Guest dynamic at wedding

[jjc]

FI and I are aiming for a relaxed reception that just feels like a party, and I was really hoping for an environment that makes everyone feel comfortable to let loose and have a blast. But, FI and I aren't really 'group' people, which means that many of our friends won't really know each other at the wedding. I know that everyone we'd be inviting is someone that is truly happy for us, but I was wondering whether that would significantly affect the level of fun everyone has. Of course the most important part of the day is that we will be married, but I'd like it to be a true (and raucous

) celebration of that. Most of the weddings I've been to were comprised of the bride and groom's respective 'groups,' so obviously there was an extra level of shared memories, inside jokes, etc. But for the ladies who have been through it already, did anybody have a wedding that didn't involve a guestlist that already had known each other for years? Did people still get into it and let loose with each other? ETA - or for those whose guests were already all friends, do you think that *made* the party? I'd love to hear everyone's stories

tia!

 

[Londongirl1]

I''ve been to a few weddings were I haven''t known many people but that didn''t stop me enjoying myself and getting to know people as the evening progressed. It will all be fine so don''t worry about it

 

[Haven]

My friends don''t all know each other and our wedding was a blast, regardless.

I''ve been to a rehearsal dinner where the couple''s closest friends made a bunch of trivia cards about the couple and put them in the middle of the tables. This gave the guests a fun, easy way to break the ice. (The cards had fun questions like "Which of the following was the groom''s most embarrassing moment?" with multiple-choice options on the back.) I can totally see that being a fun thing to help loosen people up at your wedding.

 

[katamari]

DH and I have several groups of friends as a result from moving all over for school. I also have some complications in my family due to death/divorce/etc. Our guests really didn''t know one another. We thought about putting people at tables according to who we thought would like one another or have things to talk about, but we decided instead to group them by how we knew them. It didn''t get people mingling terribly, but a conversation of greater than 6 or so becomes cumbersome or unmanageable anyways.

I generally love events that have a mixer deal where I can meet new people, but there are certainly times when I am felling more introverted and would not enjoy it. What do you think your friends and family would like?

 

[Elmorton]

We mixed up our tables, even though there were "groups." Some tables didn''t gel, others had a fabulous time - but every last person over the age of 21 and under the age of 40 ended up going out on the town together after we left, so I suppose that''s a success. Remember, your friends are adults - they can figure out how to converse and meet new people

 

[jjc]

Well, I really wanted to have just three long tables, one for each family and then one for us + friends (trying to keep the wedding pretty small), and I know that everyone will have a great time talking during dinner so no worries there. I guess I''ve just been feeling kinda bummed that I won''t have the ''huge group of friends'' fun, for dancing and such after dinner. Most of our friends have met each other, and since there isn''t one central group, maybe that''ll help? The weddings I''ve attended where nearly everyone else was in ''the group'' were kind of not as fun for me, KWIM? I just don''t want anyone to feel like they''re not really part of the party, or the only ones not getting all the in jokes, etc.

Haven - Hearing that your wedding was a blast despite your friends not all knowing each other was a huge relief, thank you!

Both our ceremony and reception will be at the same venue, and it''s the kind of place that would be such a terrible waste if a raging party isn''t had

 

[noelwr]

I wouldn''t worry about it. where we could, we would seat people who knew each other (even if they only met once) together. we had one table which was our out-of-town-guests, which are our friends from back home, and we mixed it up with cousins who are the same age.

people will get up and walk around, go smoke outside and convene in there own little groups regardless where you seat them.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

It probably also has to do with the type of personality your friends have. If they are all quiet types AND don''t really know each other you may need to work a little harder (or get them a little drunker) to get the party going. But if a portion are naturally extroverted, then they will probably draw the others out too. Personally I''m kind of shy about dancing and need a friend to get me out there, lol.

My wedding was kind of "groupy" in that we had a sizeable college cohort that was really close, so people were dancing and singing the second dinner was over, haha. Party ended at the venue at midnight, and we continued on at the hotel until 3am after the best man made a beer run.

 

[elrohwen]

Hmmm, we definitely had a group dynamic going. There was a small group of my high school friends, a large group of our college friends (some from our major, some that DH lived with, but all knew each other more or less) and a large group of our current friends that work with DH. There were a few people who didn't really know people, and they were absolutely much quieter and danced less than the people who were part of the groups. There's just a comfort level about letting go, drinking, and dancing like crazy that is hard to arrive at with people who don't know each other.

