OCgirl
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2011
- Messages
- 509
kenny|1319646951|3048042 said:It is very difficult to not interfere and just sit by and watch when loved ones grow and learn by making their own mistakes but IMHO there is no alternative.
It's not that I don't care.
It's that I understand boundaries.
If you were a therapist and this person came to you for help that would be different.
There certainly are times when helping out a friend is appropriate, but this is the kind of stuff they have to work out themselves.
Falling for this guy is not the problem; it is only a symptom of the problem.
If you were to somehow prevent the wedding (good luck) the problem itself would remain, and will just generate other symptoms for YOU to fix, over and over, forever.
Well said, Kenny.
People make mistakes. People make mistakes ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships. I suppose relationships are soft spots for a lot of people. They just don't know how to end it.
I had/have (we don't speak too often anymore) a friend who was dating a married man. I was VERY upfront about it when she called me a million times to talk about her problems. I told her I do not support her actions. I told her she's hurting herself. Eventually she got really upset at me and I think it damaged our friendship. She broke up with him a few years later and are happily married now. But the damage was done.
I have (still speaking) a really good friend who is currently dating a guy who verbally and sometimes physically abuse her. She came from a verbally abusive family (her dad). Most of her past relationships were abusive (verbally, physically or both). She can't seem to get out of that trend. So I do agree with other posters that the issue is not the guy, the issue is the girl herself. The issue is deeply rooted and it's not as easy as talking her out of it. I think I learned my lesson and try to be supportive (as much as I can). Once you realize the problem is not the guy, it's easier for you to be supportive and just be there for her. That's all a friend can do, in my opinion.