Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2002
- Messages
- 31,003
I should preface this by saying that my Mom and I have always had a good relationship. Sometimes better than other times but overall we are quite close.
She was a single parent until I was almost 8. She worked 2 jobs for years to help support us. I always knew that it might have been a little more rough on her than someone with 2 parents or a larger family, but thankfully she had my Grandma to help her out as well.
While I knew in my mind that she had gone the extra mile and I already had respect for her--it wasn't until I became a Mom myself that I really started to GET what her life must have entailed. Greg was gone for a week for work while J was 3 months old and every night after the baby was asleep I sat down and thought about how quiet and lonely the house felt--there was no one to share milestones with or just chat about my day. While I also appreciated the silence after a busy day--I also thought.. Gee this is what my Mom sat down to every single night for 8 years.
It struck me the other day while driving home (random!) how our lives have changed, how you KNOW that they will change but that you don't really get how until it's happened and you are looking back and marveling at it. And how it's almost impossible to keep your life from revolving around the baby or babies because they are so completely 1000% dependent on you. There's no 'do I want to do this today'...there is only 'I need to do this today' when it comes to baby care.
And then I had another thought which was... Gee when J is 15 or 20 or 25 or 30 he will be looking back on his childhood and judging how well he thinks we did based on how he turned out. Not even realizing or even appreciating all the thousands of little things that we did 'for him', in his 'best interests'...day in and day out...nor should he be expected to realize it since again you can't really comprehend... until he became a parent himself.
All this to say... that while I respected my Mom before, I love and respect her even more now that I realize every little thing she had to go through and how hard it must have been to be that single, unmarried woman at age 25 trying to make ends meet for her and her little girl. Even if I don't agree with everything she did/does or every decision she made, I think having this understanding makes me a better person, and better daughter.
Has anyone else reached this kind of strange epiphany after becoming a parent?
She was a single parent until I was almost 8. She worked 2 jobs for years to help support us. I always knew that it might have been a little more rough on her than someone with 2 parents or a larger family, but thankfully she had my Grandma to help her out as well.
While I knew in my mind that she had gone the extra mile and I already had respect for her--it wasn't until I became a Mom myself that I really started to GET what her life must have entailed. Greg was gone for a week for work while J was 3 months old and every night after the baby was asleep I sat down and thought about how quiet and lonely the house felt--there was no one to share milestones with or just chat about my day. While I also appreciated the silence after a busy day--I also thought.. Gee this is what my Mom sat down to every single night for 8 years.
It struck me the other day while driving home (random!) how our lives have changed, how you KNOW that they will change but that you don't really get how until it's happened and you are looking back and marveling at it. And how it's almost impossible to keep your life from revolving around the baby or babies because they are so completely 1000% dependent on you. There's no 'do I want to do this today'...there is only 'I need to do this today' when it comes to baby care.
And then I had another thought which was... Gee when J is 15 or 20 or 25 or 30 he will be looking back on his childhood and judging how well he thinks we did based on how he turned out. Not even realizing or even appreciating all the thousands of little things that we did 'for him', in his 'best interests'...day in and day out...nor should he be expected to realize it since again you can't really comprehend... until he became a parent himself.
All this to say... that while I respected my Mom before, I love and respect her even more now that I realize every little thing she had to go through and how hard it must have been to be that single, unmarried woman at age 25 trying to make ends meet for her and her little girl. Even if I don't agree with everything she did/does or every decision she made, I think having this understanding makes me a better person, and better daughter.
Has anyone else reached this kind of strange epiphany after becoming a parent?