How do you cheer up a gumpy SO?

[aprilcait]

Hubby is in a grump-tastic mood today. He''s in one of those moods where everything is poo and everything feels like an attack.

I thwarted my desire to say: "quit lashing out and chill already", remembering that I would be PO''d if he ever said that to me when I was being a grumpo, and decided to send him a funny e-card with his favorite characters instead.

When your SO is in a foul mood, how do you cheer him/her up? When you''re in a grumpy mood, what''s your favorite way to be cheered up?

 

[Skippy123]

I don't, I let him be as I would want to be left alone if I were grumpy unless he asks you to cheer him up. hehe Maybe go do something fun on your own so he has time to himself.

 

[joflier]

We used to really struggle with this, as dh really leads a high-stress, high-paced business life, he has a lot of those grumpy days....now we've gotten to a point in our relationship, where I'll just say something cynical about his mood, and he can laugh about it (most of the time) and that just seems to break the tension. Otherwise, baking something special usually helps.....and yes, staying away is never a bad idea either!

 

[fieryred33143]

Honestly, he’s hardly ever in a grumpy mood. When I know that he’s stressed out because of work, I just try to make sure the house is clutter free when he gets home (it helps clear his mind) and that’s about it. He usually goes into his studio when he’s in a pissy mood and works on music which completely changes his mood. Sometimes I’ll suggest maybe getting a drink together by the beach or going to the pool but as I said, he doesn’t get grumpy often and it doesn’t last very long…gotta love musicians

I’m the grumpy one. I wake up grumpy and as soon as something, any little thing happens, my whole mood changes. His best remedy is laughter. He cracks me up. The other night I was in a sour mood and he comes out with a flute (yes…a flute!), his conga, and his over sized and exaggerated Chilean hat and put on this show that was Hilarious with a capital H. It’s hard to stay in a bad mood that way.

 

[simplysplendid]

I''ve got one right now..

. Leave him alone to mope..
In the mean time, I am doing my girl stuff and causing damage to the credit card..

 

[Irishgrrrl]

April, I feel your pain!

When mine is like that, I just try to stay out of his way. I figure, if I ignore the grumpiness, it will go away! LOL!

Good luck!

 

[trillionaire]

Sometimes I am just touchy feely and affectionate or silly, when he is okay with being harassed a little Other times, when I can't get a good read on him, I actually ask him what he needs or if I can do anything to help.

Sometimes he wants so alone time (to nap or play video games)
sometimes he wants a massage (back, shoulders, scalp)
Sometimes he wants to ride his motorcycle
Sometimes he wants me to nap with him
and sometimes he wants to *de-stress*...

So it depends on his mood, I guess

I like to SHOP! Or take the dog to the dog park or for a walk or run. Also talking on the phone to friends, or tickle attacks from SO. I'm also a big fan of comfort food

 

[wishful]

I walk up to him give him a big hug and say in a sweet voice "awwww baby....you have your cranky pants on today! How come?" and then he usually laughs...

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Add me to the "leave him be" group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that "stressful career" is synonomous with "lots o'' grump". DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

 

[choro72]

Please keep this thread going. I have so much to learn. I know that logically it''s best to leave him alone, but I take things so personally that I get p1ssed off. I hate it when men sulk.

 

[aprilcait]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:31:43 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Add me to the ''leave him be'' group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that ''stressful career'' is synonomous with ''lots o'' grump''. DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

Haha! NewEngladlady, I am definitely guilty of your do-not-do list. I am sooo bad about #2. I can''t stand not knowing what''s bothering him. It drives me bonkers... I''m a "talk about it" kind of person. I''ll start the day strong - not pestering to tell me what''s wrong - then I wind up caving by the end of the day and doing your #2 and after he refuses to talk about it, I''m #3.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:23:46 PM
Author: wishful
I walk up to him give him a big hug and say in a sweet voice ''awwww baby....you have your cranky pants on today! How come?'' and then he usually laughs...

OMG I am SO going to try this next time hahaha

NEL - we probably all needs lessons from you...I am guilty of all 3 on your list.

