How Important is Your Birthday?

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/25/2009 11:48:13 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
the older you get the more depressing it gets. i wouldn''t mind being 27 again

LOL - I''ve heard that same thing DF. Honestly, I know this is sort of sad, but right now I still look forward to getting older - I feel like the best is yet to come, and I actually look forward to looking more like an adult with each year that passes.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/25/2009 11:50:01 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Hubby always makes a big deal out of my birthday. I do the same for him. Growing up, my parents forgot a couple of my birthdays. Forgetting my 10th birthday, was a real low point.

So I have always made a big deal out of my kids birthdays. They always got to choose what they wanted, a party, etc...


DD is turning 21 in May. She''s going to be away for her birthday celebrating with friends at our summer house. But will be throwing her a big party before, for all her college buddies. I can''t wait.


Amber I hope you can tell him how much this means to you. My husband didn''t care much about his, but over the years, he''s really enjoyed what I have done for him....

Kaleigh I''m so sorry about your parents - that sounds incredibly hurtful

I have told DH how important this is to me, and I think he does get it, it was partly a question of not being clear about what I actually wanted from him (partly ''cause I didn''t know). And then I realized, when we were talking about it, that anything he plans will be special, because (insert HUGE CHEESY FACTOR HERE) it will be planned with love.

So he is planning something (or several things), but I don''t know about all of them for tomorrow. I''ll come back and update though

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:04:03 AM
Author: puffy
DH always makes my bday a big deal, and i am not complaining.

it''s the one day that i still have that''s my day.

he usually plans a trip for us. this year we''ll be going to vegas and bringing our DS. he gets me a bday gift and every day for a week before my bday, he gives me something small.

i plan to make our kid(s) birthdays a big deal every year. DH''s family wasn''t really into birthdays but my family has always been and i plan to continue it.

puffy, that sounds adorable - I love the idea of something small every day for a week, just to show he''s thinking about you - how cute!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:05:30 AM
Author: Linda W
Growing up, my family always made a big deal out of my birthday, same with my hubbies family. I always make my hubby a special bday dinner, and he will take me out for mine, or my daughter will cook me a bday dinner. My family still celebrates mine. For myself, I have a ''who cares'' attitude as I am getting older now.


I get the biggest kick out of my grandboys though. They love celebrating birthdays. They make a big deal out of mine and my hubbies. They buy us balloons, etc. It is the most precious thing. That is what I treasure the most about my birthdays now.

Linda your grandsons sound too adorable for words - I can totally see why that would make birthdays incredibly special all by itself

 

[tlh]

Birthdays aren''t a big deal. They used to be, but I outgrew them... probably when my dad decided to put my childhood pet down when I had left on a birthday weekend. THIS WAS NOT THE FAMILY PET. It was very clearly MY CAT.

My friends treated me to a weekend on the lake w/ boating, and camping my style - ie a super posh cabin w/ bathrooms, tvs and lotsa booze. I came back from the best weekend ever, only to be completely devastated that I hadn''t even been talked to about it. I just came home... and my cat would always run to the door to greet me... when he didn''t I looked at my dad who was sitting in the living room waiting for me, and said where''s my cat - and he told me we needed to talk. I turned around, left and didn''t come back for several days. That was my 25th birthday, and it was honestly the last one I celebrated w/ any sort of enthusiasm.

I no longer celebrate birthdays. I''ll buy a cake from a store maybe put a name on it no birthday age on it (I mean, I LOVE CAKE, I am not giving that one up!)- and we may or may not exchange gifts. It was just a really harsh way to say - life goes on... with or without you... birthday or not. So it basically took 100% of the wind out of my birthday sail. My lack of enthusiam for my birthday paired w. my DH''s laid back attitude in general - we just dont celebrate birthdays... a card- a cake... that''s it.

But Christmas... I am coo-coo for cocao puffs on that one... since it is all about the people you love and I LOVE showering THEM with gifts. But birthdays... not so much.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:05:30 AM
Author: Linda W
Growing up, my family always made a big deal out of my birthday, same with my hubbies family. I always make my hubby a special bday dinner, and he will take me out for mine, or my daughter will cook me a bday dinner. My family still celebrates mine. For myself, I have a 'who cares' attitude as I am getting older now.

I get the biggest kick out of my grandboys though. They love celebrating birthdays. They make a big deal out of mine and my hubbies. They buy us balloons, etc. It is the most precious thing. That is what I treasure the most about my birthdays now.

