Have you ever done the opposite of what you imagined?

[MonkeyPie]

I'm consistently inconsistent.

Hahaha, this is perfect. Me too!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Haha, I thought I wouldn't marry until I was at least 30, and spend my 20's being a raging bachelorette.
Instead I was engaged at the age of 21...to the guy I've been dating since 18.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

In a recent thread many posters were quick to offer (harsh) advice. I started wondering if anyone has done the opposite of what they imagined. Maybe it in a work situation, maybe how you raise your children, or your romantic relationship. So have you ever done or said the opposite of what you imagined?

I'm really surprised that people were quick to label the above-referenced posters as "harsh." At worst, they advised the OP to leave her cheating spouse. At best, they said that they themselves would leave their hypothetically cheating spouse. I'm all for giving gentle advice, and I admire the people that are willing to give their spouse a second chance, but to call the posters who thought otherwise harsh

No one can say with certainty what they would do in any given situation. People should consider that when they post hypotheticals

To answer this OP's question: Probably, but none that I can think of. Most of life's surprises have been the type I can't control

I did feel *some* were harsh and it was inappropriate to joke in her thread. Obviously none of us knew the entire situation so to give quick "advice" sometimes does more harm than good. She needed support. She needed to be heard. She did not need to be judged. As the above-referenced poster AND the OP I was curious to see who had done the opposite than what they thought but maybe are quick to judge. Human nature is so interesting.

 

[lyra]

Well, I did the opposite of what I thought I would do when it mattered the most, but at least I learned something. I'm very clinical and I always believed I'd be fine in a crisis. As a mother of course I'd gone through worst case scenarios a million times in my mind and learned as much as I could about things like CPR and basic first aid in case the kids ever needed it. All well and good until the day a few years ago when my HUSBAND cut his hand badly! I completely froze and went into my own state of shock. I actually had to phone my oldest daughter to come home and help. The first and only thing I'd said to him was "I should call an ambulance.", but he said no don't do that it'll be fine. It wasn't, he required stitches and surgery later. So I learned not to count on myself in an emergency because my first response is to freeze. Basically I stood around speechless! Ugh.

 

[Haven]

I have done so many things that are the opposite of of what I imagined.

I became a teacher. I imagined I would be a rock star.
I married a Jewish American man from Chicago, and bought a house with him close to home on the North Shore. I always imagined I would marry a foreign man, and definitely a non-Jew, and we would live in another country with a very different way of life. (I'm Jewish, so please don't go nuts after reading this. I just always imagined I'd marry someone of a different religion.)
I love steak. I was raised as a vegetarian, and always imagined I would be a vegetarian for life. And then I tried I hamburger.

These are just the big things. There are probably a million small things that could fit, too.

I'm interested in hearing what people have done in life *just* as they imagined they would.

 

[kelpie]

If I give candid or harsh advice it is usually based on personal experience and reflects what I wish I had done. Hindsight is 20/20. I am about to be the housewife in a foreign land, and let me tell you that is SO different than anything I ever imagined in my life or what I thought my fiance would end up doing. Here I'm gone 15 hours a day with a high octane job and the most exotic locale I have visited to date is Nova Scotia, and we are being sent to Tanzania.

 

[Trekkie]

Oh, yes. All the time.

I won't ever marry the first man I sleep with - I did and that ended up in divorce.
I won't ever drink or do drugs - I did and I became addicted, so I stopped.
I won't ever eat pork (a lifetime of religious conditioning from both sides of my family) - my SO introduced me to bacon about 18 months ago and OMG! Where has it been all my life?!
I won't give up my career for a man - I gave up a great IT career and a huge salary and a beautiful home and a fast car to move half way across the country to be a poor student in the sleepy little town my SO works in... Nearly a full year before we became engaged. I have no regrets about that one.

Life is full of surprises.

 

[Indylady]

I've learned the moment I start saying "never," life steps in and starts teaching me lessons.

I keep my mouth shut now. These lessons are too hard on my heart.

+1 I am cautious with my words.

ETA: I realize the thread title is "imagined".

 

[Imdanny]

Yes.

 

[swingirl]

My girlfriend and I were comparing notes on our ideal man and I said I'd never be attracted to balding, red hair and freckles——married for 28 years. Need I say more?