 

[joflier]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:31:43 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Add me to the ''leave him be'' group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that ''stressful career'' is synonomous with ''lots o'' grump''. DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

You know I did this from time to time......and he got mad.....so I ceased asking......and then a day later he was upset, because I didn''t ask what was wrong......sigh - seriously!

 

[Bia]

He's not usually the brooding sort but when he is in a funk, I'll just let him be and make him something nice for dinner. If that doesn't work, I'll lay the good 'ol guilt-trip and that usually does the trick.

 

[radiantquest]

i try to talk to him about things i know that he likes to talk about even though i dont have any real interest, if that doesnt work and he still snarls then i let him be. he is that kind of guy, the ones who always "want to be left alone" when hes upset. after some time he usually comes around. sometimes i think he just needs decompression time

when i am down or grouchy i like to be cooed at. i want him to ask me what my issue is, listen to it, and then tell me it will be ok because.... he knows this is protocol for one of my moods so it is pretty easy for him.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:01:51 PM
Author: aprilcait

Date: 8/5/2008 3:31:43 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Add me to the ''leave him be'' group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that ''stressful career'' is synonomous with ''lots o'' grump''. DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

Haha! NewEngladlady, I am definitely guilty of your do-not-do list. I am sooo bad about #2. I can''t stand not knowing what''s bothering him. It drives me bonkers... I''m a ''talk about it'' kind of person. I''ll start the day strong - not pestering to tell me what''s wrong - then I wind up caving by the end of the day and doing your #2 and after he refuses to talk about it, I''m #3.

Haha, I feel your pain. I used to ask what was wrong, then get a "nothing" response. Which drove me nuts. "Nothing" means "I don''t want to talk about it". I knew it, I just bulldozed right past it. So I''d say "What do you mean ''nothing'', you''re obvoiusly upset/annoyed/frustrated/insert other synonyms here". This went downhill fast with me being increasingly annoyed with his inability to communicate and him being increasingly annoyed with my inability to drop it. In the end, he woud nearly always discuss it, just not when I asked.

I know that grumpiness is a part of life, I just hate the tension it brings. The good thing is that it ALWAYS goes away!

 

[radiantquest]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:05:30 PM
Author: claudinam

Date: 8/5/2008 3:23:46 PM
Author: wishful
I walk up to him give him a big hug and say in a sweet voice ''awwww baby....you have your cranky pants on today! How come?'' and then he usually laughs...

OMG I am SO going to try this next time hahaha

NEL - we probably all needs lessons from you...I am guilty of all 3 on your list.

i asked mine what he would think if i asked about his cranky pants and he said that it would make him more grumpy. lol.
maybe the next time he says somethin to irritate me i will pull out the cranky pants and see how he likes it. mu wahahah

 

[aprilcait]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:23:46 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 8/5/2008 4:01:51 PM
Author: aprilcait

Date: 8/5/2008 3:31:43 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Add me to the ''leave him be'' group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that ''stressful career'' is synonomous with ''lots o'' grump''. DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

Haha! NewEngladlady, I am definitely guilty of your do-not-do list. I am sooo bad about #2. I can''t stand not knowing what''s bothering him. It drives me bonkers... I''m a ''talk about it'' kind of person. I''ll start the day strong - not pestering to tell me what''s wrong - then I wind up caving by the end of the day and doing your #2 and after he refuses to talk about it, I''m #3.

Haha, I feel your pain. I used to ask what was wrong, then get a ''nothing'' response. Which drove me nuts. ''Nothing'' means ''I don''t want to talk about it''. I knew it, I just bulldozed right past it. So I''d say ''What do you mean ''nothing'', you''re obvoiusly upset/annoyed/frustrated/insert other synonyms here''. This went downhill fast with me being increasingly annoyed with his inability to communicate and him being increasingly annoyed with my inability to drop it. In the end, he woud nearly always discuss it, just not when I asked.

I know that grumpiness is a part of life, I just hate the tension it brings. The good thing is that it ALWAYS goes away!

That''s exactly what I am dealing with. I can be such a stubborn PITA.

 

[WishfulThinking]

I struggled with this with FI. We both have a lot of grumpy days, being students and all.