Yup, this about sums it up for me too. Birthdays were a HUGE deal when I was a kd. HUGE. Now.... meh. I think it's silly to make a big to-do. My Husband's family still make a big deal out of all of their Birthdays. Cake, ice cream, dinner, presents, the works.

ETA: I think once there are kids, it will be all about THEM, and our Bdays will not be a big deal any more.

 

[mayachel]

It sounds like you could be writing our conversation on the matter exactly! In fact for a number of years, I made a big ta-do about his birthday, hosted some parties, some brunches, always found amazing thoughtful gifts...etc...

And, for the first couple of years, close friends of mine that lived in our area would hear we didn''t have plans, and plan something for me because they couldn''t imagine not. (I threw a party of year through college-so ya, I''m into celebrating my day).

Well, they moved away and df has been given the opportunity to pick up the ball...

This year I was a little passive agressive and didn''t plan anything in particular for his birthday. I made a nice dinner, and it was just the two us, and that was that. I thought for sure that it would open a conversation, where in I could point out that I was tired of tossing hoops for his day, only to have mine go by with him thinking as long as we go out for dinner, he has covered it.

Except that=this childish version of trying to resolve something did not work. (I know, big surprise, right?) Instead, he didn''t actually seem to care much.

So I took it into my own hands, happening to have another friend staying with us with the same birthday, we did our own thing, and included him. We (my friend and I ) also went out on our own "in celebration" of our birthday.

The truth is he does lots of little special things throughout the year, if he would just simply stamp one of them with, "and this is for your birthday" I''d be happy. In the meantime, I''m trying to grow up.

 

[dragonfly411]

We do a week long heheeheeeee

 

[NovemberBride]

Birthdays are a pretty big deal in my family, no matter how old you are. I can''t imagine a birthday for myself or a family member that did not include a meal, cards, gifts and just an all around celebration. That would be sad to me. I am turning 30 in 2 weeks and my DH has planned a big birthday dinner with all my friends and family and I can''t wait. My youngest brother is even flying home from college across the country to be there. I can''t imagine it any other way. DH''s 30th is this summer and I am already trying to decide what to do. My MIL is turning 60 this fall and DH and I are planning to throw her a party as well (she is divorced from D''s dad). I agree that in some instances it can feel desperate for older people to force large celebrations on their friends and family, but in the case of my friends and faimly it''s not that way at all. We love celebrating together. Most of our friends are turning 30 this year and we will happily attend parties to celebrate with all of them.

 

[Rockit]

Birthdays were pretty big growing up. But, now, I''m rather uncomfortable being the center of attention, and, I''m old enough so that I''d prefer to forget that another year has passed me by! I do usually receive a little remembrance from my very small family, a card or phone call sometime close to the "big day," and couple of my closest friends usually call or write. Other than that, my DH usually takes me out for a special dinner somewhere and delights in giving me silly cards (ok, sometimes they are a little "racy"). It goes without saying the I am always hopeful for a little gemstone gift... sometimes (on a "noteworthy" birthday, for example) my dream comes true, sometimes not! But the gemstone wish holds true for EVERY day, not just my Birthday...

I do fuss over my DH and DS when each has a Birthday. I always try to have a special gift and favorite meal planned, and at the table there is ALWAYS a Birthday cake, candles, cards, and a camera at hand ready to take a couple of pictures.

 

[princesss]

In my family you get to pick what''s for dinner and what kind of cake you''d like. That plus a few presents after dinner, and presto! Birthday.

BF doesn''t really do much for his birthday, but I like to make it a little special. I don''t get many opportunities to spoil him, so I like to take the ones I get!

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I think my birthday is kind of a big deal, but I also treat other''s birthdays to be big deals as well.

 

[vintagelover229]

Oh, i should probably add to that i was sick thoughout my entire vegas trip. It was horrible, I was in bed by 9 (IN VEGAS!) and my hubby and his parents went out, gambled, and drank w/o me

It was horrible! On a side note, I did want him to have fun even though I was sick

And I forgot to add that I'm a leap day baby. So, i guess once every 4 years its a "little" bigger of a deal for me, lol. I'm only 5 now! I'll be 6 in a few more years!