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm not sure what thread sparked this one, Tacori, but I'm curious.

Haven -- my husband thought he'd be a rock star too. He played guitar for YEARS and he was really into heavy metal when he was in high school. He didn't want anything to do school because he was on his way to getting a recording contract. Why would he need an education? Let's just say that his dream never happened and now he works in IT.

 

[ksinger]

I can only speak for myself, but if/when I give "harsh" advice, it usually stems from personal experience. Like, been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and it's an ugly color. DON'T do it because.....

Oh, yes, I've done some things I said I'd NEVER do. One that I will tell about, is that I would NEVER give my (now) husband the time of day after our last parting. Then 5 years later, he wrote an apology, and I forgave him instantly. Didn't get back together right away, but I forgave him without a second thought. So I found I have powers of forgiveness I didn't know I had. I swore I'd hate him forever. Now we're married. And that's just one area where my life took a very unexpected and circuitous route, and I did something I thought I wouldn't. My life is fair littered with such incidents by now.

So I've learned not to say "never".

 

[dragonfly411]

I swore I'd never wear yellow gold. WRONG

I swore I wouldn't stay in an abusive relationship. WRONG - although to give myself the benefit of the doubt here, there was a LOT of mind control going on.

I'll never be a rebound - double WRONG

I'll never want to do anything other than train horses - WRONG I am going to be a dietician

I told myself I'd never own reptiles again - I now have two turtles

I told myself I'd never date a younger guy - SO is a year and a half younger

 

[Nashville]

I said I wouldn't be married before 30, but I beat that milestone. I said I'd never go to community college and did because I wanted to work in a hospital and they had the best programs.

Big stuff though, I've remained pretty steadfast to what I want to do or what's best for me (cheating included). Call me stubborn!

 

[House Cat]

I have done so many things that are the opposite of of what I imagined.

I became a teacher. I imagined I would be a rock star.
I married a Jewish American man from Chicago, and bought a house with him close to home on the North Shore. I always imagined I would marry a foreign man, and definitely a non-Jew, and we would live in another country with a very different way of life. (I'm Jewish, so please don't go nuts after reading this. I just always imagined I'd marry someone of a different religion.)
I love steak. I was raised as a vegetarian, and always imagined I would be a vegetarian for life. And then I tried I hamburger.

These are just the big things. There are probably a million small things that could fit, too.

I'm interested in hearing what people have done in life *just* as they imagined they would.

I thought I'd be a rock star too. Now I'm a SAHM. How'd THAT happen?


I'm still a rock star in the car though. shhhh...

 

[Circe]

I always said I would never, ever, ever be financially dependent on a man.

However, my husband's near-socialist ideals about money in marriage have started to percolate: he firmly believes that it's not "my" money and "your" money but "our" money. I'm currently struggling with the choice of whether to force us to go to a place we both dislike for a job that I love, but that couldn't pay our combined bills (with the additional question of whether he can even find work out there, much less something as high-paying and interesting as what he does now), or whether we should stick with his cool job in a place we both love and I ... cobble something together.

I'm an academic, so the options are pretty slim on the ground: adjuncting, I bring in just about enough to cover my half of the rent. I feel like a leech. But ... I'm kind of a happy leech, living in a place that makes me smile, surrounded by family and friends, doing things that I love.

Don't you just hate it when your principles conflict with your desires?

 

[Autumnovember]

I *HOPE* that I never ever move from Philadelphia. I *hope* I can really stick to that one and nothing gets in the way.

 

[dragonfly411]

Autumn - I WILL NEVER move out of FL. That I will say and firmly, I couldn't leave here.

 

[princesss]

I always said I would never, ever, ever be financially dependent on a man.

However, my husband's near-socialist ideals about money in marriage have started to percolate: he firmly believes that it's not "my" money and "your" money but "our" money. I'm currently struggling with the choice of whether to force us to go to a place we both dislike for a job that I love, but that couldn't pay our combined bills (with the additional question of whether he can even find work out there, much less something as high-paying and interesting as what he does now), or whether we should stick with his cool job in a place we both love and I ... cobble something together.

I'm an academic, so the options are pretty slim on the ground: adjuncting, I bring in just about enough to cover my half of the rent. I feel like a leech. But ... I'm kind of a happy leech, living in a place that makes me smile, surrounded by family and friends, doing things that I love.

