s really hard to change your name if you didn''t put it on the licence). However, she said that this does NOT obligate you to change your name at all. You can live out the rest of your days with your maiden name remaining your legal name and there''s no problem. A marriage licence is not a legal name change document- you can only legally change your name with the Social Security Administration.


So, based on her explaination (she seemed to know what she was talking about), I filled out the marriage licence with my husband''s last name. So far, I have not changed my name and most likely will not in the future (but i wasn''t 110% sure, so I figured I''d leave the option open at least). We''ve been married for five months now, and I haven''t had any problems at all with retaining my maiden name even though my marriage licence lists my husband''s last name as my ''post-marriage name.''


So, from my limited knowlege of these things in NY state, I don''t think you''d get in trouble if you didn''t change your name.

The highlighted part is not entirely true. Name changes are legalized by the state, NOT by the federal government (of which the SSA is part). That''s why, if you want to change your name for any other reason, you go to a state court to get the court order, not to a federal court. It''s also why, in some states, you can move your maiden to middle and drop your birth middle name just by showing your marriage license, while in other states you have to actually go to court to make that happen. The policies aren''t even close to being uniform, state-to-state. You can go to SSA and get a card that shows your name is Princess Consuela Bananahammock, but if New York has you listed as Phoebe Buffay, your legal name is Phoebe Buffay. It causes all sorts of administrative headaches when people change their name with either the state or the SSA and then don''t follow through with the other! Really, if you go by the letter of the law, the procedure should be changing with the state and its agencies (like DMV) first and then going to the Social Security office, but it doesn''t always work that way in practice.

It is true that the marriage document isn''t an official name change document, but can be shown as proof of a reason to change your name -- it is in lieu of a court order. It may be absolutely fine to continue using your maiden name even though you''ve put your husband''s name in the post-marriage box, but that''s up to the state. In most cases, as long as you''re not trying to commit fraud that way, it''s probably not a big deal.

I have no idea what the legalities are when you get married in one state but reside in another...would be interesting to look into if I didn''t have so much on my plate right now!

 

[Lauren8211]

The state (Michigan) would not allow me to change my name with them until I changed it with the SSA. My marriage license was not enough to change my drivers license. They required proof of the change with the SSA before I could get my license.

Oddly enough, I could change my name on all my credit cards without any proof of name change!