 

[Octavia]

AG, too funny that you asked this question. Today is my birthday, and last night my FI arranged a surprise party for me. It was so touching to have a bunch of friends here, some who traveled quite a distance, and it was a TOTAL surprise. But I felt a little guilty, because I''ve never been much of a birthday person and I don''t know how I''m ever going to return the favor for all the people who came or for my FI (I''ve actually tried to have a surprise party for him the past two years, but his birthday is the day after Christmas, and half of his good friends are in a different country anyway, so I''ve always been unsuccessful

). It is a little uncomfortable for me to have people make a big deal out of my birthday, no matter how sweet and heartfelt the things they do are.

 

[bee*]

I like celebrating mine but it doesn''t bother me hugely. For the past three years I''ve had exams on my birthday and the day after so I''ve barely done a thing for it.

 

[AprilBaby]

I voted OTHER. Usually its no big deal but ONE MONTH from today I turn FIFTY! That is going to be a BIG celebration!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:43:26 AM
Author: Kelli
I don''t care a whole lot about it. Big deals were made when I was a kid, but not so much now, although I still get cards with cash in them from my parents, and my fiancee will usually do something nice for me. Or, we''ll just take a weekend trip to celebrate our birthdays, which are less than a month apart. But I''ve never been a big, ''it''s my birthday, you have to do what I want'' kind of person.


I have no problem with people celebrating and wanting to be the center of attention on their birthdays. I will say, however, as someone who works with kids of all ages, that it drives me UP THE FREAKING WALL when parents allow their kids to behave like absolute spoiled brats and be rude to others all because ''it''s their birthday'' or even ''it''s Christmas!'' Sadly, this is something I''ve started to see WAY too often and I wish it would stop.


BUT................. to a kind hearted gracious person, kid or adult, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and have a blast! Do it up right and get some bling!

Kelli - I''m with you that birthdays (or any other occasion) are NEVER an excuse to be rude. Being rude was not tolerated in my family, unless someone was EXTREMELY rude or provoking to you first, and even then it was highly frowned on (but hey, we''re all human and we snap from time to time...).

I also hate it when people are spoiled brats in general - I feel like our culture these days has such a feeling of entitlement, from cutting people off on the freeway to cutting in front of people in line. Anyway, I won''t continue to rant, but suffice it to say, I couldn''t agree more.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 12:58:24 AM
Author: lyra
My birthday always falls within a couple of days of Mother''s Day, which is good and bad. I answered ''other'' to the poll. I don''t really care if anyone celebrates my birthday, but darn it, I don''t want to have to cook or do housework that day, that''s a big deal for me.

Otherwise, we''re not real big birthday celebraters, not even for our adult kids.

I totally get that lyra. I love cooking, but I hate cleaning up, and so I generally prefer not to do either on my birthday

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 2:02:52 AM
Author: FrekeChild
I just want to go eat at where I want to on my birthday. That''s all I care about.

I agree. That much I know I will be doing tomorrow - dinner at my all-time favorite restaurant: Greens

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:20:42 AM
Author: AGBF





I am not sure how this is supposed to work. I voted for, ''Other (please share)''. Then I got shot to a graph. So I will share here. OK?


My response is not that I couldn''t care less, but that I had better not care, because no one else does! I believe one does better if he tries to live ''life on life''s terms'' rather than trying to make life fit his childhood expectations of what it should have been . No one here acknowledges that I have a birthday (although my father, my aunt, and my brother still do!). My husband and daughter also do not give me Christmas presents. Nor does my husband give me an anniversary or Valentine''s Day card or present. That doesn''t mean he doesn''t love me. It also doesn''t stop me from giving him and my daughter (and him from my daughter) cards and gifts for for the occasions above. (I don''t give him an anniversary card or gift from my daughter.)


That''s just the way the cookie happened to crumble here . I should probably add that if I had ever thrown a fit, I could have gotten pretty much whatever I wanted . As long as it wasn''t hideously expensive.


AGBF

That''s interesting AGBF - I''m impressed that you guys have worked out a system that works so well for you. I guess as long as everyone''s happy (or at least OK) with the situation, then that makes sense. It seems like maybe its less about having a particular solution or rule, and more about finding what works for everyone in the family.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:30:05 AM
Author: monarch64
I voted that they''re not that important to me, now that I''m 31 I don''t really want anyone knowing EXACTLY how old I am, and I agree with Deco...it does seem sort of desperate for a grown adult to insist that everyone make a huge deal out of their birthday.


There should also be a poll for how important your anniversary is...a friend of mine has this to say: ''anniversaries seem so defeatist--''yay, we made it another year!'''' I thought that was pretty funny.

Interesting monnie - I guess I''m not so attached to "everyone making a big deal" more that I want certain people (mainly my DH and possibly my mom and two closest friends) to make something of a big deal.