Don't you just hate it when your principles conflict with your desires?

Circe, I cracked up at the bolded line.

And yes, I absolutely hate it when my principles are at odd with my desires.

 

[kama_s]

When I moved to North America 9 years ago for university, life here was so different that I vowed I'd never do some of the things that were against my principles at that time. Things that flew out the window:

- never move in with a guy before marriage: this didn't happen too easily, I agreed to it when I felt it was right for me.
- never drink or smoke: yeah, check and check.
- keep pursuing higher education: had my fill with an MSc. at age 26!

I don't think I've made silly vows since. I've come to realize that life is fluid and dynamic, and that's the only way one can live to the fullest. Ofcourse, I am still true to my core principles, so it's nice to know some things don't change.

 

[TravelingGal]

I said I'd go diving over my dead body. Then 2 years later, I got certified to dive because I wanted to dive the Great Barrier Reef.

In college, I thought I'd always only date Koreans. I married a white guy.

Marathons are for masochists. I've run two.

Will never, ever let the kid eat anywhere but the dining table. Didn't expect a kid who just wouldn't eat and I didn't care how she did it as long as she did.

 

[monarch64]

I don't recall ever making any vows, or saying "I'll never" to anything, really. I had parents who were so very restrictive and loving that all these sorts of rules were made for me...I'm not saying that that was a horrible upbringing at all, they had the absolute best intentions for my brother and me, but there was no room for me to make my own judgments.

I guess one would be that I never imagined I would allow myself to be a double digit size. I'm now a size 10.

Maybe another one would be that I would get married...I've been married once, divorced, and am engaged to be married again.

While I'm on that note, another one would be that I never thought I'd have children, and at this point I've met the man I can truly see myself bearing children with and am very happy about it, and it has nothing to do with timing and everything to do with how I see our family interacting in the future.

Wow. I'm starting to realize that I HAVE absolutely said "I will never" to a lot of things.

The rest are really private, but thanks to Tacori e-Ring for starting this thread, it's made me think!

 

[Imdanny]

I swore I'd never wear yellow gold. WRONG

 

[geckodani]

I imagined I would marry early and have kids right away. Married at 24 (still fairly early) 4 years later still no plans for bambinos for another year or two.

I imagined I would move away from MI (it's so freaking COLD). DH took the bar here and so here we will stay. I have no desire to survive another bar exam.

I imagined I would get married in the winter wearing. I had this whole ice theme concept. Even though I hate the cold. Whatever. I got married on Maui in August.

In High School I swore I would NEVER cut my hair (was past my waist). It's maybe 2" long and spikey. And I like it that way.

I swore I'd never tolerate an abusive relationship. But I did. Never again. And that one I will keep. But mostly because of the lessons I learned on the first go 'round.

I dated really tall men almost exclusively. I married a man that's barely 3" taller than me. In shoes.

There are a bajillion more I'm sure. Life has a way of taking you in different directions than you imagine.

 

[lovemybling]

I've learned the moment I start saying "never," life steps in and starts teaching me lessons.

I keep my mouth shut now. These lessons are too hard on my heart.

This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading through this thread. Never say Never. The universe LOVES to make me eat my words.

 

[waxing lyrical]

I imagined that I would never, ever leave my faith. That I was so strong in my faith and dedicated to it. I firmly believed it was forever part of the fabric of my being and that I would never backslide or become like the others (backslidden Christians or "unbelievers").

And here I am an apostate/skeptic three years later.

 

[rosetta]

I never say never and never will.

 

[elrohwen]

So far in my life, no, I haven't done the opposite of what I expected. However, I have often *thought* the opposite of what I used to think. I used to think adultery would mean an immediate break up, but now I'm not sure anymore. I can't think of other good examples at the moment, but there are plenty of things that I used to think one way about, but as I have aged and had more experiences I've come around to a different way of thinking. None of those situations has really happened to me though, which is why I haven't necessarily acted differently than expected.

 

[princesss]

Yesterday I would have told you there was nothing that would make me open up the lines of communication with my ex, nothing that would make me voluntarily call him or be his friend. But it turns out there are some things in life that trump break ups, and five and a half years of being close to a person has to come before the weirdness that a break up can create.