My friend's wedding in July was just a handful of people who didn't know each other (they also had a lot of older relatives) and the only people out there dancing most of the night were the bride and her siblings. Kind of boring for the rest of us who didn't know anybody (even though I was there with a two other girls I knew and their dates). It didn't help that there was a cash bar so we were all very sober

ETA: I'm sure your wedding will be a blast! Though depending on the personality of people you invite, it might not be a crazy dance party if people don't know each other.

 

[zipzapgirl]

Here are my tips:

1) Try to have an event or two prior to the wedding where some of the random people can meet each other. This is great if it is somehow interactive, not just a cocktail party where you have to make conversation. Our wedding was over a long weekend, so people went on day trips with us if they wanted, randomly saw each other in the small town where the wedding was located and ate dinner and had drinks for the two nights before the wedding. By the time the wedding rolled around, they were having a blast, not talking about get to know you questions. Even if this is just a few showers, a random miniature golf night, or the bachelorette party, it makes people more comfortable.

2) Make sure there is plenty of alcohol. If you want dancing, make sure the bar is opened right on time and keeps serving drinks at a good pace.

3) Make sure the DJ is playing the right music. Tell him what years you went to college and make sure about a third of the songs are from that time period, increasing as the night goes on. You might find it incredibly cheesy now, but you''re going to love it when "Back that A## Up" comes on at midnight.

4) Start the dancing off with a couple of slow songs and then transition to songs that are couples dance/non-couple dance songs, Sweet Home Alabama comes to mind... This will keep the couples out there, but encourage others to get up off their seats. Then keep on playing music for quite a while--don''t break up the good dancing with a cake cutting or garter toss half an hour after it starts, know what I mean? If you have a good DJ they''ll be able to help you with the timing.

5) Have fun and be relaxed! You set the tone, and other people will follow.

 

[chibride10]

I just recently got ALL my pro pictures back, and my DH and I have been very surprised (in a good way) at the random groups of people dancing and having fun together! I think the key (besides what other people have said) was having really fun (think 90s) music that all groups could relate to, and being very strategic about our seating arrangement.

 

[jjc]

Thanks for all the tips and stories!

I must say, I do envy the ladies who have already had their days, and things all fell into place. I know that the day will be amazing regardless, but I''m just scared that the ''everything worked out better than I could have asked for'' doesn''t happen!!

zipzapgirl - YESSS, thank you!! Those were all things I was thinking of! I was considering maybe organizing a weekend to Vegas or something similar where all our friends can hang out and get to know each other, but also have lots of options to break away and do their own things - do you think that''s too much?

I''m hoping that I can set the tone - I''ve always been the silly, make sure everyone has plenty to drink [retired] party girl!

And I''m pretty goofy so I hope that makes people relax too?

 

[tlh]

when people tried to corner me to talk - I just said you''ll have to catch me on the dance floor.

I literally danced the night away. People that wanted to talk to the bride or groom... had to boogey. Yup - it was awesome. I don''t know if people had fun or not..I was too busy enjoying myself! And our dance floor was PACKED!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 12/31/2009 11:14:48 AM
Author: tlh
when people tried to corner me to talk - I just said you''ll have to catch me on the dance floor.

I literally danced the night away. People that wanted to talk to the bride or groom... had to boogey. Yup - it was awesome. I don''t know if people had fun or not..I was too busy enjoying myself! And our dance floor was PACKED!

Haha, ditto for us.

I described my friend''s wedding where few people danced except the bride and her siblings (and their SOs). But she had such a blast that she wasn''t even paying attention to the rest of us!

And I know at my wedding, I was having so much fun that I didn''t notice what everyone else was doing half the time unless they were having fun with me. So don''t worry about it too much because you and your DH will have fun and will be in your own happy world most of the night anyway.

 

[zoebartlett]

With my husband''s friends, they all know each other, so it was pretty easy to seat them. We (I) defintiely put more thought into friends on my side. I have a few different groups of friends (childhood, high school, college, grad school, work), so not everyone knows each other. A few had met before, and so when we were doing our seating chart, we put those people together if we needed to fill a table. I also thought about what people would have in common, so I put my work friends (teachers) at a table with other teacher friends who they didn''t know. I thought that they could at least share stories about work if nothing else. They had that in common, so I hoped conversations would flow. It seemed to work pretty well.

 

[kama_s]

Don''t sweat! Your guests will have a great time regardless. We have several "sets" of friends, since we lived and studied in different cities. I grouped up people based on interests, then on every table of 8, I''d have 4-6 that knew each other and intentionally add 2-4 that didn''t know each other into the mix. I also didn''t put entire families on the same table, I split the parents from the kids and added other older couples that shared common interests together. Everyone knew everyone by the end of the night (and the next morning brunch) - our dance floor was packed...everyone danced until past 1am, including our 60-70 year old uncles and aunts!