That''s a funny comment about the anniversary your friend made - I''ve noticed there''s a lot of variation in the importance people place in anniversaries too. They are really important to my DH, probably not quite as much to me. We had some friends that made a HUGE deal out of them though - even though they didn''t have a whole lot of money (lived in a small apartment, didn''t have a car, etc...), he still bought her "real" jewelry for their anniversaries - it had to cost at least 2-3 months rent every time, but it was important to them.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:32:10 AM
Author: atroop711
growing up it was a HUGE deal in my family...big party,ect. For my dh is was really nothing. God forbid they made a big deal for him (poor guy...he was the baby of 9). When we met, I was the first person to ever throw him a party..and he was hooked! His bday is a week before Xmas so he always got the short end of the stick. I make sure he gets a bday gift and an xmas gift.


We make a big deal for our kids too..(not too big that they are spoiled) but it''s always a family event. We have a big dinner with extended fam, a fam. party and even a party with their friends. I feel like we are celebrating their bdays all month long. My sis lives far away...so when we see her she has a cake for them. My best friend also does the same when we visit her...so my kids get at least 3 cakes cut for them on or around their bdays.


ONE THING I DO FOR MYSELF on my bday every year is head to the spa. I get a few things done (massage, facial). This is the only day of the year that I really do anything for myself. It''s become a yearly ritual. By the time I get out it''s late morning and I''m relaxed to spend the entire day with my husband and 3 kids.

Ooh the spa sounds AMAZING. I might have to look into making that a yearly tradition for myself - I feel like that would be a perfect addition to any birthday day...

 

[Fly Girl]

We try to have a small celebration, maybe go out to dinner, and give a gift. It doesn''t require a big, blow-out party. It''s always been that way in both our families, so I guess that we have similar views. This year he was out of town on business, so I wished him a happy birthday over the phone. We had a quiet celebration when he returned. I think it is important to acknowledge milestones, but toning down the birthday celebrations is a part of growing up. Having all your friends make a big deal about it strikes me as more suitable for young children.

 

[kama_s]

Well, as a child, my mum wouldn''t even wish me!! I think it might have a little to do with how she never wanted to have kids...!! Sooo, Mr. Kama tries and makes it special for me every year! Really, though, it doesn''t take much to make me happy. Ideally, on a perfect birthday, I''d like to be woken up with a kiss (and coffee

), have a nice dinner (at home or out) and finish up with dessert (preferably something either chocolatey or cheese-cakey...OR BOTH!!). I''d also love a card from Mr. Kama and my brother (I''m a big card person, have every single one collected since I was 7).

As a kid, I''d always try and forget it was my birthday...just because it was always a sad day for me. So it feels a little weird when Mr. Kama makes it special, although it does make me all warm and fuzzy inside

Although that could be the chocolate cheese-cake, but whateva!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:39:03 AM
Author: elrohwen
I honestly don''t care about my birthday much. The only gift FI and usually exchange is a nice dinner (and since our food money is combined, we''re both paying for it). It''s just a nice treat and we don''t often go out to expensive dinners in an effort to save money. Plus, we''re totally into food, so I can''t think of a better gift than something food related.


As for parties, this past year we invited all of our friends out for dinner at a restaurant of our choice which was a lot of fun. And sometimes I round up co-workers to go out to lunch on my birthday with me, but I don''t expect others to plan this stuff. I''m fine with sending out the email asking everyone to come.


My first year at my company, everyone forgot about my birthday including my boss. She realized after I had left and called my cell apologizing. She felt really bad, but I didn''t even care! Haha. When I was a kid I''m sure I cared a lot more, but I think that kind of thing naturally fades as you get older in many people.


ETA: I wanted to add that I do usually like a card on my birthday from FI. We kind of have a deal that since we don''t make a big deal out of birthdays, Valentine''s Day, etc, we should at least buy a cute card. If he misses one or two, I don''t mind (I''m sure I miss one or two occasions as well) but for the most part we keep up with the cards.