Then, one day, when she was really freaking and starting to get on my nerves with her lashing out, I went over to my desk, got out a piece of lined notebook paper and a sharpie, and wrote "hey, meanie, it''s not my fault that your professor is a jerk. don''t grumpyface at me =( " I folded it into an airplane and threw it at her, but since it was a pathetic airplane it tanked halfway between us. We both started laughing hysterically and then she got over it and stopped taking it out on me.

We still do that now, and replace the professor thing with whatever is the cause of the grump. If we don''t know, we just say "hey meanie, don''t be a grumpyface" with the sad face next to it.

It sounds stupid, but since it''s funny and cute it breaks up the tension.

 

[wishful]

Well 90% of what gets my s/o in a bad mood is the News. So I''ve forbidden him to listen to his depressing radio news shows and reading his obscure internet news sites. Now he only gets to do it one day a week. haha...

I mean I''m glad he''s paying attention to what''s going on in the world and I''m so grateful he understands finance, politics and the economy etc...(becasue I sure as heck don''t) but there''s only so much we can do about it and until there comes a day that we are going to make a serious personal change in regards to it all, then I just tell him it''s out of our hands and we just have to be responsible and do our best to enjoy life.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:45:19 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
I struggled with this with FI. We both have a lot of grumpy days, being students and all.

Then, one day, when she was really freaking and starting to get on my nerves with her lashing out, I went over to my desk, got out a piece of lined notebook paper and a sharpie, and wrote ''hey, meanie, it''s not my fault that your professor is a jerk. don''t grumpyface at me =( '' I folded it into an airplane and threw it at her, but since it was a pathetic airplane it tanked halfway between us. We both started laughing hysterically and then she got over it and stopped taking it out on me.

We still do that now, and replace the professor thing with whatever is the cause of the grump. If we don''t know, we just say ''hey meanie, don''t be a grumpyface'' with the sad face next to it.

It sounds stupid, but since it''s funny and cute it breaks up the tension.

That is beyond cute! I love it. I usually slip notes under the door when he''s in the bathroom like "I love you!" or "Please use the spray" but just to hear him crack up. We now have gotten into the habit of doing that and he''ll slip "ewww" notes under or I''ll do "hope everything comes out alright"

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 8/5/2008 4:52:26 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 8/5/2008 4:45:19 PM

Author: WishfulThinking

I struggled with this with FI. We both have a lot of grumpy days, being students and all.

Then, one day, when she was really freaking and starting to get on my nerves with her lashing out, I went over to my desk, got out a piece of lined notebook paper and a sharpie, and wrote ''hey, meanie, it''s not my fault that your professor is a jerk. don''t grumpyface at me =( '' I folded it into an airplane and threw it at her, but since it was a pathetic airplane it tanked halfway between us. We both started laughing hysterically and then she got over it and stopped taking it out on me.


We still do that now, and replace the professor thing with whatever is the cause of the grump. If we don''t know, we just say ''hey meanie, don''t be a grumpyface'' with the sad face next to it.


It sounds stupid, but since it''s funny and cute it breaks up the tension.

That is beyond cute! I love it. I usually slip notes under the door when he''s in the bathroom like ''I love you!'' or ''Please use the spray'' but just to hear him crack up. We now have gotten into the habit of doing that and he''ll slip ''ewww'' notes under or I''ll do ''hope everything comes out alright''

HAHA, that cracks me up!! We have definitely done the apology under the door of the bathroom thing, especially since both of us like to take showers when we''re upset to help wind down. It is sort of awkward, though, when you have shared dorm showers and you are running into the bathroom to slide a note into the shower stall and someone else walks in. Oops!

 

[trinity911]

it depends on what you think has caused his grumpiness. As a cliinical psychologist currently working with kids, I''d use the same techniques I recommend to parents

i.e.
- what do you think the behaviour is communicating?
If you think it''s to do with being upset, offer a hug / massage / favourite meal but if he turns it down or snarls, say something like ''I''ll talk to you when you''re calmer'' and walk away. don''t reinforce the grumpiness but at the same time, let him know you''re there whenever he decides to play nice. Then, as others have said, occupy yourself and take yourself out of his striking distance. this works a treat with my FI who''s probably the grumpiest person I know.

