Hmm what does this mean?

[Grlsbestfrnd]

So the other day I was speaking to my bf''s brother and I was laughing about how bf changes his mind so much about things (all silly small things). His brother started laughing with me and naming things that he''s seen him change his mind about and the last thing on the list was... "and when he said he was going to propose right after he graduated." That was a year ago...

I don''t know exactly why but I got completely depressed when I heard that. What changed his mind? We still talk about our wedding one day and how we''d like it to be so I know he still wants to marry me. I don''t know, something about that statement made me feel weird. I''m probably being silly.

Has anyone ever been through something like this?


P.S. His brother and I are really close so he didn''t say that to make me think my bf wasn''t going to propose; in case it sounded like that at all.

 

[Indylady]

His brother might have said that because, he meaning your boyfriend''s brother, thought it might be ridiculous to get engaged straight out of school. I''m near graduation, and I hear a lot of people that are ok with it, but also lots more that thing its weird to be engaged right after school. So, maybe your SO mentioned it casually, and your SO''s brother thought it was a wild idea. I think if it was anything serious to change your SO''s mind from a time when he was seriously thinking of an impending arrangement, his brother wouldn''t have joked about it. Sometimes we start to make plans only to realize they aren''t feasible or a good idea for one reason or another, one logistical reason for another. I don''t think your future brother in law would joked about it if it was serious.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi Grlsbestfrnd,

Sticker shock upon seeing the price of engagement rings can be wicked

, especialy if he has a realy fancy one in mind. My BF told me himself iast spring that he had wanted to propose the previous winter, but couldn''t afford a ring and was realy confused about what type of ring to get me. I gave him another year, and then took care of the details myself

.

The convention seems to be that men are supposed to psychic and pick out the absolutely most perfect ring in the world (to some extent no matter the cost) and then surprise the fiancee with it in the most romantic way ever imagined. - A little pressure don''tcha think?

Have you provided him with hints on what kind of a ring you''d like (stone shape and size, setting metal, setting style, your ring size, type of gemstone if you don''t like diamonds etc.). Does he know you want to be engaged sooner than later?

Best of luck!

 

[mary poppins]

If you like bf enough that you want to marry him, and you''ve already talked about such plans for the future, you really should be at a stage where you feel you can discuss anything. Why don''t you just ask him rather than speculate? You are going to have to address more difficult topics and decisions in the future. His response could be enlightening and you could move forward together from there.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I think I agree with Mary Poppins - I wouldn''t put too much stock in what your bf''s brother said - though I''m sure that it stung (I would have been kind of hurt by it too!) but talking to your bf about your actual expectations for your future is always a good idea!

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Yeah, I think I''m probably just getting antsy so it hurt me a little more than it should have. We''ve been dating for almost 6 years now and talking about marriage for around 3 so I think the waiting is getting to me. I''m gonna ask him about it but I''m not really sure how to bring the subject up without sounding pushy. Any suggestions?

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/1/2010 3:14:21 PM
Author: Grlsbestfrnd
Yeah, I think I''m probably just getting antsy so it hurt me a little more than it should have. We''ve been dating for almost 6 years now and talking about marriage for around 3 so I think the waiting is getting to me. I''m gonna ask him about it but I''m not really sure how to bring the subject up without sounding pushy. Any suggestions?

I would first get past the idea that wanting to talk about each others future needs and wants is *pushy*. In a relationship each of your wants and needs are equally important. There are times they may conflict, but, this is where couples grow together by learning how to work together.

You really should not fear bringing *any* subject up if you are intending to marry to be honest...and after 6 years it is not pushy to sit down and discuss your life together. Talking about it is not the same as delivering ultimatums!

The worst that can happen is you find out you are not on the same page. That would not change by not talking about it, and at least now you can make decisions with all the information out there.

All you have to do is say "BF, I would like to talk about marriage. I know we have talked about it a few times and I understand you are interested in marrying me, as I am interested in marrying you, and I would like to talk a bit more about when you see us getting married. I know I would like to be married to you in a year or two, and would like to hear your thoughts".