I''m definitely with you on a nice meal - we are huge foodies too, and so that is one of the treats I look forward to the most.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:40:11 AM
Author: redrose229
I choose other, and this is why. I''d like someone to say ''Happy Birthday'' and its nice to get a card or something...but its also just another day. I''m not one of those ppl who take the day off work, etc just because its my birthday. I''m pretty ''whatever'' about it...and was even on my 21st b-day that was ~3 wks ago...and they took me to Vegas for it...and I was still like ''whatever'' about it, lol.

hehe well, Vegas doesn''t sound too "whatever" to me

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:46:46 AM
Author: fieryred33143
I voted other. I like to be acknowledged on my birthday so that I know he remembers. But after getting a Happy Birthday I''m pretty set. I don''t need gifts or a cake or anything (although he always at least gets me a cake even if we eat it ourselves

)

Mmmm...cake...cake is always good, IMO

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 9:47:32 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Growing up, we celebrated birthdays in a big way. My mom often times rented party buses as transportation, let us have lavish sleep overs in hotel rooms with mini spa treatments, manicurists would come to our ''tea parties'', she took us to plays or rented out roller skating rinks. We had serious fun! But as we got older, the parties got smaller...not drastically, we never went into a birthday party depression...but she eased off the huge celebrations to better prepare us for a world where birthdays didn''t actually make you a princess.


Now that I''m older, my DH and I still celebrate...this year he took me to a UFC fight and a weekend away, he also bought me a little puppy (which I''d been dying for.) But, every year is different....last year we went to Dave and Busters with friends and blew over 1k on stupid games, but it was amazingly fun! We still celebrate, but there is no ''road map'' persay. Although, my DH will be celebrating his 30th birthday in Las Vegas this year and we''re taking everyone on the Dinner In The Sky attraction and I''m sending him on the Richard Petty Experience!

WOW - sounds like you had some totally amazing childhood birthdays

I still don''t think I''ve done anything that fancy for my birthday, ever. It sounds like you guys have a lot of fun with it now though - your DH''s 30th sounds like its going to be amazing

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:07:49 AM
Author: tlh
Birthdays aren''t a big deal. They used to be, but I outgrew them... probably when my dad decided to put my childhood pet down when I had left on a birthday weekend. THIS WAS NOT THE FAMILY PET. It was very clearly MY CAT.


My friends treated me to a weekend on the lake w/ boating, and camping my style - ie a super posh cabin w/ bathrooms, tvs and lotsa booze. I came back from the best weekend ever, only to be completely devastated that I hadn''t even been talked to about it. I just came home... and my cat would always run to the door to greet me... when he didn''t I looked at my dad who was sitting in the living room waiting for me, and said where''s my cat - and he told me we needed to talk. I turned around, left and didn''t come back for several days. That was my 25th birthday, and it was honestly the last one I celebrated w/ any sort of enthusiasm.


I no longer celebrate birthdays. I''ll buy a cake from a store maybe put a name on it no birthday age on it (I mean, I LOVE CAKE, I am not giving that one up!)- and we may or may not exchange gifts. It was just a really harsh way to say - life goes on... with or without you... birthday or not. So it basically took 100% of the wind out of my birthday sail. My lack of enthusiam for my birthday paired w. my DH''s laid back attitude in general - we just dont celebrate birthdays... a card- a cake... that''s it.


But Christmas... I am coo-coo for cocao puffs on that one... since it is all about the people you love and I LOVE showering THEM with gifts. But birthdays... not so much.

WOW. I''m so sorry tlh - that was HORRIBLE of your father to do. HORRIBLE. I can''t even imagine. That would have ruined my birthdays for me too.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 3/26/2009 10:11:53 AM
Author: geckodani

Date: 3/26/2009 12:05:30 AM

Author: Linda W

Growing up, my family always made a big deal out of my birthday, same with my hubbies family. I always make my hubby a special bday dinner, and he will take me out for mine, or my daughter will cook me a bday dinner. My family still celebrates mine. For myself, I have a ''who cares'' attitude as I am getting older now.


I get the biggest kick out of my grandboys though. They love celebrating birthdays. They make a big deal out of mine and my hubbies. They buy us balloons, etc. It is the most precious thing. That is what I treasure the most about my birthdays now.

Yup, this about sums it up for me too. Birthdays were a HUGE deal when I was a kd. HUGE. Now.... meh. I think it''s silly to make a big to-do. My Husband''s family still make a big deal out of all of their Birthdays. Cake, ice cream, dinner, presents, the works.


ETA: I think once there are kids, it will be all about THEM, and our Bdays will not be a big deal any more.

Definitely agree that once you have kids it SHOULD be all about them. I think that might be one of the reasons my perspective is so skewed on this - even though my stepmother was WAY past being a kid, she still insisted that everyone make a HUGE deal out of her birthday (much bigger than the deal that was ever made out of any occasion relating to me, birthday or not).