As for me, when I''m grumpy it''s usually cos I''ve had a hard day or difficult clients and I go for the hug and massage every time

 

[ladypirate]

We have a code--if one of us is in a bad mood, the other one will say "you''re being grunky!" (a combination of cranky and grumpy) and usually that will help lighten the mood a bit. Although ever since we watched Finding Nemo, Kris thinks it''s hilarious to say "Hey Ms. Grumpy Gills" if I''m in a bad mood. The look on his face when he says it is just priceless--I usually start cracking up almost immediately.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/5/2008 3:31:43 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Add me to the ''leave him be'' group.

DH used to have a stressful career and we all know that ''stressful career'' is synonomous with ''lots o'' grump''. DH now stays at home wth the dog, so I haven''t witnessed any grumpiness for a LONG time. I don''t think he nor I would handle grumpy anymore, haha.

Things I learned NOT to do:
1. Tell him how annoying his grumpiness is.
2. Ask him (repeatedly) why he''s so grumpy.
3. Become equally grumpy.

I''ve tried all of these tactics to no avail

LOL! And ditto as usual NEL!

DH''s current job is super stressful and he has to be in an office all day every day which he hates. I''ve learned these three lessons as well. It''s only taken me 18 years to figure them out!

And aprilcait, to answer you...Lingere seems to help a great deal!

 

[KimberlyH]

DH and I require totally different reactions to our grumpiness. I want to be left alone to work it out myself, he likes to be coddled. Coddling is not easy for me, but I do my best. Usually a "POOR YOU!" said in an exaggerated tone with a hug and a kiss to follow turns his mood around. He''s a pretty easy going guy.

 

[Hera]

Date: 8/5/2008 5:17:33 PM
Author: ladypirate
We have a code--if one of us is in a bad mood, the other one will say ''you''re being grunky!'' (a combination of cranky and grumpy) and usually that will help lighten the mood a bit. Although ever since we watched Finding Nemo, Kris thinks it''s hilarious to say ''Hey Ms. Grumpy Gills'' if I''m in a bad mood. The look on his face when he says it is just priceless--I usually start cracking up almost immediately.

My hubby says Grumpy Gills to me too

 

[babysteps]

You can''t get my grumpy Irishman out of a bad mood - I used to try cheering up/cute things etc. but never worked and then I would get ticked off from making an effort and getting grouchy responses in return. Have to say that he is rarely grumpy anymore - it is hard to stay in a bad mood with little kids in the house, they are just too darn funny! But when work gets to him, etc., I . . .
** leave him be
** do not comment that there are 3 TVs on throughout the house w/ Sports Center or equivalent on

** make his favorite meal
Sounds very ''50s I guess but it works!

 

[aprilcait]

Date: 8/5/2008 8:56:05 PM
Author: babysteps
You can't get my grumpy Irishman out of a bad mood - I used to try cheering up/cute things etc. but never worked and then I would get ticked off from making an effort and getting grouchy responses in return. Have to say that he is rarely grumpy anymore - it is hard to stay in a bad mood with little kids in the house, they are just too darn funny! But when work gets to him, etc., I . . .
** leave him be
** do not comment that there are 3 TVs on throughout the house w/ Sports Center or equivalent on

** make his favorite meal
Sounds very '50s I guess but it works!

Uh oh! Sounds like my Irish ancestry bit me it the rump with that one. I am seriously obnoxious when I'm in a grumpy mood and nothing will get me out of it; I just have to kind of wear myself out I guess. Usually my foul moods are hormone related (man is pregnancy going to be fun

), so there's definitely some staying power to them. Even though I find my own sour moods annoying I realize that it's definitely far more trying for everyone else (mainly DH).

To make things even more fun

even though I know I get in grumpy moods, I have a heck of time dealing with other people's moodiness. I find grumpiness to be contagious, so I guess it's like when you're on a plane and hear someone two rows back coughing up a storm... you get all miffed knowing that their cold is contagious and you're stuck in a flying petree dish with their germs flying around you. You just know you're going to get sick and it's going to be all their fault. Then again... maybe it's just be.