How important is the "surprise" element of a proposal?

[eks6426]

Ok, so many of us ladies here have been looking at engagement rings. Some have even had a hand in selecting theirs. But ultimately, does it matter if the proposal itself is a surprise? Even if the couple has talked about marriage, picked out the ring together etc. there seems to be this desire to make the proposal a surprise. Why?

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Island,

I think the surprise element is just the way it is traditionally done. I want a surprise (even though I am going to pick my ring/ setting etc). I guess I want to have a nice story to share, it sounds a bit foolish but that is just the way I want to do it. Obviously it''s different for everyone. Whatever feels comfortable for you (and your husband to be) then go for it.

 

[fountainfairfax]

I would LOVE a suprise and I''m an "old lady" of 36, but it just doesn''t seem meant to be....

Husband #1 dragged his feet & put off getting engaged until I decided to leave him and go to grad school- then he changed his mind fast but every step of the way was a discussion that I was involved in, including the ring. I even knew that he was going to propose sometime x-mas eve, just not how he was going to do it. In retrospect I would have loved to have been totally suprised & swept away but he just wasn''t that kind of guy.

My new bf and I started having the marriage discussion and his response was "just tell me when & where and I''ll be there!"
"what about a proposal and a ring?" I asked...very broke bf replied "you''re getting that huge rock that your aunt left you, how about using that?(he often brings up the whole people-are-killed-every-day-for-those-diamonds-you-like argument and i was already considering my aunt''s stone) Otherwise honey, you''ll be waiting a very long time until I can afford something that is more than a symbolic gesture." Ok....I can live with a 2ct omc

and started looking at settings so I think my big suprise will be waiting to see who pays for the finished ring

oh well, nothing about my life has been a fairy tale but lets see how he proposes...knowing him it will be via email along with a reminder to pick up milk on the way home.....that''s why I live vicariously through all of you lucky ladies!

 

[icekid]

i agree with ally- it''s tradition! it''s special... it''s the romantic "yes i want to be with you forever" gesture.

my bf thinks it is VERY important to surprise me. and i''m far from opposed to it! it will be such a nice fun memory happy memory. i know how much he loves me, but i won''t mind hearing it another time + ring!!

 

[snow_happy]

Hi--

I HATE surprises. (I think partly because I am a total control freak) My boyfriend, on the other hand LOVES surprises. It''s really important to him to surprise me with the ring and the proposal. In a way I think it would be fun to have a be a surprise too. I showed him pictures of rings I liked and we tried some on but that''s about it. I keep pestering him about details but in the end we both want it to be a surprise. I guess it''s for tradition Ultimately I think the surprise thing will be more memorable and a fun story to tell!! Plus I know my boyfriend would be disappointed if I knew all the details.

 

[appletini]

I definitely want to be surprised, and even if the proposal is very simple, I just want to know that he put lots of thought into it. I''ll have to keep myself busy so that I won''t be trying to figure out when he might do it. Although with our social calendar the next few months, I definitely know when it won''t be happening.

 

[blueroses]

I have to say that I can't really give an "in a vacuum" kind of answer.....anything I'd say would be colored by the context of waiting as long as I have, so at this point, I think that a surprise is NOT IMPORTANT to me at all. Which LIW graduate had the wonderful fedex proposal? I'd totally go for that. (I like fountainfairfax's e-mail/grocerylist too--very us as well!!) At this point, I think I'd be really happy with somehing along these lines:

BF: Hey babe

BR: Yo

BF: whatchoo doing?

BR: wasting time on the Internet, as usual.

BF: Should we order Italian again?

BR: Whatev, sounds good.

[pause]

BF: Wanna get married?

BR: Um, yes, yes, 1000 times yes! ...are you serious?

BF: Yep. Love you.

BR: Love you too!

......and scene...

I mean, writing that out, it ocurrs to me that at this point no matter WHAT he does, I'm still going to be suprised and pleased and feel all gushy, because the actuality of it happening has ceased to even feel like a real possibility. So I don't need any big elaborate gesture--as lovely and heart-stopping as those are and I just adore and kvell at all of the stories of tree-carving, flowers, lighthouses, ALL of it--I think that something as lowkey as "hey, it's time, I'm ready, will you marry me" would make me just as happy.

But who knows! It is sadly all conjecture at this point

But I have to say, that I am so thrilled and fulfilled (ha! bad rhyme!!) by hearing all the stories of my dear LIW....it makes me SO HAPPY when one of us gets crossed off, and I just love hearing the unique and equally heartfelt stories of everyone, whether it's a carriage in Central Park, a betrothal sofa, fedex, a lighthouse in the snow, a scavenger hunt extrordinaire, or snowangels on a mountain

 

[eks6426]

Blue Roses...love your proposal dialogue. I bet a lot of guys would love to get away with something that simple.

Well, I am pretty sure tonight is the official night for me. I have been asked to get a babysitter...and to get one much later than I normally do AND he won''t tell me what we''re doing which is unusual. Today is such a loooong day at work! Hopefully I''ll have ring pictures for you all by Monday (no internet access on weekends

)

 

[Patience]

ooooo! good luck tonight! that''s exciting!

 

[wcitygirl]

Wow!! You''ll have to let us know all about it! I can''t remember -- did you ever get a good look at that ring?

 

[eks6426]

Yep, I got a very good look at that ring because I got to wear it the day we picked it up in Chicago. But I had to give it back to him when we got home and haven''t seen it for a few weeks now

I can''t wait to see what he has cooked up!

These last few hours are lasting forever. I want to leave work early so I can redo makeup and make my hair look better. I even put my digi cam in my purse. I figure a girl''s got to be prepared! I had to laugh though...he stopped by my house last night with a mini-tripod for my camera. He said I might be needing it to take the ring pictures for PS soon!

 

[icekid]

IslandDreams-

TOO EXCITING! i bet it will be tonight... you must be completely dying. is this the longest day EVER for you?!?!

 

[blue_chica]

Good luck IslandDreams!

I didn't really care one way or another if there was a great story to go with the proposal, I was just happy he asked me and we could get on with things. Besides, I believe I've said before that he's not a very romantic guy, so if he'd been all romantic, I would have had a hard time keeping a straight face - the idea of him reciting poetry or something just makes me crack up. He does make me feel special every day though.

I really enjoy hearing all the stories though, they are truly priceless and I can see how special they are for those involved!

 

[blueroses]

EEk!!!! Fingers crossed, Island Dreams! Good luck!!!!!

 

[MelissaSue]

oooh island dreams!! Can''t wait to cross another LIW off the list!! Must give us news ASAP!

As for me, as the suprise thing goes.. I honestly did NOT think that I would care whether or not FI suprised me, mostly because I didn''t think he''d be able to.. Because he''s just not good with that sort of thing.. and I knew so much about the ring etc.. But he managed to propose when he knew I wasn''t expecting it! And I am SOO glad that he did! So yeah. its nice to be suprised.

Its funny explaining to people that I was looking at pictures of engagement rings on the internet when he proposed though.. THey all sort of look at me like I''m crazy. I know you girls understand though!

 

[eks6426]

My guy just sent flowers--red roses with purple accent flowers (purple is my favorite color)! Too sweet!

 

[wcitygirl]

Eeeek!~ It''s totally happening today!!!! You must be dying!!! Yay! I was just thinking about how we haven''t crossed anyone off the list lately.... You''re next!!!

 

[jenwill]

Sooo excited for you IslandDreams! Cannot wait to hear about your evening........